Author's Note: We hit 75k like what the hell. I'm also 35000 words through nano so this month is going well. Love you all :)

"What the hell is going on with you and Clarke?"

It's Isaac's voice that welcomes Daniel into school on Monday morning, he's stood with a serious expression on his face and his bag slung over his shoulder.

"Nothing," Daniel mumbles.

He's not entirely sure that he wants to get into it all right now. He's not entirely sure what 'it all' even is.

"Like hell I believe that," Isaac says.

"And why would that be?"

"Jonah walked past me without a second glance this morning," Isaac states and Daniel is surprised to detect sadness in his tone, "I said hey and he didn't reply, just went to sit with his mates. His old mates."

This is so much worse than Daniel thought it was going to be. Daniel had imagined that Jonah would ignore him, but the idea of him ignoring Isaac too makes Daniel realise just how badly things have gone askew. He knew it was a bad idea to go round on Friday night, he's only just now realising how bad 'bad' really is.

It's then that Daniel realises how much he needs to get this off his chest. And surely Isaac deserves to know the real reason why Jonah is suddenly ignoring the pair of them.

"He kissed me," Daniel whispers.

"He what?"

"He kissed me."

"What is an accident?"

"Hey!"

"You know what I mean," Isaac says.

"Well you don't tend to repeat accidents several times."

"Wait this wasn't just a onetime thing? Why the hell am I only finding out about this now?"

"I figured you'd call me an idiot."

"Well you are one."

"See," Daniel sighs, "and I didn't know what the fuck was going on so I didn't know how to tell you."

"So why are you telling me now?"

"I think that's why Jonah's not talking to us."

"I feel so out of the loop that it hurts. Why would him kissing you make him stop being friends with us? He initiated it right?"

"Right."

"Then why the hell is he pissed?"

"It's complicated."

"Daniel Evans if you don't tell me right now then I'm not afraid to skip first lesson to force it out of you. Black belt remember?"

"Like you'd ever let me forget," Daniel mutters under his breath, "fine. What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

"He kissed me when I went round to watch the football," Daniel tells Isaac, "then basically ran screaming, metaphorically, not literally. Actually he curled up into a ball and shouted."

"Okay..."

"And then we kissed again last week when I went round when he was ill."

"And?"

"How do you know there's an and?"

"Well something has obviously happened this weekend, either that or Jonah just has really slow reactions."

"I went round to his on Friday night and he was a little bit drunk, turned out he was throwing a party."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes."

"What happened?" Isaac asks.

"We went up to his room."

"Daniel no."

"And uhm things got a little heated," Daniel can feel his cheeks heat up as he speaks, voicing the moment aloud only helps him relieve it, something that Daniel is trying to avoid doing, "like really heated."

"How heated?"

"Trousers were about to come off."

"And here I was thinking Jonah Clarke wasn't gay, wait what do you mean were about to?"

"Well he was drunk."

"So what? He couldn't undo your zipper? Cause you could've helped him out y'know," Isaac suggests.

Daniel raises a disbelieving eyebrow at Isaac before shaking his head.

"Look he'd freaked out when we kissed before and I didn't want him to do it again, so hooking up whilst he was drunk did not seem like a good idea."

"So what you stopped?"

"Yeah, and now he's pissed at me."

"I was following and now I'm not."

"Me and you both buddy."

"He's annoyed at the two of us because you refused to fuck him?" Isaac asks. "That's an argument that's so flawed that it hurts me to even think about it."

Daniel lets out a murmur of agreement and stares at the tarmaced ground.

"You really like him don't you."

"He makes me feel good about myself, seemed like he actually cared. You know there are only three people who've made me feel like that, Charlie, Jonah and you. So when are you going to fuck me over huh?"

"Never."

"You don't think Jonah is another Charlie do you?"

"That boy is in love with you," Isaac replies, "I mean it might just be platonic but he'd do anything for you. There's no way he could fake that, trust me, I refused to trust him until I was sure of that."

"I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know how to talk to him about it," Daniel explains, "it seems as soon as we start talking about what Jonah actually wants, that's when he retreats back."

