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"You always gain by giving love."— Reese Witherspoon

Chapter 44
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"Don't do anything that I wouldn't do, alright?" Jax told me.

I chuckled into the phone. "You know it."

Maggie hummed for a moment before saying, "Well...whatever pleases your innocent soul, babe."

At my shaky sigh, Jax spoke again.

"Hey, don't stress," he reassured me. "You've been alone with him before, right? So, what's different now?"

Everything, I wanted to say.

Instead, I chose, "You're right." Saying it aloud was for the both of us.

"Well, we're going to let you go," Maggie said. "I'm expecting a group call as soon as you're home."

"Agreed," Jax added. "Love you, babes."

I chuckled at this. "Bye, guys. I love you too." We said our last farewells, before I ran my hands down the black pants Raven had helped me find.

It was the only comforting thing I could manage, along with the pretty black blouse to match. I ended the fit with a pair of matching pumps, and a few jewelry pieces.

I had to suppress a yawn once again, continuing to rub at my eyes. Last night had really done a toll on me. Or, well...he had.

It was nearing noon, now. I hated to admit that I was slightly impatient with this, but I was, without a doubt. I'd only gotten a couple of hours of sleep, and I spent the entire morning nursing a headache and my panic. The day definitely hadn't been easy.

Celeste had saved my ass, once again. She told my dad that I was working an extra long shift today, so that I was able to go out with Kade. She truly was a savior.

I was able to pull some strings with her, though I promised to work extra hours tomorrow morning to cover for it. It was going to be an interesting Saturday, but I accepted it nonetheless.

There were only a couple of days left of my suspension, and I wasn't looking forward to it. At all.

I knew that Amber had a lot of friends, which meant a lot of defenders on her part, and probably even more lies to tell about me.

I wasn't worried though. Something light pinched at me chest, something relieving. I still had my friends, and for the first time, I wouldn't be alone in defending myself. I knew that Maggie would be the first to use violence if needed, even though she swore not to.

Yeah, right.

A knock sounded out at my foot. I looked up in time to catch Teresa in my doorway, a small smile on her face.

"Hey, you better hurry, and go before your dad gets home," she told me.

My stomach churned at the sound of the familiar engine outside of my window. "He's here, isn't he?"

Teresa's face transitioned into something entirely different. Her smile was knowing. "Mhm, he is, and I think there's something you want to see." She stepped out of the way to allow me passage through.

I rushed past her like a supernatural being. If logic was on my side, my feet would have slowed me down to save me from the panic.

I yanked the door open. The first thing my gaze went to was him. "Are you—" my words fell into a quiet corner as I looked to his hands.

They were full. And, I mean full.

I felt my heart squeeze tight in my chest as I saw how serious he was about this.

In one hand, was the same dish we had tried together at his home, wrapped in plastic wrap and the pack of candy on top. Gummy Nachos. It meant that he made them himself.

In his arms was a small fluffy plush, which held a box of expensive looking chocolates. I felt my heart stir at the significance of his gifts.

And, it was amazing.

I didn't notice until I stepped closer to him. In his free hand was a chocolate milkshake with Oreos, the one I would only eat at the diner. The same one he'd paid for when we first met.

My cheeks were stretched so far apart, I felt pain for a slight second. "I thought you said you weren't the type of guy to bring flowers." I took a step down so that we were leveled.

His frown only brought on more grins. "They're not flowers, they're nachos. With gummy bears," he corrected.

I chuckled as I took the milkshake from his hands. "How did you do all of this?" Instead of words, he granted me his silence. I smiled, grazing my hand against his jaw. "Tell me, please."

Finally, he cleared his throat, his eyes elsewhere. "I went, and asked your aunt for all of your favorite foods."

He nodded down at the container of nachos. "I spent all morning on the nachos until they tasted like the ones you made. So...I hope you like them."

"What?" my voice broke into a squeak. "Really?"

His cheeks went as red as a tomato as he nodded. I fought back another grin, my hands tightening around the cup. I didn't know what I thought he'd do, but it wasn't this.

