110. Me Under You Pt. 10

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By: @vera_ba

Jungkook is on cloud nine.

As horrible as the week had started, he's not only managed to close a huge deal by the end of it, but finally clear things up with Jimin, and now –––

Jimin turns around, probably feeling the younger's gaze on him, smiling softly as their eyes lock. Jungkook doesn't even try to hide that giddy smile on his face, and why would he? He doesn't have to, not anymore, because they've cleared everything up and there's no use to hide their attraction.

So, there he is, eyeing as Jimin tries to get the bartender's attention, even standing on his tippy toes to see above the tall guys drinking lazily at the barstool ––– fuck, he's so adorable.

"He won't disappear if you stop ogling him for a second, you know."

"Just let me have this for a moment, will you?" Jungkook huffs good-naturedly after reluctantly tearing his gaze away from the navy haired. He tries to feign offense, but truth to be told, he's so fucking happy, nothing could sour his mood right now.

"So," Tae leans back on his seat, throwing his arm over his boyfriend's shoulders casually, brow cocked challengingly ––– oh, Jungkook knows that look. Taehyung sure as hell won't let him have this moment. "Are you guys really doing ––– casual?"

Okay, there might be one thing that could ruin his fun.

"Why are you saying it like it's something outrageous?" the blond quips, "I know it's not your thing, but why couldn't it be my thing?" he says stiffly, "who knows, maybe it is what's the best for me," he continues, maybe too quietly in the loud bar for his friends to hear, but ––– it's more of a self-observation anyway, "at least for now."

"I didn't mean it like that, Kook," Tae says in a softer tone now, "I'm just ––– surprised," he explains gently, exchanging a look with his boyfriend before continuing, "we all are," his gaze finds the youngest again, concern visible on his features, and Jungkook can't help but relax his posture immediately. He couldn't be mad at Taehyung even if he tried, especially not when all of his acts are out of love and care.

And to be fair, Jungkook is surprised too. Because – as firm as his belief was in not being ready for a relationship -, when Jimin asked him about the details ––– those are much blurrier. He knows what he doesn't want, just not what he does want. So, when Jimin – uncharacteristically awkwardly – asked him if it meant he wants to keep it casual, he just ––– nodded dumbly. It was horribly awkward, leaving the office after that. Jungkook didn't even know how they were supposed to say goodbye to each other. Should they just wave, or shake hands like they usually do at work? Or hug, as they do outside the office? Or kiss ––– yeah, no, that's definitely not an option. Saying goodbye with a kiss is a boyfriend thing. Right? Then why was he so disappointed when Jimin just squeezed his arm gently and wished him a good night before leaving? ––– fuck, why is it so confusing? –––

Anyway, they made out during their lunch break the next day, and it's been really nice ever since. Maybe he's just making it confusing, he tends to overcomplicate things sometimes, to be honest, one of the few fair critiques he's gotten from his douchey ex-boyfriend ––– in conclusion, he's decided he really likes casual. Yeah, he really does. Maybe he could even convince Jimin to spend the night at his place sometime, that would be fun–––

"We kind of expected you two to just –––" Yoongi pulls him out of his thoughts gesturing with his almost-empty glass leisurely, "continue circling around each other without ever talking about it, until one of you snaps," he says, Jungkook frowning confusedly, just about to ask what the hell does that mean, when–––

"Here you go," Jimin puts the tray full of drinks on the table, "Jungkookie, they don't do Painkiller here, but I got another one for you," he says with a soft smile, "try it, 'kay? If you don't like it, we can switch," he points at his own drink, "I know for sure you like this one, just thought you might rather stay on the citrusy spectrum of drinks, so––"

"I'm sure it's fine, Hyung, thank you," Jungkook cuts in with a soft smile, fuck, why does Jimin have to be so sweet –– oh, wait, he can melt without any self-restriction now, right? Or not ––– "I trust your taste."

Jimin smiles at him with the softest look in his eyes, and Jungkook ––– oh, he's probably sporting the dumbest expression ever, but he doesn't even bother to care ––– and he would've kept staring at the blue-haired if not for Yoongi getting bored of their staring contest and leaning into their vision to take his and his boyfriend's drinks.

