60. Two Steps Back

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height

Letting go of my hands, Freddie walked toward the turntable, temporarily breaking the spell. He browsed his record collection, muttering the artist names under his breath. "Let's see, um... Aretha Franklin? Not tonight. Jimi Hendrix? Can't really dance to that, and you don't like him anyway-"

I blinked, tried to recapture my senses. "Freddie, he's fine, I just don't think he's the be-all and end-all."

He waved his hand at me, going on, "Uh, the Stones, Joni Mitchell, more Aretha- Il Trovatore- darling, help me out here-"

"How about Al Stewart?"

"Not sure if I have any Al St- hey, where did this come from?" Freddie drew out an Al Stewart record, looking at me quizzically.

"Oh, I bought that at the record store a couple of days ago," I said offhandedly. "It's a good album- especially the last song."

"Year of the Cat. Hmm. I've heard that before, but I don't remember how it goes. Is it dance-able?"

"Very."

"Mm. Oh, why not. The title's good enough for me."

So Freddie placed the vinyl on his turntable and moved the needle to the very last track.

The music softly played through the turntable speakers- and in one smooth motion, Freddie seized me in his arms and started swaying us playfully around the parlor.

There was minimal space between our bodies as we danced through the dining room, into the kitchen, back to the parlor. I had only danced with him like this three times before: the Mercurena, the brief dance we shared on the floor of the Heatwave, and that sweet daydream on the bridge in Central Park. And now, this, one last gentle rock in his arms.

The thought gave me pause. Was this our last dance? Did I dare leave this man behind me, when I'd promised to stay? Even if I hadn't given my word, Freddie's generosity alone should have been enough to make me reconsider.

We passed the piano, and my eyes alighted on Yin and Yang. It was true after all, wasn't it; my personal feelings aside, I did feel as if I belonged with him, somehow.

Then again, the reason for that may be as simple as, I love him, and to add on to that, I've slept with him, so now we have this consummate connection. Good grief. I just don't know anymore.

Regardless of the road I chose, having sex with him tonight would not make anything easier- though the idea felt as tempting as ever before. I bit my lip, and tried to remember every reason in the world not to succumb- but I couldn't fully concentrate on any of them. How could I, with the man himself humming softly to the music, his arm securely locked around my waist, and that sweet licorice-cologne cloud engulfing me. Like usual, Freddie wasn't helping.

"Hey," Freddie cooed suddenly.

I smiled. "Hey."

"You're so quiet tonight," he said.

"I'm just thinking; there's a lot to think about."

"I know what you mean." He kissed my cheek. "Tell me, darling, what was it that changed?"

"Changed what?"

"What, um, turned you on to me?"

"You mean seven years ago, or when I arrived here?"

"I suppose what I'm asking is, what made you go from 'not in love' to 'in love' with me?"

"You know, I don't think it was any one thing," I mused. "Falling in love with you kind of sprang up out of nowhere, it took me a while to get over the fact that I was with you at all."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. You- let's just say, you weren't at all what I expected."

"Is that good or bad?"

"That's very, very good."

His brows creased a little. "Well, I suppose the next natural question is, what did you expect?"

"Can I be honest?"

"I'll accept nothing less."

"And you won't get mad?"

"Probably not."

"That's good enough," I shrugged. "I, uh- I expected pretty much what I saw in the music videos, and the interviews."

"Music videos?"

"The, uh- promo films, I mean. Which means- I expected a guy who was loud and flamboyant in a crowd- but one-on-one was shy and reserved."

"I am rather shy," he countered. "I mean, I'm not when I'm on stage, I'm a big, loud ponce then. I have to be. But I admit, I can be quite shy around people I don't know."

"I was a perfect stranger to you, Freddie, but I've yet to see that kind of shy. That's what I mean."

"Maybe it never really felt like you were a stranger, and that made all the difference."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just- with you, I don't feel quite so, uh- so alien. So out of place. It may sound rather silly, but I don't know. Maybe you just know how to handle me," he laughed softly.

I looked into his eyes. "Do you really feel like that?"

"It's not just a feeling. I'm different from most people in many ways, I know that. I'm still a person, you know, I'm a human being, but I'm well aware that I don't exactly, um- fit the mold. That's just the way it's always been."

