I can't believe I just did that. I can't believe I just did that. For a second my heartbeat was in my mouth when I seen the screen go black... I real life thought that he didn't like the show I was putting on for him. Maybe he doesn't like the way my body looked? Maybe he didn't like how I had a little stomach? I did start slacking when it comes to the gym recently...

Ugh the frustration.. I actually really like June...

I grab my phone and head out the shower to get dressed and as I picked it up I realized this mother fucker died on me! I was on the verge of tears and drowning in embarrassment but this shit fucking died on me!

I'm actually so stupid. I don't know why I am surprised my phone dies on me, as if I don't get fuck the charger sleep every night. I silently laugh to myself because the way my common sense neglects me sometimes is actually concerning.

I am also quite surprised with how I am constantly freaking out when it comes to June. He really has my heart beating harder.

I can't stop thinking about how he looks at me and my smile widens, how he holds eye contact to make me feel heard. I love when he leans down as I am talking or when he is talking to me, because of our height difference but at the same time it really turns me on, when I feel his hot breath on my neck.

I don't even realize that I am slightly panting, as my chest is rising up and down at a rapid paste while I am reminiscing about my encounters with him.

I love how there is so much sexual tension between us. I hope it doesn't overpower our emotional one. I doubt we'll be able to go throughout today's date without anything sexual happening, I can't keep my hands off of him.

I don't know where my thoughts go but I end up thinking about being in love with June. It is so soon, we just discovered each other's existence but I can't shake this choke hold that he has over me.

I am a hopelessly romantic person and I can't help but observe the signs that I am experiencing since I have been involved with this guy. I am constantly curious about him, I crave sex or anything really sexually intimate with him. I am forgetting about my other priorities, I feel more adventurous than I usually am, and I'm constantly thinking of different date ideas when it comes to him. I really believe these are signs that I can be falling in love, or maybe I am moving too fast.

In the reality of how me and June are towards each other it may be coming off as only a sexual attraction but, I do feel a romantic connection with him in an unspoken way. The way how we look at each other, smiling and not saying a word. The way I find myself looking for him in my messages on every social media platform. I am also finding the same resemblances in him when it comes to how my friends talk or act.

I love how I'll be out and begin to remember all the small things about him. There will also be moments where we will be around each other and be silent but, it will be a healthy silence between us, and I can't forget about the fact that when I'm around him I can not keep my hands off of him.

I feel like although I love doing the big things that include spending money on dates and spending money on each other, it is really the little things that make my heart flutter when I see him.

The noradrenaline begins to make my heart race and my palms begin to sweat whenever he touches me. My dopamine in my body begins to pump the feel good chemical in my body whenever he hugs me from behind and tells me I'm beautiful or most importantly when he's looking to my eyes, as he gently places his hand on my cheek and we lean into each other as our lips lock in as if they belong to be placed upon each other forever.

I can think endlessly about him. Even though we are just friends we will have to tell other people when they ask. But, me and him both know that we are more than just friends.

We are the type of friends that stare at each other a little too long. Hold onto each other a big longer.

We are friends whose hands gravitate towards each other when we walk and as we stop his hands touch my hips, my cheeks and I lean my body into his as he looks down at my face, and I look up at his eyes through my massacred lashes.

We will continue to tell everyone that we are just friends but later on we'll be finding different ways to hang out with each other, because we both crave the way it feels when his body is being pressed against mine.

As I feel the way his tongue is wrapped around mine, his breath being hot against my breath. As we both slip a moan or two into each other's mouths as he begins to choke me by my neck so slightly as his thumb rubs against the pulsation.

He then trails his hand down to my breast as he squeezes and pinches my nipples which makes my body buck backwards from him, as he quickly takes his opportunity as he spins me around to put my back to his front.

I allow him to tease me and slide his hand in my pants as I am reaching with one hand behind his neck and my other hand against his dick as I feel it jumping and growing through his jeans.

I wonder if he is falling in love with me. Men do fall in love in different ways. Mostly from physical attraction, being sexually compatible with someone, a female who gives them empathy and being able to form a healthy emotional connection with someone.

I hope it is me he is craving throughout the day, and not when he is bored at night.

Wow, the way my thoughts took a turn. I do want to be his friend, maybe I do, probably not, or probably I want more. I really hope it is more, I want to tell him that I want more when I see him tonight. 

Authors note ✨

Spoilers for chapter 17 on my Instagram ! @kmvalentinee and more on my Twitter ! @kellyvalentinee 🤍

See you next chapter <3