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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." – Eleanor Roosevelt

Chapter 65
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"I'm going to miss you," Shay said for the hundredth time tonight. "One last hug."

I laughed, gently wrapped my arms around her. She was in the third trimester, which meant the baby could come anyday, now. The estimated arrival was during the same week I'd be gone, though. I was sad to miss his or her's birth, but Shay promised to FaceTime me.

Griff came up from behind, wrapping his arms around us both. Then, Celeste and my uncle Dylan. I smiled at the embrace before it became too much. Griff was a teddy bear, but he usually forgot his own strength.

"Oh!" Celeste gasped and stepped back, shaking her finger at me. "I almost forgot!"

I cocked my head at her. "Forgot what?"

She gripped my arm to pull me into the back of the diner. I motioned for Kade to wait a second, but he was too busy speaking to Griff. It was an unexpected match but the two got along immediately, as well as the rest of them. I was pretty sure it was because every time he stopped by here, he left them hundred dollar tips. Griff even found him worthy of a bear hug. The uncomfortableness that crossed Kade's face was a comical sight, though.

I stood behind her as she walked to the freezer. "Did you drag me back here for a reason, or have you lost it?"

She turned to face me with a grin, then shoved an envelope into my hand. I raised an eyebrow in question, but accepted it, nonetheless.

"It's a little something from all of us. Since Griff and Shay will be busy with the baby, and Dylan and I will be gone to his mothers...lord bless me with that woman," she swore under her breath. "I wanted to give you your gift early."

With a smile, I peeked into the envelope, then nearly dropped it with shock. It was filled with cash.

My heart awed in my chest. "You didn't have to, Celeste."

She shrugged, grasping my hands in hers. "It's just a little thank you for all you've done for the diner, sweet girl. We wouldn't have made it through this busy season without you. And, you wouldn't accept your tips, either."

I shrugged. "You guys deserved them."

Celeste rolled her eyes. "Yeah well those are in the envelope, too." She chuckled as she walked to the open view window, which Griff and Shay usually used to spy on people.

Her smile was warm as she glanced at Kade, who was chuckling at something Shay said. Her gaze skipped back to me. "Did he tell you about the Ryder donation?"

I shook my head. "What?" He hadn't mentioned a word about it to me.

Her head bobbed. "The other day, he came in with a check signed by the Ryders. Left it on the counter, tipped all of us even though he didn't even order anything, said have a good night, then just walked out. Your uncle nearly fell out," she chuckled, her hand on her chest as she reminisced the memory.

My eyes jerked over to her. "Are you serious?"

Celeste nodded. "Mhm. We called, but he wouldn't take it back no matter what we said."

I shook my head as I watched him through the window. "He didn't even tell me about it."

Celeste placed a warm hand on my shoulder, squeezing once. "I don't think he cared if you knew, baby." 

I said nothing, feeling my chest warm as I examined Kade closely. His attention was on Griff and Shay as the two argued, his lips pulled into a smirk. As if he felt my stare, he turned, his eyes meeting mine before he erased the smirk, and instead offered a half-smile.

I couldn't help my grin from following up in return. "Thank you. I have to admit I'm real excited to leave for a while."

Celeste placed her hand on mine. "You deserve it, honey." I nodded in appreciation, raising my gaze.

But, when I looked into her eyes, there was a sadness lingering there.

I turned to face her entirely. "Is something wrong?"

She fixed her composure, plastering a fake smile on her face. "No, no. Everything's fine."

I sighed, crossing my arms. "Celeste."

I felt my worries only increase as her hands came to my face. Her thumb swiped at my cheek as she gave me a sympathetic smile.

"I don't want to ruin your mood...and I didn't want to tell you until..." she paused again, making my heart skip. "Until I knew for sure."

"Uh...you're kind of scaring me, Celeste," I chuckled to relieve the pressure in my chest.

Her skin began to flush. She grasped my shoulders, her expression falling. "Please, please don't let this ruin your vacation, but...your mom is here. In town."

What?

I blinked. That was all I could do before my ears started to ring.

"I'm not sure how she found you, but she did. She knew that she couldn't approach you directly, so she came here yesterday," her words were slow, careful as if I were going to break if she said it too fast. But, it didn't matter.

