12. where I can't follow

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"Oh, hey," the blonde stepped into the room and took out her headphones. "When did you get here?"

"Earlier," she toyed with the small stuffed bear in her hand. "I spent the night at Billie's....had to talk about some stuff," she explained her night events. The words of the young blonde played over and over again in her head. She knew it was going to happen, she shouldn't be too upset. Sooner or later he was going to be tired of it and just give up on them, but she never knew it would hurt this bad. She had her heart broke before in the past, but nothing had ever felt like this.

"That's cool," she sat the water bottle on the night stand and went to sit on her bed. Kimber stared across the room at the girl who laid there silent. "Tenley," she spoke and the brunette kept focused on the small bear. "Are you just stupid?"

"Excuse me?" she twisted her head to look at her confused to where that came from.

"Are you stupid?" she repeated slower and the young girl's brows pulled together. "Because you might be the stupidest person I've ever met."

"No stop, Kimber tell me how you really feel," she rolled her eyes and threw the bear and sat up on the bed. "Don't sugar coat it, please."

"I'm sorry, I just feel someone should be honest," she slapped her hand to her leg with a short shrug.

"Honest about what?" Tenley let out a laugh. Not that she didn't like Kimber, not that they didn't hang out but there really wasn't much the girl knew about her. Their friendship wasn't serious, they didn't have serious conversations. They didn't get into each other's business and discuss problems. They just...they were roommates.

"Honest with the fact you are stupid," she repeated and the young brunette shook her head still lost. "I'm going to be honest with you, because...well I'm a bitch and really don't care anymore. Yes, we get along and are friends, but odds are high after school is over we...we will just be people the other mentions in passing."

"Kimber..."

"And that's ok," she rushed to tell her. "Because I'm about to be a bitch and odds are good you won't like me when I'm done anyway," she pulled in a long breath and slowly released it. "My freshman year I had a class...it was some bullshit class that I didn't give a damn about but it was a class," she explained and Tenley just got more confused to what was happening. "And I remember the first day...I was half asleep in the back with a large group of girls and the door opened. It had opened all morning and I didn't pay attention, but this time I did. This time someone walked in who caught my attention."

"Who?" the brunette swallowed nervously at what she was about to say.

"We know who Tenley," she told her and the young girl glanced down. "I wasn't the only one who noticed him either. All the girls did. He was quiet and brooding and just...just so damn sexy..."

"Kimber I don't know why you are telling me this..."

"Because every girl wanted him," she said like it was so obvious. "Every girl talked about this gorgeous ball player and girls tried. Girls tried so damn hard to get him but he just...he blew every one of them off. He spoke of his girl back home and he was good," she said and Tenley's eyes built with pressure. "And then, a year later you show up...this...this girl that we all wished was just a bitch and could hate for having him but we couldn't because you were just so damn sweet. It was like you didn't care that other girls found him cute, you didn't care if they tried to flirt with him because you had him. At the end of the day it was your bed he climbed into and you didn't give a damn what happened during the day."

"If I got upset every time a girl looked at Colton, or flirted with him, I'd be pissed off or depressed all the time," she told her because it was true. Colton...Colton just attracted people when he walked into the room. He didn't even have to speak, he just held this era about him that people wanted to know. Plus the fact he was so gorgeous didn't hurt either.

"And the moment they saw him look at you, they knew that...he looks at you like...god, like his entire world is right there. Which just made him that much sexier, because to know someone who gave off this vibe of not giving a damn, could be so incredibly in love with someone is just amazing. Every girl hated you..."

"I'm aware of that..."

"Then explain to me why in the world you would give him up?"

"Kimber...you don't know what you're talking about. Colton and I are very complicated..."

"I don't see it that way," she shook her head quickly. "You Tenley, you, out of all the girls at this school, at your old school, got him. Made this badass, I don't give a damn about anyone fall in love and you are giving it up? What the hell is the matter with you?!" she snapped and Tenley slammed her eyes shut. "I ran into him the other night," she told her and her head snapped up. "We hung out, we drank together and laughed."

"Ya'll...ya'll hung out?" panic started to build in her at that thought. At the thought of a drinking Colton spending time with Kimber, a girl who made it more than clear over the years she wanted him.