"So," Jimin clears his throat, maybe even blushing a little, Jungkook can't tell for sure under these dim bar lights ––– "let's make a toast," he lifts his glass in dramatic fashion, Yoongi facepalming with a groan, "to my dearest friend," he starts, gesturing languidly, the two other's trying to hold back their laughter as the oldest slips lower on his seat, "who not only managed to ace his dissertation defense, but!" he points with his finger, feigning seriousness, "blew up on Soundcloud, to which may I add, fucking finally," he says, his serious act cracking immediately as he hears his best friend's amused huff, "you're the coolest, Hyung, and don't you dare to forget about me, when you're famous," he adds playfully, downing half of his drink leisurely, the others around the table following his precedent with a little less vehemence ––– expect Yoongi, who was still blushing, embarrassed by all the attention.

"Ah, don't be shy now, baby," Tae side-hugs his boyfriend, giving him a kiss on the cheek, "you really are the coolest."

"You guys need to stop before all this praise goes into my head," Yoongi grumbles, however, the small smile on his face gives his true feelings away, growing gradually wider as the others keep up the teasing.

The night flies by way too fast even for Jungkook, leaving him shocked by how ––– not exhausted he is by this much socializing. He used to get so drained by going out ––– maybe it was because he mainly did it with Jae and his friends. Maybe it depends on the people he's with––––

His gaze finds Jimin, lingering as the older buttons up his coat, listening to something Taehyung is explaining to him excitedly. He must've felt the blond's eyes on him and turned his head, a warm smile spreading on his lips as their eyes lock. Jimin steps closer to him, zipping up his jacket carefully.

"Ready to go?" he asks, observing the younger with that soft look that makes the latter's heart thump loudly ––– Jungkook shakes his head, the older frowning confusedly.

"Take a walk with me?" the blond asks, fiddling with a button on the other's coat shyly, "please?"

Jimin cracks a smile, taking the younger's fumbling hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Okay," he says, turning to their friends, "we'll stay out a little longer," he says, Tae quirking a brow at them, "you guys go."

The two others do leave after a little teasing that leaves Jungkook's face bright pink, but Jimin just laughs it off, taking his hand as their friends enter the cab and leave, and the younger just blushes even deeper at that, those confusing emotions contradicting each other inside him once again. Is hand-holding okay then? It's not too ––– coupley, right? It feels nice, it really does, leaving Jungkook with a weird, fluttery feeling in his chest, but ––––

"What's got you so lost in that pretty head of yours, hm?" Jimin says playfully, squeezing his hand once again. Jungkook chuckles weakly, a little embarrassed he's got so quiet ––– then his gaze slips onto their cojoined hands, biting his lower lip nervously. He doesn't know how to answer, in fact, he doesn't even know how he feels, never mind wording it–––

Jimin must've sensed his uncertainty and let go of his hand, hiding his own ones in his pockets instead.

"So, umm––" the navy-haired starts, trying his best to keep the situation from becoming awkward, "did you have fun tonight?" he asks, glancing at the younger briefly.

"Yeah, of course," Jungkook replies, trying to push down that pang of hurt in his chest, his palm feeling strangely empty ––– he pushes it down, because it is the right decision, right? They must set some boundaries to make it work ––– right? "I'm glad you're here though," he says, "they are so obnoxiously in love it makes me feel like a third wheel when it's just the three of us," he grimaces, smiling as he hears the older's chuckle.

"Right?" Jimin wheezes, "and the worst is, that they are actively trying to not be," he says, "yet fail miserably."

"And they aren't even all lovey-dovey," Jungkook exclaims, giggling too, "it's just ––– they could just sit next to each other, and it screams 'we're in love! and happy!'" he adds, all in good nature, both of them laughing lightly.

"It must be nice," Jimin says after their laughter dies down, kicking the ground with his feet absent-mindedly as they wait for the traffic light to turn green, "finding the right person," he says quietly as they pass by the street, "at the right time," the blue-haired adds, barely a whisper and Jungkook ––– he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know why it hurts his chest so bad.

Does it hurt Jimin too? He doesn't want Jimin to hurt––– so he stops in his tracks, pulling the older closer by the hand before he could protest, leaning forward slowly and relishing the way Jimin's eyes flutter closed, taking it as a cue to go and closing the gap between them.

