TW: EMOTIONAL DISTRESS, TRAUMA, DETAIL OF ABUSE

"Wakey wakey sleeping beauty." is softly whispered over me as I start coming to.

"Come on sweetcheeks, you have approximately 30 seconds to come back to the land of the living before Sophia drags your ass to the ER."

"Threatening me is not a nice wake up call Lia." I mumble into my pillow.

"Yeah well neither was you passing out last night so suck it up buttercup." Kate replies snarkily.

I attempt to glare at her as I open my eyes but the pressure in my head is uncomfortable to say the least.

"How are you feeling?" Soph asks attentively.

"Like I got thrown around like a rag doll." I grumble.

"I will happily trade you for that experience." Lia sighs.

"Feeling horny today Ophelia?" Sophia taunts.

"Not all of us have regular access to dick Sophia." Lia groans in response.

"Could we maybe do this when Lexi looks less like a zombie?" Kate chides.

"I know that was for my benefit but did you really have to compare me to the walking dead?" I ask, sitting up slowly so that my covers fall down to my waist, "It's that bad huh?"

Their silence and side glances at each other were all too telling.

I swing my legs out of bed and stand on shaky legs, gratefully grabbing onto Kate as she offered her arm out to me for support. We walked at my pace over to the full length mirror stood between our bedroom and bathroom doors.

I look down as we walk, under the pretence I'm concentrating on my footing when in realty I'm trying to delay seeing my reflection.

I can feel the bruising on my cheek every time I blink and my body is sore all over but not seeing it allows me to be in denial that I'm back in this situation - the morning after, wondering how much ice and make up I'll need to fix myself.

Rip the band-aid off Lexi. You have to see it sooner or later.

I lift my head in a single swift motion and run my eyes over the injuries that are visible.

The sleeves of my sweatshirt must've been pushed up in my sleep because I can see the bandage covering my right forearm, a thin red tinge showing that I bled through at the centre of the cut. The bruise on my cheekbone surrounds the small cut made my Derrick's ring and is a sinister looking mix of purple and blue. The colors are mirrored on my wrist where Derrick had manhandled me and I have no doubt my torso will look just as bad judging from the discomfort that come with each breath I take.

I suppose the appropriate response would be to turn away from my reflection or to cry as I take it all in. But no tears form and I simply sigh at the damage because I don't feel sad looking at the mess in the mirror. I feel disappointed because it seems I'm great at holding up my end of a promise to everyone but myself. 

Promising myself I'd never be in this situation again, examining the marks he left behind, was a waste of breath.

"You don't look shocked." Sophia states rather than questioning if I am.

"This has happened before" Lia says, pushing herself off my bed and walking over the flank the other side of me in line with Kate who's still holding me up, "You don't look scared or horrified by any of it. You're looking at yourself like the marks are a shame but nothing you've not seen before."

Maybe I should've forced myself to cry so I wasn't so goddamn easy to read.

"Is that true? You've been hurt like this before?" Sophia prompts.

I realise then that I'm staring at them both through the mirror, looking like a goldfish as my mouth moves but no words come out.

"You don't have to say anything Lex." Kate whispers subtly to me but given the events my flatmates had to deal with last night, I think I owe them more than a brush off comment.

"I have some skeletons in the closet. One particular one who I just can't seem to keep locked away." I reply, my tone sounding defeated as my gaze falls back on myself in the mirror. "I'm more familiar than I perhaps should be within this kind of reflection."

It's quiet for a moment while they digest what I said.

I was always under the impression that telling people about my past, no matter the circumstances, would be considered attention seeking. The fact that I knew it was too much of a risk anyway was beside the point because even if I could've ranted about locked doors and cracked knuckles, I would never have chosen too.

The sad fact is people say they'll support you and try to understand, but the second you open your mouth they stop listening. Because what you have to say is an inconvenient truth, especially when it criticises those in a position of power. Like a parent or a teacher. Or in my case, the friend of the teacher I opened up to. A friend who was also my step-father. A man who established himself as the unbeatable evil in my life when he discovered what I'd let slip.

