Jonah Clarke Is Enlightened

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Here's a New Years treat. I think you guys might like this one...

Also, uhm, I'm kinda planning out a spin-off based on Charlie Martin (no guarantees that I'll post it, or even write it for that matter) but I guess I kinda wanted to know how you guys felt about that. You could expect a lot of angst and some boy x boy, and maybe some sexual content


There's something different about 'Sprinkles' this time around.

Perhaps it's the fact that this is the first time Isaac's been there, perhaps it's the fact that the last time Daniel was here he and Jonah were kissing or it's perhaps it's just down to the fact that for the past few days everything has felt oddly out of place. Like saying those three stupid words shifted everything off balance, sent them so askew that they can't right themselves.

"Three scoops of strawberry," Isaac orders.

Daniel can tell that Isaac knows something is up but luckily the other boy does not seem to be pushing the issue and for that Daniel is thankful.

"And for you?" Jonah asks.

"Coffee please."

"How many scoops?"

"As many as you can fit into the bowl."

Both Isaac and Jonah look at Daniel with unimpressed expressions on their faces, as if they really cannot believe that Daniel has ordered that. Daniel isn't entirely sure why they're surprised. His love for ice cream, for food in general in fact, is well known and he's hardly going to pass up the opportunity to eat ice cream, especially when Jonah is using his generous employee discount.

Daniel soon realises that it's not just the feel of the place that feels different, but everything. When he sits down all Daniel can think is that the booths seem so much smaller, that Jonah's body seems so much closer to his than it ever did before, surely he would have noticed if their knees pressed together that way before.

It's not the place that has changed though, it's Daniel's viewpoint. Before the booth didn't seem quite so small because it seemed okay for Daniel's knees to be pressed against Jonah's. But now Daniel has to resist the urge to pull away, because with each brush of their legs against each others' Daniel finds himself wanting to edge closer. But being near Jonah is like being stood near the edge of a cliff in the pitch black, Daniel isn't sure how much closer he can get before he's going to get hurt.

Daniel takes his mind off all of that with ice cream.

At least if he focuses on that then he can excuse himself for not allowing his eyes to land on Jonah. He can pretend that it's totally not normal for him to say a single word as Jonah and Isaac become immersed in conversation about something or another. Daniel can pretend that everything is absolutely fine.

And it is, or it seems like it at least.

Of course there's awkwardness, and Daniel still finds himself analyzing every word before he says it, just in case there's some hidden meaning that Jonah might take the wrong way. But for the most part the pair seem to be moving on. Daniel doesn't care if they're making slow progress, at least it's progress.

"You alright there?" Isaac asks teasingly, causing Daniel's attention to switch to him. "You've eaten that ice cream with more dedication than I'd have thought possible."

"Well y'know, eating ice cream is a very serious task."

Daniel doesn't miss the miniature smile that fights its way onto Jonah's face. Perhaps it's because Jonah – like Daniel – is thinking about the very first time Jonah brought Daniel here. When Daniel made a similar comment and Jonah laughed as if he'd just told the funniest joke in the world.

"Well as long as it's not pecan," Jonah says, teasing in his tone.

Definitely thinking about that time then.

Daniel feels heat rush to his cheeks and can't decide if it's because of the reminder of Jonah's near death experience or the revelation that it's not just him that's still caught up in the past. Daniel doesn't let himself think about that for long though, a simple reminder that he is the only one with actual romantic feelings is enough to make the blush fade and be replaced by a simple aching of Daniel's heart.

Happy. That's all Daniel wants to be. He'd been convinced that Jonah was the solution to all that, because whenever Daniel is with him, it's almost impossible for him not to smile. When Daniel's with Jonah he forgets about Charlie, he forgets about Marcus. He can forget about his insecurities and the cruel jokes people make. Jonah makes Daniel happy, in a way that seems almost effortless.

Not for the first time Daniel wonders if he should have just kept on pretending. If he should have settled for the kisses, and the secret touches without asking for anything more. Without worrying about the future. Maybe if Daniel hadn't brought his feelings into the equation then he'd still be that kind of happy.