"I don't think you can talk to him about this, not if he doesn't want to listen."

"This is such a fucked up situation isn't it."

"Do me a favour Daniel?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Don't let Jonah Clarke break your heart. Don't let him have that power. I know you like him, and I know he possibly likes you but you've got to decide, has he earned that right?"

"The right to break my heart?"

"I know it sounds stupid, and I get that you don't have any control over who you fall in love with and all that stuff but you can choose how much of your heart you give to him. I just don't want to see him hurt you, that's all."

"You think he's going to hurt me?"

"I think he already has."

"Isaac..." Daniel sighs.

"Look you're sitting here unsure of what to do because of him. You're doubting your own decisions, because of him. Don't let Jonah Clarke turn you back into who you used to be, not when he was helping you make such good progress."

xxx

Jonah has forgotten how boring sitting in the canteen before registration actually was.

It seems that in the short time he's been away he's forgotten how to act completely. The conversation is failing to hold his attention and Jonah finds himself unable to contribute like he usually would. He can tell that people are noticing, can tell they're wondering where Jonah Clarke has wandered off to.

A month ago Jonah would have been sat directing the conversation, a girl sprawled across his lap, several people latched onto his every word, just waiting for the perfect moment to make the table burst into laughter. But there seems to have been a shift of power. Harry sits at the head of the table, Ivy Michaels perched on his knee and it is he that is commanding the group's attention.

Jonah thought it'd be easy for him to return to his old role but he's finding it worryingly hard not to punch Harry in the face. However Jonah knows that things are really about to go wrong when Harry's attention switches to him.

The punch seems to have been forgotten, with Harry acting almost as if Jonah never left the group. Not that he ever really did, he just realised that maybe the friends he'd picked out weren't the best fit for him, like they were his old favourite clothes that had simply shrunk in the wash.

"Nice to have you back," Harry says.

Jonah thinks that it almost sounds as if he's just been away on holiday, as if his life hasn't been shaken time and time again.

"Yeah."

"Nice to see you finally ditched that Daniel kid as well."

Jonah feels his knuckles clench on the table, reminds himself that he's got to get over Daniel, has got to let their friendship go.

"Glad to see he didn't manage to turn you as well," Harry continues.

Jonah remembers his hands exploring Daniel's chest and wonders if he should perhaps correct Harry. In the end he decides against it. Jonah wants to keep that moment all to himself, as if telling others will somehow make it disappear all that much quicker.

"He's not that bad," Jonah says.

He keeps his tone confident, light. As if he and Harry are merely having a conversation about the weather.

"He's gay."

"And?"

"That's not normal."

"And why would that be?"

Jonah can sense that Harry is getting flustered and isn't surprised. After all it's difficult to come up with an argument for a point that is entirely nonsensical.

"It's just not normal," Harry eventually settles on saying.

"Care to exaggerate."

"Boys shouldn't like boys, girls shouldn't like girls."

"And yet you love to watch lesbian porn to get yourself off don't you?" Jonah challenges.

Jonah can almost feel as silence descends upon the table, no one daring to say a reply, everyone wanting to know what on earth Harry can say in response.

"I have no idea what you're on about."

"Come on Harry, we've been friends for the past ten years, I've seen your internet history."

"It's still not normal."

"Like how it's not normal for you to be a judgemental dickhead?" Jonah asks calmly.

Harry shuffles awkwardly in his seat and Jonah feels a small rush of happiness pass through him as he realises the other boy is beginning to feel uncomfortable. But Jonah isn't quite ready to stop, not when Harry is prepared to say things like that about Daniel.

"Anything else you'd like to add?" Jonah continues.

"No."

"You sure?"

"Did he fuck you good then?" Harry asks. "I mean I can't understand why else you'd be sticking up for him?"

"It's this thing called friendship, you're not very good at it."

"Yeah but the two of you aren't friends anymore are you? I say you ignoring him earlier. So go on, what's happened?"

Harry can obviously sense that he's found Jonah's weak spot, as he presses for answers even more.

