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"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." – Zora Neale Hurston

Chapter 32|Part 1
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"What is this?" I spurted out.

My hands grazed the diary, picking it up. I couldn't believe it, even though it was right in front of me. I held the physical book in my hands.

It was here.

"You know what it is," he said from his side of the car.

I still held the journal unsurely, running my hand over it. "But, why?" I wanted to know why all of the sudden he gave it back; I needed to understand his sudden change of heart.

His hands tightened across the wheel, stone faced as he stared ahead. "Because now, you won't have to deal with me anymore." His words were overturned with no emotions, though I did detect something.

Sadness.

Waves of regret fell over me. "Kade, I—"

"Don't. You don't have to say anything or pretend any longer," he muttered, his tight grip never dying. "You have your diary back, now let's just forget about everything."

Forget about everything.

Did I truly want to? Did I truly want to forget every single thing Kade and I had endured with each other? Everything that he was making me feel.

I couldn't figure it out. All I knew was that my heartbeat only increased by the moment with Kade. I knew in anothers' eyes, I looked like a crazy person, falling for the man who stole from me.

But, in my eyes, I wanted to be go for it. I wanted to see if my feelings were true to their nature, or just temporary.

And, I wanted Kade.

We were silent, our breaths being the only audible noise in the space. I continued to tug at my shirt as I thought of what to say. I didn't even know if there was anything left to say.

It was silent outside, peaceful and quiet. While there was only a storm inside of me, one so loud and wrecking, it stirred me up from the inside.

Kade remained completely still, only his jaw to me. My regret became heavy as I saw the lack of emotion in his expression.

I averted my gaze ahead. "Thank you for helping me," I said to him, my voice shaky.

"Don't," he shot back.

My head turned his way. "What?"

"Don't start with your bullshit," he mumbled, turning his head to the window.

I breathed shakily, grasping my clammy hands in one another. "I'm not doing anything."

"Yes the fuck you are," he hissed, his hand slamming onto the wheel.

I jerked back from the emotion in his tone. "Stop it," I demanded, attempting a firm tone.

"I can do whatever the hell I want to," he retorted.

I huffed, leaning into my seat. "Stop using everything with violence and anger," I responded. "You'll get nowhere with it."

Kade shoved a hand through his hair as he chuckled. "It's hard when your first goddamned memory was violence." He froze after he realized what he said.

He blew out a breath. "People like you, they don't care about anyone but themselves. So just stop pretending, just stop." His voice fell into a whisper at the end before he hinged his jaw shut.

I stared at him, my eyes never leaving his face. "Kade."

He ran a hand over his face, before he stopped himself with a curse. I sighed, knowing that this would be far more difficult than I thought. He was difficult.

I undid my seatbelt. "Kade," I whispered, shifting closer to him.

His head shook, refusing to look me in the eye. "Get out of my car, Kimberly." His words were full of different types of warnings, ones that I never took. "I can't do this, okay? I can't." His hand stopped at his forehead, rubbing into a circular motion until the skin grew red as he sighed. "You need to leave before I do something I can't take back, Kimberly."

I grabbed at his hand, pulling it away from his face. "Just stop." He heard my pleas, and slowly glanced at me, glare never dying. For some reason, I didn't drop his hand.

At his dark stare, I didn't fail to catch his anger. It seemed the only emotion his body seemed to express was the pit of his rage.

Kade's lips twisted into a scowl as he glared at our hands. "What the fuck do you want? For me to make a fucking fool of myself again? Or what, do you want me to get on my knees and beg you to love me and my fucked—"

I remembered Jaxs' words. How he told me to live in the moment, to do what I wanted, and have no regrets. In this moment, I wanted to do just that.

Fuck it.

I lurched toward him, pulling his face toward mine. Without the depth of our demons, my lips fell on his.

It was quick, more of a peck than anything. I'd never kissed anyone, nor had I ever jumped at the chance.

I pulled away, the reality sitting in. "I-I'm sorry—

He swallowed my gasp of surprise. With his hand at the back of my neck, he pulled me back. His lips were soft, like cocoa butter, mine corresponding against his.

