truth|part 1

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Warning: Violent acts including emotional, and physical abuse are discussed on throughout the chapter.

"I have crazy friends, so a lot of times when we're out, people recognize me on the street, but they will yell, 'This is Cameron Boyce!' and just run! They do that. Then I'm in the middle of the street with people looking at me."— Cameron Boyce (rest easy, sweet boy.❤️)

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Chapter 47
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"My dad, he came from a rough childhood. One filled with poverty, and violence on every block. His dad was in and out of jail, and his birth mother was a heroine addict who would beat my dad if he ever disturbed her 'calm'," Kade began, clasping his hands together. "I guess that was the start of it all."

I was eager to learn more about his family history, but at the same time, I dangerously anticipated the truth.

Kade propped himself against a tree stump, his eyes cast downward. "I remember the first time that it happened. It's the first memory I have of him, I think."

"He came home from a bar, wasted as always. He was angry because there was a football bet gone wrong. He was yelling at Susie, and I hated yelling, so I tried to leave the room. He didn't like that, so he..." his hands fell, clenching at his sides, eyes stuck on the tip of his shoe. "He beat me so bad that I couldn't go to school for a week and a half."

"Oh my god," slipped out of me.

I knew that this would be difficult to hear. But, I also knew that it needed to be heard, nonetheless. It wouldn't negatively alter my feelings for him, that was a fact. It would only help me understand him, and maybe even us better.

He drew his knees to his chest. "It carried on for years. It was like a cycle. I'd come home from school, get beaten for even looking at him, then repeat it until I managed to block some of it out of my mind. Didn't seem to work, I guess," he chuckled, his eyes glued to the grass.

"That son of a bitch was a heavy drinker...he wouldn't stop until he fell asleep. Those were the only good times, it seemed like. When he was asleep. He was vulnerable, weak, and I..." Kade's Adam apple bobbed in his throat. "I tried to kill him, with a pocketknife."

I bit on my tongue to hold back a gasp. A part of me stood terrified at what he just said, and the other part of me was too frightened to move.

His black hair grazed his eyes as he lowered his head. "I wish I could say that I regret it. I really do...but I don't."

"I was six or seven, I think. I saw it in a movie. This kid got rid of the bad guy, and everything was peachy after that. Everything was perfect. I wanted that, y'know? I wanted peace for Susie and I, even if it damned me for life. Killing him was the only way I could rid my family of him," he whispered, his gaze jumping between me and the grass.

My eyes welled up. "I understand." And, I did. As someone who suffered my years under abuse, I knew that I had felt so helpless. A rat stuck in a trap, in a way. No matter what you did, no matter how badly you fought...you felt that you couldn't get out. You could only bleed out, and wait to be freed from the trap, the abuse.

Only...there would be no life inside of you anymore. Even with air in your lungs, you'd never experience another freeing moment. You'd never see yourself the same, if you ever did in the first place. Just a hopeless pit of deep despair that you either climbed out of, or further sink into. There'd be no in between.

I could entirely understand why he considered the act as a child. There was nothing he could have done to stop the abuse, and when the first opportunity came to free yourself of the circumstances, you would take it before it slipped away.

I would be lying to myself if I admitted that the fear completely slipped away. It was a natural reaction. But, so was comprehension. And, so far, the understanding side of me was overpowering the doubtful side.

"It didn't work, obviously.. I was so close to slicing the bastard's neck open, but it was Kacen that fucked it up for me." Like a flicker of light, a small smile barely grazed Kades' lips before it fell, again. "Susie wasn't home, and she left Kacen with my dad and I. His crying woke my dad up right before I could finish what I hadn't even started."

He ran a hand down his face with a chuckle: "God, I've never seen the devil, but at that moment, I knew that I was in hell. This time, he didn't stop his hits until our neighbors called the cops because Kacen wouldn't stop crying."

Kade shut his eyes for a quick second, before the beautiful jewels presented themselves to me again. "He was only a couple of months old, but I was so fucking angry at him. I yelled at him, and yelled, and yelled. As sick as it sounds, I wanted to feel what my dad did. Power. Manipulation. Control. That clutch of authority."

