tw: some pretty major nonconsensual bullshit

queen anne's lace: a relatively tall plant measuring approximately 30-100 cm. in height. this well known wildflower is easily identified by its flat-topped cluster of small, white flowers and fern-like leaves.

May 8, 1977
12:03 am
Hogwarts Library

Anneliese was trying very hard to convince Sirius to go back to the dorms and get some sleep, but he was having absolutely none of it with a firm display of his Gryffindor stubbornness.

For the past two hours, they had been studying together for their N.E.W.T. 's at the end of the month in a cozy corner of the library, running off hot chocolate and occasional Uno breaks.

There were books scattered all across the wooden ledge they both had a stool pulled up in front of along with small, sticky circles of fragrant brown where they had left their mugs too long and some of the bright, numbered cards that hadn't been shoved messily back into the box.

Sirius was currently using a red reverse as a bookmark in a volume entitled Wand Cores: The Big Three and taking occasional notes with his quill as Anneliese yawned every five seconds while doing the same with copying diagrams.

Callaway's stinging eyes blurred in the low lamplight, struggling to focus on the small, intricate patterns of wood grain when she had been doing it for the past hours.

Her dark blue gaze moved upwards, knowing that looking at Sirius would give her a bit of a break.

Black had chosen to tie his thick, ebony hair back with his wand in a small bun on the back of his head, yet several silky strands had come loose, elegantly framing his chiseled cheekbones on either side.

His dark brow was furrowed slightly in concentration and grey eyes framed by full, long lashes narrowed as he read the text. Just like at his birthday party, Sirius had a silver dog tag hanging from a thin chain around his neck.

His shirt had more than a few buttons undone because of the apparent 'heat' in the library, which meant that the metal tag was let loose from inside the white fabric and buttons and was now dangling with the tilt of his toned shoulders, brushing against his thigh.

Sirius sighed and flexed his hand slightly to give it a break from the quill, and the veins on his hand flexed as well, making Anneliese rip her eyes away before she started to blush.

"You really don't have to keep doing this," Callaway told him for the dozenth time. "It's not even helping you, and I can study it on my own."

"Yea, but studying on your own is boring and my handwriting is ten times better than yours," Black said matter-of-factly. "And besides I find the.."

He squinted his eyes to read a footnote at the bottom of a page as Anneliese watched him with thoughtful amusement.

"I find the eighty seven- holy shit- different shades of silver a unicorn hair can come in and how they affect the want differently absolutely fascinating," Sirius said, giving her an exaggerated nod. "My life's passion."

"Sirius, actually, go to sleep," Anneliese said firmly. "I feel really guilty, like I'm not doing anything in return-"

"Anneliese, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be," Sirius replied truthfully. "That essay you have to write is fucking mental, and I want to help you as much as possible if you're going to beat all of those damn Ravenclaws."

Callaway still felt guilt rising in her, and she knew better than to push it away. Guilt had turned into her gut instinct, her gut instinct telling her that she was being selfish.

Black saw the turmoil rising in her eyes, and set down his quill to examine her expression for a few seconds. Anneliese's gaze was shifting to anywhere but him, and her eyes almost looked.. teary for some reason that he couldn't place.

Sirius leaned forward to gently press his forehead against hers. Callaway did the same, and the two of them just sat there with their eyes shut.

Anneliese took in a deep breath at the comforting feeling of his warm skin against hers, wishing that their love was all as simple as foreheads touching.

"I can go, if you need a bit of privacy," Black kindly assured her in a soft, low whisper inches away from her face. "Just say the word."

"Are you sure?" Anneliese asked, shame still prominent. "If you want to stay, I don't want to be selfish and make you leave-"

Sirius laughed softly, pulling his forehead away from hers and looking her right in the eyes.

"Anneliese, you are the least selfish person that I know," Black told her honestly like the lovesick teenager that he was. "That's what I love about you, really."

Internally, these words had the opposite effect on Callaway than she knew they were supposed to. Because she was selfish, hell, she needed something to be about just her at this point.