The kiss was like fire, igniting the dark pit inside of me. I knew that this was wrong, but I didn't care. I only allowed myself to enjoy this for right now, to forget about the wreckage.

His mouth tasted like mint, yet those lips of his were the closest thing to sugar I had ever tasted. His hands rubbed my back, squeezing as he reached the middle of it. I moved closer to him, and he presumed this as a invitation. One hand latched onto my face, delivering waves of warmth over my cold body. I moaned as my tongue slipped past his lips, causing a growl so deep from him, it bounced all the way to my toes.

Using my lust as a brain, I slipped across the seat and onto his lap. His hands slipped under my thighs, pulling me closer as our kiss continued. His arms wrapped around me carefully, as if he could break me. I felt safe in his embrace, like I was protected from the dangers of the world as soon as I found a way into his arms.

As his lips continued to graze against mine, I felt every single thing fly out the window. The only thing I felt in the moment, were his lips. I ran a hand through his hair, breathing in the deep timbre of Kade's moan.

By the time we pulled away, we were both breathless. My chest fell against his. Our breaths nearly resembled pants.

"This real?" he whispered, his breath fanning against my lips.

I nodded, gulping down my desire. "I-I think so."

My hands grazed against the hard outline of his jaw, causing him to lean against my touch.

"Holy shit," he muttered against my lips, his finger tracing the outline. "We just kissed."

"We did," I mumbled in response. "Just don't think."

His expression grew slack as he turned his head down, clenching a jaw. Without another thought, I placed a hand to his chin, turning it back to me.

"Let me see you," I said softly.

I frowned as he chuckled. "You might as well just stand in the dark if you want to see the real me, sweetheart."

I willed myself to breathe as his hardened brown eyes followed mine. "I don't believe that." And, I truly didn't.

My own body was running off of adrenaline, but I was curious. "What do you feel?" I asked.

The lust was now gone out of his eyes, and instead replaced with conflict. "Right now, I-I feel like I'm in bliss, as pussy as it sounds. But, when I leave here, it's gone, and I'm surrounded by the dark all over again."

My heart squeezed tightly in my chest at his truth. Was that truly how he felt, that he was in the dark?

He cursed under his breath, lowering his head again. "I have no idea why we're talking about this."

I shook my head. "Because it's true," I reassured.

His brown eyes stared directly into mine. It was then that I realized, my hand had never left his face. I removed it, just in case it was making him uncomfortable.

From the moonlight, I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. "I...was this a mistake to you?" he questioned quietly.

I shook my head; it felt like anything but that. "No, it wasn't."

He nodded slowly, his eyes watching me over before he mumbled, "It wasn't to me either. I just..." he paused to release a shaky breath. "Fuck me, that was the best kiss I've ever had."

He shut his eyes, throwing his head back against the car seat. I grasped his hand in mine, slightly squeezing.

"When I saw Angelo's hand on you and what he said, I fucking snapped. But, you calmed me down..." he whispered. "I'm so tired of fighting this, of fighting us...." he trailed off, voice only audible to me.

"No one's ever been able to calm me down like that before," he said, voice raspy. "And, I fucking hate it."

"But, I can't get enough of it," he said, before placing his hand against the back of my head. "I can't get enough of you, Kimberly. I don't want to."

I reacted quickly as his lips pressed against mine again. Rough hands grabbed at my hair, tugging my head back gently as I shifted across his lap.

Hooded eyes gazed up at me. "Sweetheart, I'm trying to keep my control, but, it's hard when you're moving like that," he rasped.

I turned my head in confusion, before I finally felt him against my inner thigh. My eyes widened, my cheeks coloring at his excitement.

He chuckled, readjusting himself before coming back to me. I giggled against his pink lips as he pulled me back in for another kiss.

***

"I'm coming!" I shouted at the banging of the door.

I was sleepy, but that wasn't the reason I struggled to focus. I felt as if I were on cloud nine. After Kade and I kissed, I could barely feel anything other the soft pressure of his lips against mine.

I pulled open the door, but was shocked to see Kade standing there. A small smile was immediately brought upon my face.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned.

He eyed me down carefully before raising his look up to mine. I felt exposed as I realized that I was only dressed in a tank top, and cartoon themed pajama pants.

