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"But part of surviving is being able to move on."– Alexandra Bracken

Chapter 72
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"Take care of yourself, sweet girl," Grandma Jacky whispered into my ear as she hugged me. "And try to look after that imbecile of mine, too." She nodded toward her grandson, who was standing right beside us.

Kade took a step down, offering his hand out for me to take. I placed mine in his as he said, "You know I heard that, right?"

Her eyes squinted at him as she waved his words off. "Mhm...did I give the impression that I actually give a damn?" With her hands on her hips, she balanced a grin at him. "Silly me."

I laughed, picking my suitcase handles up. Kade took it right out of my hand as well as his own.

"Bye!" I waved, grinning at his grandmother, who did the same in return.

I would miss this place more than I liked to admit. It held no type of resemble to the life I had back in Washington or Illinois. If I could, I would stay here forever.

Even though the last two days were spent with so many games, baking, cursing, laughing and Kade, I still knew. I knew the end was coming. I would be right back where I started.

I sighed, watching over Kade as he put our suitcases in. It was nearing seven o'clock, and our plane leaves at nine. I barely got any sleep last night due to the fact that it would be over.

I didn't even realize he'd finished until I heard, "Kimberly?"

"Hey." His arm tugged me closer until we were chest to chest. Either one wrapped around my waist. "Talk to me, baby."

I drew out a sigh. "I really don't want to go back," I chuckled to try to lessen the overdramatics. I knew that we couldn't stay here forever, but the idea sounded too pleasing.

My mom was in that town. Probably still waiting until she could come and fuck everything up. As if she hadn't already done that a million times over.

Kade frowned, his eyes scanning over mine. He could read my mind, I was sure of it. Finally, he said, "We could run away."

The idea did make me smile, I give him that. "Where are you thinking?"

He leaned back into the car, pulling me until I was settled in between his legs. Either hand squeezed down on my waist. "New York first then Vegas. Europe. We can go to Hawaii. If you like it, we can vacation there after going, and staying in Ireland."

I laughed. "You've really been thinking about that, haven't you?"

His lips lifted at my laugh, soon shifting to a grin. "I have," he said around a chuckle. "I always do. I'm going to take you everywhere you wanna go."

I smiled back at him, leaning into his chest. If only. "Well...all of that sounds perfect."

"Just like you, sweetheart," he murmured against me, kissing the side of my head.

I felt his arms raise to wrap me in a hug. I fell into it willingly, breathing in his scent for relief.

Finally, he released me. "Come on, sweetheart. I don't want you to freeze." With a nod, I followed him to my side of the car.

The entire ride to the airport filled me with cool dread. I wanted it to be because of the flying, but it wasn't. Not this time. It was her.

Even though I tried to push the tight to the back of my head, she was still there. Looking. Waiting. Haunting me. After so many years, what could she want?

I knew I would have to confront her soon. That was the only way this would end. I wasn't sure if she wanted to torment me even more, or beg for my return. Either way, I still stood on what I said to Celeste. I didn't want to see her unless she was in her grave, but... I might have to make an exception this once.

"It's quiet so that you can think a little better," Kade reassured once we boarded the plane, taking a seat next to me. "Now talk to me, sweetheart. I'm right here." His warm hands took mine.

I glanced around even though we were the only two here. Finally, I settled on him.

"I'm going to have to talk to her," I decided. "That's going to be the only way she'll leave me alone. I'm going to tell her how she deserves to die. How she's a piece of shit. How she deserves to rot in jail for the rest of her life. I'm going to tell her that I'm doing fantastic without her, and to leave me the hell alone. Then, I'll report her for breaching the restraining order." My words were rushed and barely words at all. By the time I finished, my chest was heaving.

Kade examined me carefully. The concern his eyes rolled quite well with the caution. "Kimberly—"

I shook my head. "You're not going to talk me out of it, Kade."

I knew he would try. I knew everyone else would try, too. They would think it was dangerous and stupid, but my mind was my own. Those memories were my own. I needed to rid myself of the girl that my mother thought she ruined. She may have killed that little girl all those years ago, but this one, she wouldn't touch. Ever.

He shook his head, turning our hands over. "I wasn't going to talk you out of it, sweetheart. I was going to ask when you wanted to do this."

