90. Go Big or Go Home pt. 9

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By: @serendipityswan

"Jungkook what are you-"

"I fucked up hyung!" Jungkook says as he drops next to Namjoon on the couch of the latter's hotel room. His breathing erratic as he ran from the arena back to the hotel, not willing to suffer in silence in the back of a shuttle.

"Hey just calm down. Deep breaths okay?" Namjoon says soothingly, although worry is across his face. He rubs the younger's back as Jungkook leans forward, elbows on his knees and face in his hands as he starts to cry. Namjoon says nothing and lets Jungkook release the pent up emotions.

"I-I fucked up. I really fucked up," Jungkook mumbles, hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

"What happened?"

"I kissed Jimin."

"Why is that you fucking up?"

"Cause I did it right after he got his scores and found out he got gold."

"Oh," Namjoon says quietly. "What happened after?"

"He got mad at me. Really upset. He told me to just leave. Said he couldn't deal with me."

"Kook-ah..."

"I even asked him if he had feelings for me. And he just looked at me like he was pleading to drop it. Pleading to not talk about it. He must hate me."

"He doesn't hate you," Namjoon replies calmly. "You just caught him off guard."

"I may have snapped at him," Jungkook mumbles, using his hoodie sleeve to wipe away his tears. "I kind of blamed him for it happening since he gave me the pass and whatnot."

"Kookie..."

"He accused me of clout chasing hyung. God I am a fucking moron with no self-control. He has to hate me now. He must think I'm just another shitty person who took advantage of his trust."

"But you aren't that person," Namjoon soothes. "I think you were both too emotional and maybe said some things you shouldn't have. You just need to talk to him."

"He'll never talk to me again. His walls are up again, probably even higher now. He's back to the emotionless robot all because of me."

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. How about you take a shower and get some rest and we can talk about this more tomorrow?" Namjoon offers calmly.

"Can I stay here hyung?" Jungkook asks sheepishly.

"Sure," Namjoon confirms with a soft smile.

Jungkook forced a weak smile before pushing off the couch. Namjoon was quick to stand and pull the younger into a comforting hug.

"It'll be okay Kook-ah," Namjoon says softly. Jungkook simply squeeze him tighter, thankful to have someone to lean on in this moment.

--

"This is just a misunderstanding Kook-ah," Namjoon comforts. After a restless night for the younger, Namjoon insisted on getting away from the hotel for a while. So they took a shuttle into the city to get breakfast together.

"Yeah, me misunderstanding my relationship with him. I'm an idiot," Jungkook replies, pushing his food around with his chopsticks.

"No you're not an idiot. You have feelings for him, you thought he reciprocated, you acted on it in an emotional moment. Nothing stupid about that."

Jungkook sighs in response. He has been replaying the events that took place last night: the excitement, the impulse kiss, and the heartbreaking aftermath. If he could go back in time and not kiss Jimin, he would. But another part of him disagrees with that, which makes him feel even more conflicted and troubled.

"I should have just listened to everyone when they told me he was an asshole and not worth pursuing."

"Do you really believe he is an asshole? Even after what happened last night?" Namjoon asks, raising an eyebrow at the younger while taking a bite of his breakfast.

Jungkook sighs, resting his head on his crossed arms on the table. "No I don't."

"Kookie you just need to talk to him. You caught him off guard at an already crazy moment. Just, for my sanity, wait until after your finals."

"Okay," Jungkook mumbles into his arms. He forced himself to sit up again and eat more food while Namjoon explained the events for tomorrow to him for the tenth time.

--

Jimin was restless since he walked away from Jungkook, leaving the younger alone in the hall. Part of him was screaming to turn around and apologize. But his pride was too strong. He forced a smile through the medal ceremony, tried his best not to cry when he glanced off to the side and Taehyung was standing there alone. He faked his way through the interviews as Taehyung hovered close by to intervene if necessary.

That moment was supposed to be his highest point of his career thus far. He had proven that he was the reason for his success. And all he felt was heartbreak by his own actions.

That night he curled up in bed to sob, fully body shaking as he finally let his emotions free. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing Jungkook's desperate expression. When he finally fell asleep somehow, he was haunted by an awful nightmare of forever losing Jungkook.

He remained in bed all of Sunday, quietly sobbing into the pillows. He heard his phone buzz a few times throughout the day but he couldn't bring himself to check it. He didn't even move when Taehyung let himself into the room with the spare key and sat on the edge of the bed next to him.

"Jiminie," Taehyung says softly, trucking stray strands of hair behind Jimin's ears.

"I really am as shitty as everyone says I am," Jimin chokes out between sobs.

"No you're not Min. You were overwhelmed, and your fight or flight decided to do a mix of the two. I wasn't much better."

"Do you think I hurt him?"

"Probably," Taehyung answers, a choked sob breaking out of Jimin at it. "But I think you can fix it."

"How? I literally told him to fuck off and accused him of clout chasing. I'm a monster honestly. How could I even accuse him of that? Fuck." A fresh batch of tears start, leaving Jimin to shake again and Taehyung to rub his back comfortingly.

"Talk to him. Explain yourself. You said he has a big heart, right? He'll listen," Taehyung advises once the new set of sobs dies down.

"But I broke his big heart. He probably wants nothing to do with me anymore. And I don't blame him."

"Jimin," Taehyung says seriously, a tone he rarely uses on the elder. "Do you want to be with him?"

Jimin sniffles before whispering "Yes."

"Then you have to talk to him. You can't let this misunderstanding fester if you really want to be with him."

Jimin absorbs Taehyung's advice before sitting up on the bed and wiping the tear trails off his face with his sleeve.

"His finals are tomorrow."

"And?"

"And bringing this shit up now is a distraction he doesn't need or deserve."

"And you think letting him think you loathe him is better?"

"No," Jimin mumbles. "I don't know anything anymore."

Taehyung sighs before pulling Jimin to rest his head on his friend's shoulder.

"It's already late so now would probably be bad. But we're going to his finals tomorrow," Taehyung decides.

"We're w-what?"

"You heard me. At the very least if he sees you there, it can start the mending process."

"What if he doesn't want me there?"

"I doubt that," Taehyung chuckles lightly. "You know I'll never steer you wrong Jiminie. So follow me on this too."

"Mkay," Jimin mumbles.

"You should get some sleep. It's been a crazy week. Night Min."

"Night Tae," Jimin says quietly, rolling over on his side and clutching a pillow for comfort.

He should get sleep. He wants to sleep. But he can't. Not when a replay of the mistake he made is on loop in his mind.

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