By: @vera_ba

Jimin closes the door behind himself, resting his back against the firm wood. He absent-mindedly touches his lips, as if the feeling of the kiss, of Jungkook could still linger there. Truth to be told, he doesn't know what to think, or feel–––

"Jimin-ah?"

The familiar voice snaps the navy-haired out of his daze, pushing himself away from the door and padding to the living room. "I thought you'd be asleep by now," Jimin says quietly, tilting his head curiously as he observes his best friend's tired expression, blinking slowly above his laptop.

"Inspiration hit," Yoongi replies simply, "Tae was so out of it, he didn't even complain about having to fall asleep alone, can you imagine?" he adds with a small smile, the younger chuckling as he sits down next to him. The rapper's eyes flicker to him for a moment, immediately sensing the younger's inner conflict in his usual fashion, and puts the laptop to the side, patiently waiting for his best friend to vent.

Jimin sighs, slouching lower on the couch. "We kissed," he mumbles under his nose.

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised," Yoongi comments amusedly.

"And he told me he likes me," Jimin adds, sounding a little whiny if he's honest with himself ––– fuck, why does Jungkook make him feel like a teenager again? It was so much easier when he thought they'd both get over this mutual attraction, eventually ––– at least Jungkook. He could've dealt with his own feelings just fine––––

"That's ––– adorable," Yoongi laughs gently, the blue-haired smiling too, "so, what's now?" he asks softly.

"I have no clue,"  Jimin shrugs tiredly, "and I don't think he does either."

"That sucks," the older says, the other letting out a weak snort. It really does suck. "I'm sorry, Jimin-ah," he adds earnestly. Jimin hums, fingers tracing the seams of the armrest. He's sorry too.

Still, what does that change? He wishes it was different. That they've met at a different time, maybe, when they're both emotionally stable enough to nurture this blooming attraction between them properly and see it grow into something beautiful––––

Instead, they're just making it more and more complicated. Maybe he should've listened to that small rational voice in his head, the one chanting that he shouldn't tangle this mess even further, that he's preparing himself to get too deep and consequentially, hurt.  But no, he gave in to his desires instead. How dumb–––

"Tae is right," he admits quietly, "this whole situation is a recipe for a disaster."

"You definitely put yourself into a ––– situation here," the older agrees, "but I don't think you're ready to remove yourself from it," he adds gently. It's not an accusation or scolding. Yoongi is just stating the facts in his usual fashion. He doesn't meddle, never does, and neither does he give unsolicited advice. He just listens intently, voicing his opinion when asked.

Jimin smiles to himself sadly. He's right. Yoongi is right, most of the time. Annoying, really.

"I know I'm being stupid," he says, pulling his knees to his chest, "I just –––" he worries his lower lip, trying to find the right words –– the right feelings ––– fuck, he's already in too deep, isn't he?

"Jimin-ah," Yoongi scolds gently, „it's not stupid to have feelings."

"I know that," Jimin sighs, "I just shouldn't act on them. I should be smarter than this," he says, resting his chin on his knees, his pouting earning him a fond smile from the older and a gentle pat on his head.

"Well, love makes people dumb," the rapper says, "isn't that you, who's babbling about being emotional and acting on our emotions is a core human thing all the time?"

"Hey, don't use my own advice against me," Jimin grimaces, punching the older's arm playfully, "and I wouldn't say I'm in love," he says, the blond quirking a brow at him challengingly, "I'm not!" he presses, earning a meaningful look. Jimin sighs, "okay, I might be ––– approaching it," he admits bashfully. Don't get him wrong, he isn't ashamed of it. Jimin has always been feeling deeply, crying easily, laughing easily, falling in love easily ––– it's just who he is, and he's left his toxic masculinity, that kept telling him to suppress it, behind years ago. The thing is, he knows Jungkook doesn't feel the same, and it wouldn't be a problem, it's him falling first pretty much every time, but ––– Jimin isn't sure the younger would be open to such feelings, never mind a relationship, right now, and ––– it's an equation to heartbreak for him.

"I thought I could –––" he shrugs, "I don't know, talk myself out of it or something if we kept it friendly, but it's clearly not working."

