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"Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought." — Percy Bysshe Shelley.

Chapter 35
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My legs wobbled until I dropped to his body. "Dad?!"

My shaky hands fumbled across his chest until they finally reached his neck. I searched for a pulse. There was a pulse but it was weak. But, this did nothing to calm my frantic actions to wake him.

Okay, my frantic mind yelled. I need to get my brother. "Ryland!" I shouted, without a response.

Damn it! The moment that he needed to be home, he wasn't.

I shook him, to no avail. I thought that maybe he would just wake up. I thought that this would be a silly prank, the ones he used to do when he visited me as a child, but when he didn't move, not even an inch...I knew that this was my reality.

My head pounded as I thought of what to do. I needed to call someone, I needed to call the ambulance. Yes, I needed to do that.

Finally, my sweaty hands managed to pull out my phone. My fingers fumbled to dial emergency services, though when I saw the dial pad, I knew that I'd have to fix myself enough to get help.

"911, what's your emergency?" the woman on the other line asked.

I shook heavily as I continued to eye my unconscious father. He looked as if he were in a very peaceful slumber, completely oblivious to the outside world.

Fuck.

"Hello?" the operator tried to seek my attention.

Finally, I gathered the courage to speak. "My dad—" I swept at my burning eyes. "Yes, my dad he's unconscious. I found him, and he won't wake up."

I heard talking through the other line before the operator spoke directly to me. "Alright, how long has he been in this state. Ma'am?"

"I-I don't know," I whispered into the phone as I feared the worst. "I just got home."

What if I was too late?

"Ma'am, I need you to check his pulse," she said. "Can you do that for me?"

I did again, but it was the same as before. I shut my eyes tightly, breathing in shakily. "It's there but faint." I was shaking.

"Alright, can you check if he's breathing, sweetheart?"

I did. "He's breathing."

I heard the voices increase in the background before she asked, "Okay, and what is yours' and your father's name?"

"K-Kimberly Wrighton, and Jackson Wrighton."

"Alright, Kimberly, I need you to give me your address, sweetheart," she said, her voice soft but urgent.

My eyes averted to my father. I couldn't answer. My mind was elsewhere, and far away from reality. The last thing I told him was that I hated him.

"Miss, you need to calm down. We have to help each other, and we can't help you if you can't answer my questions, sweetheart."

I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "Okay." I needed to calm down in order to help my father, and tears wouldn't help.

"Now, just give me your address and have your door open and have any blockage out of the way, so that we can get him into the vehicle as quickly as possible," the woman on the other line was calm, her voice as soft as possible.

I gave her my address, and she reassured me that the ambulance would reach us soon. I swiped at my eyes as I went to open my front door and cleared the space for easy entry. Immediately after, I walked back to check out my father's being, even though I knew he didn't get better in a matter of seconds.

"Please hurry," I whispered into the phone.

"The paramedics will be there in a few minutes ma'am, just stay calm and stay where you are," the operator reassured. "You and your father are going to be fine, sweetheart."

I nodded as my the panic swept through my chest. I couldn't even think of leaving my father alone.

The operator directed me to another line once she received another emergency call. My fingers skimmed over my contacts, clicking blindly. I needed to call my brother; he would know what to do.

I clicked without thinking. I pressed the phone to my ear, sweeping a shaky hand through my hair as it rung. It only took two rings before he picked up.

"H-hello?" my voice resembled one of a mouse. "Ryland, I need you to come home. Dad, he...he," my voice cracked until the tears spilled down my cheeks. "He's hurt, Ryland. Really bad."

"I called 911, but just..." my words were shaky, barely even words at all. My tears hung at the brim as I continued to eye my father. "Please help me."

My fathers' leg twitched but that was it. It was so small, and so subtle, it was easy to miss it. But, I hadn't. The phone slipped out of my hand before I even waited for a response, landing with another crack as I crept closer to my father.

I didn't bother to dwell on the talk from Rylands' line. Instead, I stared holes into my dad as I wished, begged that he would get up. I didn't know what was wrong, or what had caused this. It made me feel helpless, that I was unable to fix him.

The last thing he heard from me was that I hated him. God, I told my own father that I hated him. How selfish was I?

