14. where I can't follow

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Running her finger over his back, she traced out patterns of the freckles on his back. She always loved them, she wasn't sure why. He hated them, disliked the dark marks that scattered across his shoulders but not her...she loved them.

"Mmm..." he twisted his body and wiggled into the soft bed. His head resting on his pillow as his arms rested under it, the sheet dropping down to his waist revealing his muscular back. His eyes flickering open slowly to meet hers before closing them back. "You ok?"

"Yes..." she answered honestly, sliding herself closer and bringing her hand to his cheek. "I'm fine," her lip twitched and his hand skimmed up her naked body and brought her close. "What are you thinking?"

"I don't know," he told her honestly, and she glanced down. "I've ran this through my head so many times before that now that it's happening...I'm kinda thinking I'm dreaming..."

"Last night didn't seem real?" she teased and he let out a small grin.

"I have some very good dreams," he smirked and her breath caught glancing down as a blush swept across her. "Come here," he grinned, rolling her over on top of him and loving her sweet giggle.

"You've been holding up great stamina," she teased, brushing her hair back.

"I've been alone in bed a lot the last few weeks," his finger curled around her hair.

"I'm sorry..."

"It's ok," he shrugged and let out a long breath. "You're here now...we're good. I have my baby back," he smiled and pondered a moments' thought. "Both of them," he finished and her eyes closed.

"I'm scared," she whispered and he gripped his hand through her hair. "What are we doing to do Colton?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, other than being with her, he hadn't thought much past anything else. "Should we..." he trailed off and her brows creased.

"Should we what?"

"Get...married?" he wondered and her eyes widened.

"No!" she answered a little too quickly and his heart sank.

"No?"

"Colton I love you, but how cliché is that..."

"Me wanting to spend my life with you is cliché?" he let out a dry laugh and sunk back into the bed.

"No..." her tone softened and she adjusted on the bed to face him. Pushing up on her left arm she ran her hand through his hair and hated the look on his face. "No, you marrying me because I'm pregnant is cliché..." her tone flat and he sucked a breath through his teeth as he thought and rubbed the creases in his forehead.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here," he frowned shaking his head.

"I don't think either of us really know...."

"What did your dad say?" he wondered and she bit hard on her lip. "Baby..." he frowned when he saw the pressure building in her eyes.

"He's really mad Colton...I've never seen him so disappointed in me," she cried, dropping her head to his chest and his arm came around her tight. "He wouldn't even look at me. Just kept shaking his head at me and...and I don't know what to do. Everything I've been doing lately is so wrong."

"It's not wrong," he defended her actions as he tried to sooth her. "I can't imagine being in the position you were in, still are in," he said and hated when she let out a sob. "Ten," he shifted on the bed and lifted her face to look at him. "Look at me," he cupped her cheek as she crawled up to straddle his waist.

"I just didn't know what to do," she cried shaking her head. "I love you and I know that and I was going to tell you I swear I was..." she started to panic and her heart started to race.

"I know, I know," he soothed, brushing her tears back. "I know love, just breathe for me. Shh...just breathe," he instructed and she pulled in a shaky breath and releasing it. "It's ok...just breathe..."

"I never wanted to hurt you," she whispered out and her head leaned against his. "You are the last person I'd ever want to hurt..."

"Then why did you?" he questioned with a light shrug. "Why didn't you just tell me from the beginning? I get you're scared Ten, because I'm scared shitless but it doesn't change for some reason you kept it from me...."

"It's stupid..."

"It's not stupid if it something that is bothering you..." he cupped her cheek and lifted her head to face him. "Anything you feel baby girl isn't stupid..."

"The...the last time we went to your families I was hanging out with Raine," she told him first. "And we were laughing and joking and she was talking about how happy she was that her Colty had come to see her," she explained and he slowly nodded, however still confused. "And I thought he's going to be great at this...Even though I'm scared, he will be great at it because it's just in him. The way you have been with Raine and Bevin...you'd be great, you will be great..."

"You will be great too," he promised and hated how upset she seemed. It killed him to think she was hurting.

"Let's hope," she let out a dry laugh and sniffled. "But..." she paused and bit her bottom lip nervously. So many emotions rushing through her and in that moment she didn't know what to do. She wanted him to know, she wanted him to know how scared she was and why she did what she did. However, she didn't want to cause another argument. She didn't want him to get upset.

"But what?" he brushed her hair back and watched the tears start to build up. "Ten, please don't get upset again," he pleaded, knocking the tears the dropped and shook his head. "I don't know what happened, but I don't want you upset anymore."

