LMAO, good luck. 💀

Enjoy🤍!

"Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter." – Melissa Marr

Chapter 83
<—————————————>

|Kimberly|

I smiled at the customer as I handed her the change. "I hope you have a good night."

She thanked me, took her change then left out of the diner. I could have leaped with joy as I turned the open sign to close. Finally. I could leave and spend the weekend with Kade.

I smiled at the thought. I'd already planned the weekend out perfectly. Dates, sex, then whatever else we came up with.

I got my cast taken off early, and my bruises and marks were beginning to fade. As generous as it was, I didn't want to live off of Kade's money. Uncle Dylan was hesitant to let me return so quickly, but I reassured him that I was ready. The nightmares had finally subsided a bit, even though the thought of one of my attackers still being free alarmed me. Natasha and Amber were out of the picture completely, but whoever Luke hired reported back with no finding of Daniel. I tried to reassure myself that he would be caught soon, but the more that days passed, the less hopeful I grew.

Celeste and Griff were in the back, cleaning. While we waited for the last customer to finish, Shay & I had cleaned the front area. They were all being a little too cautious of me now, but I thanked them nonetheless.

As soon as I was finished with the last table, I untied my apron. "Bye, guys!" I was practically buzzing with excitement as I hurried toward them. I always was when I got to go home.

Every time Kade and I were together now, some of our talks consisted of the future. Some of our tales were just for laughs, but nonetheless, I was ecstatic.

With only a couple of months left of school, we could go wherever we wanted. We could do whatever we wanted. We would be together, so it didn't matter.

I hugged Celeste and my uncle. as well as Griff and Shay before they stopped me.

Celeste held her grip around my uncles waist. "How are you feeling, baby?"

I offered a smile. "I'm fine. The healing was difficult, but I made it through."

We continued to talk until I saw Kade pull up. Shay promised that she would send some more pictures of Annabeth, who was the cutest baby. I planned to to go visit her soon.

As soon as I was outside, I rubbed my arms as the winter cold hugged my exposed skin. I could already hear Celeste scolding me so I sped up to get to Kade's car. He always parked really close, and I especially appreciated that today.

I melted into the heat, which was on full blast. I rubbed at my arms, fully convinced that if I stood out there a moment later, I would have became an icicle.

Once I felt my limbs loosening from the cold, I turned toward Kade. The very sight of him interrupted my train of thought. His upper body sported a black hoodie, his necklace barely peeking out under the material. Matching sweats covered his long legs. The realization that he wouldn't be in any of this for too long made my stomach flutter.

"It's so cold." I planted a kiss on his lips, but there was nothing in return. He was frozen against me.

My eyebrow raised at him. I noted the way his hand clenched around the gear shift, the other around the wheel.

"How was your day?" I questioned him.

I figured something transpired during his training at the cages. He was fine last night, as well as this morning.

He shifted the gears, the car vibrating from under me. I eyed him cautiously as we pulled off. "Fine," he responded with a sharp tone. 

Obviously not. I decided to wait until we weren't driving and at my house to find out more. I needed to pick up some things from there.

I continued to try and make conversation, but I received the same thing I had before. Nothing.

My mind wandered over the source. Something was surely off. The way his tone lacked any interest. His sentences were short and choppy, like he was annoyed by whatever I said. He was emotionally vacant.

I ran out of things to say, so for the rest of the ride, we both let the silence stretch. There was a mix of tension, confusion, and my own uncomfortableness in the air. I absolutely hated it.

The anticipation made my skin crawl. If he were in an episode, I would give my support. This wasn't my first time with him. When I studied over his disorder, I spent hours memorizing these type of things.

I didn't know until later that he did the same for my anxiety. That was how he knew what to offer for me when I had an attack. Our concern for one another only increased my love.

But, I didn't entirely listen to the research. Instead, I compared it to him. What I knew and trusted about him. I waited for his episodes, and if he wanted space, I gave it to him. If he needed reassurance, I gave that too. Either way, he had my support. He wasn't a statistic to me.