I cried even harder as the devil toyed with my mind. I thought of my father to be dead, and all of the different outcomes if he didn't get up, again. Fuck. I couldn't handle it.

Several moments pass, ones I used to glance through the opening of the door. Just as I checked for the umpteenth time, my chest fell at the sight of lights. But, they weren't ambulance lights. I glanced down at my dad worriedly before I stood. I saw headlights peek through the front of my door. They remained on, bright and undying until I heard a door slam shut. Rylands' car didn't sound like that, nor did it have lights that bright.

Not even a second later, someone ran through the door, eyes wide with caution. Kade. His attention fell on me immediately.

I stumbled to catch up. I blinked multiple times to confirm the sight in front of me, but as I saw his lips fall, I knew it was real. He was here.

"Wh-what are you..." I shook my head in shock.

Kade motioned toward my fallen phone. "You meant to call your brother, but..." his voice fell as he saw my dad.

Kade stepped forward, pulling me into him. I expected my body to reject the touch, but that wasn't the case. My tears clung to his hoodie, just as my hands did. Sobs and cries wracked my body so terribly, I thought it'd drown me. But, Kade kept me above the surface, holding me so tightly, it felt as if we were molding into one another.

Finally, I managed to clear my throat enough to speak. "Wh-what if he's dead?" I asked, my words muffled against his hard chest. "I told him I hated him, I—"

Kade frowned, wrapping my face with either hand. "Hey," he shook his head. "We're not even gonna go there, alright? He's one of the strongest man I've ever known. He'll pull through." His fingers tilted my face up, stroking the edges of my jaw until I pulled my eyes to him. "He's going to be fine, I promise." Without awaiting my answer, he grasped the back of my head, gently tucking me into his chest again. He let it stay there, stroking my hair as I cried.

Finally, the paramedics' lights illuminated the living room, quickly filling the driveway. Kade and I stayed out of their way, though they made sure to ask me some questions about my dad. I answered with reluctantly, afraid they would only pronounce him dead in the end. Kade's hand stayed on my back, rubbing it in a soothing matter.

"Alright, time to head out!" One of the man yelled to the front of the ambulance. He offered a hand to me, and I took it, thanking him as he hauled me into the large vehicle.

Kade nodded at me reassuringly. "I'll meet you at the hospital."

I looked at him in a worried manner, despite the roar in my head telling me not to care.

He noticed the pleading look, reaching for my hand, and squeezing it in his. "I'll be right behind you. You're going to be just fine, I know you are."

At his reassurance, I nodded with a slow bounce of the head. The paramedics talked among each other as the ambulance drove down the road. The journey felt like a long one, despite the hospital being minutes away from our house.

I kept my eyes on my dad. I didn't know what to think of it. I didn't know if I would ever speak to him again, or hear him scold me and my brother for arguing. If he would burn another bowl or watch another unfunny sitcom. If he would tell the same jokes, or give the same hugs. I didn't know what Ryland and I would do with our lives, due to the fact that this man gave it to us. He had given mine back, actually.

I raised his hand to my face, placing a kiss against his cool forehead. "I love you, dad." I laid down under his chin, closing my eyes as I heard the pounding of a faint heartbeat.

I remembered, as a little girl when it was his weekend for custody, that he would always lay me down with him if I had woken up with nightmares from my mom, which would send me into a panic attack. He would sit with me, using the plastic stethoscope he'd given me to show me that I was okay. That my heart was only too big and that was why it was beating so fast, that was all. He said the cure was a bowl of ice cream, and reruns of whatever cartoon was on that night. The memory was treasured.

I wanted to laugh at my own stupidity and ignorance. I didn't see my dad a lot, due to him always working. Always providing. But, when I did see him, he always made sure to show his apologies for leaving me with my mother for so long. Even if he didn't voice it, I could see it in his expression. He always made sure to put me first, to make me happy. Why couldn't I have done that for him? This once, why couldn't I just beat my demons and face that Ryland's mother would be in our lives from now on?

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, even though I figured he couldn't hear me.

By the time we pulled into the hospital, my tears were dried on my cheeks. I watched as they carefully got my father out of the vehicle, my life force draining by every passing second.