"Go on."

He shot me a furtive glance. "Shouldn't you be taking notes or something?"

I shook my head. "Keep talking, Mr. J. Harley's listening to every word."

Freddie flashed me the briefest of Mona Lisa smiles, before continuing. "It's just, I've- always sort of been on my own, ever since I was a child. I had to look out for myself, be my own protection. Who else was going to do it for me? My parents? They may as well have been on some other planet, for all the good they could do. If there's anything I learned at that school, it's that it's all down to me, and I- suppose I've never really had a reason since then, to- sort of take a different approach.

"But even with all that, I do so want to trust- I just don't pick them very well, I suppose. But I try. That's all I can do is try."

He looked back down at me and chuckled. "Listen to me run on. Here we are, dancing, and I'm just pouring my heart out."

"I love it. Talk all you want." I kissed his cheek, thoroughly enchanted once again.

"See there, that's your fault. You're much too easy to talk to. I think it's those eyes, they just- What I mean is, you would indeed make a lovely psychiatrist."

"Thank you," I smiled.

He seemed to pull me closer, cutting out whatever space remained between us. "If it's a job you're worried about finding, I wouldn't mind having a shrink following me around all the time."

"I'm not your therapist, Freddie. I'm your friend."

"Don't you mean, girlfriend?"

I stopped dancing. "Is that what I am?"

Freddie cocked his head. "You don't mind the idea, do you?"

"N-no... This just wasn't ever discussed, so..."

"Well, since you've made it quite clear you don't want to be my mother," he remarked, "you're either my therapist, or my girlfriend. Which would you rather be?"

A burst of heat bubbled up from my heart and flowed into my cheeks. "I'd rather be your girlfriend."

Freddie traced my lips with his finger. "That's exactly what I hoped you'd say."

"Does that make you, um... my boyfriend?"

"That's usually how it works."

"Oh." I swallowed.

"Why?"

"Nothing, I just- never had a boyfriend before."

His brows rose. "I refuse to believe that."

"It's true, though," I shrugged.

Freddie squinted. "How did you manage that? Someone like you I'd expect would have their hands full."

I turned away from him. "I suppose I- didn't exactly fit in myself."

Then why have I decided to go ba-

I stopped the thought in its tracks. Freddie was screwing with my head again. I'd made up my mind, and as unhappy as this decision was making me, I couldn't go through the wishy-washy back and forth again. I had to be strong.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and he twirled me gently back towards him. "You know something, Julia? I don't think you'd fit in anywhere."

"No?"

"No. You don't even fit in here."

I blinked. "Thank you?"

"I simply meant," Freddie explained, "that you're thoroughly unlike anyone else I've ever met- and I don't think I'll ever find another like you. But," he added all of a sudden, "even with that in mind I just can't believe- Had you really never, you know- been anywhere close to in love?"

I shook my head. "Never. I was saving up for the right one."

"Oh, yes?"

"Mm-hmmm..."

"How did you expect to find the right one, though, if you didn't go through the whole-"

"It all worked out," I shrugged. "Quite beautifully, in fact."

Freddie blinked, waited for me to explain.

I tapped his chest, and smiled. "He's right in front of me."

Why am I saying this? Of course I mean it, but why am I fanning the flames here?

Somehow Freddie's eyes deepened as they looked at me. He touched my face. "Kiss me, darling."

"Wait." Suddenly I had a silly idea, one that could ease the building tensions- and they indeed were building. Running a hand through his hair, I whispered, "Freddie, can I try something?"

"Anything, dear."

"All right, close your eyes."

He closed his eyes.

Behind his back I went for the cherry cordials and plucked one from the box. "Now open your mouth."

Freddie opened one eye a crack, looked at me quizzically.

"Trust me."

An amused little smile creeping across his lips, Freddie opened up, but not too widely, and closed both eyes again.

I put one of the candies in his mouth. "Now bite down gently, so that it's half in half out."

He did as I said, and realized what I was doing. "ou're 'o 'illy," Freddie chuckled unintelligibly.