"I hate I'm being like this," she told him quickly. "I've never been like this. I've never been so whiney and emotional. I pride myself on being a decently strong person but now...now a day doesn't pass where I'm not a basket case and I hate it."

"It's understandable," he promised and her lips creased into a straight line as she looked at him. "Just talk to me. You know you can tell me anything," he whispered out and she pulled in a long shaky breath. "We've always been honest with each other. We've never kept things from each other like this. This is a big thing Tenley. This changes our entire life and I deserve to know where your mind is at. I deserve the respect to have this conversation because I deserve to know what the hell is going on in my life and in my relationship."

"Remember...remember the night you argued with Gina?" she wondered and he nodded because he very much remembered that night. She broke up with him that night. "She...she said some things..."

"Like what?"

"Like, how I am not at all right for you," she gave a short shrug and twisted her mouth to the side. "How much better you could do. How I don't fit into this life you have. The life you will have."

"And what life is that?"

"Growing up, I didn't have nice things," she told him, like he wasn't at all aware of that. "And yes, now we are ok off, but we aren't you ok."

"So?"

"So..." she let out a dry laugh and stood up a little annoyed. "Colton, I don't come from the world you come from," she shook her head and pulled on his sweatshirt. "Before your mom had her accident," she spoke slowly and his gaze dropped to the bed. "Ya'll didn't go a weekend without going to some fancy cocktail bullshit party that you hated."

"Yes, that I hated," he stressed and she rolled her eyes with a groan.

"Yes, but you went to them. And there were girls like Hilary and hell even Riley, there, but there weren't girls like me. Unless you count the servers," she groaned dropping in a chair and toying with her fingers. "I don't want to be the girl in the corner they whisper about. I don't want to be the girl your business partners' wivesdon't get along with."

"That's why you panicked?" he raised a brow and let out a small dry laugh. "Because people who aren't even in my life yet, you might not fit in with?"

"There were other factors," she mumbled, looking down and he sunk back in the bed.

"You seem like you're searching for a reason," he ran his hands over his face annoyed. "And I can't keep doing this shit Tenley..."

"What shit?"

"This!" he flipped up and waved his hand between them. "You're having my baby, Ten," his tone softened a bit and she watched as he lit up a fraction. "And no matter what I will take care of my child, but if you don't want to be with me....damn, if you don't want to be with me anymore, let's decide that before he or she gets here, because I can assure you, I will go nuts with this back and forth," he told her honestly and hated the sob she released, but it was true. He didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't know what to do anymore.

"Colton..."

"What am I supposed to do here?" he let out a dry laugh and gave an exhausted shrug. "You tell me how much you love me and want to be with me, yet in the same breath, you tell me reasons we shouldn't be together. You spit out these...bullshit, excuses constantly and I don't know what I'm supposed to do," his temper flared, before he spit out each of the last words slowly.

"Tell me you love me," she gave a short shrug with a cracked voice. Biting hard on her lower lip, she shifted in the chair and he let out a gentle sigh.

"You know I do," he reached for her hand. "Come here..."

"Tell me we didn't screw up," she ordered as she stayed put in her chair. "Tell me this isn't a mistake and this isn't my fault."

"This isn't a mistake... and it's no one's fault. That word makes it sound like something bad is happening. Nothing bad isn't happening...now come here," he ordered again but she shook her head no quickly. "Tenley..."

"Tell me..." her voice cracked as she pulled in a long jagged breath and slowly released it. "Tell me I'm not ruining your life," she begged and his head tilted to the side looking at her. "Tell me I didn't ruin things for you and tell me this baby isn't a bastard that I'm going to take care of alone because your family hates us."

"What?" his eyes squinted confused to where that came from. Why she would ever think that.

"Gina said I'm ruining your life," she cried and sniffled. "She said...she said it would be terrible if I somehow got knocked up because you and your family wouldn't take care of my bastard child," she told him and felt her heart start to race. "I can handle them Colton. I can handle Gina and I can handle Hilary and even a few Aunts who agree with them, but I will never allow my child to feel how they make me feel. I will murder someone before I let them feel that..." her tone sharp and point clear as her eyes locked on his. Watching as an unknown expression fell over his face before his eyes turned dark.

"Get your ass over here now," he ordered his tone cold as she sat still in her chair. "Now..." he spoke slower and she slowly and nervously rose from her chair and moved toward him. Standing at the edge of the bed, he watched her body tremble as she bit hard on her lip.