As Kade said, he was right behind me the entire time. He kept his distance, though he did make sure to stay in close proximity of me. His usual hard voice was soft as he continued to soothe me.

He sat me down in the waiting room, the white walls spinning in my eyesight. He said something, I couldn't even comprehend it though. By the time he was back in front of me, I had to blink several times before his touch brought me back down into reality.

He was squaring in front of me, either hand stroking my knees. "I talked to the doctors, they're just running tests right now," he reassured me. "They got his heartbeat to a steady pace, though." He raised himself up, eyes never falling from mine as he took a seat next to me.

His hands ran up my arms, his touch warming me through my clothing. I continued to stare at the checkered floor, eyes lazily scanning the floor for an answer. An answer that would clarify that he would be alright.

I raised my eyes to Kade; his entire stature seemed on edge. Starting from the constant looks around the hospital, and ending at the rapid bounce of his leg. At my stare, he caught himself. "I hate hospitals," he responded in a small voice.

I nodded, and didn't push. It probably had something to do with his sibling or mother.

Kade and I sat in silence. He continued to watch me with a look of concern, until he eventually broke the silence. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

I shook my head.

His brown eyes fell to the ground, before raising back to me. "I'm sorry I'm not the best in these—"

"You're here," I cut him off in a small voice.

Him being here was all that mattered. I hadn't meant to call him, nor would I have chosen to do it...but that was how the night turned out so there was nothing else I could do.

"I picked up your phone," he said, placing it in my open palm. "I texted your brother to let him know." I nodded as a thank you, clenching the phone in my hand.

With no words left to say, his arms trained around me. I focused on the rhythm of his heart beat, the sound bringing comfort to me. His chin was on top of my head, his arms only tightening by the second.

I drifted off despite the storm stirring inside of me. My stomach felt far too queasy, and so did my heart. I didn't know which one hurt worse, but right now, my headache was in first for the race.

***

"Kimberly!"

I awoke from my nightmare with a start. I looked around with a wide-eyed expression; I was in the hospital.

Ryland reached forward to smooth my hair down. "It was just a nightmare," he reassured me.

I nodded, even though it felt so real. I could feel the pain, I could feel every single thing humanly possible even if it was fake.

I searched my surroundings in disappointment. Kade was no longer here. There was no sign of him other than what I recalled in my head. But, I needed to push the thought back down; he didn't owe me a thing.

I looked at Ryland, who looked just as distraught. His hair was disheveled, and his eyes were red-rimmed. ""I'm so sorry."

"Kimberly." Ryland knelt to my level, his expression serious. "This is not your fault. I should have been there, I'm sorry. I was at the library, studying for midterms."

I nodded then swept a hand across my sensitive face. "I-I told him that I hated him," I confessed under my breath.

The skin under my eyes was raw with pain. Despite this, the tears continued on.

Ryland's expression softened. "Come here," he mumbled before pulling me to him.

His hug was intended to be warm, but it did nothing to cool the sharp shards of ice buried inside of my heart. Either way, I sunk into the comfort willingly. "We're going to be alright. He's going to wake up soon, I promise you." I didn't know if he believed his own words, because I had trouble doing it myself.

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes once again at the thought of death. At every intake of breath, I shut my eyes as the pain only grew tighter inside of my heart.

Ryland's head raised as a tall, brown haired doctor walked into the waiting room. The doctor raised his attention from the clipboard he was holding once he saw Ryland and I.

His eyes jumped between the both of us. "I'm assuming you two are Mr. Jackson's children?"

We both nodded. Ryland pressed a kiss to the side of my head before standing to his feet. Honestly, I envied my brother for his calm state. If I stood, my knees would have given out.

"And, who is the eldest?" the doctor asked.

I looked to Ryland, who claimed the response.

Ryland crossed his arms. "I am, do we need to step outside?" he approached the doctor.

The doctors' lips tucked under a thin line. "Yes, that would be best."

I wanted to scream in frustration. I hated the sugarcoating they both were obviously using. I didn't want to be spoken to like I didn't understand what was going on. I was seventeen, not seven. I kept my composure up as they both left the room.

I didn't know what to think, but by the stern expression on the doctors' face, I knew that it wasn't good.