23. Living it or watching it?

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Nova

The  waiter sends me another look that makes me feel like a loser. I got ditched by my own boss and now people are staring at me with sympathy. Good grief, this is the last time I do anything nice for anyone. Mae was supposed to meet me for lunch but she didn't show up. Isn't it supposed to be the worker who's unprofessional? I'm totally gonna use this against her for a raise.

Sighing, I get ready to get up and do my walk of shame but my phone starts ringing and I hope it's the heathen who ditched me apologizing frantically. It ends up being Theo and some of my bad mood lifts. We've been talking more and every time it fills me with excitement. I pick up, bringing the phone to my ears. "Hey!" I sound too enthusiastic. Who gives a shit? Me... kind of.

"Where are you?" he asks. Aw, doesn't he have the best greetings?

"On a date," I say for my own amusement.

"Why'd you pick up then? Is he boring you?" he asks.

"No, I just wanted to remind myself of the... lesser men that exist," I say with a grin.

"You're cute, now be serious," he says.

I'm offended. Does he not think I could be on a date right now? "My date wouldn't like you calling me cute," I say.

"Tell your date I want to take his spot. Get lunch with me," he says.

Is he asking me out? This man... Nova, what better do you have to do today? That's true. "What if I don't want you to take his spot?"

"I'd be hurt," he says.

"I always figured you'd be too busy to have lunch," I say honestly. His job seems to swallow most of his time. I wonder how that feels. His entire life revolves around his work and he has a lot more than the normal person but he barely gets to live. 

"I don't starve, Scott," he sighs.

"Have lunch with someone else, I'm busy," I groan. I stare at the empty seat across from me and roll my eyes when the waiter dramatically sighs as she passes me.

"No one entertains me like you do," he says, making me feel all giddy. "I miss you." His words fall deep under my skin. I'll be thinking of them over and over again. I miss you. He misses me. Theo black misses me. I can't help the flush that runs its way down my body. Is it weird that I wish everyone in the world had heard that?

"So does my date," I continue, fighting my grin. "He's concerned for my phone bill."

"I'll pay it," he says. Of course, he'd pay it. That seems to be the only thing he has to offer these days.

"Now that's a good offer," I sigh. "I'm not convinced yet."

"Please," he grumbles reluctantly. How cute! he can use manners once in a while.

I smile, call him adorable which almost earns me him hanging up, and then ask what he likes from the menu before he gets on my nerves and I hang up instead. I order for him, getting him a cookie even though he didn't ask for one. The waiter looks relieved to get an update from me and before I know it, I'm on my way to his work building.

The last time I was here, we had a less than lovely interaction, but now, I feel embarrassed by how excited I am to see him. You know how sometimes when you look forward to something so much that the rest of your day feels boring compared to your expectations for that one thing? That's how I feel every time I have plans to see him and I honestly hate it. It makes me feel stupid and small, but I can't help it.

My life in new york has constantly been filled with me doing little rituals to make it more romantic to my heart but this is something that naturally fills the space between my ribs with something worth holding onto.

********

The walk to the building is quick, considering it was (coincidently) close to the cafe I had been at. I walk up the steps of the building with my heart speeding up. As a result, my steps quicken as well. We've been talking more, but both of us are busy and rarely have time to see each other. I think it's stupid that he can just demand my presence and I agree, but you know, priorities. Barely, but still.

I think I'm just scared to admit I like being around him. Even if sometimes it's just me talking and him looking at me like I'm crazy, trying to comprehend the words coming out of my mouth. The important part is that he tries to understand. God, we should really stop settling for the bare minimum.

I walk in with false confidence because let's be honest, who the fuck wouldn't be nervous as fuck while asking to see the CEO of a 40 story building in the heart of Manhattan?

Then again, I also get to look at it like how it is: the CEO of this building begged me on the phone for 10 minutes for me to come and see him knowing I won't do anything with him. There, now my ego is boosted and I also have something to hold against Theo for the next few months. Not that I will.

I walk up to the desk the paper bag with lunch in my hand. The lady flicks her eyes up at me and assesses me. "Delivery?" she questions absent-mindedly.