Deep down Daniel knows that's not true.

Because there's nothing happy about knowing you like someone a hell of a lot more than they like you. There's nothing enjoyable about being in love with someone who has more or less told you they can never love you back. There's nothing fun about the kisses and the touches and the whispered conversations if that's all you get, if you know that that's all you're ever going to get.

"I learnt that the hard way," Daniel replies.

Act casual. Stay calm. Keep your tone light. You don't care. You don't care. You don't –

"So long as you learnt your lesson."

"I took notes and everything."

"Aw you're such a nerd," Jonah says jokingly, "guess that must be why I love you."

The words are like a magnet that Daniel's brain zooms towards. It closes in on that tiny statement hoping, wishing, that they would possibly be true.

"No homo though," Isaac says teasingly.

Daniel isn't sure whether Isaac can sense the tension of that moment or not, but either way he seems to do a good job of dispelling it.

"Yeah," Jonah says, "no homo."

His tone's light, and there's no denying that the words he said earlier were false. But Daniel finds that he still latches onto them, still refuses to let go.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

xxx

Jonah isn't sure what's up with him, but there's something niggling at the back of his mind, something that he can't quite put his finger on.

The past few days have been relatively simple and slowly, very slowly, Daniel and Jonah's friendship seems to have been getting back on track. And yet Jonah still feels like there's something amiss, as if there's something he still hasn't said, something he still hasn't quite worked out.

Jonah decides not to think about it though.

That tactic isn't working though, not if Jonah is being completely honest. He still feels the small niggle tugging on his heart every time he locks gazes with Daniel, every time the other boy blushes or their knees brush together.

And every time Jonah can feel it happening inside him again, he becomes more and more scared of what it actually means.

The ice cream has all disappeared but the three of them are still lounging in the booth. Jonah is just glad that he hasn't got a shift tonight, although it does feel weird to be here. It's like being in school and not having lessons, it's just strange.

"What time does Via start her shift?" Daniel asks.

"Not for another ten minutes."

Isaac sits up slightly straighter in his seat and looks at Daniel and Jonah with an unimpressed expression on his face.

"Is this the girl you're trying to set me up with?" Isaac says.

"Maybe," Jonah replies.

"Is that why you brought me here tonight?" Isaac asks. And when there's no answer he continues, "Seriously guys, I'm not that desperate."

"We're just acting as your wingmen."

"Well neither of you are allowed to, it's not like either of you are getting any action so you can't judge me for not getting any."

Jonah keeps silent as he focuses his gaze on the tabletop. Luckily Isaac does not seem to be pick up on the awkwardness that descends upon the group and instead continues to complain about them trying to set him up.

"I can get a girl on my own," Isaac tells them, "I don't need you guys to do it for me."

"And how are your solo efforts to get Alice working," Daniel says teasingly.

"Shut up," Isaac replies, the tips of his ears tinged pink, "I don't even like her anymore anyway."

Daniel rolls his eyes and the gesture causes a smile to tug on the edges of Jonah's mouth.

"Just go with it," Daniel advises, "you never know, Via might be the love of your life."

Isaac snorts disbelievingly but he settles back in his seat none the less. And when Via walks through the door a few minutes later both Daniel and Jonah are watching every expression that crosses his face.

First, Isaac's jaw drops. Then he seems to gain some composure, but his eyes still trail Via as she walks across the room. And finally, he sighs.

"A girl like that's never going to go for a guy like me," Isaac says simply.

"You wanna know why?" Jonah asks.

Isaac seems to be taken aback by Jonah agreeing with his statement but he nods slowly none the less.

"A girl like that is never going to get with a guy like you," Jonah says, "because you think that a girl like that is never going to get with a guy like you. Via likes confident guys. Giving up before you've even begun is not a sign of confidence believe it or not."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying take a leaf out of Daniel's book."

Isaac lets out a bark of laughter before he realises that Jonah is being serious, and then his expression become confused.

"What the hell do you mean?"