"But...he laughed at me," he admitted in a soft voice. "I couldn't believe it. When I look back, I know that since he was a baby, every little thing was funny to the little fucker. But...when he laughed. I felt something. It was like a door was finally being opened inside of me at the sound of it," he smiled, and this time, it didn't fall. "I remember when I first held him. I'd never done it before, but I watched my mom do it, so I figured it out. And, when I did, he smiled at me as if we were the best of friends."

"It didn't make me feel power. Or, authority. I felt..." Kade had to swallow the thick lump in his throat, before he spoke again. "Love."

He shook his head, tightening his fingers together: "I thought it was gone. I thought every single ounce of happiness inside of me was gone. I never even realized it was there in the first place. But, when he put his hands on mine, I felt everything lighten around me. He was so pure, so full of innocence and happiness. I didn't want my dad to ruin that before it was even known to the world. He was the only good thing I'd ever known."

I watched as Kade's entire being lit up at the mention of his brother. If I weren't paying as closely as I was to him, it would be hard to notice his walls crumbling by each word.

He released a sigh. "I did everything to protect him from our dad. I wanted to be near him at all times, and he'd be with me. I'd stand-up for him when our dad tried to hurt him. I took the beatings for him from our dad. I tried to do everything to make sure that he didn't have the same fate as I did," his jaw clenched.

"My dad owned nearly every store in town, including a lot of his own successful businesses, but he refused to give me babysitting money for Kacen. I needed the money so that Kacen would be away from our dad when I wasn't there. I had a little job as a paperboy, but I couldn't earn enough from it," he continued. "Kacen was around six at the time, and Susie and dad had been fighting. I didn't want him to see, so I took him to the park. This guy started messing with him, and I told him to knock it off. We argued for a while, then it grew physical. He pushed me, and that's where shit went left."

"I was young, but I learned to pack a punch from my dad. The guy was pretty older, and big, too. I knew I couldn't waste the shot, so, I hit him. Hard. Knocked his ass out cold. And, Kacen and I left. I didn't tell anyone about it because it wasn't a big deal. To me, it was just another passing memory."

"A couple of days later, though, I was walking home in the rain from school. This man pulled up, claimed to not want me to get a cold, and offered a ride home. I knew of the saying 'stranger danger' but I had a pocketknife on me at all times, and it was raining. So, me, being the idiot I was at that age, took him up on the offer. He was strange as shit, and way too talkative. I barely even spoke, but that didn't stop him. It wasn't until he mentioned the park incident that I tried to jump from the car."

Kade chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. "I told him to kiss my ass, pulled the pocketknife on him, and every damn thing between until he threw an offer at me. He offered me a job at some type of gym, and I immediately rejected. But then, he mentioned the pay. It was more than enough to cover Kacen's babysitting, food, and shit like that. That was all that mattered in my eyes. So, I told him I'd think about it."

I wondered where this part of the story would lead to, but I knew that it always fell somewhere in the puddle. I wouldn't interrupt until I learned every ounce of truth he was willing to lend.

"I thought over it that same night. I'd heard my dad yelling at Susie, so I got up. I didn't want to help her. She never did it for me. But, she was my mom," his jaw clenched under my stare. "I tried to cut in. I was a bit bigger now, so I could handle myself a little better than before. We were pushing each other, and he stumbled from the alcohol. He fell on top of Kacen, who was trying to stop our dad from hitting me. He was as small as shit, so when our dad fell on him, he broke Kacen's arm, and made him hit his head on the counter."

My fingers curled around my mouth as I tried to hold back a gasp. I wanted to hug him. To tell him that everything would be alright, in a sense. But, I wasn't sure if I could, because they hadn't. He was talking in past tense for a reason. The things he endured in his early life had all ended into a troubling, traumatic bomb.

Kade's expression darkened as he spoke, "I was angry. Fucking furious. I hit him, as hard as I could. With the pan, with the fridge door, with my fists, anything. He was too drunk to get the upper hand. If Susie hadn't pulled me off of him, I wouldn't have stopped until I killed him. I couldn't let him take the only happy, the only good thing that I had."