"Good man," I mumbled. Two seconds later, I leaned in and bit the other half of the candy, so that it looked like Freddie and I were playing a very intimate game of tug-of-war. Then we bit down into it, so that our lips brushed against each other's in a sweet, chocolate-flavored kiss. Some of the cherry syrup escaped and ran down from our lips, making us laugh into each other's mouths.

"Now that's a proper kiss," I sighed. "Always wanted to do that."

"I think some missed the mark," Freddie said. "I'll fix it." He took his finger and swept the stray red syrup from my bottom lip and chin. I did the same for him, tongue slowly curling around my own finger. A soft, suggestive moan rose in my throat as I briefly imagined my finger to be something else entirely- but I stopped myself before I could get too carried away. At least, I tried to. For at that moment, Freddie, too, released a deep, heavy sigh and nuzzled my forehead with his. He stood so close, free hand wrapping around my arm and tightening its grip.

At last Freddie opened his eyes, and the look in them confirmed: this wasn't cooling anybody's jets.

"Year of the Cat" had ended, and the record ceased spinning. Turning his gaze away, Freddie glided, not to the record player, but my Android. He tapped the password in, then found my music. Quickly he walked toward the base of the stairs and placed the phone on the shelf, and a track I had never thought of as romantic before purred into the air.

"Girl," sang Urge Overkill, "you'll be a woman soon..."

Then Freddie brushed back up against me. "One more," he whispered, all innocent playfulness vanishing.

Before I could answer, he seized me round my waist and pulled me close while my whole body pulsated with wanting him. Control. Just one last night. I want him so much, but I have to be smart here. Control. God help me.

But it seemed self-control was not the main act of tonight's show. Suddenly his hands had slipped back around my waist, then one of them moved down, slowly, slowly, until it took hold of my bottom and squeezed. My eyes closed involuntarily.

I forced a laugh, saying, "Haven't you violated me enough in the past twenty-four hours?" As if it wasn't clear how quickly he was turning me on.

"Violated?" Freddie hissed. "I'll show you violated."

I felt him nipping his way along my neck, then my jaw, until finally he reached my ear lobe and sent spasms of delight through my limbs. We were swaying much slower than before, until finally we stopped dancing altogether.

"Oh, Julia," he murmured as he nibbled my ear, "we are going to make such beautiful babies..."

I smiled, belying how my body shuddered from Freddie's soft bites, and managed, "I thought we were going to buy the ready-made products from-"

"Actually, I've heard the homemade ones turn out better," Freddie replied. "Besides, we can't let John have all the fun. One and a half he has already; we'd... better get a move on."

"Oh, we'd be hard pressed to catch up," I murmured. "John's going to keep Veronica barefoot and pregnant until he's got six of them. Mark my words."

Freddie looked down. "Well, you're halfway there, anyway."

"Halfway where?"

The dark eyes gleamed. "You're barefoot, all I need to do now is get you pregnant."

I heard myself sigh more heavily than before. My God. That was so hot. Somebody tell me why that was so hot.

His hands slipped up my back, searching for the zipper of my white dress. At the nape of my neck, the top clasp unhooked, and those big, wonderful hands slowly pulled the dress open. When the zipper had gone as far down as possible, I felt a single fingertip slide up against my spine while his hot, heavy breath puffed against my neck and shoulders. I swallowed hard.

My prince, please, I begged him silently. I can't let you do this to me again. We've done it a total of three times now, that's three times too many. Freddie, I'm in deep enough already, stop it!

"No bra?" he noted, licking his lips. Suddenly his voice became dry and mocking. "Hmm. Someone's slacked off on the laundry, I suppose."

Freddie was teasing me now, so it was high time I started teasing him. I took a step back, and taunted him, "You make an excellent point; I'll go throw one on right now."

"How long will that take?"

"All night."

"That's too long."

"That's too bad!" I broke away from him with a coquettish little grin.

He folded his arms. "You don't want me tonight. Is that it?"

I began, "I didn't say that-"

"Forget it," he hissed. "I don't feel like playing this game tonight, so forget it."

Freddie didn't mean a word of it. He was pretending, testing me, I knew that. We'd done this countless times before- I'd seen this enough to know better than to buckle now. So I called his bluff.

I sighed. "Okay, then. See you in the morning." I started toward the kitchen- why, I don't know.

"So you don't need me after all, huh?" he called after me.