A pair of tentative hands slip onto his waist as their lips slot together, slowly wrapping around him. It felt nice to be held. Warm. He hopes Jimin feels the same way, his own arms circling around his neck, just to make sure.

Kissing Jimin had become one of his favorite past-times at this point. The older just knew how to kiss him the right way, how to make him weak in the knees and leave him breathless. Jungkook loved it. He loved the way their tongues danced with each other, how Jimin knew how to pull on his lower lip with just the right amount of force, when to hug him tighter, touch him –––

"Wanna come home with me?" Jungkook says, immediately cursing himself as he sees an apologetic smile spreading over the older's face. Is he going too fast? Is it even possible to go too fast in this ––– arrangement they have? Fuck, he's so bad at this –––

"I'd love to," Jimin says, rubbing the blond's waist reassuringly, "but I'm pretty sure I'd fall asleep the second my head hits a pillow, so I don't think I'd be for much use."

Oh.

Jungkook's first instinct is to protest, to tell the older that he's okay with just sleeping, in fact, cuddling in bed sounds wonderful, but ––– is he even allowed to ask for that? Sleeping in the same bed is definitely a couple thing to do – or something close friends do. They fit neither category.

"Okay," he replies quietly, trying to mask his disappointment as much as possible. He's certainly failing though, judging by the concerned frown on Jimin's beautiful features. The older looks as if he wants to say something, but the blond continues before he could do so, "let's go then," he says with a weak smile, "it's late," he adds, and Jimin doesn't even protest and ––– it hurts. Not too much, it doesn't tear open wounds into his soul, it's just –––a paper cut.

It stings enough to keep him awake through the night, though. At least he manages to figure out why it doesn't sit right with him.

"O-okay," Joon says after the younger's rant, stirring his iced coffee absent-mindedly, "you sure you want my opinion on this?" the writer asks, "or you decided to tell me because you're afraid you couldn't handle Jinnie's brutal honesty right now."

Okay, that's ––– kind of valid. Joon does tend to have a more empathetic response to his problems, and while he acknowledges he needs a reality check from his brother and his best friend sometimes, he isn't ready for that at the moment.

"Maybe," Jungkook admits bashfully, glancing up at the older from his own drink. Joon gives him a meaningful look but gives in after the younger's expression morphs into his best puppy eyes.

"Alright, let's recap," Joon says, "so you guys agree on keeping your relationship casual, end up messing around the office, which you're exhilarated about if I'm reading it right, and good for you, by the way," he says, the blond wrinkling his nose to hide his embarrassment, gaze fixated on his coffee cup, "but now you're worried your relationship is centered around ––– hooking up?"

"I just–––" Jungkook sighs, gripping his cup with much more force than needed, "I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I have no idea where to set ––– boundaries, you know? Like," he tries to word his thoughts, giving himself a moment to think with a slow sip from his beverage, "I want him to hold my hand casually, I want him to come over just to cuddle, but –––" he exhales frustratedly.

"Jungkookie, I don't know how to tell you," Joon starts gently, "but wanting to hold hands with someone or cuddle them to sleep is definitely not a friendly gesture in this situation," he says, the blond laying his head on the table with a groan, "okay, okay, let's put it into another perspective," the older says, patting the other's arm gently to nudge him out of his hiding place, "isn't the whole meaning of casual is that you don't have to worry about stuff like this?" he asks, and that is something that piques Jungkook's interest, lifting his head curiously. "I mean, I think you should just ask him, Kook," the writer continues with a reassuring smile, "there aren't any rules set in stone here, you define casual however you want to. Casual doesn't have to mean it excludes any non-sexual affection."

"You really think so?" Jungkook asks, still not convinced, but he wants to be. So bad.

"I think you should do whatever makes you happy, Jungkook-ah," Joon says with a warm smile, "and if it brings joy to Jimin, too, why the hell not?" he shrugs, "and you said it yourself, he is the one initiating the hand holding, and he looks like the cuddly type, so I don't think he would be against that either," the older continues, "I just didn't know you were the cuddly type, to be honest," he adds teasingly, the blond scratching his nape with an awkward chuckle.

