I was sulking over the last few days because well I unexpectedly gave someone more attention than I would like and that some was whom I don't know anything let alone his full name.

Why god?

Why this is happening with me?

Why that some stranger making his way in my heart?

Why my heart beats loudly thinking about him?

Why am I going crazy over this small things?

And why the hell I have to suffer like this?

Why not him?

Ugh.

Fuck it.

Oh his voice do wonders to my body like no one has it.

His accent...just kill me right there and then.

I want his accent so fucking bad.

I wanna cry now.

Really.

And to my surprise, a lone tear escaped from my left eye.

Wow.

Just fucking wow.

And then it started flowing like a waterfall.

I am so damn emotional.

And I just can't control it.

Touchy.

Sensitive.

Cry baby too.

I can't believe it I am crying over him. Just because he can't talk to me because well he is busy and here I don't have any word to do.

Actually why he have to come in my life and make my life a living hell?

I was fucking good before he came. And plus healthy too without worrying about anyone or anything.

It looks like I am giving my undivided attention to him because I just wanted to feel loved, wanted or needed.

I want someone to love me unconditionally.

I want someone who will give me whole world.

I want someone who will notice everything, even a small things about me.

I want that person but I know it's not gonna happen.

"Please don't." I was crying trying to keep myself small as possible.

"Shut the fuck up you bitch. Now open your mouth and suck it like a good little bitch you are." Then he slapped me hard as my head hit the wall behind me. Before I knew what happened, he pulled my hair and made me choke on his dirty dick.

I gagged and tried to remove it from my mouth but he didn't let me as he deep throated me while I struggled to breath.

I couldn't breath it properly while my head was hurting too.

He knew I was losing my consciousness as he removed from my mouth and slapped me again.

"You shit little girl. You can't even give a proper blowjob how someone can even be with you then? No one can be stay with you. Ever. You will live alone and die alone. Just like your parents." He then spat on me.

"Pathetic little girl." And he went while shutting the door loudly behind him.

I just laid there crying silently thinking about my parents. They were the only family I had and now they had gone, I felt like I couldn't live alone. I couldn't live without them. It was just too much difficult. I just couldn't and didn't want to.

I was so weak. A weak pathetic little girl whom no one will marry and I didn't deserve such place to be worthy of someone. I was pathetic.

He said I am pathetic.

He said I am pathetic.

He said I am pathetic.

He said I am pathetic.

I was saying this mantra over and over again because I was truly a pathetic little girl.

No one deserves me.

No one.

No

One

Deserves

Me

I

Am

Pathetic

Little

Girl

I stood up still tears running down my face wincing slightly as my head started beating like a heart.

I went towards the bathroom and took a razor from the box.

I am pathetic little girl.

No one deserves me.

No one.

I put the blade on my wrist and closed my eyes.

They say think about the happy things and it will be over before you knew it.

So I did just like that. I thought about my parents. Their laughs. Their happy faces. Their silly talks.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING BITCH?"

My heart might wanted to come out of my body as it was started beating like a mile when I heard his voice.

My eyes were wide as soccer and thank God he was behind me. I quickly put razor in the box and turned around.

"I was trying to clean my wounds." Thank God. I didn't stutter otherwise he would had killed me.

He nodded at me.

"I bought some Chinese for you. Eat it before it will get cold."

I nodded at him. He then left.

I couldn't understand him ever. He was always like this. One moment he will love you unconditionally and the next he will be the worst person you'll ever meet. His mood swings were horrible and in the end I was the one who will receive his wrath.

Maybe I am the lucky pathetic little girl.

I quickly ran and ate the hot Chinese he bought for me. And it was delicious. When I was on the last bite, his voice came.

"Let's finish what we started."

My whole body froze and the last bite was long forgotten too.

I am pathetic little girl.