"No," I say. Ouch. If I knew I would end up in one of the grandest buildings in the city, I would've worn something more appealing than a brown sweater and jeans. But I was raised not to judge anyone by their appearance- a lesson I don't think this lady spent enough time on.

She sighs, "Name?"

First or last? I hate these sorts of interactions. What if he didn't give her my name? "Nova Scott," I say, rocking slightly on my feet before reminding myself to at least keep some composure.

She flips through something that looks like a planner. She meets my eyes with a kind of pity that I find almost funny. It's like when you tell people you're sick and they automatically think you have the plague. "Are you here for Mr.Black?"

It's so strange watching a lady probably twice his age refer to him by such a fancy title. "Yes," I answer.

She gives me a 'you poor thing' look before telling me what floor his office is on. "He's in a meeting but he usually doesn't mind if you wait in his office." I nod, thanking her.

Usually? She thinks I'm one of his fuck-buddies. This fucking man gets on my nerves without even talking to me. He's lucky I don't completely hate his ass. The building is so large that I'm scared I'm going to get lost. The mirrored walls of the elevator give me an opportunity to fix my hair and the lipgloss on my lips. My gold jewelry reflects against the smooth surface and when the doors slide open my nerves start to flow.

How do I know I'm not being sent to his dad's office? Ugh, that's gross if the lady thought I was here for his dad. A few people in the office turn towards me curiously and the weight of their stares make me feel shame that I don't deserve to feel. Even if I was here to fuck him, I don't think that warrants me disrespectful stares. It's not my fault he's a man-whore. That's harsh but what can you do.

"No, I don't know what you mean. How would I get a hanger stuck in the fucking dryer? Can we not have this conversation right no-" A tall man with blonde hair pauses in front of me before his lips curve into a pretty smile. "I'll call you back."

Asher hangs up the phone, sliding it into his pocket. "Nova!"

"Asher!" I greet, mimicking his enthusiasm. I'm going to choose to ignore the conversation he was having on the phone.

"Why are you here?" he frowns slightly. "What did he do?"

"Asked me to have lunch with him," I answer, feeling a little nervous admitting that we're on these terms. I could pretend I don't know who he's talking about, but I have no other reason to be in this building. It's also funny that he thinks I'd show up just because he did something to upset me.

Asher's lips twitch, "So you're who he canceled his lunch meeting for."

I recoil, "I didn't know that."

Asher shrugs, "It's alright. You're saving us from his bad mood for the day."

I laugh a little, "I doubt that."

"You doubt a lot more than you know," he says before draping his arm around me. "Let's go trash his office!"

I laugh as asher takes us to a large door at the end of the floor where a large room with sleek furniture, large windows, and pretty paintings. There's a desk with a computer and a large rolling chair. There are multiple places to sit and a bookshelf where I spot well-loved copies of books I've been wanting to read for ages.

The room smells clean and like him- is it weird to recognize that? Hopefully not... There's also a jacket draped over one arm of the couch and paperwork on a side table that's in front of a leather couch. Surprisingly there are plants too. If I had an office like this, there would be no way it would be this neat.

I walk to his desk, sitting in his big chair, wondering how many hours he spends on it. The window overlooks the tops of buildings, the warm sun mingling well with the dark accents of this room. I like to imagine he occasionally looks out of the window and remembers the world doesn't revolve around him.

"I hope you know he's not gonna be happy to find you in his chair," Jordie comments as he walks in. Look, the gangs together.

I shrug, "He can find somewhere else to sit." I mean it. This chair is super comfortable and makes me feel all important.

"Good luck with that," Asher says, falling onto the couch, his large body covering most of the space.

"Do you guys normally come in here?" I ask.

Jordie laughs, "Fuck no. Either he's fucking someone in here or he's yelling at someone."

I grimace. This sudden hurt starts to run its way down my bones and my heart squeezes just a little. The thought of him in here with other women... "I think the front desk lady thinks I'm here to have sex with him."

"It hasn't happened in a while," asher says casually. Then he looks at me with a knowing smile, "He usually only did it to piss his father off."

