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What if I actually like Ry, like... fancy him?

Oh god...

"It's always been Isobel Spice." I hear the video say and I feel those butterflies, exact same feeling, just like I did when he said it right there in the canteen.

I close my eyes and I feel him tense under me.

"Bella?" I hear him say and I gulp, my mouth suddenly dry.

I sit up slowly, his hands move with my body.

He puts his phone on the side.

I see it, the chemistry between us that was missing between Sarah and Will. It's so clear.

Me and Ry, we like each other?

"Why did you say those things to me Ryder? Was it.. just the bet?"

I can't look at him. I won't. I can't. Once I see those perfect green eyes I'll be putty in his hands.

"Isobel. Look at me. Senti tesoro..."

I give in and meet his eyes.

"I can't hide my feelings any more. I'm sorry. I like you Bella. I really like you."

I stare into his beautiful eyes.
I don't know what to say. What to do?

Ryder like me? He wasn't lying?

"Ry.." I start quietly, but my mouths too dry. I roll my lips in my mouth.

"It's ok, process Bella, I can see your mind running a mile a minute," his words are soft, his eyes dance around my features.

His hand comes up and strokes my face gently. I lean into his palm, letting my eyes close while I take a breath and a moment for my thoughts to calm themselves.

I don't know what to think!
I like him too right? I mean, I think so.
But this is all so new?
I always saw him as my friend, always. The soft Ryder, he's my best friend. Always here for me.

The other Ryder, player Ryder... I can't ignore that side of him.
If I was to over look it without hesitation I'd be naive and just asking to be hurt.

"You sure Ry?" My voice is so quiet I don't know if he hears me.

He nods, his smile so genuine.

"Bella I've liked you for the longest time. Please, you don't have to say you like me back, but tell me if that's ok? I don't want to lose you? That's why I haven't told you sooner." 

I nod and let the words sink in.

"I don't want to lose you either... I can't bare it." I squeak out, my mouth suddenly too dry. I gulp and squeeze my eyes shut.

The idea of trying to sleep without me scares me to the core.

"Hey, hey, it's ok.." he soothes quietly and holds me close, my face hidden in his hoodie. It smells of him, it's the most comforting smell I know.

I feel my chest tightening. How didn't I see this before?

"Shh it's ok... I'm here baby... nothing to worry about... just breathe baby..."

He knows my body better than I do.
I'm having a panic attack.

"Breathe in Bella..." he instructs softly into my ear, pulling me back to look at my face. His hands cup my cheeks softly.

I hold onto his wrists as his hands hold my face close to his.

Just like he has so many times before.
Just like he did today when we kissed.

I close my eyes and focus on my breathing, not him.

I pull his wrists away and move my face to his neck. Back to the place I feel most comfortable, with the smell of him, the warmth of his body.

He stokes my back over and over.

I deeply breathe in his comforting smell, it calms me like nothing else could.

"Andrà tutto bene, Bella," he tells me softly.

"Hm?"

"You'll be ok Bella."

He always calms me in Italian, it's always such a sexy sound. I always smile at his comforting, smooth deep voice.

"Ry?" I ask weakly after a moment or two had passed, once my breathings ok.

I still haven't moved an inch.

"Mind if we go to bed for a bit? I don't know if we'll get much sleep tonight with Sarah here." I tell him sadly.

He pulls me into his lap, turning my hips gently to pull me to him tightly. I let him, going along with him.

He stands with me wrapped tightly around him.

This is new...

I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, and grip his waist with my thighs as he walks us my room.

"Tv..." I mutter.

"I'll sort it in a minute Bella," he tells me softly.

My mouths touching his neck. I didn't mean to but... I kind of wanna kiss the soft hot skin on my lips?
What's going on with me?

We enter my dark room and he lies me on my bed softly, leaning over me as I unwrap my thighs from him. He remains between my legs.

He doesn't loosen his hold on me, he doesn't move back.

"Bella..." he says in a deep voice and I'm too scared to talk.

I don't want him to move back. I don't know what's going on, what's going to happen, I don't want him to go. What if he goes and never comes back? What if this has ruined everything?

"Ry." I whisper after a moment. No clue what I'm trying to say.

I feel the bed dip with weight change, as he kneels between my legs.

He moves his head up from next to me.

Oh I'm still holding his neck tight. No wonder he hasn't moved away!

"S-sorry" I mutter letting my hands slide down from his neck. I don't want to stop touching him, but I should. Right? I mean, it's a little awkward.

His beautiful eyes look into mine intensely.

"I really want to kiss you." Ry says softly in his deep raspy voice. I feel my breathing hitch. I really want that too.

I can't help out look to his lips and I realise I've licked my bottom lip into my mouth and held onto it loosely with my teeth.

I see he's watching it.

"Ok." I whisper softly and I his eyebrow raise slightly, he's close but I see his cheeks raise with a smile before his mouth gently touches back on mine.

It's so gently, so warm and good.

My butterflies are going crazy in my tummy, I wish I knew what to do!

I hate being out of control, this is out of control.

What if I lose him?

One hand moves from the bed next to me, to cup my neck gently yet firmly.

He moves his mouth on mine and I open my mouth slightly to let his tongue in.

He's an amazing kisser. I can't believe he's been right here, next to me, for so long?

Then an unwelcome, yet valid thought enters my mind- he's a good kisser because he's a player Izzy.

I stop kissing him and push his chest slightly back.

I let out a quiet whimpering noise.
Where did that come from?

"Bella?" He asks softly and I push him some more so I can sit up.

"Are you ok?" He asks softly. The worry is so thick in his voice.

I'm hurting him. That's the last thing I want. I don't want to hurt him, I need to explain what's going on in my head.

"I... I don't want to get hurt." I admit it before I can even think the sentence through. My weak voice making me cringe.

"No, I could never hurt you," he tells me softly taking my hand in his. The conviction in his voice is a comfort.

I wanna believe him. I wholeheartedly do.

"You have no idea the hold you have over me.... sei tutto per me..."

"I don't know what that means Ry." I huff in confusion.

"Isobel. You... you're my everything. I tell you in Italian that I love you, I tell you every day. I'm too afraid to say it and you understand it. You, my love, have my heart... hai anche il mio cuore... you have my heart Bella..."

I see the pain in his eyes, all the emotion, all lit by moonlight.

"You sleep about though-"

"Nope. No I don't. I can't." He says it so quickly and adamantly.

I frown at him.

"I've slept with 4 girls. All of them were at an attempt to.... move on from you."

I frown. Move on from me?

"I needed a distraction. I also can't even kiss a girl unless I'm wasted," he shrugs and I think of all those times I've seen him with girls...

His eyes look at me pleadingly.

I know Ry, I know when he's lying...

...he really means that?

Wow...

"Ry... I don't know what to say..."

I like him. I don't know what to make of my emotions. I need to process this, understand this.

What is it he wants from me? What is it that I want?

Is this just newfound lust or is it... more?

"You don't have to say anything Bella, I've just given you all my thoughts, you need time to think it over, I know..." he strokes the hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear slowly. His hot hands and close proximity are doing things to me.

"Want me to go?" He asks in a whisper and I shake my head.

"Want to sleep?" I shake my head, I bite my lip to stop smiling.

"Wanna kiss again?" He whispers with his cheeky playful grin and I nod a little.

Whatever I'm feeling, however confused, I want to kiss him again.

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