"Susie wanted me to drop by here and invite you over. We're having a family get together or some dumb shit," he explained, placing two crossed arms over his chest.

I nodded my head. "That sounds fun."

Kade nodded but his expression said otherwise. "Can I come in?"

I backed away from the doorway, allowing him inside. He had to crane his neck past the doorway since his 6'4" stature wouldn't allow him in on his own. "Oh, yeah. Just let me, you know—"

I was cut short as Kade grabbed my face. With his hands against my cheeks, I felt his lips brush against mine.

He pulled away after the burn of our kiss became too much. "Fuck, I've been wanting to do that all fucking night."

I chuckled, nodding in agreement. "I'll be right back." I nearly tripped over myself on the way out, to his amusement.

Damn it. I couldn't quite describe how good it felt for his lips to be against mine. How amazing it felt as he flirted and teased with me, all anger gone.

After I finished getting ready, I examined my appearance in the mirror. Usually, my goal was to blend into the crowd, but today I had actually tried.

My top half was covered with a long sleeved gray top. The bottom half of my body consisted of dark jeans, along with a pair of sneakers. It wasn't a big adjustment but I still felt a sense of pride.

I stepped out of my room, shutting the door behind me. Both Ryland and my dad were still asleep because they had the day off, so I made sure to stay extra quiet.

"Hey," I spoke once I stepped into our living room. A part of me feared that he ran before I saw him, casually propped against a wall.

Kade glanced up from his phone, looking to me. His eyes roamed over my outfit, and I blushed under his gaze.

He straightened himself from the wall, his lips lifting into a small smile. "You look nice."

I thanked him with a returning smile. "You too." And, he truly did. From his black hoodie that looked so normal, and ending to the dark sweats he so casually wore.

Fuck, this man was fine.

I lowered my head, shaking it to clear my thoughts. How could my life change so quickly? One minute I was trying to get over him, and the next I was heading to his house. It was laughable.

"Well, we should head out," I spoke as I caught his eyes on my lips. "It'll be nice to see your mother again."

I chuckled as he tore his gaze away. We walked to his car, our steps slow and carefully taken. As we got inside, I looked at him as his phone began to ring.

"Fuck," he hissed, immediately hitting decline.

I waved it off. "Oh, you can answer it."

Kade chuckled, running a bruised hand across his jaw. "I'm not a complete dick, Kimberly."

I nodded, watching as the small hint of smile never left his face. For once, I didn't feel anything other than joy at this. At him.

I was happy.

I sat silently, listening to the music as he drove to his house. I continued to tug on the ends of my long sleeved shirt, even as the comfort of the car set in. It was something I found common only with him, comfortable in silence and in speech. He was comfortable.

"You're okay?" I suddenly heard him ask.

I looked at him, confused. "What?"

"From last night, love. Are you okay?" he repeated.

His concern went to heart. "Why wouldn't I be?" I asked him, chuckling. "I'm perfectly fine. It's not like we..." I trailed off as my body overheated until it hurt.

"I wouldn't take your virginity in a car, Kimberly." Kade chuckled, making a turn down his road. "But I was talking about Angelo."

I felt my cheeks darken as his words reached me. I didn't want to talk about sex, or my virginity. Especially knowing that he definitely was not a virgin himself.

I gulped as we pulled up to his house. Different vehicles were now littered across the drive way, causing my anxiety to slightly grow. It was different with only two people here, much different.

Kade read right over me.  "We'll just head up to my room, alright?" he offered in an attempt to comfort at the drainage of my skin.

I nodded, gulping down any courage I had. If any at all.

He opened my side of the car, and slowly, we walked to the front door of his home.

I eyed the ground, crossing my arms over one another as my nerves grew. I had never met his family before other than his mother, and just the thought of it scared me. I didn't even know what to say to them, or how Kade had addressed me to them beforehand.

As he opened the door, I gathered all my courage and held it into a facade. But, as I laid eyes on a woman physically similar to Kade's mother, my courage was immediately thrown outside the window.

"Why hello! Aren't you a pretty thing," the slim woman said, as if we were best friends.