So he's still in love, then, Anneliese thought, but no relief went through her at all. But he's in love with this girl who never talks about her own problems and only focuses on him. Lord, what have I done?

"Anneliese, I mean it," Sirius repeated after he saw her expression falter. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Callaway replied truthfully, softly kissing him. "Good night."

Sirius wrapped his fingers around her chin, pulling Anneliese in closer. Her skin pricked slightly as his tongue pushed softly past her closed lips, but in the good type of way that made her feel hot all over.

She nearly melted after a few more seconds of this slow, steady good night kiss, yet she was disappointed as Sirius stood up.

Black didn't quite yet release his soft hold on her chin even as he stood, just smiling with one corner of his lips a bit higher than the other down at her until he let go, fingertips brushing her jawline slightly.

"Good night, darling," Black whispered at last, planting a gentle kiss on the top of her head before slinging his bag over his shoulder and walking away.

Anneliese waited until she heard his padding footsteps against the carpet go away completely and then for the rusty, metallic creak and small slam of the heavy oak and glass library doors shutting.

Then, she finally let loose the sob she had been trying to hold in ever since Sirius told her that she was the least selfish person he knew, and that was what he loved about her.

Slowly, Callaway reached down for her bag, opening it only to find that three small springs of Queen Anne's Lace had been delicately placed in there by Sirius with a rough brown string tied around their thin stalks.

Her teary sobs turned into a teary laugh as she pulled the intricate white flowers out, noticing that they smelled more like rich cigarette smoke than a sweet, springy perfume.

Anneliese liked it better that way anyway.

Callaway tried to study again for the next thirty minutes, but every time she saw Sirius's handwriting with his neat notes for her, all she could suddenly think about was his love letter to her that was currently sitting at the very bottom of one of her drawers.

Particularly, the very last two lines out of the whole thing that she had memorized.

All I'm asking is that you let me be that person, you let yourself hold onto me. Because I swear on everything, I'm not going anywhere.

"What a lie," she muttered to herself, tears falling onto her hands. "What a fucking lie."

No, stop it, a voice said back in her head. He really hasn't gone anywhere, has he? He's stayed by my side this whole time. Sirius never left me, hell, he's actually helping me with this essay when he really doesn't have to.

But Anneliese knew that physically staying by her side didn't mean shit compared to what Black had meant when he wrote that letter.

How many nights of the past weeks had been spent with her listening to Sirius rant about his family and how much he hated them for literal hours on end as she thoughtfully added in comments and reassured him only for Black to then go to bed and not ask about her?

It wasn't in any way that Anneliese didn't care about his problems, she cared more than he could possibly imagine about hearing and helping him with them, but she had ones of her own that he very rarely asked about.

Because how many times did he not press the issues that had come up so clearly before him, like when the line about 'checking to make sure everything was in place' had slipped from her loose lips?

Sirius selectively connecting dots was never going to not make Callaway mad, but she once again tried to calm her thoughts to not be angry at him.

Because, really, in turn, how many times had Anneliese not spoken up with the fear of being selfish? How many times had she willingly done this to herself?

It's all your fault if you would just say something, Callaway thought as she furiously packed up her things. This could all be solved if you weren't so fucking cowardly about losing him, Anneliese.

She knew that she needed to get some fresh air before going back to the dorms to try and clear her head, otherwise the girls would see that she was upset and stay up too late asking Anneliese if she was okay.

Little did Callaway know, Sirius had a very strong suspicion that Anneliese actually wasn't going to end up doing that much studying.

He hadn't gone back to the dorms as he said he would. Instead, Black was sitting on a bench in a starlit courtyard that he knew was Anneliese's favorite to relax in every since her first weeks of Hogwarts. He didn't need the Map to know that she was going to come here.

Well, technically, Sirius wasn't sitting on the bench.

Padfoot was.