'You did a foolish thing you little brat. Luckily my friend has enough sense not to swallow your bullshit.'

'No one will believe you. Not even if you scream.'

Lia slips her hand into mine, "Just say the word and we'll bring you the bastard's head."

We all chuckle at her remark and I'm grateful for the lift it brings to the mood, something I think Lia did intentionally when she winks at me in the mirror. Sophia isn't far behind with her own reassurance, kissing my temple and giving me a sweet, comforting smile.

I gave up a long time ago trying to get people to hear me. Which is probably why I'm surprised now as my new friends accept it so easily, choosing to be on my side. Choosing to believe me.

Who would've thought in 2 months, I'd go from no friends to three who show compassion for me as a package deal with my flaws.

It brings me a sense of comfort I've been missing and have slowly been finding again. With both the girls and the boy who taught me what it was in the first place.

"Why don't you shower Lex and we'll sort out some food?" Sophia kindly suggested. She walked over the my bed and picked a plastic bag up from on the floor, handing it to me when she came back. "To cover your arm. Don't want to ruin Mason's handiwork just yet though we should change the dressing later and make sure you don't need some more material stitches."

I nod but my attention has drifted from my injuries to the missing hockey captain who's shoulder I'm pretty sure I fell asleep on.

"Where are the guys?" I ask, trying to be at least a little bit subtle about my desire to know where Mason is.

"Hugo, Anthony and Seb are in the living room. They stayed in case we needed anything else since Sam and Mason left about 30 minutes ago." Kate replies.

"Where'd they go?" I ask, attempting to hide my disappointment and confusion that Mason left so soon without even a text considering how things somewhat shifted last night for us.

"No idea. Seb thinks they might've gone to tell Coach why they missed the team workout this morning." Soph explains.

"Oh, okay." I reply casually, trying not to pay attention to the disappointment I feel knowing Mason left without an explanation or even a goodbye. I turn to enter the bathroom but stop in my tracks feeling as though I should say something about last night to the girls, especially given how calmly they reacted this morning about my past with injuries like these. "I just-" I falter as they all turn back to face me from where they were about to exit the room, "I just wanted to thank you all. I didn't mean to drag you into all this when I moved in here, god knows you didn't plan on it either."

"You don't need to thank us Lexi." Soph said with a smile.

"I do." I reply, "Most people would judge or demand an explanation from me instead of putting my needs first like you all did."

"We've all got baggage Lex. We're not going to treat you any different because yours decided to pay a nasty little visit." Lia shrugged.

"We love you Lexi." Kate added. Her words were short and sweet but we'd said everything we needed to last night.

"I love you guys too" I replied, meaning every syllable and man did it feel good to have friends to say that to.

I walked into the bathroom and gingerly shed my clothing, revealing the expected purple mosaic across my stomach. I couldn't help but think as I stepped into the shower that at least my saving grace this time was that I could hide the majority of the evidence under long sleeved shirts until it healed.