My voice softened as I smiled at him. "Thank you, Kade." My hand fell from him before I flicked my head behind me. "I'll be right back,
okay?"

When he nodded, I turned and walked to Teresa, who had watched the entire situation in awe. I felt my blush rise but carried on nonetheless.

I didn't stop until I was in front of her. "I just wanted to thank you for what you did, and for what you're doing now." Without her and Celeste, there was no way I would've been able to get away with this.

She shook her head, a soft smile stretching across her lips. "Don't thank me, hun. I'm happy to help in anyway that I can. And, I know that I've made my mistakes, and for that I am sorry. But, I'm trying and I will continue to try to make up for that," she started, her eyes hopeful. "And, I know that I can never be your mother, nor do I deserve it for treating you the way I did, but...I hope you know that I look at you like you're my daughter."

I didn't sense any malice, or falsehood in her tone, and I found myself believing her more than not. I didn't trust her fully, but a part of me believed that one day, perhaps I could.

Despite that, I knew that she had a lot to do with this and a lot of things I'd been able to do lately. Even if I wanted to hide it, my gratitude towards her was strong.

I was too lost for words, had it be her confession or the boy behind me who was probably staring holes into the back of my head. Instead of speaking, I smiled at her once more, and nodded in appreciation.

I turned to Kade, who my guess had been right on. "Ready to go?"

He nodded his head, though I caught the way his eyes squinted at Teresa. I knew that he was still worried about where I stood with her, and I couldn't blame him. I was the same way, but perhaps things could shift between us over time.

"Teresa," he started, his eyebrow raised down at me. "You sure about her?"

I glanced back at her from over my shoulder. "Yeah...I think I am." I only hoped she wouldn't do anything to change that.

***

My eyes nearly rolled to the back of my head. "You did amazing," I complimented around the bite.

Kade shook his head at my words, his humor-filled eyes flickering to me. "You don't have to lie to me, sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, I'm always honest about food."

He chuckled at me. "Your aunt was really informative," he admitted. "All credit goes to her."

Giggling, I nodded. "Of course she was." I bit into the tater-tot casserole again, practically drooling at the taste. "So, you've been talking to Celeste, huh?"

His cheeks rung with a red tiny as he shrugged. "Maybe." He shrugged his shoulders, bypassing his body. "I just...didn't want to screw this up, you know?"

I placed the fork down, tilting my head at him. "You won't. Trust me, you've been amazing so far." I had to stop myself from pointing out how deep I'd fallen the moment I saw him and his effort.

Kade nodded, tugging on his bottom lip. Finally, he leaned back onto his elbows, his eyes running over me. "No hoodie today, huh?"

His chuckle made my cheeks pinch red. "You should be thankful for that."

"I'm thankful that you listened to me about your arms," he acknowledged. "And, I'm proud that you're showing those pretty scars of yours, sweetheart. That's my girl."

His voice dipped, as did his hand. It went straight to my wrists, tapping at the pale scars, a proud glint in his eyes.

It was strange, really. Ever since he'd spoken to me about the scars, I hadn't even acknowledge them as much as I used to, nor had I felt the need to add more. When I picked my outfit out, I didn't think about them, not once.

Even now, when I expected to be shameful at his acknowledgement of the scars, I wasn't. I was proud, comfortable, and confident in them. As he said, there was nothing that I could do about them being there. I could appreciate them for what they were, kiss them, and move on. That was what I planned to do.

I smiled in appreciation at him, and he returned it, his fingers still tracing the skin. I'd never let anyone touch them before, but when he did, I'd never felt so safe.

He tilted his head, his lips pursing as he turned his head away from me. I frowned as I watched the shit-eating grin take place.

"What is it?" I questioned.

He took a chip from the container next to us. "Nothing, really. I'm just excited as shit."

My eyebrow raised. "And, why is that?"

He bit back another grin before shrugging. "It's nothing," Before I could press, he switched the conversation. "I'm sorry I couldn't have gotten you earlier."

I rolled my eyes, and went along with it. "Another meeting with Chivo, I'm guessing?"

