Chapter Forty-Two

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Another day...

Another morning...

Still, it did nothing to calm the turmoil I felt inside of me. Everything around me was just the same but I didn't feel the way I used to. I feel hateful all the time, anger is the only emotion coursing through my veins right now.

Ten days, I spent ten days in that cell but it felt like a year. It felt as if that cell didn't belong in this world, time passed by slowly there.

I looked out of the window and felt nothing... this view always brought me comfort but now it did nothing to me. Nothing to calm the storm brewing inside of me.

I remember looking out of this window and dreaming of a life outside these four walls. I thought it'd be a fairy tale. I thought my parents were wrong and the world out there was anything but evil.

“The world is a dangerous place and you are easy prey, Evangeline. You are innocent and naive and you lack physical strength. This world will chew you alive.”

My dad wasn't wrong. He wasn't wrong at all but he betrayed me too. He lied to me about who he was. He had created a small fantasy world just for me where everything was perfect. He made me this stupid, this weak, this helpless. If he had been truthful and taught me how this world worked, I would have known what to expect. I wouldn't always try to see the good in people. I hate it. I hate this. I hate my life. I hate this room. I hate Bianca. I hate Scott. I hate... Nikolai. I hate him.

Stepping out of the room, I looked down the long hallway that led to the staircase. I took small steps and went downstairs. I made my way to the kitchen and heaved a sigh of relief when I found it to be empty. I took out a tumbler from the kitchen cabinet and poured myself a glass of cold water.

It was so silent, so deadly silent, unlike my mind which was in chaos. I sniffled and opened the refrigerator door. The refrigerator was filled with different ingredients. I was in no mood to cook, I slammed it shut and turned to look for a box of cereal.

"You're awake?" Nikolai stood in the doorway.

He was wearing a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants. His hair wasn't made and was all ruffled up. His eyes were bloodshot as if he had never gone to sleep last night.

"Come on, I'll make you breakfast."

I didn't have the energy to put up a fight. I settled on the kitchen island seat and put my head in my hands. Taking it as a yes, he strolled inside and started to make breakfast for two.

He placed a plate in front of me with bacon and eggs. I silently started to eat and then the self-loathing crept up. I couldn't even make breakfast for myself, good for nothing stupid, Evangeline, can't even make breakfast. My appetite vanished within seconds and I had only taken two bites so far.

Tears brimmed in my eyes, and my skin started to itch. A violent urge to scratch my skin off crept up.

"The doctor will be here later today to change that bandage on your head. Next time, you want to take a shower, just tell me, okay? Do not let water get under your bandage..." Nikolai voiced sitting beside me.

A sardonic laugh left my lips. I cringed at the thought that how helpless I was in everything I do.

"I will clean..." I whispered, looking down at the half-eaten breakfast.

"What?"

"I will clean the house. I don't want to leech off on you and you have forbidden me to leave the house, so, I will clean. I'll wash the dishes and clean the house in return—"

"I have servants for that."

"You can fire them."

"You fucking need rest, Evangeline. You are not well," I could hear the aggression in his voice.

I got up and walked to the sink to rinse off the plate. "I'm well enough "

I felt him getting up as well. "No, you are not."

I turned and face him, glaring straight into his eyes. "Yes, I am."

He glared right back. "Stop being fucking stubborn!"

All I saw was red as I shrieked. "Stop acting as if you care for me!"

I didn't know what got over me as I hit him on the chest. He stood there unaffected by my assault, his expression stone cold. I hit him again and again, I punched and slapped his chest multiple times. I don't know why I was hitting him, but I wanted to, I wanted to hurt him. I just wanted to.

I raised my hand and slapped him across the face, but before I could do anything else, he grabbed my wrist. He twisted me around and pulled my back into his chest, restricting my movement as I struggled against him. He grabbed both of my wrists and pinned them to my chest, my back glued to his front, the side of my face pressed against the side of his face. I could feel his stubble prickling into my skin.

"Let me go! Let me go!" I shrieked as I choked on my sobs.

My body shook with the force of my sobs, I lost all the fight in me, and I felt my body going limp in his arms as his hold on me softened. He still hadn't let me go but now he held me gently.

He softly swayed from side to side as if trying to comfort me, I turned my face to the other side, and I cried. I cried for how powerless I was against him, I cried for every single uninvited touch those men left on my body, I cried for my parents, I cried for my weak self, and I cried even harder as my eyes fell on the platinum wedding band on his finger.

He was engaged to be married. I had no place in his life, he should be holding his wife. He humiliated me, punished me, and played games with my mind. Then why was he here? Why was I here?

"WHY?!" I sobbed harder. "Why did you bring me here?! Why did you save me from that place?! Why are you acting like this?! I hate you, I hate you... I hate you"

His lips pressed to my ear, and his warm breath fanned the side of my face. Tears slid down my cheeks uncontrollably as he tried to calm me down.