"He asked me out, that took some guts," Jonah says, "and look how that's ended up."

Jonah doesn't miss the way that a blush rises on Daniel's cheeks and Jonah tries to ignore the way that his heart swells ever so slightly.

"You're right," Isaac tells Jonah dryly, "because every boy wants to be best friends with the person they like."

Jonah can feel his palms begin to sweat, Isaac is getting far too close to a sensitive topic for comfort and Jonah isn't entirely sure how to distract him without making everything obvious. Jonah gets the feeling that Daniel doesn't want Isaac knowing.

"Yeah well it might work out for you," Jonah says, clutching at straws.

Isaac is not so easily dissuaded.

"You know I told Daniel it was a bad idea to ask you out, but I suppose it worked out alright cause you guys are like besties now."

"Please never use the word besties again," Daniel requests, "and just go talk to her. It's actually painful watching you stare at her."

"I'm working up the courage."

"You're never going to be able to work up enough," Jonah replies, "so just go for it. Get it over and done with or whatever."

Isaac grimaces slightly before making his way out of his seat, running a hand quickly through his hair and tugging the bottom of his shirt downwards. Jonah can't help but find it slightly sweet how Isaac is so nervous, perhaps it's because Jonah isn't used to seeing his friends like that, is so used to seeing his friends talking to girls as if they haven't a care in the world.

When Isaac walks away, Jonah can only hope that Via isn't going to eat the poor boy alive.

"So I guess it's just me and you," Jonah says.

As soon as it comes out of his mouth Jonah feels like it was the wrong thing to say. It's like since their friendship was re-established there's a whole new set of rules for things they're allowed to say. And it seems like Jonah is constantly breaking them.

And so the table remains in silence, Jonah carries on glancing at Daniel and carries on ignoring the tug on his heartstrings.

xxx

As always seems to be way when the two of them left alone, Daniel spends the first five minutes trying to find a way to start the conversation.

It's definitely a lot easier said than done. In Daniel's head he simply has to come up with a topic and the chatter will flow from there but Daniel knows that it's just not that simple, if only because so many topics currently seem to be off limits. And it's not just the obvious stuff either, there are so many subjects that seem completely unrelated but end up with them reminiscing which is something Daniel is desperate not to do.

And so Daniel sits in silence and waits for Jonah to start a conversation. The only problem is that Jonah seems to have the same idea.

"We really know how to have a scintillating conversation, huh?" Jonah says after a few minutes of silence.

Daniel is glad for the noise, but that doesn't mean he's not going to criticise Jonah's choice of words.

"What have I told you about using long words?"

"That I should always use them because it makes me seem intelligent and therefore more attractive."

Daniel has to bite back his response. Before flirting had been acceptable, so long as neither of them took it too far, made it too obvious that it was anything more than joking around. But now Daniel knows that flirting is firmly off limits and so he simply ignores Jonah's comment and instead searches desperately for the next topic of conversation.

"Do you actually think Via would go for Isaac?"

"I don't know," Jonah replies, "I'm not Via."

"Jonah," Daniel says, knowing that the other boy is refusing to answer the question, "come on."

"I don't know," Jonah repeats.

"Like hell I believe that."

"Honestly I don't. It's not like Via seems to have a specific type. She goes from wannabe gang leaders, to cocky footballers to posh prep school boys within a week. Via's unpredictable."

"This was a bad idea," Daniel says and begins to get up from his seat.

"Relax," Jonah tells Daniel, placing a hand on the other boy's shoulder, "Isaac's going to be fine. He's a big boy. He can take care of himself."

Daniel settles back in his seat when Jonah says that, but Jonah's hand still doesn't drop and Daniel feels his heart rate quicken. He desperately tries not to let Jonah's touch affect him but it's no use. Daniel is still hopelessly and utterly affected, and there seems to be nothing he can do to stop it.

"How is everything?" Jonah asks.

"Good."

"Is that a truthful response or an automatic one?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean is that how everything actually is or how you want people to think it is?"

"Why wouldn't everything be good?"