My mom was here. Somewhere in this town. We were both in the same place.

Celeste's warm hands gripped either side of my face as she examined me for any sign of reaction. "Baby, talk to me."

I felt my steps cease until I hit the wall behind me. My eyes searched over my surroundings, as if my mother would just pop out and surprise me.

What was she doing here? Hadn't she taken enough from me?

No, of course not. My mother was one who drained you until there was nothing left, but a corpse.

My arms gripped my stomach to at least try to provide a sense of protection. As if I were adding some type of comfort to myself. To that little girl.

"What..." I had to pause as my throat thickened with cotton. "What does she want?"

Celeste stepped closer to me, wiping my cheek for what I guessed were stray tears. "You."

"What the fuck else could she want from me? She's already taken everything." I hated my voice as I spit the words out. So much hatred, and so many memories.

"I'm not sure exactly, honey. She said that she wanted to know where you were. What you were doing. How you were doing. She wants to talk to you directly. She wanted to know if you were okay—"

I couldn't stop the humorless laughter from tumbling out of my throat. "Okay?" I pushed myself off of the wall. "She wanted to know if I was okay? What in the hell makes her think I would even want to look at her, again? The only thing I'd like to look at is her fucking gravestone." The words fell out after one another, the hatred bubbling the longer I spoke.

Celeste grimaced at my words. "Baby—" When she tried to reach for me, I yanked my arm away. She shrunk back immediately at my rejection, a look of angst crossing her expression before slowly sinking into understanding.

I shook my head, as if that would casually remove the hurt. It did nothing. "I'm sorry Celeste, I just..." I couldn't finish before the words began to intertwine with my emotions.

Her expression softened. "No, no, baby. You have nothing to apologize for." Her head jerked at me. "I didn't give her a damn thing. Shay got her a couple of times with the spatula, and Griff tried to throw the cooking oil on her before she ran off. Your uncle made sure to get her license plate to report her for trying to violate the restraining order."

I nodded, dropping my head. Perhaps when my emotions were more clear, I could look back on the imagery, and laugh. "Thank you." I wasn't sure if she could even hear me. I could barely even hear myself, at this point.

I was okay. I was okay. I tried to repeat the words to myself, but with the stinging behind my eyes, I didn't know if it was working or not.

She couldn't find me. Her, and my brothers could never touch me again. I wouldn't let them. I wouldn't let them bring me back to that place. I wouldn't let them destroy every good thing I found here.

I hadn't even noticed Kade round the corner until I heard him. "Hey—" I felt his gaze weigh in heavy once he caught sight of my expression.

His footsteps quickened until he was in front of me. "Hey." He glanced to Celeste, who offered a shaky smile. Immediately, his eyes jerked to mine.

He grasped my face in two large hands, tipping my head up until I was forced to look at him. "What's wrong, baby?" His voice was as soft as his expression as he examined me over.

I couldn't bear to say the words aloud, right now. I could feel my energy slipping the longer I stayed here. In the same place that she was.

Kade read over my mind without difficulty, nodding his head once. His head tipped to Celeste. "We're gonna head out."

Celeste said nothing, instead squeezing my shoulder once as we passed. I offered a weak smile, then said a speedy goodbye to Shay and Griff.

Kade's arm lingered around my waist as he led me to the car. He disappeared back in the diner for only a minute before coming back. I didn't know exactly what he was doing, but I figured he was asking Celeste what happened.

I attempted to hold it all together as we pulled off, but once we were on the road, I didn't last long.

My eyes began to prickle with tears until they fell right over the gates. With my head pressed against the window, I shut my eyes as tight as they would go. I wished that simple act would make everything go away.

I should have known. Everything was going too good. With my mother still alive, nothing lasted. Nothing.

I couldn't imagine the damage she'd already done. I didn't know if my dad knew. If Ryland knew. I didn't know.

When the court granted full custody to my father, she lost every right to me, as well as trained a restraining order. How did she know where I was? Was she watching me? If so, for how long? The only best guess I had was that someone on the inside told her of my whereabouts.