I shook my head, again. "You're not coming," I argued, even though the thought of having him there did bring a sense of protection. But, I needed to do this for myself.

Just hearing that my mother was in the same town screwed with me. I didn't want her to think she had any power over me, ever again. I couldn't allow it. If I wanted to be rid of her, I had to do this by myself.

Kades' eyes widened as he shook his head. He turned to face me fully. "No. Fuck no, you're not going in there alone with a woman who's on god knows what."

"She won't touch me, again."

He shook his head again, even harder this time as the doubt clouded him. "At least let me stay outside. Or, in the car. Something, anything to let me know that you're okay."

I thought over it. If it would reassure him that I would be okay, then fine. As long as her and I were in the same room, alone, then anything was fine at that point.

I nodded. "Fine."

His chest bounced back with relief before he found my eyes, again. "What's the plan?"

That part I hadn't thought about yet. I didn't know how to lure her to me, and I had no way of knowing her whereabouts. But, if she found me before, then she could find me again.

I raised my gaze to him. "I don't have one," I admitted. "But, I know that she's coming to me. It shouldn't be long now since she already found out where I work."

Kade leaned back into his seat, running a hand down his face. "I don't like this shit. I don't like that she knows where you are. I don't like that the woman who hurt you, is around you."

Finally, he released a breath under a curse, shaking his head. His attention jerked under to mine. "But, you're your own person. So if you want to, you know I support you. I'm proud of you for doing it, sweetheart." He leaned in closer, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Just please don't leave me in the dark here. I don't want you with her alone. You have no idea what she could be capable of."

Yes. I wanted to say. I do.

***

By the time we landed, I was nearly just a corpse. My eyes struggled to stay open, but every time Kade hit a bump, it startled me awake.

Since I told my dad our plane landed tomorrow afternoon, I planned to stay at Kade's tonight. Since the next few days of his schedule would be full of training, I wanted every moment I could get.

I glanced at the time in his car. It read 3:00.

Since I usually fell asleep in his car on rides home from the cages, he always kept extra blankets in here for me. Right now, I was barely holding onto my consciousness with it on me.

Finally, I grew the strength to lower it. I didn't remember even grabbing it so I guessed he stopped somewhere when he saw me asleep, grabbed it, and put it on me.

My eyes moved up to Kade, who was in deep thought himself. I smiled up at him. "Just so you know...if you wake me up out of my sleep when we get to your house, I'm leaving."

He snapped out of his trance, covering it with a smirk. "Don't be silly. I'd never."

"Right." I bit back a smile. "What were you thinking about?"

His smile fell, immediately. He blinked at the dark road ahead, a look of neutrality passing by. "I don't know. It was just a passing thought."

I nodded, settling against the window, again. It wasn't a comfortable position, but anything could get me to sleep right now.

"My dad," I heard him say.

My eyes snapped open, immediately. Looking to him, I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't.

"What about your dad?" I asked.

He never brought him up. If he did, we were in deep conversation. Right now was casual, but I could tell that the 'passing thought' was definitely more.

He nibbled on his bottom lip before he spoke, "I was thinking...I was thinking of visiting him."

I sat up so hard, I banged my head against the window. An ache settled into place, but I couldn't think of that right now. Not after what he just admitted.

His eyes were stuck on the road as his jaw worked back and forth. "I just...nevermind." He shook his head. "Nevermind. It's stupid."

I shook my head though he couldn't see me. "No, no it's not. Not at all." I knew that he never opened any of his letters, nor had he spoken to him ever since that day. "Why do you want to?"

"I'm not completely sure if I want to," he started as he took a turn. We were close to his house. "But, hearing you say what you did about your mother did something to me. You're trying to let her go. You're trying to move on to be better. You're being strong."

I didn't really consider it as me being strong. More like me just wanting to let her feel a fraction of what I did, and leaving her behind to try and cope, but I wanted to know more, nonetheless.

"If you're not comfortable..." I paused to grip his arm. My fingers squeezed at his muscle as I stared at the side of his face. "You don't have to put yourself in that position if you don't want to."

Kade paused to consider my words. The car slowed as he pulled us into his driveway.

His body shifted until it was facing me. The car was still running, so the heat was blasting our skin without any merit.

I watched him closely before I did the same, matching him with my back against the door. This was how we usually did our talks, in a comfortable, quiet space. I just never expected this type of conversation anytime soon.