Hiding it was always the best option. People couldn't question what they couldn't see.

~~~~~

"Lexi!" Kate yelled my name frantically over the sound of the hairdryer as she sped into our room.

I turned the appliance off despite my hair being damp still and looked at her in total confusion. One day this flat will be less of a carnival fun house but apparently that day is not today.

She thrust her phone at me, "It's Sam."

"Hey Sam, everything okay?" I asked as I held the phone up with my uninjured arm.

"Not exactly. I'm sorry Lexi, I know you're hurt but I really need your help here." he replies, sounding as though he's way out his depth wherever he is.

"Gonna need a little more than that Sam."

"Mason went home."

"Okay? I can get Kate to drive me to your house but -"

"Not our house. Mason went home, as in his family home. The one next to yours."

My confusion reached at all time high. What the hell was Mason doing back in Wrendale?!

"He found your notebook Lexi. I don't know how or what he read exactly but he flipped out. He's been in the stone shed in his garden for a while and I don't know what's going through his head and I don't know how to help him."

I don't respond. I think I've lost the ability to think or speak for myself.

He knows. Mason knows what happened. Or he's at least figuring it out as we speak.

And that realisation terrifies me more that anything Derrick could do to me.

"Lexi? Did you hear me? Mason needs you."

"I'm on my way." I reply finally, my voice quiet and gravelly as I put the phone down on Sam.

"He didn't tell me much, just that he needed to talk to you about an emergency." Kate explains.

I clear my throat, "Mason found the notebook."

Kate's face falls into sheer panic, "The notebook you..."

"Wrote my entire life story into? Yeah, that one." 

"Oh.... shit." Kate says in disbelief.

I try recalling every way I worded things across the book's pages, cringing as I remember the detail I went into and knowing the question's Mason will have about what I redacted.

Mason. 

What I wrote in that book was hard enough for me to read and I had already lived it. It was devastating to Kate and she hadn't even been involved. I could only imagine how it was ripping Mason apart as he tried to fit pieces of it together with memories he didn't have.

Last night when I needed him, Mason came. I wasn't expecting to repay the favor so soon but there were only two people who knew at least on some level what it was like in that stone shed and the other was waiting for me there.

"We need to go" I demand, shoving my feet into the first pair of boots I find and pulling a hoodie over my head, ignoring the way my body screamed at my quick movements.

"I'll get the keys." Kate said, as if she read my mind.

I ran after her into the living room.

"Hey Sexy-Lexi, woah what a shiner!" Anthony said as he got a look at my facial bruising.

"Not now Anthony." I grumbled, "Thank you all for staying, really. I just have to go."

"Are you sure you should be up and about so soon?" Seb asks, sounding genuinely concerned for me.

"You should be in bed Lexi." Soph adds as she exists her bedroom.

Kate runs to me, keys in hand and shoes on to which I nod and take as my cue to go.

"I'll explain later. I just really have to go."

And with that hasty goodbye, Kate and I jog out of the apartment.

~~~~~

I get chills as I step out of Kate's car but it has nothing to do with the pre-winter temperature. 

The last place I want to be is outside Derrick's house right now. I may as well blare a siren and shine a beacon to let him know I'm here. Either way I have a feeling he'll notice.

We jog as quickly as I can manage up to Mason's old boarded up house, so focusing on getting to the stone shed we run straight into Sam. He skids to a halt on the driveway before we collide but the sudden stop still jerks my bruised body uncomfortably.

"Why are you running this way?" I ask, catching my breath.

"Mason hightailed it back out here when I unlocked the door." Sam explains.

My muscles seize and my skin breaks out into goosebumps as I process what he just said.

"You locked him in there?!" I yell, an all too familiar fear clawing its way into my chest.

"Don't say it like I'm the bad guy here! I told him it was insane but he wasn't having it. Maybe if you'd had an actual conversation with him instead of scribbling everything into a secret little notebook then Mason wouldn't be overwhelmed right now with days worth of information that he didn't even realise were missing from his memory!"

"Oh yeah for sure because I definitely shoved it under my sink in the hopes Mason would become a plumber overnight and find it when he fixed the sink." I reply sarcastically, "Obviously he wasn't supposed to find out like this!"

"Shut it! Both of you!" Kate screamed, interrupting Sam's rebuttal and shocking us both. I don't think I'd heard Kate ever raise he voice before. She turned to Sam, "You're angry and scared because your friend is hurting." Then she turned to me, "You're angry and scared because the one person you've been hiding everything from now has a page by page account of it all." Then she looked between us, "Point being you're both freaking out on each other while the person who you're arguing about has run off to god knows where probably feeling ten times the emotions you guys are right now. So suck it up, stop fighting and help your friend."

Sam and I exchange a look of shame and disbelief. Remind me never to take a debate class with Kate. The girl is scary when she's wound up.

"Did Mason say where he was going?" she asks Sam.