As Callaway walked out, tears falling down her cheeks and sobs shaking her shoulders, her vision was so blurred that she didn't know if she had seen properly at first. There was an enormous black dog resting on the steel bench, one that she had never seen before.

It was taking up nearly half the steel, but something about it told Anneliese that it was a gentle giant, and it wasn't going to hurt her despite Trelawny's feverish rambling about Grims and the death they brought along with them.

"Hey there, big guy," she whispered, kneeling down on the ground so that she was looking at the dog at eye level. "I've never seen you around here before, have I?"

Its big brown eyes stared back at her for a few seconds before it suddenly leaned forward and licked her face, taking off the tears with it.

Anneliese recoiled at first and then giggled, scratching the back of the dog's velvety black ear.

"Well, you're friendly, aren't you?" she laughed, wiping away the tears at the corners of her eyes before scratching under its neck. "No collar, huh? Are you lost?"

The dog just plopped off the bench and sat down on the ground next to her in response, nuzzling its warm, soft head into her arm so that Anneliese laid down on the grass with him. 

Padfoot cuddled up next to her against the cold ground, resting his heavy head on her stomach as Callaway stared up at the stars.

She buried a hand in the dog's unusually soft, clean, fur gently scratching its back as she looked at the sky.

"That dog constellation up there," Anneliese whispered. "It's just like you. And that big bright star, right at its neck, that's called the Dog Star, or Sirius."

Callaway pointed up, and then looked in surprise as the dog tilted its head up and looked as well. Apparently, this dog was also unusually intelligent on top of being clean and large.

"Where did you come from?" she asked, looking at the dog very curiously. "You don't seem like a normal pet to have, wandering around a wizarding school. How did you even find us?"

Padfoot's temptation to turn back into a human and ask Anneliese why the hell she had been crying was off the charts, but he just gently put his damp nose into her side and snuggled in closer.

Callaway sighed and just laid there, taking comfort in the animal even though it was very random that it happened to be here.

She didn't know how long she stayed there with the gentle breeze rushing through the leaves of the tree next to her and cool night air making her shiver until the dog scooted closer to warm her, but however long it was certainly did the trick.

When Anneliese stood up, she was at more peace than expected, calm and collected without the hysterical sobs that had gone through her body upon leaving the library.

Callaway's head hurt slightly as she rose all the way, and the dog got up as well.

"It was lovely meeting you," she said with a small smile. "But I think you need to go now before Filch stuffs you and hangs you up in the Great Hall."

The dog whimpered slightly as it nuzzled against her leg again, and Anneliese gave it one last small laugh and pet before shooing it away for good.

Callaway's stomach growled as she turned in the opposite direction the dog was trotting off to, and she decided to go to the kitchens for a one am snack before she went back to her dorms to get some much needed sleep.

The house elves had retired for the night, and Anneliese found the kitchens almost completely empty as she walked in.

James nearly spit out the enormous mug of black, cold coffee he was drinking to try and keep himself awake as Callaway entered. She was the very person that he was trying to avoid by staying up late, unsure of where his dreams would take him and wanting to avoid them at all costs.

Anneliese didn't even acknowledge his presence as he leaned against an enormous counter, she was too angry with him.

Potter had been unusually bitter towards her the entire day, and Callaway didn't want his childish bullshit to follow her into the night when she had just managed to find a bit of peace with that dog.

"So you're angry with me?" James asked once he noticed her ignoring him, words coming out of his mouth before he could stop them. "Mind explaining why?"

Anneliese turned to face him with her arms crossed over her chest, and Potter immediately regretted saying anything to her at all.

He had mostly been able to avoid eye contact with her that day, but now it made a blush creep up the back of his neck as his mind unwillingly flashed yet again to his very confusing dream the night before.

"I'm not angry with you, James," Anneliese sighed as she grabbed a blueberry muffin for the next morning's breakfast. "No one is, we're just all more confused than anything at why you're being so irritable lately."

"Yea, well there's a lot of that confusion going around," he snapped, still not looking her in the eye. "So forgive me for being a bit rude sometimes, but we all have our own problems to deal with."