The wheels began to slow as he pulled into my driveway and put the car into park. Since everyone was gone, we were the only ones here. Only us.

I released a puff of tight air as I turned toward him, my back against the passenger door of his car. I pulled my feet underneath me so that I was criss-crossed and facing him. Whenever we wanted to get personal with one another, this was how we did it. Everything on the table, right here.

"Is everything okay?" I asked softly.

His eyes remained on my house. His hands never left the wheel, even though we were in park. "We need to talk." His voice was frosty, so nongregarious.

Suddenly, the heat in the car was smothering me. I found myself tugging at the skin along my wrists for relief, but none came.

For the first time, something in his tone made me not want to hear it.

He didn't look at me. I wanted to see his eyes, they were sometimes the key to the storm. But, he wouldn't meet my own.

I nodded, anyway.

"Kimberly," I could see the air leave his lungs in a sharp breath before he forced himself to continue on a rocky platform. "We can't."

I was still in my spot. We can't?

"What?" my own voice trembled with anxiousness.

"I have to stay in the cages for another year," he paused, squeezing his eyes shut. "Which means that you wouldn't be safe. And, I can't. I can't put you through this shit. Not again."

His body was shaking, I could see it from here. He was scared. "We can't be together. Not anymore."

My mind was blank, yet so so full. So loud. I could feel my heart thumping against my chest so hard, I was sure there was a drum assembly nearby. 

"Kade," I started, reached for his hand. "We can get through this together. I'd wait forever-"

"I won't let you," he whispered, rolling his lips under the other before continuing, "You shouldn't have to. It's not fair to ask that of you."

"You're not asking me anything," I responded. My patience was growing thin at his willingness to let go. "No. I'm not doing this."

His head flicked over to me only for a second before he realized his mistake. He couldn't even look at me. "I know. That's why I'm doing it for you."

"Kade," my voice dipped to a whisper. "Nothing's going to happen to me."

"It already did."

He wasn't listening. His mind was already made up, and there was nothing I could do to change it.

"You can't choose this type of thing for me. It's only a year," I said before motioning between us. "But, this is forever. If you choose to leave-"

"I'm not choosing-"

"But, you are!" my voice began to rise despite my urge to do anything else. "You're choosing to give up. You're not even trying to fight. Our relationship has survived so much, yet you allow this to be the breaking point?"

"I'm going to stop by here soon and leave the money from my earnings from the marches. The account that I never touched, I want you to have it. You're going to take it, and you're going to leave. I want you to flourish, and do whatever you want with it," he whispered. "You'll have more than enough, okay?"

His eyes shifted to the window. He ran his palms over his sweatpants, as if that could rid him of this. Of me.

"Kade," his name was heavy on my lips. "Don't. Don't do this. Don't ruin everything we've built so far out of fear. We've always been afraid, but we never let it stop us. Because we love each other." I placed my hand on top of his. "And-"

He shook my hand off of his. "You were nearly killed because of me!" he cut me off with a yell. His voice cracked as he added, "No matter how you look at it, it was all because of me. Because of my shit. They beat you and left you for dead because they were mad at me. How in the fuck could I let you live like that, looking over your shoulder and being afraid for another year? I can't. You don't purposely put the person you love in danger."

My throat tightened up as I felt the bile in my stomach rise. This was making me physically sick.

"You don't hurt the person you love either," I mumbled under my breath as I glared ahead. "You don't do it, not purposely. That's what you're doing, Kade. You're fucking hurting me right now." My voice weakened by the end; I wasn't sure how long I could hold this conversation up.

I could write every single detail that occurred before he said the words. Before he ripped my soul to shreds. Before he took my heart, and absolutely defaced it.

"Then, I guess I don't love you," he whispered into the universe. "I don't love you."

I could feel his words circling in my head. I could hear him. I could see his hands whitening from the death grip on the wheel. Yet, I still couldn't process it. I couldn't understand what, or how he said that.