"Nah," he responded, smiling. "Not this time."

I had to will my heart from stopping at the pretty sight. I forced a frown as he averted his gaze from my own. "What is it?"

My suspicious green at his mischievous expression. As I continued to stare, his head dipped for a moment, before raising again.

"I think you're going to like it," he teased me. "Actually, I know you are."

I offered a stale smile. "If only you would tell me what it is."

"If only, huh?" he mumbled, his hand falling onto mine.

I looked at his hand, my breath caught in my throat. His touch was like a shield from reality, the sensation almost unbearable.

With my eyes stuck on our hands, I upturned mine, and squeezed his. I raised my eyes to him, to see that his eyes were already on mine.

Currently, we were in a park. Since most of the people were either at work, or at school, we were lucky enough to have the spot to ourselves. I didn't know how long we had been here, talking, eating, or just questioning each other. Either way, I would rather be here than anywhere else.

I broke our connection. "Why aren't you in school?" I questioned him, tossing back a tater tot.

Kade plucked the grass underneath him, his teeth tugging at his bottom lip. "I had no reason to go."

"Won't they call your mom?"

"Probably, but it's whatever." He chuckled at this. "She's too busy with her new boyfriend."

My head tilted at this. "You don't like Louise?"

I didn't really know him since I had only met him once. But, I knew that it was hard to get on Kade's good side, so he'd definitely have a fun time trying.

He snorted. "He's a bullshitter. Way too perfect. And, Susie's falling for it all over again." His head fell, and his voice did too. "She never was good at picking men."

I squeezed his hand tighter without even thinking about it. "I'm sorry."

I didn't quite know what to say. I knew enough about his father's history with their family, but not enough to put my two cents in.

Just as he realized the trance he must have been in, he shook the controlling thoughts away. I frowned at it, as I knew of the consequences that would continue to build if he never talked about it.

I squeezed his hand again. "You know...your casserole stands pretty close to mine," I teased to lighten up the situation.

This seemed to reflect on his attitude. His chuckle was music to my ears.

"Really now?" he responded, the amusement growing in his eyes. "I thought it was perfect."

I grabbed another chip, from the container and bit into it. "Jax's a great cooker, and even he can never cook a casserole that comes close to mine."

Kade pressed his lips together, his eyebrows raised. His gaze fell back down to his jeans.

I swept my thumb across his. "What?"

"You sure that Jax doesn't want to fuck you?" he questioned me.

Sometimes, I forgot how blunt Kade was. I don't think there was any getting used to that.

My mouth raised at that. Jax was a friend, and only a friend.

My eyes fell to the container with a chuckle. "Trust me, there's really no reason to worry," I dipped the chip in cheese. "He's just a friend, and besides...there's nothing to want."

Kade looked at me, his eyes widening as I spoke.

I shared a confused look with him. "What?"

"You serious?"

I nodded. "Mhm. Jax doesn't want to be with me. He's more into men—"

He waved my words off. "No, I mean you really think there's nothing to want?"

Oh. "Yeah, I mean I'm just me, and I don't really see anything to—"

My words were cut off as I felt the pressure against my lips. My eyes widened once I realized that Kade had kissed me.

My cheeks were as red as tomatoes at the physical touch. I didn't even have enough time to return the kiss before he was pulling back.

"Kimberly," I heard him whisper against my lips. "I never wanna hear you say that shit again, sweetheart."

My lips parted for a response, but only a lazy sigh fell out. My heart, along with my words, were cut right off of their strings.

"You're the most beautiful girl in the world, sweetheart," he mumbled against the corner of my lips. "You're so fucking beautiful. Inside and out."

I almost believed it for a minute, before I felt the past insults flood through the gates. It was frustrating that I couldn't even accept the compliment wholeheartedly.

It was hard to accept compliments when you'd been told the opposite so many times. I wished that I could put my brain on pause for a second, and allow my heart to make all of the decisions, but that wasn't how it worked.

Most people were only on the outside, constantly questioning why others were unable to ignore the harsh words. Why they didn't stand up for themselves, or fight back.