"The fucker had stopped moving, but I just...kept going. I was relentless, drunk on rage. But, it all went away once Susie threatened to send me to an institution. I thought she was trying to scare me, to try and get me to calm down, but I wasn't too sure. Either way, I wouldn't go. I wouldn't leave my brother alone with either of them."

He raked a hand through his hair. "The next morning, I skipped school and went to the job offer. When I walked in, a part of me knew that it couldn't have been a regular gym. There was a large mat right in the center, naked bodies everywhere, drugs that I couldn't even pronounce, and these two men were fighting. By their faces, I knew that this wasn't some little kid wrestling game."

I sat up, straining my ears so that I wouldn't miss a thing.

"I found the man who had driven me home, except he was different. He seemed far more serious and way less talkative."

"I was scared as shit when they forced me onto the mat. Imagine my fucking shock when I saw the same boy from the park, except he was pissed. I didn't know what to do. So, I just stood there."

Kade shook his head, his brown eyes shifting over to me for a second. "Which was one of the worst fucking mistakes of my life." A chuckle fell from him.

"He started beating me until I grew the balls to get my ass up and fight back. It was hard at first. I wasn't as motivated as I was before, but I found something else that helped. My anger." he rubbed at his temples as the memories continued to float in. "I imagined my dad's face, and something flipped inside of me. I could only guess it was the little humanity I had left. I started beating on the fucker, until the man from before lifted me off of him. Even then, I didn't want to stop."

"I hated admitting it at the time, but I felt...alive. It was like a rush of adrenaline before I even realized it was there," he explained, nibbling on his bottom lip. "Every time I swung, it was like a trance. And, it was the best feeling ever."

"The pay was fantastic," he told me. "I could pay for Kacens' needs, and I could add extra hours in for our neighbor to babysit him. She never asked where the money was coming from, and neither did my parents, so everything was going fine to me."

"I started going to an actual gym, too. The owner was fond of Susie, so he let me in despite my age. I trained, and trained until I couldn't anymore. It wasn't completely for the cages, either. It was to learn how to protect myself, and Kacen better."

"A couple of days later, I ran into the man...uh, your father, again," he paused to catch my reaction. I wasn't sure if I managed to wipe the shock off quick enough before he continued.

"I was being careless, walking around the place without a shirt. He noticed the cuts and bruises, and started asking me all sorts of questions. Obviously, I lied about it all. He could see right past my bullshit, though. He used to be one of the top fighters at the cages, but he stopped and started training newbies. He was the one to teach me everything there is about that place, about fighting."

My mouth was hanging open after his sentence ended. My father. A cage fighter...it was hard to comprehend.

"What?" was all I could mange. "H-how?"

"The cages are all over, just under different people and different places," he told me. "Your dad. He'd been one of the best."

My shock only intensified. I tried to form words but none came out.

Kade noticed it, too. "I know this is hard to believe, but I hope it doesn't fuck with your image of him. Back then, he was genuinely the only father figure I'd ever known. He's a good man, and a good father.. No matter his past."

I agreed with that. I just wondered why my father had never brought it up, or if he'd even consider talking about it if I asked.

Kade allowed me a minute to get myself together before he added something else to make me choke, "Ryland was the guy I first fought in the cages," he admitted. "And, in the park."

I couldn't hold it back any longer. I gasped before I knew it. It was hard to believe that my dad used to live that life, but my brother?

I pinched myself to ensure that I wasn't hallucinating. When the pain rang through the skin, I pulled my eyes up.

"That's crazy," I said with disbelief.

I wanted to run home, and ask my dad and brother an abundance of questions. But, I had a mission here. I wouldn't run, nor would I make it look like I was when given the opportunity. The questions could wait.

I placed a hand on top of Kade's. "I want to hear your story, please." I refrained from saying 'rest' since his life story was not over, and I could only hope to be included in it.