"Again, I never said that."

"Doesn't matter what you said. It's either you need me or you don't."

"Oh," I pretended to think it over. "Well then, I guess I don't."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, fine. I don't need you either."

"Okay."

"Yeah."

We just stood there, daring each other with our eyes, and wouldn't budge a muscle. In the next second, my situation went from worrisome to critical: John Hiatt's "Alone in the Dark" began to pound a sinful beat around us. Even alone, this song excited me more than would be considered appropriate. Hearing it now, and standing ten feet away from a walking, talking aphrodisiac- I didn't stand a chance.

When I could bear it no longer, I asked him, "So what are you just standing there for?"

His hands clenched and unclenched at a steady rate. "Why aren't you, you know, going to bed?"

"I asked you first."

Freddie blinked, worked his mouth. "Why are we even being like this?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Do you?"

"Not really."

I nodded. "Maybe we should cut it out."

"Maybe."

We stood there a few more agonizing seconds, my body silently aching for his while John Hiatt cruelly tortured me, until Freddie exploded, "Oh, for God's sake, you evil little c--- tease, just come over here and let's f--- already!"

I laughed, because that had to have been the most unromantic thing he had ever said to me- but before I could say as much, Freddie held me captive in his arms. Once more I fell victim to his kisses, opening my mouth willingly when his tongue forced my lips apart.

Into his mouth I said, "Let's go up-"

"Uh-uh."

"But you said-"

"Right here."

"But this is the kitchen."

"What's your point?"

I didn't have one. So then I undid the buttons of his shirt and pushed the lapels apart. Breathlessly he shuffled his arms out of his shirt so that bare chest, which rose and fell more deeply with each passing second, was fully revealed. My heart pounded. I was standing before the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. There wasn't much fight left in me anymore. The fog had rolled in, and all I wanted to do was love him, please him- make him slowly, sweetly, lose his mind.

That night, if you were a fly on the wall, you would not have seen much at this moment, as the flat was dim in some places and dark in others. But oh, what a strange mix of sounds you would have heard, from all directions:

From the parlor, John Hiatt's guitar sending sexy wails into the air;

From the sofa, a restless Oscar picking a fight with Tiffany, meowing and hissing as they swatted paws at each other;

From the green room nightstand, the Relic beeping ominously, warning anyone who cared to know that the battery needed charging badly;

From the kitchen floor- and later, Freddie's bed, the sound of us, a young man and an even younger woman- two people who were never meant to walk the Earth at the same time, let alone meet- as we gave ourselves to each other, impatient in our passions, tragic in our destinies, loving one another as fully as we could, making the very most of our night.

A night that could never have been long enough. **********************************************************************

One of his fingers twirled lazily around a stray, tangled brown lock. "...Darling?"

"Mmmm... yes, Freddie."

"You, uh- you were a virgin before I met you, right?"

"Mm-hm."

"Are you absolutely certain of that?"

I laughed into his shoulder. "Pretty darn certain, actually. Why?"

"Might I simply say, you don't exactly act like one."

"What can I say," I sighed. "You bring out the worst in me."

"If that was your worst," he mumbled, "I can't even comprehend what your best must be like."

"Speak for yourself, my prince," I said, running my hand through the damp chest hair and making him hum contentedly. "Half of that stuff- I didn't even know those were things."

"Anything you can think of can be a thing, really, if you do it right."

"That was deep," I murmured. "I think once I saw a coffee mug with that stamped on the side."

"F--- off," he snickered sleepily. "I'm too pissed for that shit."

"Done."

"Thank you."

We lay in bed, breathless but satisfied- and drunk. I admit it; we both were. I had been tipsy before, and accidentally high; but now I was solidly drunk, as was Freddie, on just about everything- alcohol, love, sleepiness (it was a quarter till two in the morning, and we'd come home at around ten that night- do the math), and each other.

His hand started rubbing my back. "Sit up, dear, let me have a look at you."

"I'm a mess."

"You're beautiful. Let me see you."

So I propped myself up on my knees, still straddling his waist, and bent toward him. Thanks to the light from the hall, I could see his face well enough to see his face was still flushed and glistening, and that his hair stuck up in all directions. Even in the darkness, his eyes looked sleepy

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net