Not working is an understatement. Ever since Jungkook told him on that fateful night he wants to kiss him, Jimin couldn't help himself but keep slipping deeper and deeper under the younger's spell. The fact, that Jungkook has been the absolute sweetest, kindest to him lately, doesn't help at all. Nor does that he's been looking absolutely amazing––––

"Well, it's probably difficult when neither of you actually want to keep it friendly," Yoongi comments dryly, the younger pressing his face into his knees with a groan.

"Hyung," Jimin whines, "what should I do?"

"Quit," Yoongi says simply, "before you two end up fucking in his office or somethin'"

Jimin gasps, "I would never do that!" he says, offended, but all he gets is another meaningful look. He sighs, "okay, then ––– Jungkook would never do that," he murmurs.

"I don't know, he kinda has the vibe–––" Yoongi muses, chuckling as he gets a pillow in his face.

"Remind me again, why are you my best friend?" Jimin huffs good-naturedly.

"I feed you, drag your ass out of bed every morning to make sure you aren't too late," Yoongi counts on his fingers, "not to mention I'd let you into my home, twice," he adds dramatically.

"Twice?" Jimin echoes, feigning offense, "your introverted ass didn't even talk to me for weeks the first time," he banters.

"Once again, I was in my suffering artist phase, okay?" the older replies, pretending to be just as offended until the navy-haired bursts into laughter and cracks a smile.

"God, you were so annoying back then," Jimin says as their laughter dies down, resting his head on his best friend's shoulder.

"You're still annoying," Yoongi says dryly, probably grinning at the huff he lets out, the younger thinks.

Jimin sighs, blinking slowly, his eyelids growing heavier ––– only if his mind would get tired, too ––– "Do you really think I should quit?" he asks quietly, "be honest."

Yoongi is silent for a moment, giving it some thought. "Look, I like the kid," he starts, "he seems like a genuinely good person, and ––– sweet, in his own awkward way," the blond continues.

"But?" Jimin asks, lifting his head to face his friend.

"But I think – and I might be wrong –" the older says gently, "your needs might not align at the moment, you know?" he explains in that calm tone that usually soothes Jimin, but right now –– it's uncomfortable and makes him stare blankly at his lap instead of his friend, "he's just got out of a long and – as I heard – not exactly healthy relationship, and you –––" a sigh, "Jimin-ah, you need something stable," the blond says, "that's exactly why you and Taemin broke up," he continues, the younger groaning at the mention of his ex-boyfriend -–– they aren't on bad terms, in fact, said dancer is Hobi's roommate, so they do see each other occasionally, but still, Jimin doesn't want to be reminded how he wasn't enough to make Taemin want to settle down ––– okay, that's not true, rationally he knows it's not true, he knows it's not his fault, but the rejection is still lingering inside his heart ––– "I don't think Jungkook has bad intentions, but –––" the blond starts, biting the last words back. He doesn't have to say it out loud. Jimin knows. Hell, even Jungkook seems to at least feel it – the younger isn't ready for anything serious. See? An equation to heartbreak.

"I know," he replies quietly. There's no use in denying it.

"I know you do," Yoongi says, "You just –––have a tendency of ignoring your own needs just to meet someone else's and ––– that shit can get you really hurt, especially in a situation like this," the older continues.

"I know," Jimin repeats with a sigh, hiding his face in his knees once again ––– God, he's tired.

"Okay, enough soul-searching for today," the blond says as if he's reading his mind, ruffling his hair gently, "go to sleep, Jimin-ah."

His sleep is disrupted by the bedroom door opening with a creek and a few soft pads on the floor before he feels the mattress sink behind him, the intruder clinging to him like a koala in a matter of seconds.

"Wrong door, Tae," Jimin croaks out, half-asleep, "again," he grumbles, pulling the blanket up to his chin.

"Nuh-uh," the black-haired replies, hugging him even tighter, "I'm exactly where I wanted to be," he says, way too cheerfully this early in the morning in Jimin's opinion, "with my favorite person in the whole world," the other singsongs sweetly.

Jimin chuckles, patting his friend's arm gently, "Yoongi fell asleep on the couch again?" he asks knowingly.

"Yeah," Tae says, unmistakably pouting, "I don't want to wake him up, but the coach is too small for two people to sleep on it, and I need my morning cuddles to function properly."