"No." I shook my head, my chest beginning to quiver. "I don't believe you. I don't." I knew his tactics, he wanted to push me away. He wanted to make me not want him. "I know you, Kade. You're only saying that to make me want to leave you."

I was frightened as he turned toward me. The look in his eyes were of something I'd never seen before. Even when we despised one another, that was nothing compared to now.

His laugh made my stomach churn. "You should." He shook his head, rolling his lips before resuming, "I never did, I guess."

I shook my head. I'd never been as afraid to hear his voice as I did right now. Right now, I wanted to go back into my shell. To block my ears from hearing what was to be said next. I wanted to make it all stop.

A slow smile spread across his lips before he turned to face me. For the first time today, he finally looked at me. And, there was nothing. Nothing but the remains of my heart, if there were any at all.

His cold finger grazed the spot of my neck he kissed less than twenty-four hours ago. His head tilted as his eyes zeroed in on the spot, like he was having the correlation as well. "You were nothing to me, but a challenge, love. I got the chance to fuck with you, and fuck you," he murmured to me. "I'm sorry to cut it short, but I've gotten bored already. You really fell for it all, huh? Poor, pretty thing." His eyes darkened as he chuckled. I could feel it throughout my entire being. "I never once could or did love you."

As if he hadn't said enough, he added, "It's best if we just go our separate ways. You can leave me alone, and I can leave you alone."

Earlier, I wanted nothing more than to look him in the eye. Now, just staring into the gaze that was once mine drove me insane. I looked away, my eyes squeezing down shut on the truth. The naked, fat tears threatened to break past the dam as I shook my head.

I wasn't sure if he was doing this to push me away. If he was doing it to save me. But, either way, he had said the words. Even if he didn't mean them, he still didn't want to fight for us. Either option resulted in the same ugly way. It was the end.

I never thought that words could cause physical pain. But, I was wrong. God, I was so wrong.

My chest ached so badly, it barely held up. The blood roared in my ears, relentlessly thumping right into my nerves. My arms were wrapped tightly around my body, as if to conceal the repugnance inside. It took less than a minute to make me fall from cloud nine.

One. Fucking. Minute.

I hadn't spoken since he stopped. I felt my surroundings growing fuzzier by the minute. His words wreathed, creating their own domicile directly in my mind.

You really fell for it all.

You're nothing to me.

I never loved you.

I never loved you. Those four words asphyxiated me from their significance. Was any of it real? Any of it?

My lips parted to release the choked sob. "Oh my god," I whispered to myself, my fingers barely grazing my trembling lips.

My body was shaking too hard; I was sure it looked like my skin was convulsing. I stared down at my clenched hands, my breaths now rough and choppy.

Everything had been a lie.

I could feel the tears innovating. As I swiped at one, I realized that they weren't categorically pained tears. No, they were roiled tears.

I was fucking angry.

I gave myself to him. My mind, my body, my heart, everything. Every single thing I had to offer. I gave him the things I didn't even want, that he pretended to love. I accepted him as he was, as I thought he did me. I was willing to risk my life for him, hell I did. I stepped outside of my boundaries and let him in. I was raw, and I was his. I forgave him. I learned him. I breathed him. I loved him.

But, it was all fucking meaningless to him.

I could feel my indignation tipping over it's barrier by the second. My skin grew hot to the touch as the rage slipped into every crack he'd just created.

"You motherfucker," I whispered, my vision blurring as I glared down at my fists. The more his words enclosed around me, the more I cracked.

I jerked my head to look at him. "You motherfucker!"

He opened his mouth, but I was sure more bullshit would fall out. As it had this entire time.

Just looking at him made my rage sputter and threaten to implode in this small space of the car. "How dare you?"

To see him have the audacity to try speaking again ignited my fury. I beat him to the punch.

"No!" My voice was tight with emotion. "You shut the fuck up! I...loved you." My throat felt as if it were full of thick cotton. "How dare you take advantage of that...of me!" I shifted entirely so that I was entirely facing him.