"No" Sam sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well he didn't apparate like fucking Harry Potter so where is he? If he was running across the road we'd have bumped into him."

"Not necessarily." I say, the obvious answer hitting me. "Not if he already crossed the road."

I turned my head and squinted through the treeline opposite the row of houses on this street. It was hard to make everything out but a figure in jeans and a gray hoodie that was rapidly getting smaller as it reached the edge of the water was unmistakeable. 

"He's gone to the lake." I explain, seeing Sam's shoulders relax fractionally as he caught sight of him.

Sam and Kate start walking towards the road but I stay rooted to the spot. I came here because I know I'm the only person able to talk him through what he's found out. But that doesn't mean I know how to do it.

"Aren't you coming?" Kate calls out.

I turn my head to look back down the driveway I'm stood in, the open door of the stone shed just visible in my eyeline.

"Come on Lexi. He needs you." Sam adds.

"No." I reply, my gaze still on the shed door.

"No?" Sam replies, an irritated edge to his voice.

"No. He doesn't need me. He needs something to ground him. Something to help him understand that any images he's been able to conjure from what he's read are real."

"Why can't that be you?" Sam asks.

"It can be." I reply turning my head to look at him, "But it's just words coming from my memories that I can't show to him. If I can give him something from that day, maybe it'll be easier for him to accept it was real."

I kept his jumper that he gave me the day we were locked in there but it's under a floorboard in my bedroom next door. As much as I want to help him, going in there while Derrick nurses a hangover and no doubt a bump from the whack I gave him last night would be dangerous at best and damn near suicidal at worst. Mason's house is boarded up, though I doubt there'd be anything left of his anyway after the police cleared it and squatters descended.

I semi-consciously start walking towards the stone shed, not really wanting to go nearer but knowing it's possibly the best chance I have of finding anything at all to help me.

I stop a foot from the door, my heart thumping painfully in my chest as my fingernails did in to the palms of my hands.

"You're okay Lexi" Kate's soothing voice says as she unwraps my right hand, curling her own into the space created and interweaving our fingers. "You're safe. The door's open, Mason's Mom's not here and Derrick isn't here. Nothing's going to hurt you."

I take several deep breaths, making sure to keep my eyes open and my focus on the open door.

"I shouldn't be so afraid of an inanimate object. It's ridiculous." I say shakily, mildly laughing at my own stupidity.

"It's not ridiculous. Not at all. You went through something terrible here and it's perfectly acceptable to be scared."

I nod along knowing she's right. 

It takes another few breaths to swallow my fear enough to step inside, releasing Kate's hand as I go. I turn around sharply to check the door's open, instantly panicking.

"You don't have to do this Lexi. He'll believe you if you just talk to him." Kate says, trying to protect me from being in the place that haunts me.

But I shake my head. I doubt he trusts me much at the moment so I need something real to show him.

"Just keep talking to me. It was quiet last time I was in here so maybe noise will help. Distract me from the fact I'm in here."

"Okay. Did I tell you about a new piece I'm working on for my midterm?"

"Which one?" I ask, scanning the walls of the shed for any sign we left behind to indicate we were here.

"The piano one. I have to cover a modern day ballad but if was upbeat I have to slow it down and vice versa."

"Sounds easier said than done." I reply.

"Oh it is, I thought the course would be easier here than at NYU but if anything it's harder because there's less people in the programme. There's no one to hide behind if mess it up. We're all getting way more rehearsal time than average so I've got not excuse to not be perfect."

"You're too hard on yourself. Your voice is beautiful Kate, I don't think you could mess it up if you tried."

The anxiety is still constricting my chest but I don't feel as jumpy with Kate to distract me and it doesn't take long before I find exactly what I need.

I bend down and pick up the rusty nail that looks typical of any shed in a backyard. You'd think it would be useless but it's far from it. The dead giveaway that it's something significant being the darker color of the rust on the first quarter of the nail. Anyone who wasn't looking for it would miss it but I don't. How could I when I wear the scar every day that's the reason for the nail's discoloration?

I stand up