I hum, "That still doesn't make it any better."

They laugh at me and I roll my eyes. I grab my purse and look for my phone to text Theo I'm here but while searching I get sidetracked by an eyeliner pen and some nail polish I had put in there for a long train ride I had to go on a few days ago. "Who wants me to do their eyeliner?" I ask.

Theo

The meeting was pointless and as I walk back to my office I'm in a bad mood. I get stopped twice by useless people who can't do anything without inquiry. I'm on my phone as I walk- it's the only way to stop people from talking to me right now. Normally I have better patience for these types of days, but today has been a fucking pain in the ass. I've heard the same things be said 30 different times, 30 different ways.

Luckily I make it to my office but when I open my door, I see Nova scolding asher to stay still while he stands in front of her and she has some sort of pen-looking thing to his eyes. Jordie is on the couch looking between me and the other two with amusement. "I just want my nails painted," he clarifies.

That gets Nova's attention and she meets my eyes before she gives me one of her 'i'm innocent' smiles. I didn't think she'd actually show up but seeing her here makes my mood lift. I should hate it but I don't. By now I've learned to ignore the thoughts that come with seeing her... at least for now.

Asher tells her she's hurting him and she tells him to shut up, and Jordan catches me up on her antics while I was in my meeting. I stay by the door, arms crossed, watching her laugh or smile. I don't see her much anymore and I try not to think of her too much, but she's gotten herself engraved into everything I do. When I get tired of listening to Asher and Jordan argue about who gets their nails painted first, I send a glare to both of them. "Get out."

"No!" Nova protests. "Let me finish the wing."

I furrow my brows, studying her as she concentrates on whatever she's doing. Her hands on him make me clench my jaw, but I refrain from dragging his ass out. Only because I'll get hell from her if she's upset. The last thing I need is her going on about how much she doesn't like me. She finishes and leans back to study him before grinning. "I'm so good at this."

Asher turns towards me. Neat eyeliner on his eyes. "Tell me I look pretty," He flutters his eyes at me.

"I don't like to lie," I say.

He flips me off and Nova laughs. "Nova, you should do this on Theo," asher grins. "He needs it."

I glare at the two idiots who are still in the room, "Get out before you both lose your jobs, yeah?"

They sigh dramatically, giving pleasant goodbyes to nova and flipping me off. When the door closes I meet the eyes of the 3rd idiot who is watching me through amused eyes, a smile dancing on her lips.

She's still on my desk, a few of my things moved around and a few green sticky notes with handwriting I haven't seen since our letters. She left notes for me. This fucking girl. I walk closer, barely standing between her parted legs. Her breathing shifts and I can't help my smirk. I love watching the way she reacts to such little things. Makes me want to see how far she'd let me go before her overthinking pulls her away.

I keep space between our bodies but when she looks up, her lips could easily meet mine. What if she does? I wouldn't want it... not yet. If I kiss her, I'll want something more. Something she'd never give me without the risk of losing all the trust we've built. I like the wait, though. The better things in life come from long waits and for her, I seem to have all the damn patience in the world.

My hands rest on the edge of the desk, caging her in. "Missed me?" I ask, brushing her hair away from her shoulder, pulling away when her subtle vanilla smell hits me.

She leans back, meeting my eyes, "Not as much as I miss the date I left."

I nod, rolling my tongue along my bottom lip, "I doubt he feels the same way."

"You're mean," she exhales, hopping off my desk and lazily sitting in one of the chairs in front of it.

I walk around to sit down in my own chair, glaring at her when she props her feet on the desk. She smiles at me, acting like she doesn't see how unamused I am. I fight the urge to stare at the curve of her lips. "You're funny when you're doing your job," she says after a few seconds of watching me look through paperwork.

Of course, I am. "Only to you, Scott."

"I hear you have a reputation for being a dick," she comments. "I can't exactly say I don't believe it."

I shrug, "That's the last thing I give a shit about when I come in here."

"Is it?" she questions skeptically. "Last time I checked, people don't like rude people."

"They don't have to like shit," I mutter. "As long as they respect me."