"You're so spoiled already, oh my god," Jimin chuckles breathily, laughing even harder when the other huffs behind him.

"What is a boyfriend good for if he doesn't spoil me?" the black-haired says, rolling onto his back as they both giggle. Jimin turns to his other side, facing his friend and reciprocating his smile.

"Jiminie," Tae says gently after a quiet moment, the other answering with a hum, "are you feeling a little bit better?" he asks with a concerned expression and Jimin's stomach immediately drops ––– "I wanted to ask you yesterday but didn't get the chance to."

Jimin shifts uncomfortably, avoiding his friend's gaze. Now, that's the part he hates about ––– talking about himself because it always makes people feel sorry for him, and it just makes him feel more sorry for himself, too–––

It was just a bad week. His father's birthday always hits the hardest, even worse than Christmas, because the latter always used to be a church thing anyway, always a little stressful and full of work for his parents, but birthdays––– those were sacred. It was a Parker family tradition, to do something special on birthdays, something the celebrated family member wanted to do the most –––

His dad's birthday was extra special for Jimin. He always said his son is the most precious gift he's ever gotten, therefore, spending time with Jimin was his favorite way to celebrate his birthday––––

Now, it's just an extra painful reminder for Jimin, how much he misses his parents. It's been ––– what, eight years? God, that's a long time –––

It's a long fucking time and the more years pass, the more anxious he gets. Does his father still think of him the same way? Is he still –– processing? Are people still talking about the poor pastor who generously took an orphan in, just for said ungrateful orphan not only to be a menace to handle as a teenager but to become gay on top of that? He knows he wasn't the easiest to deal with, back then, he really does know and he's ashamed of it, but –––– he was just a kid. An angry, desperate, lonely kid. Too young to handle all that pressure, too young to deal with everyone's expectations and desperately try to fit into somewhere he doesn't belong–––– it was something akin to trying to fit a puzzle piece into the wrong place.

Only if he knew where the right place is ––– he can't even seem to find the right picture–––

Jimin sighs, rubbing his face tiredly. "Yeah, I'm a little better," he says, pushing those dark thoughts away, "thank you, Taehyungie," he says with a soft smile, the black-haired reciprocating sympathetically. At least he has people like Taehyung in his life, not to mention Yoongi – all the Mins, really – or Hobi, or –––

Oh fuck, he should probably tell Taehyung about the kiss, shouldn't he?

"Well, I thought about treating you for breakfast if that wasn't the case," Tae says, propping himself up on his elbow, "but we could still squeeze in a quick Starbucks run before you move into the library anyway, hmm?"

Jimin huffs good-naturedly, followed by a lazy stretch. "Well, I won't ever say no to free coffee," he muses, chuckling fondly as he sees the pleased smile on the other's features.

"Great! We could take Tannie on a walk, too," Tae chirps as he basically bounces off the bed with much more energy than needed, in Jimin's opinion, but that's Taehyung for you.

"He'll learn it one day," Tae says hopefully, "I'm sure of it."

Jimin bites back a laugh as he takes a sip of his coffee, glancing at the puppy trotting around proudly with the stick in his mouth, certainly not about to bring it back as instructed. Honestly, he thinks Yeontan understood the assignment pretty well, he just ––– didn't want to do it. It's incredibly hilarious to watch. He adores that dog, never mind that their whole apartment is full of dog fur – despite said puppy spending most of his time over in Yoongi's bedroom –and his allergy does not like that at all. Still, something silly such as allergies could never stop him from taking every opportunity to enjoy the presence of a cute little furball, like Tannie.

"We'll walk you to the library if you want," the black-haired says, the other answering with an agreeing hum, "well, as soon as I get a hold of my misbehaving child," he huffs, trying once again, to catch the puppy's attention. Jimin watches the scene amusedly for a moment, before he has mercy and whistles once with his fingers, wiggling the bag full of treats once Yeontan turns his head to them, said dog immediately running back to the pair. Tae looks at him in disbelief, the navy-haired grinning as he gives a treat to the puppy, his owner taking the opportunity to put the leash back on him. Tae continues chirping happily throughout the entirety of their walk, Jimin trying to engage as much as he can, however, his mind appears to be occupied with a certain doe-eyed blond–––

"You sure you're okay?" Tae's voice snaps him out of his thoughts, "you're awfully quiet today," he points out, concern written all over his face.