"So why are you sticking up for him? You're turning on your real friends for someone you don't even want to spend time with. So go on, what happened? Did he fuck you and leave you? Sleep with your dad? Finally realise what a freak he was?"

"Daniel is not a freak," Jonah growls.

Calm, he reminds himself. You've got to stay calm. There's no way Jonah is going to let Harry get the better of him.

"Sure he's not," Harry sniggers.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why the fuck do you hate Daniel so much? Why the fuck have you got to be such a dick about everything? Why can't you just leave him be?"

"It's called natural selection Jonah, and Daniel's at the bottom of the food chain. So unless you want to join him there then I suggest you shut the fuck up."

"Is that your way of challenging me to a fight?"

"It's one that I wouldn't take me up on if I were you."

"Oh Harry," Jonah sighs, "don't you remember what happened last time you pissed me off?"

Harry touches where his black eye was as if it is going to reappear at Jonah's mention of it, it's quite clear that Harry does remember.

"I thought we were friends," Harry says.

"So did I, but then you turned into a giant dick and decided to ruin my other friends' lives."

"Why does he mean so much to you?" Harry snarls. "He's just another person that you're going to get bored of in a few weeks time. You do it with girls, you do it with your friends. You don't do long term Jonah, I mean you seem to have given up on him already. So why do you even pretend to care?"

Jonah ignores the other people watching on in shock as he leans across the table and whispers quietly at Harry.

"Who said I was pretending?"

xxx

English is unsettling for Daniel.

Somehow in the short period of time since Valentine's Day, Daniel has become so used to Jonah sitting next to him that the seat feels unbearably empty without Jonah sitting in it. There's too much space, not enough chatter and Daniel can't even pretend that he likes it.

He refuses to look up when he hears Jonah enter the room. It's not difficult to realise it's him. Jonah Clarke is the only person in the school able to keep up a constant stream of chatter without pausing for breath, and Daniel would probably recognise his voice anywhere anyway.

Daniel keeps his gaze on the work in front of him. Tries to make the date and title into a work of art. If he doesn't look up then maybe everything will be okay, as long as he doesn't look up then Daniel can keep on pretending.

Daniel lasts all of about a minute before he gives in.

He glances up quickly, tries not to make his movements too obvious and is relieved to find that Jonah isn't looking at him. It's strange really, because Jonah looks much the same as he always has, but somehow he seems so different. But Daniel knows exactly what the problem is, Jonah has reverted back to his old self. His old friends, old topics of conversation and Daniel is stranded on the outside just like he used to be, desperate of a look in. He's back to stupid unrequited feelings that should never have been voiced aloud and he's back to dreaming of a time when Jonah Clarke might somehow notice him.

Daniel casts his gaze back to the desk before it flickers back upwards again.

Jonah is sat with his friends but Daniel can't help but notice the way that Jonah's chair is pulled slightly away. As if he's listening to the conversation but isn't part of it. An invisible line seems to have been drawn down the group and Daniel would be lying if he said that he wasn't curious as to what had caused it.

Jonah can obviously feel Daniel looking at him as he begins to turn around. Daniel looks away quickly and focuses on the words in front of him. He half expects Jonah to call him out, or at least for Harry to do so but nothing happens. Daniel remains invisible, at least for now.

Daniel finds his gaze straying for the entire hour. The Great Gatsby failing to catch his attention in the usual way. Instead Daniel is trying to puzzle out what the hell is going on in Jonah's head, as if Jonah is a Rubik's cube rather than a teenage boy. As if Daniel can simply line up the colours and everything will work out perfectly. Daniel knows it's not as simple as that but he still can't help wishing that it was. Not that Daniel can solve a Rubik's cube anyway.

Trying to refocus his attention as a question appears on the board, Daniel curses himself. Only he would be stupid enough to ask Jonah Clarke out. Only he would be stupid enough to kiss him. Only he would be stupid enough to still be hung up about it all.

