TW: THIS CHAPTER WILL CONTAIN HEAVY DEPICTIONS OF ANXIETY AND PANIC AS WELL AS THE THEME OF SEXUAL ASSAULT! PLEASE TAKE CAUTION WHEN READING AND DO NOT READ IF THIS MAY IMPACT YOU!

I hate Sam.

It's not even been ten minutes and I'm already weighing up the pros and cons of swan diving out the window. Honestly I'll take the broken leg over Mason's uncomfortable stare and incessant humming. Oh how I wish I didn't need my limbs to skate. 

Take a deep breath Lexi. In and out. Focus on the things you can see, what you can touch, what you can hear...

Except the only thing I can hear is a somehow crappier version of the song Mason blasted through the rink a few weeks ago being hummed by him as he looks up at the ceiling, still lying on some poor oblivious sorority girl's bed. 

I wonder how subtlety I could unscrew the frame so it collapsed underneath him...

"How long are you going to glare at me Turner?" he suddenly says, sitting up on the bed and shuffling forward so his legs hang off the side.

"Until you turn to stone" I reply snidely with a sickeningly sweet smile.

"How's that working out for you Medusa?" he chuckles.

"Could be better, your mouth is moving far too much for the cat statute I'm trying to mould you into."

"Hm weird, girls usually enjoy the way I move my mouth" I roll my eyes and a smugly grins and winks at me, "Besides, I think I'd be a better Ox than a cat." he makes an exaggerated thinking face, his hand rubbing his chin.

I'm the one who chuckles this time, "Not a chance. Even with all your bravado you're still more of a pussy than an Ox Jennings."

"Ditto" he scoffs.

I turn around and bang on the door, "Sam! Sam open the door!"

"I told you he left. I thought you were supposed to be smart?"

"If I was smart I would've told Sam to take a long walk off a short pier when he asked for my help." I grumble.

"How did he get you up here?"

Mason sounds genuinely curious but I can't stand here and have an unhostile conversation with him. I refuse to allow myself to get too comfortable.

"Oh give it up Wipeout." He glares at the return of my nickname for him,  "You really expect me to believe your best friend didn't tell you he was going to do this? Maybe you're even in on it. Figured you could do some damage with an hour of no one else interfering did you?" 

He scoffs, "Trust me Lexi, I'd rather rot with my Dad than lock myself in a room with you."

The brashness in which he threw about his Dad's current predicament takes me by surprise. I'm still not sure how much he knows but it's evident from his tone that Peter Jennings' current location is on the ever increasing list of things I'm responsible for in his eyes.

"What? No witty reply? I thought you'd snap up the chance to rub that one in." 

"I'm not that cruel." I reply coldly, totally insinuating that if the roles were reversed he definitely is cruel enough to do such a thing.

Mason mutters something under is breath as he shakes his head.

"If that was an insult you really should've said it louder. Doesn't have much impact if I can't even hear it. Didn't you learn that in revenge 101?" It's a cheesy line but I'm too wound up for the 'wit' he's looking for.

"The class I would need to figure out the way your mind works and what I need to do to pull it apart doesn't even exist Princess." he says in disbelief. 

"Don't call me that" I reply through gritted teeth. 

That nickname used to mean everything to me. It made me feel special. Now it just feels like him throwing salt in the weeping wound of our broken friendship. Every time it tries to heal, he makes a little more painful.

Mason rose from the bed and slowly began walking towards me, "That's not something you get to demand sweetheart."

I take steps back as he approaches until my back hits the wall next to the door and I run out of space to go. I mentally curse myself for even walking this far. I look like a coward backing away but something about the grin on his face gives me the impression not walking away would've been just as dangerous. After all, he's just shy of a foot taller than me, he definitely has more muscle and I've got no where to go. If he wanted to hurt me... I'd be powerless to stop him...

I'm not even disturbed that that's the first place my mind goes. I'm more often right than I am wrong.

"I don't take kindly to being told what to do"

His voice is more menacing than I've heard from him, even more so than when he threatened to drag me out his house on the first night. *Gulp*

Mason has walked so close now that I have to look up to make eye contact with him in order to hold my ground. Just because I'm in a vulnerable position, doesn't mean I have to make it easy for him.

"Does someone else use it?" he speaks in a low voice I doubt anyone else would be able to hear even if we weren't alone right now.

"Use what?"

"My nickname." He plants one hand on the doorframe beside my head, partially caging me in.

I can feel my pulse growing erratic but I work hard to keep my breathing even. He doesn't get to see the effect him being so close is having on me, especially when I'm reconsidering my plan to jump out the window to punish myself for it. 