He crossed his arms, letting his eyes fall to the cup holders. "I feel..." he paused to gather his words. "I feel as if we deserve the best of one another, the best we can offer. I've been steadily going to therapy, not using anger or my emotions to control my reactions, trusting, communicating, taking steps day by day. I've been doing it all for me, so that I could give it all back to you even harder. So that I could give you the best version of me I could. But, I can't do that if he's still holding onto me, even from his jail cell. Because you absolutely deserve the best of me. I can't give that to you if I'm still holding onto him. I can't let him take you from me, too. I can't. I have to let him go, for you, but for me too. I'm not sure if I can genuinely forgive the fucker, but I can try and be better. For my brother's memory. For me. For you. I can be better for us." By the end of his words, I could see him overturning the speech in his head for any mistakes.

But I saw none. I understood every single word. His father was the root of it all, as was my mother. If we wanted to reach our full potentials with one another, we had to leave them behind. Trauma never disappeared. it couldn't be controlled, nor could it be treated as such, but the way that we handled it could.

I scooted a bit off of my seat to gather his face in my hands. "I support you. Do you want me to come along?" Since his father was in a cell, it would be impossible for them to physically reach one another. Luckily for his dad. Even though Kade could probably handle him physically, I wanted him to know that I was there emotionally, if he needed it. He wasn't alone.

Kade drew in a shaky breath through his nostrils, shaking his head. "No, I don't want you to see me that way. I want to talk to him myself. I don't want him to ever, ever lay eyes on anyone else I love, again."

I smiled softly, nodding. My fingers stroked the hard lining of his jaw as I said, "You're going to do fine, I know it." He wanted to do this for his own clarity, as did I. We both understood it.

Kade nodded despite the doubt swimming along his eyes. I wanted to take every single ounce away and replace it with every piece of reassurance I could.

I kissed him, instead. His body relaxed as he returned it with much more. I could feel everything in it, everything he was trying to say. And, I took it.

Finally, I pulled away. I let my hands remain along his face. "Do you know which facility he's in?"

He nodded, carefully tucking strands behind my ear. "I do. He's a couple of hours away. I'm not sure when I'll go, but I know I'm going before graduation, before we leave."

I smiled as he tilted his head into my embrace, shutting his eyes. "Take your time, do it when you feel it's right." I wasn't even sure when I planned to confront my mother, since she was one step ahead when it came to this. At least for right now.

His chuckle was music to my ears. "I won't leave you waiting, sweetheart." His hand reached behind me. When he turned the ignition off, I dreaded stepping into the cold air.

"You'd miss me too much," I teased, but he was already stepping out of the car.

I rolled my eyes with a smile at him. In a matter of seconds, he was to my side of the car and pulling the door open for me. With a hand, he helped me out.

Before I could go too far, he was tugging me back in. Laughter spilled from me as his fingers tapped and squeezed around my waist. He knew I hated that in the best way possible.

His grin shone at me, even through the dark. "Impossible."

We rushed inside of his house after retrieving the suitcases from the trunk. I knew Kade wanted to use his gift as soon as possible, as he had every single night at the cabin. It was an adorable sight. When he thought I was asleep, I would watch him. His smile lit up every time he looked over the picture of his brother, or me.

Chilly hands closed in around my neck, causing me to jump with surprise before I realized. I jerked around to shove him with a glare. He chuckled as he watched me tread up the stairs.

Sleep, here I come.

"First, you hit me with a snow ball and give me a pre-heart attack and then you do that," I pretended to scorn him as I crossed the hallway to his bedroom.

From here, I could see that his door was already open, which was strange. He never left it open.

I heard him step behind me with a laugh. "Shit, I thought you loved my hands on you, sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the flush of my skin. I could blame it on the weather. "Don't bother me while I sleep. Remember what I said."

I stepped in his bedroom, fully intending to collapse on the bed, but what I saw stopped me in my tracks.

I heard Kade steps closing in behind me. "Just for that, I will." I was frozen, causing him to bump into my back. "Move your pretty ass before I—" He paused as he stepped into his bedroom.

Susie looked up from her spot on his bed, dropping a letter. Her eyes were wide. My own jumped to the piece of paper. They were addressed from Kade's father.