His eyes held mine, but he was silent. I could see his fists in his lap as he watched me lay it all out on the table.

"You're fucking selfish. You're so selfish. You give up because you choose to! I've had so many opportunities to let my fear win with you, but I didn't! I didn't because I loved you. God, I did." I paused as the sob threatened to rip my lungs apart. "I did everything to make us work. To make you happy! To fucking love you! And, I thought you had to..." my voice cracked as the memories threatened to surface. "But, you throw it all away? You don't even try to fight for me? For us? For your own goddamned happiness!" I shoved his chest as he shut his eyes for a moment. He remained still as he reopened them.

I released a tasteless laugh as I glared into his eyes. "You don't understand. All of the things I did, all of things we did to have each other? And you just ruined it. You took everything, and you let it go. You got your revenge. You ripped my heart up until there was nothing left. Congratulations, truly, because you did it."

The words that would seal our fate to its doom spilled out. "You were right. You are a monster, Kade. A fucking terrible, hurtful, broken excuse of a man. I loved you." I still do. "Every time I was sad, I thought of you. Every time I was happy, I thought of you. Every time I thought of my fucked up life, I thought of you."

My head was beginning to ache now. "I-I gave myself to you. My body, my heart, me." My words ceased as the pain eventually became too unbearable to voice.

My hand clutched at my chest as the anguish threatened to downright destroy what was left of me. At this point, I would let it. Anything to avoid this type of affliction seemed entirely reasonable.

Somehow, I managed to speak my last words to Kade Ryder. "You're dead to me." My hand reached for the door; I needed to get out. But, another planet wouldn't even be far enough.

For the slightest second, I thought I saw a glimpse of wretchedness wash over Kade's face as he reached for me. "Kimberly, wait-"

I was disgusted with him. With myself. Less than a day ago, I thought I'd never tire of those hands. Of him. Now, I wanted nothing more than to scrub myself clean of his touch.

Before his hand could touch me as it had so many times, I slapped him across the face with all of my rage behind it. I wanted him to feel the same humiliation I did. The same pain, though I didn't think I could measure to it. Nothing could even come close.

My hand left a red imprint across his face. I bit my lip so hard, the salty tears mixed in with the blood. I shook my head as I detached as much as I could from this stranger.

We were both two foolish, broken strangers.

I glared into his eyes. I could see the emotions brewing behind those eyes I once claimed as mine. Now, I despised everything about them. About him.

I shoved a shaky hand through my hair as I released a mix of a sigh and a sob. "Don't touch me. Don't ever come near me again. Don't call or text me...Just don't, Kade," I barely managed to altercate the words as I stepped out of his car.

I needed to get away from him. I knew that if I stayed a moment longer, my unsubstantial heart wouldn't be able to take it anymore.

I didn't recall the strong winds. I could barely see past my tears as I stammered toward the door. Every step I took to my house, I felt my body giving out more and more.

Somewhere in the midst of the ringing in my ears, I heard his door shut. I jerked around, my fists clenched as Kade grew closer. What more could he want when he'd already taken everything?

He was in front of me before I could process it. His expression mirrored so, so much rue and penitence, I nearly believed it. His lips were tight in a thin line as his chest weaved in and out. His Adam's apple bobbed so hard, it looked as if he were trying to swallow his previously stated words. As if he wanted to say more. But, he'd already said enough.

I couldn't even recognize my own voice any longer. It was one that didn't belong to my body, full of forced detachment. "I told you to just leave me the hell alone!"

My eyes were burning all over again. I stopped wiping my wet cheeks at some point. They were only going to keep falling.

I turned away, my key rattling in my hand. But, my rage willed me to continue to hurt him. To attempt to destroy him in the way he had me. I whirled around.

My jaw clenched so tight, I thought I'd break it with just a little bit more pressure. "I hate you." The three words were so quiet, I wasn't sure if he heard them.

The way his expression shifted into one of pure and raw pain, I knew he had. He heard and saw my own lips utter the words into existence. He shut his eyes, inhaling a tight patch of air