"Colton..." her breath caught as he gripped his hand through her hair and brought her head to rest against his. Her knee lifting to rest on the edge of the bed, as his free hand gripped her hip and tugged her small frame into him.

"I love you," he whispered out across her lips and knocked the tear trailing down her cheek. "And I know, I know I don't tell you that enough. And I know that days pass and I never let you know how I feel, but I need you to know that I love you Tenley. I love you more than I love anything in this world and I'm sorry...I'm sorry I never realized before how this made you feel," he told her, honestly never paying much attention to the whole bullshit his family gave her. Yes, his dad loved her and his mom might love her more than he did and everyone knew where Raine's feelings fell, but he knew how Gina was. She made comments, gave dirty looks and he never defended Tenley in that. Other than the last time they were there, he just rolled his eyes and did things to annoy Gina more. Tenley never really acted like it bothered her, because he just thought she knew how he felt and didn't let it affect her. He never knew just how much it truly did.

"It's ok..."

"It's not," he made clear and her eyes closed. "Baby girl, it's not," he repeated and she slowly nodded. "I'd never allow anyone to hurt this baby. Just like I never should have allowed them to hurt you..."

"I learn to handle..."

"You shouldn't have too..." he whispered and she slowly nodded. "This baby isn't a bastard," he told her, looking at her small belly and running his finger along it. "I hate that word...I hate she said that too you. I knew she said something but I just...I wasn't sure what...this baby was made out of love Ten...where is the wrong in that?"

"Gina doesn't think our love is real...thinks it's just a young childish, high school puppy love..."

"I don't have to explain to her what I feel for you. I don't have to explain to anyone and I don't care what anyone says. This is real...what I feel for you is way too intense for it not to be real."

"I know," she traced a patterned of freckles on his shoulder before looking up at him. "The way I feel is way too strong too... think that might be why I have been such a mess. Every day I went without you," she paused and touched his cheek. "I swear it felt like I couldn't breathe..."

"Tell me about it," he laughed dryly and shook his head. "I didn't know it was physically possible to feel that kind of pain. It really sucks ass..."

"That it does..." she lifted her chin so her eyes locked onto his and felt it. Felt when her body relaxed and heart calmed, because with one simple look from him she knew. "It's going to be ok..." she whispered out, but not even to him, more to herself and he slowly smiled.

"It is," he agreed brushing her hair back.

"You don't have to change, Colton," she whispered to him and his brows creased. "You said you were going to get better at telling me how you feel, you don't have too. I've always loved that about you. I've always loved that you didn't vocalize all the time what you felt for me because when you would say it, I swear my heart would explode in my chest. Your actions have always showed me what I meant to you...the way you want me always has proved that. Just never...never change that part."

"You know I always want you...that won't ever change. Even when we are old as hell and I have to pop pills to operate," he teased and she let out a laugh. "I'm always going to want you..."

"I'm sorry I hurt you," she repeated and he slowly nodded as his gaze dropped.

"I'm going to talk to me family...I'm going to tell them..."

"I'll go with you," she offered but he shook his head quickly.

"No, no I will do it alone. I will not have Gina or someone saying something that upsets you. I will make it clear what will be ok and what won't. I will let her know quickly if she can't support us and you then she can stay the hell out of my life."

"Colton, she is your family."

"Yeah and she almost made me lose the only thing I've ever loved," his temper flared up and her eyes closed. "You make me a better person Tenley and if she, my family, can't see that and doesn't see how happy you make me, then she isn't really my family. She is just blood and sometimes...well sometimes blood really isn't thicker than anything. Blood doesn't make you family. Loving each other and supporting each other and having each other's backs is what makes you family. You and Max are family," he said and she bit her lip. "You two aren't blood, but you are family, because he loves you and supports you and all he wants is you happy. That is a family Tenley."

"I don't want you regretting you're decision Colton...I don't want you having to pick sides."

"I'm not, because there isn't sides to pick. There is just us...there is us and this baby and that is all that matters to me..."

"And cookies, you really like cookies..."

"Anyone who doesn't like cookies, are filthy liars," he said seriously and she laughed. "They are delicious," he cracked a smile and again she felt relaxed.

"They are," a look of content washed over her as she ran her hand over his cheek. "I love you, Boyfriend."

"Oh I love you too, baby girl," he lifted his chin up to catch her mouth on his and loved the sigh that escaped her. "So damn much," he flipped her on her back as he went and deepened their kiss.

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