I couldn't let her near me, or my family, or my friends, or Kade. Just hearing her name sent me into hysterics. Just knowing that her presence could be lurking made me want to crawl into that same corner, in that same house, in that same nightmare. God.

"Whoa, whoa."

My eyes shot open. Kade was in my view, his expression tight with worry.

"Breathe, sweetheart," he whispered, eyes glistening with fear.

I noticed it, then. The tightness in my chest. It hit me so hard, I flinched.

I shook my head as it crept upon me. Drowning me down into the deep trenches yet. Clawing it's way into me until it was too late. There was no escape.

Somewhere in my vision, I saw Kade reach over, then unbuckle my seatbelt. I couldn't grasp my surroundings too well, until I felt my body being lifted.

His seat was back in a heartbeat as he haunted me onto his lap. I grasped anything I could, his shirt was the first. My breaths were a courtesy as my heart began to beat in time with a drumline.

"Hey, hey," his words were soft in my ear as he held me to him. "Kimberly, love, you're fine."

The attack was worsening. The blood pounded in my ears. Every bone in my body seemed to rattle. My surroundings were no longer even that as my vision shook, and trembled. My lungs slipped from right under me.

"I'm with you." Kade's hand gripped the middle of my back, pulling me to him so tightly I could hear his heartbeat. "I got you, sweetheart. I got you." His beautiful heartbeat. It was thundering against my ear.

I heard him crack a window just enough to let it bite against my hot skin. "I know it sounds hard, baby," he kept his voice leveled in order to keep me here with him. "But, I need you to slow down for me. Think. She can't hurt you, again. She won't. Nothing will."

I screwed my eyes shut as he traced the back of my neck in gentle strokes. One hand was there while the other rubbed my back in a comforting motion.

"Think of your friends, your family, me, us," he whispered. "We won't let anything happen to you. I won't let anything happen to you." His lips grazed the side of my head. "The calm is right there, sweetheart. Right there."

I tried it. I thought of Raven and I's movie nights. I thought of Maggie's bad singing. I thought of Jax's warm hugs, and amazing cooking. I thought of Ryland, and my dad. I thought of their love and comfort.

I thought of Kade. His eyes, his voice, his gentle touch. I thought of him. How he was here, right now.

My head slowly bobbed against him as I attempted to reroute the direction my mind was going in. I couldn't let it win. I couldn't let her win.

"Do something for me, beautiful," his voice began to tremble as if seeing me this way weakened him. I hated the fact that I brought it upon him. "Tell me something you see. Something you can feel, or hear, or smell." He feathered a kiss to my earlobe. "You hear me, don't you, sweetheart?"

I nodded. "Yes," I managed to whisper out. I did. Slowly, so slowly, but surely, his voice was stroking at my fears.

"That's it, baby." His hand fell to mine until I felt him place it against his face. "Do you feel me?" I nodded, again.

His jaw was working under my palm. It was there, which meant that I had to be, too.

His fingers lifted my glasses so that he could flower a kiss to either eyelid. I sniffled, parting them. The reassuring glow in his met me.

"You see me, don't you, sweetheart?" he whispered to me. At my shaky nod, his lips lifted into a small smile, "I see you, too, love. I see that you're okay, that you're safe, and here. You're here, and I'm right here with you, baby."

"Keep thinking for me, sweetheart. Think about..." he paused before his smile lifted, again. It was so, so beautiful. "Our kiss on the Ferris wheel. Do you remember?"

He didn't wait for me to respond. I couldn't have bypassed the emotion clogged in my throat, anyway.

"You're going to make fun of me for this shit, but I was genuinely terrified to kiss you," his soft chuckle strummed at my panic. "Literally shaking, sweetheart. I stayed up all night planning it in my head. I thought I was gonna throw up, before I finally got the balls to actually do it."

I saw the Adam's apple in his throat bob before he continued, "I think about it every night. I think about our first kiss, our first hug, every single one of our everythings." Another kiss to my eyelids. "I think about beautiful you looked sitting there. Of how beautiful you are, now. Of how brave you are."

He tucked me back into his chest, cupping the back of my head. I squeezed my eyes shut, again.

