"So... I was thinking we could start off with the structure of cells. I know it's basic but I'd prefer to start at the beginning.", I look up shyly towards Charlie from his bed. I don't want him to think of me as an idiot but I am also in desperate need of help or else I'm done for this semester.

"Yea sure, let me just run downstairs and grab my book bag.", Charlie says.

I nod in reply and take his absence as an opportunity to depict his room. Dark blue walls with an oak desk pushed up against a windowsill, a matching oak bed parallel from the desk with a white comforter. A normal dresser next to the door with pictures of sunsets hung above. It seems plain for Charlie, I would've thought his room would have more personality but it seems... empty. No clutter or dirty laundry- although that is sort of expected. I won't lie, Im still unsure of why we're in here. Do guy friends usually do this? I walked into this situation thinking we'd just hang out in his living room but when I arrived he led me straight upstairs with some sort of knowing grin. Is he trying to make me uncomfortable? 

A door closing pulls me away from my thoughts. Charlie walks in with a bag of pretzels in one arm and his green book bag slung around the other. I cant help but notice how toned his arms look gripping the bag.

OH MY GOD ACE, WILL YOU EVER STOP?!

Charlie holds up the pretzels and sits on the ground, patting the spot next to him. "I thought we could use a little snack. Come sit down here.", I hesitate before lowering myself off the bed and get an all too familiar feeling.

My mind suddenly rushes back to that night at the party. Both of us on the floor, Charlie's hand on me. I pray every day that it was all a dream but the things we did seem too vivid in my brain for it to be one. Why am I always thinking of this? I thought that the confusing feelings were over and we could just have a normal... friendship, I guess.

Charlie snapping in my face must mean I've been spaced out. Oops.

"Earth to Ace!?", Charlie giggles a bit while trying to grab my attention.

"Heh sorry about that, just lost in thought", I reply sheepishly.

"Don't be, we all do it.", he reaches into his bag for his binder and slides over next to me so both our backs are touching his bed. Charlie begins to ramble on about cells and their forms but my mind is else where. I cannot concentrate for the life of me and decide on nodding along like I get what he's saying. F*ck biology, I'll just become a shoe maker or something. Is that job even a thing anymore?

-

"And that my friend, is why the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!", Charlie closes his binder and stands up. I wipe my eyes and groan as he helps me up out of my fetal position on his floor. It's been three hours and we have only just covered the basics of our course. Charlie called me out on being flaky around 2 and since then I've tried my best to listen but it's so tiring.

"That's enough for today.", I say. I begin to gather up my things but what Charlie interrupts me.

"So umm... my parents are working late and I was gonna order in pizza for dinner, do you maybe wanna stay and have some?", he must see my eyes widen because he immediately starts to stutter and take back what he says.

Now, let me tell you what I say next shocked me. Like I didn't think I had this social confidence in me.

"No- Id actually like that. Nothing's at home for me anyways heh.", I awkwardly scratch the back of my head and set my things back on the ground.

"O-oh okay! Awesome! I'll place the order on the computer downstairs, does vegetarian work?"

"Uh sure.", I reply.

"Great, be back up in a minute!"

I flop back onto his bed and sigh. What the hell have I just gotten myself into?! I could be on my way home right now! A night of relaxing and listening to my music, but noooo! My stupid ass had to go and agree to hang out with friggin Charlie Simmons? I hate myself sometimes. Especially lately. Actually, scratch that, I hate my feelings. A lot, especially lately.

-

"Holy shit that was some good pizza", I rub my stomach and lay back on the couch, eyeing the clock on the side table. "I should probably get going, it's 6:30 and I wouldn't want to disrupt your Saturday night plans.", I have to admit, today was a lot better than I anticipated. For the past couple of hours Charlie and I have just been watching trashy reality shows and laughing at their behaviours. Nothing uncomfortable about it, we've just been acting like normal friends and i'm starting to think maybe we can actually put our past behind us.

"Oh don't go! If Im not busy all night then my friends will show up and try to sneak me into whatever bar they managed to bribe their way into!", Charlie whines.

"Oh how sad that you actually have piles of friends that want to be with you.", I roll my eyes and smirk.