"And he just seemed happy again," she told her. "And I'll be honest when I tell you I wanted him."

"Kimber...please stop..."

"So I took his hand and led him into the back room," she continued and Tenley felt a pain rip through her chest. "And I tried to kiss him..." she told her and her head dropped as a tear trickled down her cheek. Making a point to pause a moment a little too long before she continued. "And he pulled back..." she gave a shrug and her head snapped back up at her. "He said he wanted me...or wished he wanted me...but he couldn't do it. Want to know why he could do it?" she asked and the young girl sat silent chewing her lip. "He couldn't do it, because even though you broke up with him, he still loved you. And he wanted to be with you, just you," her tone rose a bit. "At one point...at one point his drunken eyes lifted to meet mine and I could see all the disappointment in them at the fact I wasn't you. And you can give this line of...it's complicated, I don't understand but I do understand this. That boy loves you, I didn't know that kind of love was even real, but he does. And if, if you are stupid enough to let that go, then you might just be the stupidest person I've ever met. And it also proves the one thing I thought about you the first time I met you," she told her honestly as she stood up and grabbed her phone of the stand and moved toward the door.

"And that is?" Tenley called making her stop.

"That you don't deserve him," she told her with a tight lip smile before walking out and shutting the door behind her.

He ran a tired hand through his hair as he stepped up the steps of his apartment. They had a four hour practice for ball and his entire body hated him. Muscles were sore that he didn't even know he had and all he wanted now was to take the longest shower of his life and then after that he was going to sleep.

"Hey man," he glanced at his cousin sitting on the couch with books all around him. "What you doing here?"

"Oh," Darren looked up at him and sunk back in his spot. "Hannah and Billie are planning something and my entire house is like grand central station. They keep running in and out and in and out," he waved his hand back and forth. "Never going to get my studying for the LSAT done if that is always happening."

"Oh gotcha," he walked over to the fridge to grab a water bottle. "Well, the guys won't be here for a while, so do all you want. I think I'm going to shower..." he moved up the stairs and Darren paused a moment before letting out a long sigh.

"Colt," he called and glanced up at the stairs. "Ten..." he twisted to face him. "She's upstairs," he told him and the blonde's head snapped up to his room. "Been here awhile..."

"Yeah man," he gripped the rail and felt something flip in him that he didn't know. "Thanks," he moved up the stairs quickly and twisted the handle to his room. It revealed the long haired brunette standing by the window and gazing out. "Hey..." he glanced over his shoulder and slowly slid into his bedroom. "What...what are you doing here?"

"I talked to Kimber," her voice icy and he frowned shaking his head. "Heard apparently you had a great night the other night..." she kept her back to him as she stared out the window. Her mind trying to figure out everything she was feeling.

"What did she say?" he slowly moved in the room and her body froze as he inched closer.

"That..." she swallowed the large lump and felt the pressure once again return to her eyes. "That ya'll hung out. Ya'll had a few drinks...that you...you wanted her..."

"Ten..." his hands placed on her shoulders and felt her tremble. "I didn't say that..." he turned her to face him and felt his heart hurt. "I didn't want her..."

"No, but you said, you wished you wanted her..."she reworded and bit hard on her lower lip. "What does that mean Colton? Are you into her?"

"It's not fair for you to ask me that," he told her and her head dropped knowing how unfair that was. "All you've been doing is shoving me away. All you keep saying is for me to move on and then suddenly I try to and you show up here all upset?" he let out a dry laugh and the young brunette shook her head stepping away from him. Knowing how completely unfair she was being to him. She did do that, she did push him away but it didn't mean she wanted him to really do it. "God, what do you want from me, Ten!?" he threw his hands up annoyed.

"Colton..."

"Do you know what I do every morning?" his brows pulled and she shook her head no as a hot tear trickled down her cheek. "I wake up every morning and roll over and hate you aren't there beside me..."

"I'm sorry..."