Anneliese bristled slightly at his tone, wishing James would show her some respect.

"I never said that you didn't," Callaway replied in a tone like a mother would take while dealing with an impatient child, trying to stay as calm as possible. "I think you're tired James, and that you need to stop chugging that coffee like it's water and get some sleep."

Potter looked down at his reflection in the dark liquid in the mug for a few seconds before setting it down on the counter with a small clink and a frown.

"I'm not tired," he said firmly as Anneliese walked over to where he was standing and took the mug for herself, walking to one of the large brass sinks to rinse it out. "Why do you think I'm in here in the first place?"

"Why don't you tell me?" Callaway sighed as she ran the water and let it fill the mug. "Rant away James, I'm all ears."

"Oh, don't do that," Potter spat, a sneering glower on his face in the cold, dim light of the underground kitchen. "Don't make this about me being the problem here."

Anneliese blinked a few times as she slowly set down the now clean mug, turning to look up at James, not sure that she had heard him properly.

"So are you suggesting that I'm the problem?" she whispered, eyebrows furrowed with hurt at her friend's words. "Of course, why not?"

"I didn't mean it like that," James said, frowning as his hands itched for a snitch to relieve the tension in his hands. "At all."

"Well then, what did you mean?" Anneliese asked, hating humoring his little pout session with coffee to try and make him feel grown-up, but knowing letting him talk was the most selfless thing to do.

"I mean-" James started, then faltered.

Because what the fuck do I mean? Potter thought, anger and confusion taking him over yet again. I don't even know anymore-

His eyes caught on Anneliese's, waiting on him expectantly to give her a good explanation.

But I know what I want.

And then, against everything that James thought he knew, he made the largest mistake of his seventeen years that would have much larger consequences than he could have ever possibly anticipated in that haze of coffee and rage.

Potter kissed her.

Before Anneliese even knew what was happening, James's mouth had pressed against hers. It was nothing like Sirius's lips, which were gentle yet deeply caring ever since that day when she had pulled away from him on the shore of the Black Lake.

No, this kiss was angry and it hurt more than just physically.

So, before Callaway could even think about what she was doing, she pulled away and slapped James as hard as physically possible across his cheek.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Anneliese shouted, eyes already watering. "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, POTTER?"

James didn't even have time to answer before Callaway slapped him again, the crisp smack of the blow echoing through the high ceilings of the kitchen.

"I always knew that you were arrogant, lord, but this is completely out of line!" Anneliese yelled at him, voice cracking with emotion. "So I will ask you again, what the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"I-" Potter started, but Callaway cut him off before an excuse could even start to form.

"YOU CAN'T JUST KISS SOMEONE, JAMES!" she cried, brushing her fingertips on top of her mouth that no longer felt like her own. "YOU DO REALIZE-"

But then Anneliese couldn't even bear to continue as the memories of the foster home came flooding back to her. The boys had been so nice.. too nice.

"So was that what you being nice to me was all about?" she managed to choke out after a few seconds. "What, you just wanted to get into my pants? Have a fun time in payment for your kindness towards me?"

"What- no-" James sputtered, stomach dropping to what felt like the core of the earth.

"WELL THEN WHAT IS IT THEN?" Anneliese sobbed uncontrollably. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT COULD POSSESS YOU TO KISS A GIRL WITHOUT HER CONSENT?"

"Anneliese, I'm sorry," James said, not knowing what else to say. "Please.."

"No, not please anything, Potter, I OWE YOU NOTHING!" Callaway cried, hardly able to look at his face that had just been so close, too close to hers. "I am dating your best friend, and I am in love with your best friend, not you! I AM IN LOVE WITH SIRIUS BLACK!"

Once again, Anneliese found herself longing for Sirius in her weakest moments.

Black would have never done something like this, even before New York City.

Yes, his words were sometimes biting and cruel and completely out of line, but he always knew when Anneliese was uncomfortable and when he needed to stop