"Hey! My friends are exhausting and I'm sick of having to pretend that I enjoy doing illegal things just so I don't get kicked out of the group. Trust me, I'd much rather only have a couple of close friends like you do."

"A couple? Try more like one. My long time friend Willow is all I have.", I look down at my hands sheepishly and start getting nervous. Why did our conversations always have to become deep? Why can't we just talk about girls and sports like other guy friends do?

Charlie looks up at me with a soft expression of hurt, "What about me?", he says, "Am I not a friend to you?"

I panic and start frantically waving my hands while sputtering out gibberish. That face I- I never want to see it again. That expression... it was like a stab to the gut. I didn't mean to hurt him, I just didn't want to be the first to say we were friends!

"Awk, I'm sorry I-I'm new to this whole friendship thing! I never really had a chance of making friends, with my history and all that. But I do consider you a friend, I just don't know you all that well.", I finally manage to say.

"Don't worry about it, Ace. I was only kidding", Charlie looks up at me with a half smile and I find myself smiling back.

Holy hell what's wrong with me? This boy is making me crazy.

-
A couple more hours have passed of us making small talk and playing video games until Charlie says something out of the blue.

"Hey Ace?", he looks at me and brushes his hair off his face

"Yea?",

"What did you mean when you said you couldn't make friends because of your... history?", why did he have to start this up?

"Oh umm I just meant because of all the trauma with Eleanors death.", again, why did everything have to be so deep with us?!

"You can tell me about it, y'know?", Charlie looks up at me with a soft smile, a genuine one. "I may not have dealt with the same situation but I get the pain. Sort of."

"Oh well umm after she died a lot of people tried to take advantage of me for attention. The kids in my class would try to befriend me and then tell the teachers about how they were 'close' with Eleanor and that her death prevented them from being able to do well with grades. The teachers would then bump up their marks and excuse them from projects. When the whole situation passed everyone just dropped me and left me for myself. After a while a I just closed myself off and shut everyone out, besides Willow.", I felt tears stinging my eyes, I haven't talked about this in a while. Or ever. So why was I telling Charlie?

"Hey, hey, it's okay.", Charlie moves closer to me and uses his thumb to wipe my tears off my cheek.

I didn't expect for me to do what I did next. I didn't know why I was doing it. All i knew was that I hadn't felt comforted like this in years and I haven't felt this safe in my entire life. So I just started bawling and let Charlie wrap his strong arms around me. I let him run his hands through my hair while whispering comforting words into my ear. I let myself tell him about  my moms depression and how alone I felt. How alone I feel everyday.

"It's so hard,", I choked out, "I have to be strong for her but I cant help her. She's a walking corpse, Charlie! And no one understands what it's all like! Willow just tried to distract me whenever I speak about it, she doesn't know how to help. No one does."

"Listen, Ace.", Charlie tilts my head up to him and looks straight into my eyes, "I might not know the immense amount of pain you faced when you were young, but I do know what it feels like to not feel anything. I know what it's like to have the weight of the world on your shoulders and I never want anyone to feel that way. I get how horrible this world can be to you and the things it can make you do. So let me help you, okay?"

I nod my head and sniffle. We sit like that for a few more minute, soaking up each others warmth. I haven't felt this good in forever. I never want to leave. I want to freeze this hour and live in it over and over again. Having someone tell me they'll be there for me- that's never happened before, besides Willow, but she's almost obliged to say it at this point. 

So when Charlie lifts my chin up and places his lips on mine, I don't resist, I let it happen. When our kiss becomes more passionate and hungry, I don't fight it. When Charlie leads us up to his room, never once breaking our embrace, I don't stop him.

I let all of this happen. I allow myself to exit my body for a while and just go with our movements.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I can let go of reality for a little while.

I wish it could've lasted forever.

Authors note: Im back!! I'm so sorry for barely updating but my province has shut down almost everything and my parents are keeping me locked up in my house so my mental health has taken a toll. I know this chapter isn't the best and I'm trying to get back into the groove of writing so there will most likely be a lot of plot holes and grammar mistakes, sorry! Be safe and remember to stay home not just for yourself but for others as well <3

Thank you all for 1K reads!! xoxo