His fingers stroked at either cheek, his emotions bouncing right through his words. "You're so, so brave. sweetheart. So strong. The strongest girl in the fucking world." His arms tightened around me. "Your courage, your goodness, your strength, and love. It's the most beautiful thing I have ever set eyes on, other than my brave girl. My beautiful, brave girl."

I could feel my heartbeat slowing back to a normal pace with every passing word. His reassurances were at war with my panic, but they were winning, I think. I felt his lips brush my forehead, before he placed either hand on my cheeks.

My eyes opened to meet his. Past the tears, his beautiful eyes gleaned back at me.  The pad of his thumbs continued to stroke my skin.

"You're going to do fantastic things," he said. "You're going to say fuck you to all of them. You're not going to ever, ever let her, or anyone else break you, because for that to happen you'd have to lose. My Kimberly doesn't lose. With or without anyone."

"You don't need her to be great, because you already are, sweetheart," he whispered to me. "She needs you, but she won't have you. Ever. Her body will be in a sewer the moment she even thinks about laying another hand on you, again. I promise you on everything that I am that you will never, ever have to question that fact."

I hadn't even noticed that my shoulders were slowly relaxing. My heart had slowed just enough to center me back to reality. As he spoke, I felt the words cascade, and dance around my brain, chewing and nipping at the doubts. The fear. The pure panic.

She won't have me. Ever.

My head slowly raised. Past my sniffles, I managed to conjure a chuckle. "A sewer?"

Kade followed my gaze with a smile, his fingers pushing back my hair. "Mhm. Or, a trash landfill. Either one would be too good for her, though."

Another chuckle slipped from me before my chest fell with the reality. Shame punched me in the stomach until I was forced to feel the weight of the situation.

"I'm sorry," I croaked out, words as quiet as a mouse. "I'm so sorry."

Kade shook his head, immediately, his expression falling into one of pure benignity. "Hey, no, no," he whispered back, turning my face back to him. "You don't have anything to apologize for, sweetheart."

Once he had my eyes, his own offered a million and one reassurances. "Don't you ever apologize for that. Ever. Every single moment with you is beautiful, baby." His gaze roamed over mine closely before he let one hand go to the back of my neck, pulling me back into his chest. "I'll never let you go, sweetheart." I nodded, sniffling into his shirt, but remaining there, nonetheless.

We stayed in that position until my legs began to numb up. I hadn't even realized until he pulled the car over until I saw the cars passing us.

With a sigh, I mumbled, "Don't."

***

"Are you sure you don't want me to come in with you?"

I shook my head as I eyed the front door to my house. It was better to just get this thing with Ryland over with.

I shook my head as I bit the inside of my cheek. "No, Ryland wouldn't hurt me."

"He hit you in the nose," Kade reminded me. The strain in his voice was obvious.

I offered a smile as I kissed the back of his hand. "It was an accident."

His glare leveled before he chuckled. "So it'll just be an accident if I break his nose in return?"

I rolled my eyes with a chuckle. "I'll be fine. Just wait here."

As I neared the door, I counted to ten. Even though the panic attack occurred days ago, I still felt the aftermath. It was the first one I had in months. My emotions felt like they were on steroids no matter where I went.

My dad and Teresa were on the couch as soon as I entered the room I smiled at them.

Even though dad hid my mothers' letters, I hoped that he wouldn't this, too. I really did. As much as it troubled me, I didn't think he knew.

Seeing him genuinely happy was a pleasant sight. Teresa did that for him. I didn't want to interrupt that peace right now. That, and talking about it would make it more real. I didn't want real right now.

Teresa smiled back at me. "Hey, pretty girl. You about to get packing?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I've been putting it off till now actually."

Dad chuckled at that. "Shocker."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, dad."

Both of them stood. I smiled into my dad's shoulder as his arms wrapped around me.

Teresa stood a couple feet behind, looking unsure. I smiled at her from over dad's chest, waving her in. Her lips stretched as she stepped forward to join the hug.

If you would have told me that I genuinely would end up liking Teresa, I would have doubted it until the day I died. But, after months of having her here, I did. She changed for the better and did everything to show me exactly that. If anything, she'd been more of a motherly figure than my own mother in just a couple of months. Even though I didn't trust her entirely, I saw the genuine regret,