"And..." he continued ignoring her. "And when I lay there I think it's just one day...She will be here tomorrow...whatever she is doing she will get over it because she loves me. She will get over it and we will be fine. But no, you keep pushing and pushing and finally...finally I said fine," he told her and watched the fear strike over her. "I'll give her up. If she truly doesn't want to be with me then I'll say ok. We are done. But then when I try, try and fail completely by the way, and not because she wasn't willing, because she was. I just for some god damn reason can't even look at another girl without seeing you and wanting you...but even so...When I do try you show up here? You just stand in my room crying?" he let out a dry laugh and her eyes closed. "God damn it Tenley..."

"I'm sorry, ok. I just...I don't know what to do anymore," she told him with a small shrug. "I just don't..."

"You just tell me what is wrong..." he told her and she let out a bitter laugh and spun on her feet, dropping on the bed with a loud sigh. "Will you tell me what you are thinking?" he asked as he laid beside her, hating the tears that were trickling down her cheeks. "Just tell me what you're thinking...no matter what it is. Just tell me...please..."

"Honestly?" she asked and he nodded as she laid there thinking. "I wish we really were over," she whispered, turning her head to face him. "I wish I didn't feel what I was feeling and I wish to everything above I just didn't love you anymore."

"I'm sorry," he apologized with a slight shrug and she let out a bitter laugh.

"No you aren't, you love this...this control you have over me," she shook her head, anger building in her. "Since we've been together, you've always loved so much that I cared more than you did, that way you were always in control."

"That's bullshit," he shook his head, tightening his jaw annoyed. "You know exactly what I feel for you. And you know for a fact I've never felt it for anyone else before."

"How am I supposed to know that now?" she gave a heartbroken laugh and he closed his eyes. "Yes, ok, yes there was a time I knew. There was a time where not a moment passed where I didn't know exactly what you felt but now... now I don't ever know anything."

"I've done nothing but fight for you, Ten!" he reminded her, feeling he was the only one who had tried at all the last few weeks. "But you, you just keep pushing me away and I have no clue why."

"Well why don't you just give up then?" she sent him a glare and sat herself up. "Why won't you just leave me alone?"

"Because I love you damn it!" he snapped, jumping up and resisting every urge to punch a wall. "Because I want this to work, I want you!" he pointed to her chest and she let out a small sob. "But I just need you to tell me what is wrong?" his voice dropped softer and his large hands went to frame her face. "Baby, just tell me what is wrong. I'll fix it, I swear I will fix it," he whispered, leaning his head against hers. "Just talk to me..." he begged and she let out a small sob.

"You're going to hate me," she cried, reaching up and clinging onto his wrist. "You're going to hate me Colton."

"I could never hate you, Ten," he let out a laugh at the thought. "You're my everything," he said and she let out another sob. He hated all the pain in her eyes, the fear of something he didn't know and the look of her entire world were crumbling.

"But I've been screwing up so much..." she whispered looking up at him. "I panicked because I didn't know what to do. My mind was so confused and I was so afraid I'd lose you. People keep making comments about me losing you...I don't want you hating me..."

"That's impossible...I could never..." he told her, knocking the tear. "I love you Tenley," he whispered and her eyes slammed shut. "And I know alright, I know I've not always been the easiest to talk to. I know when it comes to my emotions and feelings I've been a little cold and standoffish. But I'm working on it. I'm trying to change that for you. I feel like...like I've been better at it."

"You have...you have grown a lot when it comes to talking about your feelings..."

"I've been trying..." he offered a shrug. "Because I don't want to lose you, Tenley. I don't want that to be why I lose you. I love you so damn much baby girl but I need...I need you to tell me what's wrong?" he asked, her pulling in a shaky breath. "What's going on, Ten? Just talk to me and I...I will fix it," he promised, hoping to everything above she let him, praying that she wouldn't break up with him, because honestly, well honestly he doesn't think his heart could take that. It took forever for him to open up to this girl and if he was honest, well if she broke up with him now he was almost positive he would never open up to another girl again.

And parting her trembling lips, his eyes widened just a bit at the idea of her actually finally telling him what has been bothering her, however he would be honest what she said was not what he was expecting. "I'm pregnant," she gave a short shrug and his whole body tensed.

"Oh..."

"Yeah..." she let out a dry laugh looking away. "Oh..."

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