Her dark hair reached the ending of her face, curled at the very ends. Makeup was lightly beat over her face, though her lips were shaded with a ruby red shade of lipstick. It fell in well with her heart-shaped, slim face.

"I—thank you," I offered, smiling.

Kade placed a hand on the small of my back. "Well, Aunt Shannon, we're going—"

"Who is that—Oh, finally, Kade! Susie, Caylee she's here," a man with a slightly stubbled jaw, big green eyes, and stomach a little thicker, spoke.

Kade cursed under his breath as his mother, and another woman came out of the kitchen and to us.

The woman—who I guessed to be Caylee— ran her eyes over me, and I felt cocooned in the large home.

By her tightly done black bun, petrifying brown eyes, and sharp jawline, I figured she was a business woman. Her outfit was one of a fancy woman's, with a smooth milky white top and a tightly fitted skirt to match.

She offered a warm smile. "Well, you were just as pretty as Susie mentioned," she spoke, her voice slightly high pitched.

"You're very beautiful yourself," I spoke in return.

"She's just as shy, too," Kade's aunt, Shannon added.

Suddenly, I heard the voice of a small child. "W-who's that?" Shifting, I stared right into the eyes of adoration as a little girl entered the room.

The little girl clung onto Caylee, who I assumed was her mother. By the brown curls that bounced across her shoulders, and to the sharp green eyes that blinked so rapidly at me.

A moment passed before Caylee pushed her to speak. "H-hi, I'm Willow," the little girl said, showcasing two missing front teeth in a smile.

I held in my awe at her stutter. It was quite adorable actually, the way she hung onto her mother's leg, and the way she waved her small hand to me.

I waved back, releasing Kade to kneel to her. "Hi, Willow. I'm Kimberly." I offered a smile to the precious girl. "How old are you?"

She raised a hand up, putting out five fingers. "I'm s-six."

I smiled, raising both of my hands. "Show me." With a grin, she lowered my fingers until she got it. I laughed in return before saying, "Whoa, I think you're going to be a genius."

Her face lit up. "Really?"

I nodded, giggling at her. "Yes, really. You're so smart already, much smarter than any other six year old I know." Her eyes grew wide with excitement as I raised myself to Kade.

She continued to beam at me before releasing her mom's leg entirely. As I raised my eyes from her, I took notice of how Susie watched me closely, carefully paying attention to my every move.

Kade cleared his throat, not saying a word to any of his family. I frowned slightly at his lack of attention to them. But then, everything ceased inside of me as Kade linked our hands. 

"We're going upstairs," Kade announced, turning his back to them.

"Wait, Kade!" Caylee stopped him, rushing forward. "How are you, sweetie? How have you been?"

They all watched him, and he eyed them in return before placing me in front of him to walk first. I looked back at him, confused.

"I'll be up there in a minute," he proceeded to walk back down the stairs, only adding onto my confusion.

I continued my walk upstairs until I entered his room. I'd been here enough to know it by now. I sat on the bed, attempting to get my thoughts together.

I didn't quite know what to think of his family. They all seemed quite nice, and like down to earth people. Kade's nonchalance toward them was visible to the public eye, yet he had went back down to talk to them. And, about what?

I shook the thoughts away, sighing. It was really none of my business, anyway. Everyone wasn't liable to be a family person.

I needed to call Raven though. I hadn't checked my phone the entire day or last night, knowing that if I did, I would only be taken off of my cloud.

Just as I went to reach for my phone, Kade's door opened. My head raised as he came in, carrying two cups and a plate in hand.

He handed a glass to me, placing the other down. I watched him, awaiting any type of explanation of what had happened downstairs.

"Scoot over, sweetheart," he suggested as he patted my thigh. I did, scooting to the other side of the bed. It was more than big enough to fit a whole party.

I glanced over the mattress, carefully once I felt it's material from under me. It felt different from the last couple times I'd been on it, but perhaps I was hallucinating it.

Kade caught my curiosity, then chuckled. I looked up to him, raising a brow.

"The mattress is new, sweetheart," he answered my silent question around another chuckle. "I just set it up a couple hours before you got here, actually."

I tilted my head at him in question. "You