He nodded his head, avoiding eye contact with me. "Things got worse before they got better, if they even did get better, honestly. It was a repeating cycle. I would get Kacen ready for daycare, which was half way across town. I'd drop him off, head back to my school, get out,  pick him up, take him to the babysitters, go to work, come home, make him dinner and get him ready for bed, get the shit beaten out of me for simply breathing, go to bed, then repeat. And, during all of it, Susie never stood up for me. Not once. She was a fuckin' coward, she was—"

"Afraid," I cut in before I could evaluate over my trade.

His gaze pulled into a glare. "Being afraid and being too pussy to protect your own children aren't the same thing."

I wanted to smack my hand right over my mouth. It definitely wasn't my place to say that. Kade's blank stare only worried me that his wall would be rebuilt in a matter of seconds. I blew out a sigh of relief as he continued.

"Things were going a bit better once they got steady, if you could say that," he said. "But, then Susie found the money in my bag. I'd been saving it for Kacen if something happened to me, and he was forced to run. I wanted him to have a better shot than I did."

"But, then she found it. She threatened to send me off if I didn't tell her where I got it from. So, I told her. I didn't expect her reaction. I expected anger, cursing, yelling...but, it was something else. She started crying. And, crying, and crying. Then, she just left my bedroom, and I just...assumed that everything would be alright."

He ran a shaky hand down his face. "I was so fucking wrong."

Kade shut his eyes, his jaw locked tight. "The next morning, I woke up, and went to the kitchen to make Kacen some breakfast. There were men there, all big and quiet. I didn't know what was going on until they reached for me. I tried to run, but it was too late. My mo—" He shook his head. "Susie. She wasn't even in the same room as us. She was too afraid to watch her son get drug away to a mental institution." His chuckle bounced through the trees. "Isn't that fucking crazy?"

His throat bobbed before he bit at the inside of his cheek. "I still remember Kacen's cries. His screams, and pleads with Susie for me. It fucking tore me into two that I couldn't stop it, that I couldn't do a thing."

"My dad was there, just watching and trying to hold Kacen back. For the first time in my life, I saw some type of emotion through him other than rage. It was too late for me to care, though."

His eyes ran over the grass, his fingers reaching for some of them, too. "When Susie visited, she refused to bring Kacen. I'd beg for her to just let me see him, but I could only see pictures. She claimed that she didn't want me to backtrack, or some bullshit, again. As if I were some type of addict."

His fingers tightened around the grass, his gaze growing deadly. "As if I were fucking crazy for wanting to see my baby brother. The only person that I cared about was separated from me. That is what made me crazy."

"She claimed that my dad was off of the alcohol, that he had changed when he saw me being taken away. I didn't believe it for one fucking second," he rolled his eyes. "I was still young, but I wasn't stupid. He'd been gone for far too long. I was given so many excuses, so many cover-ups and stories, but I never understood. All I saw was selfishness. From both parties."

"I was in the institution for three months, before I was cleared. My mom was convinced that I was her boy again since the hospital had given her pills to keep me under control, along with the therapy," he said. "I went home, and I finally saw Kacen. Out of everything in this shitty world, my boy's hug was the one remedy for me."

My lips pulled into a soft smile at that. I just wished that Kade had been able to get another.

"My dad, he was...attempting to get better, I guess," he told me. "I guess this was his way of making up for his fuckups, but there were only so many times you could claim beating your family as a 'little messy situation'."

"A couple of weeks later, I picked Kacen up from school, and he was crying. He told me that some kid was bullying him. I wasn't supposed to go back to school until Susie cleared it, but once I found out about the bullying, I begged her to let me go back. It took some time, but since my dad was on a business trip and couldn't convince her to say no, it worked."

"I went back, and things were...pretty normal, I guess. It wasn't long until I fucked up, again though," Kade sighed, massaging at his temples as he released a sigh. "I don't even remember how, or why I forgot the marks. They weren't fresh, but they were still there. We were doing an assignment in class, and I raised my sleeves. There were too many bruises to ignore."

I squeezed his hand for support as I watched him. I willed the contents of my stomach to stay in tact as I listened.

Kade sighed, his eyes falling to our hands. "Long story short, the

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