It occurs to Daniel that Jonah has probably forgotten about it all. That the night with Daniel is probably nothing more than a fuzzy memory replaced by the night with the girl Daniel was replaced by. Daniel doubts that Jonah thinks about that night anywhere as much as Daniel does, doubts that it's kept Jonah awake at night, doubts that Jonah has ever thought about it since.

Daniel isn't sure why he even thought Jonah Clarke could change.

Daniel had fooled himself into thinking that the boy that slept around was a facade, a mask that Jonah was desperate to hide behind. But the problem is that if you spend your whole time pretending to be someone else, then how will other people ever know who the real you is? Daniel thought the mask was slipping, but maybe it was just being repainted; a new layer to please Daniel as much as the other one pleased everyone else.

"So, any thoughts to share?"

Daniel tries to bring his thoughts back to the present once again. Tries to remind himself that Jonah Clarke is not worth it. Tries to conjure up Isaac's words to act as a reminder.

"Don't let Jonah Clarke turn you back into who you used to be."

Daniel could be offended but he knows what Isaac means. Knows that he shouldn't let Jonah Clarke affect him in this way, but that's easier said than done. Especially when Jonah is ignoring him without offering an explanation and especially when Daniel can't rid of himself of this stupid crush no matter how hard he tries. And Daniel has tried all sorts; he's tried compiling lists of things about Jonah that annoy him, has tried writing lists about all the reasons why crushing on Jonah is wrong, has written lists of things that Jonah has said that suggests that he's definitely not gay. Daniel has written a lot of lists over the past few months, and yet not one of them seems to be helping. And none of them seem to stick around for long, lost in the recesses of his mind.

There's only one list that Daniel has made about Jonah that he can remember and it doesn't really help in a situation like this, no matter how much Daniel's brain clasps onto it as if it's the answers to a test he can't afford to fail.

Jonah Clarke likes Mean Girls, frayed flannel shirts and Fall Out Boy. Jonah Clarke loves Tangled, Percy Jackson and doughnuts. Jonah Clarke likes watching football and making people fall in love with him. Jonah Clarke loves flirting with boys in dark corners when he thinks no one is watching and kissing like the world is going to end.

And most importantly Daniel knows that Jonah Clarke doesn't like him, no matter how hard he tries.

xxx

Jonah hates this.

He hates the fact that he can't look towards the back without Daniel grabbing his attention; he hates the fact that every time he does all he can think about is how stupid it is that they're not talking. That doesn't last for long though, Jonah reminds himself why exactly it is they're not and then forces his gaze away.

Jonah has to constantly remind himself what a bad decision their friendship was though, and that might have something to do with the fact that it never feel like a bad idea. But then Jonah remembers the look on Daniel's face when Jonah fucked up for what surely wouldn't have been the first or the last time and it's enough to make him keep his distance. Their friendship clearly wasn't meant to be, hell, even Ruth had said it was unhealthy.

And Jonah never meant to lead Daniel on. But then Jonah never meant to kiss Daniel, never meant to fuck up things quite so spectacularly, never meant to be sat here wondering where the hell things went wrong.

But he did and he is, and so Jonah contents himself with knowing that Daniel is better off now. Jonah's not sure he can say the same for his self quite yet but hey, it's a work in progress. Jonah is only just starting to realise how badly feelings can complicate a situation but he's working through it.

Jonah takes an age to pack up his stuff in an effort to force his friends to leave him behind. It's not that he doesn't want to talk to them; it's more that he just needs a break. A chance to breathe and to stop pretending like he actually cares.

He doesn't look up when Daniel walks past him. His eyes are level with Daniel's bag and Jonah counts to ten in his head before he allows himself to look back up.

"You okay?" The question comes from Liam, the only one who's still in the room.

"Fine."

"You look like shit."

"Thanks."

"Have you and Daniel had a falling out or something?"

"Or something," Jonah replies.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Jonah raises an eyebrow in disbelief as he looks up at Liam, an expression of utter horror on his face.

"No."

"Hey I don't particularly want to discuss your feelings either," Liam says, "that's just weird but you look like you need to talk to someone, a problem shared is a problem halved after all."

"We just had a fall out."

"About?"

"I swear to god you're just being