"You only say that because half the world sees you on magazines and kisses your ass," she says.

"I can't control how people react to my presence," I say, reading over paperwork.

"Don't you ever meet someone who you want to like you?" She questions. "Someone whose opinion genuinely matters to you? There's no way you're so carefree all the time."

I meet her eyes, finding that they were already searching for mine. Yes, of course, I've wanted certain people to like me. But it's never something I've struggled with. When your status is high enough, whether it's genuine or not, people will do anything to try and impress you. "Sometimes," I say just to satisfy her.

She nods, turning her head to look out the open window. "I brought you food," she says after some time. I watch her as she struggles to meet my eyes. Out of nervousness? I cant tell.

"Did you eat?" I ask her.

"No, you interrupted me before I could do that," she sighs playfully.

"Mmm, I guess that means your date wasn't too happy," I murmur, propping my chin on my propped up palm, looking at her. For some reason, it's hard for me to focus on the words right now.

She's toying with a pen she took from my drawer, her lips twitching. "Well, would you be happy if your date left you for another man?"

I shrug. Watching her infiltrate my space so casually makes my tense shoulders relax. She's comfortable with me and now I'm just fucking terrified of losing it. "I'm usually the better option."

She laughs lightly, rolling her pretty eyes before looking at me. Her eyes scan my face, she shrugs, "Or they feel charitable."

"Yeah?" I ask, rolling my tongue along the inside of my cheek, trying to hold back my smile.

"Yeah," she nods. Then I see her mind shift, her eyes catch to something random and I know she's going to start one of her random conversations about skyscrapers being too tall or something. She looks at me with curiosity, "Are you busy?"She has this habit of looking at me with a sort of hesitation I'll never understand.

I frown, "No, Scott. Of course, I'm not busy at my job. What about you?"

She's about to smartass me but my phone rings and I'm reminded of how annoying the world outside us is. I'm thrown back into reality when I'm keeping eye contact with Nova while answering my phone, being told that I'm having two people sent up to run some plans with me. Nova frowns when I hang up, "You're busy for real then."

I smile a little and some of the tension in her face relieves, "Something like that."

She slumps in the chair, her black hair falling over her shoulders, an easy smile on her lips. "I should probably leave then."

My body tenses. This is why I can't be around her. I can't walk away. I feel selfish for making her come all this way knowing she has a life of her own, but I'm not exactly known for keeping up with my morals. "Stay, the meeting shouldn't take long."

She shakes her head, her dangly gold earrings shaking, "Theo-"

The door opens and I release an annoyed breath. I turn towards the door to find Allie and another woman I don't recognize. Nova sits upright, the two new women in the room narrow their gaze at her. I can tell they want her out and I can feel the annoyance radiate from them when I don't tell her to get out.

Nova

I'm about to gather my things when Theo rises from his seat, walking around and putting a heavy hand on my shoulder, keeping me down. "I'm assuming this won't take long."

Allie, the only one I recognize, gives him a displeased smile, "No, of course not."

I fidget with my bracelet while they prepare paperwork, paying attention only to the fact that his big ass ring-covered hand is still on my shoulder. I can feel his eyes on me but I don't meet them because I want him to know I'm upset at him for holding me hostage. I feel embarrassed sitting here, so I go on my phone as they start talking.

He tells them to sit on the couch while he leans against the wall. He's witty, flirty, and casual. It reminds me of the way he acts around me and that doesn't make me feel good. The chair I'm sitting on is one of those fancy armchair-type things where I can spin... I decide to refrain from spinning... for now.

I do turn slightly so I can see him. His dark hair is getting longer, falling gently over the nape of his neck in messy curls. I wonder if he'll ever let me do it for him. He'd look cute with pigtails. I watch as he steps forward and takes a folder out of Allie's hand and she leans into him a little, blushing.

For some reason, my stomach clenches and It dawns on me that I'm jealous. It's this sticky feeling of desperation when you know you don't deserve it. I have no right to be jealous but I can't help it. I hate the feeling and I don't want to be in the room anymore, so I turn back around, pick up one of the sticky notes.

My body

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