"Me neither, Hyung," Jungkook answers simply, smiling to himself. Jimin really does have this magic power to bring out a completely new side of him, isn't he? And it's just the affection he craves, which is not a big deal ––– right?

The realization of how wrong he was, comes to Jungkook as if a bucket of cold water was poured down his spine. It's after their usual Wednesday dance class, their usual crew was heading to the cafeteria, hoping to find Jimin there. Nothing out of ordinary, really. They do find him, conversing with a man. A strikingly beautiful man, with a strikingly beautiful smile aimed at Jimin.

Now, you see, Jungkook has never considered himself to be the jealous kind. Still, seeing Jimin with another man, and said man touching his hand ––– it stirred up something so spiteful and possessive inside him, that he himself got scared of it. He wanted to stride ride over there, pick Jimin up and take him as far away from that man with his annoyingly symmetrical face and toothpaste commercial smile as possible. Maybe even give a death stare to said man. And his stupid, stupid beautiful face –––

"Who is that dude?" Tae asks, eyes flickering to his best friend for a moment, sensing his inner conflict.

"Oh, that's Taemin, my roommate," Hobi says with his usual cheerfulness, unaware of the two other's silent communication, "come, I'll introduce you," he adds, already walking to the table, but Jungkook doesn't even hear him, he's too lost in his own head, the picture in front of him of Jimin and another man, holding his hand––––

"Kook," Tae snaps him out of it with a gentle nudge on his side with his elbow, "staring at him murderously definitely won't help," he says, "let's go," the black-haired adds, walking to the table, the youngest following reluctantly.

Jungkook wants to hate this guy. He really does, but there's ––– nothing to hate about him, really. Taemin seems like a nice person, trying to get to know both him and Taehyung with genuine interest. The only thing that seems off is Jimin's behavior. He's much quieter than his usual self, fiddling with his notes still on the table instead of joining the conversation.

"Alright, I gotta go," Taemin says with an apologetic smile, "it was nice meeting you, guys," he says to the two newcomers, both of them reciprocating politely, "and Jimin-ah," he turns to the blue-haired, "don't be a stranger, yeah?" he says, touching the other's shoulder gently. Jimin nods, although his smile feels tight.

"So, who the fuck was that?" Tae says the second Taemin leaves the premises, Jimin almost choking on his coffee.

"He literally just introduced himself?" Jimin says between coughs, the older dancer patting his back gently.

"Cut the crap, Jimin," Tae presses, and ––– as nosy as Taehyung can be, the younger has a feeling it's rather about him–––

No matter what stupid shit he does or how much Taehyung is against it, he's always going to be fiercely protective of his best friend. Still, as grateful as Jungkook is for it and how much he'd want to know the answer, it's completely unprovoked, considering how he and Jimin never established they'd keep it exclusive ––– oh.

Oh no.

They never established they'd keep it exclusive, fuck–––

"He's my ex-boyfriend," Jimin replies with a deep sigh, "we stayed friends."

"Friends?" Tae repeats in disbelief, "dude, I could literally feel the waves of discomfort coming from you."

"It's more like," Hobi says gently, "Taemin wanted to stay friends and Jimin couldn't say no, so he bolted to Korea instead and they've never talked about it properly ever since," he says, the blue-haired hiding his face with a groan.

"I didn't bolt to Korea because of him," Jimin defends himself weakly, "or at least not just him," he adds quietly, "can we just ––– drop it, please?" he asks, eyes flickering between his friends, settling on the youngest for a beat longer–––

Oh, Jungkook does not want to drop it; on the contrary, he'd like to get as much information as possible, but ––––

Jimin is uncomfortable and let's be real, he has no fucking right because they aren't exclusive–––

Therefore, he decides to do the reasonable thing and push those nasty feelings aside.

"So, any ideas where we should go on Friday?" he asks, smiling back weakly as Jimin looks at him with relief and gratefulness written on his expression, the conversation settling on another route immediately.

The problem is, that Jungkook can't get it out of his head. He can't fucking stop thinking about it, and he might've become more clingy than usual, circling around Jimin all the time like a satellite. It turned out pretty well though – Jimin seems to happily welcome this unfamiliar wave of affection, so at least he doesn't have to worry about that

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