He should probably tell Tae, right? Maybe he could give some insight or –– advice, at least––– or give him an earful. He doesn't know what he needs more, to be honest, but, well ––– here goes nothing.

"We kissed yesterday," he blurts out, the other blinking at him confusedly.

"I'm pretty sure I would remember if we kissed, Jiminie–––"

Jimin groans. "Not you, dummy," he says, shoving his friend playfully, the latter glaring at him, pretending to be offended, "me and Jungkook," the navy-haired clarifies, "I kissed Jungkook."

"Oh."

"He also told me he likes me," Jimin continues, "and –– I told him too, so –––" he shrugs, kicking the ground with his feet awkwardly, "yeah," he adds, cringing at himself inwardly. Fuck, how did Jungkook single-handedly manage to turn him into his awkward teenage self?–––

Jimin sighs, patting the puppy resting in his arms to calm himself. He glances at his friend, who's unusually quiet, and the black-haired's expression feels like a cold shower.

"You're –– not exactly happy about it, I assume," Jimin says quietly, scratching Tan's ear absent-mindedly.

"Look, I–––" Tae starts, biting back whatever words he wanted to say, visibly conflicted. "Jiminie, I love you," he says gently, "and I love Jungkook, and I think you're both wonderful people," he continues, hesitant, "but––– are you sure it's a good idea? You just told me, barely a week ago, how this whole situation is messing with your head."

Jimin swallows dryly, then shrugs, gaze focused on the way the little fluff ball yawns in his arm lazily as he keeps patting him. It was messing with his head, his insecurities to be precise –– or is.

"I just don't want you two to –––– unintentionally hurt each other, you know?" Tae continues quietly, "I ––– I genuinely think you two could be great together, wonderful even, just ––– not right now."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Jimin says weakly, no accusation in his tone –– he just feels helpless, "wait to date until I'm completely healed from all the bullshit that happened to me?" he says, "because that's just ––– sounds like a fucking lifetime alone to me," the navy-haired continues, giving the puppy back to his owner, "I'd rather risk getting hurt," he adds stubbornly. He knows how to deal with being hurt, at least. It's painful, obviously, but being truly alone? He has only experienced it once, and ––– no, thanks.

"Jiminie, that's not what I meant at all," Taehyung says gently, "and you aren't alone, you have me, and Yoongi, and Hobi, and ––– yeah, Jungkookie is your friend, too, right?" he says, trying to cheer up the other.

"Right," Jimin smiles weakly. He knows Taehyung is right, he really does, it's just that constant, illogical fear of all these people being ripped away from him ––– or just changing their minds, disappointed in him, just like his parents–––

It's that slow shift in his life, in everybody's life around him, really. How all his loved ones just ––– pair up, find their special someone and ––– move on to another chapter. Jimin is terrified he's going to end up as a side note in it, something no one really bothers to read or care about–––

"I should go," Jimin says before Tae – who's visibly not pleased with his answer – could say anything, "thank you for the breakfast and the coffee," he says, ruffling the Yeontan's fur playfully, "oh, and Taehyungie?" he continues, the black-haired glancing at him questioningly, "I love you too," Jimin says, smiling happily at the way his friend's concerned expression softens. "Take care," he adds with a soft touch on the other's arm before turning on his heels and entering the library.

Studying has been a ––– challenge, lately. He has always had trouble with focusing, but this past week, his head has been so damn full of ––– everything, no one of his old techniques seemed to work, resulting in his mind wandering off every ten minutes and losing precious study time–––

Seems like yesterday's events did not help at all. Well, at least his mind drifts to that one special blond now, instead of ––– everything else. Thinking about Jungkook erupts a warm, fuzzy feeling in his chest, something that makes a smile form on his lips helplessly ––– oh boy, maybe Yoongi was right. Maybe he is stupidly close to being in love. He usually can't tell for sure until he's in the thick of it, but oh boy–––

Jimin registers the constant buzzing of his phone on the other side of the table – in a desperate attempt to keep it far enough to not distract