"I'm sorry, Angel, I'm sorry I let them take you, I'm sorry I wasn't there," his voice was so low that I barely heard it even though his mouth was right next to my ear.

"No! You are not sorry!" I choked out through my sobs. "I know I don't matter to you, I know I don't mean anything to anyone, least of all you!"

"Shh... I'll make it alright, I promise,"

I tried to shake my head. "You can't! You can't"

"I will, I need you to trust me, okay?" he placed soft kisses on my temple.

"I hate you!"

"I know, I'll fix it"

"Nothing can fix this, nothing can fix me!"

"I will, Angel, I promise you."

"I hate you so much."

"I know."

"I mean nothing to you."

"That's a lie."

"I don't want this, Nikolai."

"I know."

"You scare me too."

"I know, Angel, I will make it alright"

“I don't want this, Nikolai. I don't want to be here."

"I'm not letting you leave ever again."

I cried harder. "Why?"

"I just don't want to," he answered softly.

"I don't want to get abducted again."

"I won't let that happen."

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. "I don't trust you."

"I'll gain your trust back."

"You can't..."

"Tell me what you want and I'll make it happen, I promise."

Rage filled me, I opened my eyes and glared at the wall before me. "I want to hurt them. I want to hurt the people that did this to me. I want them to beg for mercy just like I did. I want them to feel powerless just like I did. I want them to feel violated! I want them to feel weak, worthless, I want them to die!"

He took deep breaths, long deep breaths before an unsettling silence fell all over the kitchen. He then again kissed my temple, running his nose down my neck where he breathed in.

"Is that what you want?" he asked

"Let go of me!" I said, snapping back to the reality that an engaged man was holding me.

I struggled in his hold again. This time his grip loosened enough for me to step out of his embrace. My back was still facing him as I started to wash the plate, I had thrown in the sink earlier.

"Evangeline..." he called me and my muscles stiffened involuntarily.

"Please, don't touch me again..."

"What?" his voice had taken a harsh edge as if he couldn't believe that I had the nerve to say these words to him.

It was surprising to me how Scott's single touch was able to make me spiral out of control while Nikolai showered me, dressed me up, and just now he stood in the kitchen holding me so close to him that I could still feel the burn on my skin. His touch didn't trigger me and that thought scared me.

Why didn't his touch repulse me? It should! His hands and his touch belong to another woman. The wedding band on his finger was a reminder of that.

"I said don't touch me ever again," I said with a tightness in my voice.

Before I can take another breath, a hand wrapped around my upper arm and he twisted me around to face him, my body met with his steel-hard chest.  My gaze cautiously lifted to his, and I watched as those bluish-grey irises became darker. His heated gaze singed my skin.

"You can't stop me from touching what is already mine," his voice turned rough, low, and dangerous.

A sardonic laugh bubbled from my throat. "Yours?"

His hands softly rubbed my arms up and down. "Do I need to remind you how much I own you and your body?"

I shook my head. "Do I need to remind you that you are engaged?" I snarled. "I have no desire for a married man, Nikolai!"

His eyes lit up with dark amusement. "Does that bother you, Evangeline?"

"Why would it bother me? You made it clear the last time that I meant nothing to you. I just don't care anymore. I'm done and I will leave sooner or later."

He let out an amused, dark chuckle and gave his head a gentle shake. "The amount of disrespect you show me makes me want to do crazy shit, Evangeline. I have no fucking idea why I let you get away with all this. I’ve killed men for less."

"I'm not scared of your empty threats" I lied, I was, I was scared of him. After what had happened to me even my own shadow scared me nowadays but I won't let it show. I won't let him see my fear. I have seen enough fear in the last few weeks.

A hint of a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "That is brave of you, Angel. Fucking stupid, but brave nonetheless."

I glared at him and tried to sidestep him to leave the kitchen but both of his hands landed on the sink counter behind me, caging me between them.

"Let me go!"

"No."

I looked him dead in the eyes. He wants me to fall back into my old habits. He wants me to be sweet Evangeline who would ask for his permission to even breathe. I won't be that anymore! I won't!

"Let. Me. Go!" I gritted out.

He gripped my chin between his thumb and forefinger.  "You don't order me, it's the other way around."

I pressed my lips together as their voice rang in my mind. When they ordered me around to do humiliating stuff, when they took my power away from me, I will not allow myself to feel that way ever again.

"No, you're wrong, Nikolai. You don't get to order me around anymore. I don't care if it pisses you off!" I pushed on his chest, making enough space to get out of his powerful hold, and went straight to my bedroom.

I slammed the door shut and breathed out heavily. My hands were shaking, tears were pooling in my eyes and I just couldn't believe that I said all of those words to Nikolai.

But I was over it.

Over being so goddamn nice all the time.

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