But, it was more than that. It was far more than that. It was much more for someone who had been silenced for so long to be asked to finally speak up, to fight against the very things that they'd been bred to believe. Most people didn't understand that others didn't have the same beginning as them, the same path, the same upbringing or confident, strengthened personality.

Every single person in this world was built off of a foundation, whether it be solid and strong, or rocky and hard. Mine was crumbled from the start.

From the very beginning, it had been. My mother, the woman who was supposed to be my firsts everything had been the first one to crumble my self-esteem before it even had a chance to flourish. My mother taught me to hate, to shield and hide everything I was supposed to love about myself, so that I would never be able to realize that they were still there, regardless. Let alone trust someone else to see it, too.

I guessed that somewhere in the midst, I'd accepted that if the woman that created me said it, and if she believed it to be true, then how was it not?

Kade caught my detached expression, his eyes locking on mine. "Look at me," he demanded, his voice loud and clear.

I did, just as I felt his hand tighten around mine. He lifted my hand to his chest. I was met with the feel of his heartbeat slamming right against my palm.

"You feel that?" he asked me, stroking his thumb over the back of my hand. "My heart is pumping so hard in my chest, all because of you."

I bit my lip as I felt the frantic beat of his heart against my hand. My own was matching it perfectly. "Kade..." I couldn't find the correct words.

His eyes softened as his fingers grazed my loose strands of hair. "I could stare at you forever, and still feel my heart beat out of my fucking chest every time I look at you," he added, only melting my heart even further. "And, those pretty, pretty eyes of yours, sweetheart. They trip me up every single time I see them. Your beautiful self, in general, just makes every other thing and every other person around you look like nothing at all to me. All I see is you, every single time."

Something blossomed inside of me at his words. They were so tender, so soft, and full of compassion.

At first, I considered that this was fake. But, there was no way that I was. When I watched his eyes slowly shift from my lips, all doubt left. His expression transitioned into something warm, and my own did the same.

Kade's smile was outlined by his pearly white teeth. "Whenever I'm with you...it feels like I'm an excited child who just got ice cream, or some shit."

I tried to keep my face neutral at his words. My heart was in my throat at this point, and I was willing to run out of oxygen in this very moment just to hear all of this again.

Kade eyes fell as he cursed under his breath. "Shit, I'm fucking this up, I'm sorry."

A strained chuckle fell from me. He was doing everything but that. "No, Kade—"

He shook his head with a sigh. "That was stupid. You don't mention ice cream, child, and shit in the same sentence."

I chuckled at him, blinking past the tears. "You're not fucking anything up, Kade," I managed to force out.

He noticed this, his look of concern touching the edges of my heart. "Did I make you cry?"

"No, no." My shoulders fell in a slump. "It's because of what you said...it was sweet. Really, really sweet." His words were still dancing around in my head, struggling but succeeding to pass the others.

My lips built into a smile for a distraction of how heavy his impact was. "Thank you for coming last night."

He waved it off. "It was nothing, sweetheart." His gaze went elsewhere, his lips pressing into a thin line. It looked as if he wanted to add something to his statement.

"What is it?" I pressed.

His attention returned to my figure. He watched over me for a second before shrugging. "Raven."

My eyebrow raised. "What about her?"

"I like her as a person, and shit like that. She's cool," he leaned back onto his palms. "But, I don't like all the pressuring, guilt-tripping shit she does to you."

I frowned, shifting closer. "She doesn't—"

"Those parties," he flicked his head at me. "You think I don't know that she probably kept on pressuring you? The drinking? Coming with her to the hotel? I know how you are when it comes to all of that, especially drinking. You shouldn't have had to do any of it just because she wanted you to."

My head shook. "I did all of that on my own."

"You did, but with her constantly chewing your ass out when you said you didn't want to," he acknowledged. "Let me tell you something, sweetheart."

He shifted forward, grasping my hands. I watched him warily, awaiting.

"I don't give two shits if it's me, Raven, Maggie, Jax, or any fucking body," he started, nodding at me. "If you're