"Isaac mentioned that Marcus is going to be back for a few days," Jonah admits, "I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"Well things are hardly perfect, but I'll survive."

"You shouldn't just be surviving, you should be being happy."

"Let's just say there's room for improvement then," Daniel replies.

"There shouldn't be room for improvement," Jonah tells Daniel, "you should be as happy as you possibly could be."

"Easier said than done."

For a few moments Jonah looks confused, as if he's trying to decide whether to voice something aloud or not.

"Well what makes you happy?" Jonah asks, his voice sounding strained. "Because you just surround yourself with that and hey presto."

Daniel cannot believe that Jonah is actually asking that question, is actually suggesting that. Because surely it's obvious what makes Daniel happy? Surely there's no room for doubt in Jonah's mind that it's himself that makes Daniel happy.

Daniel's not sure that he can say any of that out loud though. Is pretty sure that that would be pushing the boundaries off their friendship much too far. And so he settles for a simply answer.

"Ice cream makes me happy."

"Well it's a good job you've got me and my employee discount then. What else?"

"Ferris wheels make me happy."

"Really?" Jonah almost seems surprised by that revelation.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because the only time I've seen you on a Ferris Wheel you were having a panic attack and it didn't exactly seem like the most enjoyable experience."

"Well I like them normally," Daniel replies, "that was just an exception to the rule."

"Okay, what else then?"

Daniel gets the feeling that Jonah intends on playing this game all evening. Until Daniel is screaming about how happy he is at the top of his lungs and has a permanent smile on his face.

"Video games make me happy."

Daniel wants to end it there as he gets the feeling he's going to say something stupid if he doesn't stop now. But there's a prompting expression on Jonah's face and it is soon becoming clear to Daniel that he is incapable of telling Jonah no.

"Dance parties to early 2000s music makes me happy, spending time with friends makes me happy, people not judging me makes me happy. Coffee, polar bears, hot guys who aren't utter fuckboys, wearing soft pyjamas and thick, fluffy socks in winter, baking cookies."

Daniel's voice trails off but Jonah doesn't say a word. He's too busy staring at Daniel with a confused expression on his face. It almost looks to Daniel as if Jonah is desperately trying to figure something out. His gaze flickers across Daniel's face, calculating, concerned as if Daniel is the hardest puzzle Jonah has ever tried to solve.

After a few moments Daniel clears his throat, snapping Jonah out of his reverie.

"Anything else?" Jonah asks, his voice sounds nervous as if he can't believe Daniel just caught him staring.

Daniel doesn't mean for the next few words to slip out of his mouth and when they do he feels his cheeks turn red.

"You," Daniel says, "you make me happy."

xxx

Jonah can't pinpoint the exact point at which everything shifted. Isn't sure whether he woke up one morning and everything had changed overnight or whether there was a specific moment, one that he hadn't realised had happened until this very moment.

Daniel's words echo through Jonah's mind, like a song he just can't get out of his head. On repeat until Jonah is wondering how on earth they're not driving him crazy, or maybe they already have.

You make me happy.

If Jonah could record those words to play back to himself whenever he's in doubt then he would. He'd play them on repeat, over and over, until they're ingrained in him, a part of him, as much as his heart or his lungs.

Jonah's been dancing around the idea for so long, trying to stay as far away from it as possible but now he's staring it straight in the face. And he's terrified.

Because Daniel is brave, can say the words without thinking of the repercussions and Jonah only wishes he could be anywhere near as strong, anywhere near as confident.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Jonah only wishes he had the courage to say those three words back.

Because it's undeniable now really. Before Jonah tried to pass his feelings off as nothing more than intrigue, nothing more than an interest in the new and the exciting. But Jonah can't look at Daniel without wanting to slip his hand into the other boy's palm. Can barely look at the other boy without tripping over his sentences.

The feeling lingers in Jonah's stomach, like a slight weight, enough to be noticeable but nowhere near enough to begin to weigh him down. It coats every thought like neon paint and Jonah can't believe it's not obvious in every movement he makes, in every expression that crosses his face.

When Isaac returns to the table

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