"Does someone else say it to you when they see you?" he continues, "Do you like when they say it more?" He leans in further, his scent choking me as he lowers his voice even further to a whisper, "Does someone say it when they fuck you? Is it a groan or do they swear your nickname to high heaven as you ride them?"

Immediately the image of Mason groaning 'Princess' as he drives into me blossoms in my head and I shamefully feel my underwear growing damp at his words. If he can do this without even touching me then-

NO. NOPE. NOT GOING THERE.

Mason is the anti-Christ. The human embodiment of my past trauma. The guy who cut up my skates and flooded my locker with ice cream. He is everything I loathe and I hate him. I definitely hate him.  

I'm snapped out my daydream by his deep chuckle, "It's adorable how hard you're trying to hide from me right now Annika. But if the reaction to your nickname isn't from thoughts of someone else... then it must be for me..."

Shit.

I use all my strength to shove him away from me but he merely stumbles back with a satisfied grin stretched across his face.

"It is not for you!" I snap, channelling my nervous energy into anger, "God you're even more of an asshole than I gave you credit for."

"Then explain to me the flush in your cheeks Lexi, hm? What's that for?" I know exactly what he's accusing me off and I know he's 100% correct. Him lording over me, whispering, putting those images in my head... I'm so turned on I'd come with a single touch.

Instead of admitting that I yell in frustration, "It's because I don't want to be in here with you! I'm pissed off and you getting in my space is not helping!"

"Just trying to pass the time sweetheart." He says suggestively.

 I scoff, "So you figure some time alone with nothing to do and I'll fall at your feet? Let you rub a couple out to pass the time? Hell maybe you go one step further and make use of the thick walls of this old house. No one would even hear my screams." I mimic the words he used and spit the accusation at him. It's a dark road to go down but I already know he's not above breaking me down until there's nothing left. I've heard that he's said as much to anyone who asks him what the deal is between us. Right now, I'd rather he be angry about my implication than have to spend another second trying to loathe the sexual tension that has my head spinning and  thighs clenching together.

It works almost too well. His smirk immediately shattered and a fiery glare burns in its place.

"What did you just say?" his voice is full of malice, "Because it sounds like you're making the kind of accusation that destroys lives. Haven't you already done enough of that to me? Or are you more of a heartless bitch that I gave you credit for?"

Note to self: We're both good at throwing the other's insults back in their face. Mason 1 - Lexi 1.

"Change the tune Mason." I groan, "You're a stuck record! The past is the past, leave it alone!"

I'm desperate. The more he tugs at this thread, the closer I get to letting something slip. For now, what he doesn't know can't hurt me... but that could change in an instant if I lose my cool.

"Don't you see how fucked up this is Lexi?" There's a pleading in his voice that makes my heart ache.

He's just as desperate as I am, only we want the exact opposite things.

My heart is hammering in my chest and I'm becoming increasingly aware that there's no escape out of this conversation. Not while we're locked in here together.

"Mason I can't do this ok?" I say, closing my eyes and trying to gain control of my panic.

"No. Not ok. Nothing has been ok since I was 13." I hate the hurt I can hear coursing through his tone.

"Mason please."

"DON'T LEXI!" he yells so loud it feels like the deep base of his voice is vibrating through my bones.

When I open my eyes I see we're only stood a few feet away from each other now, in a face to face stand off. No smiles, no laughter, nothing of the childhood friends that we used to be.

"You don't understand." Deflect Lexi, get away from this topic. "It's hard-"

"Tell me you're not about to say it's too hard for you." He interrupts, a tone of disbelief filling the room. "What's hard Lexi is knowing my mother is alone in a nuthouse and not understanding why. What's hard is growing up in a system that would be happier if my foster parents neglected me enough to send me six feet under so I wouldn't be a drain on their resources anymore. What's fucking hard is being 'that' kid with a damaged mother and scumbag father, who by the way gave a statement to the judge describing me as an explosive child with anger issues so I got the shittiest foster home and he got the last laugh."

My heart drops. In my haste to try and help him I never considered that he could end up in a worse situation than the one he was leaving. It played on my mind over the years but I could force myself to imagine him in a happy home, with good parents and maybe even a family dog. He'd always wanted one. I'd hope he got it. Instead he basically just admitted to everything Sam hinted at the other day. I didn't help him. I think I maybe even made it worse.

Mason was breathing hard from his outburst - he'd been shouting by the end. 

This time when he spoke, his voice was filled repressed emotions. I'm not even sure he knew how obvious they were.

"What's hard... is losing the only person I ever truly felt cared about me..." he sighed and made eye contact with me once more. The pain was etched into every crease of his face, "...and wondering what I'd done to make her push me away."

Tears welled in my eyes. I took a deep breath, trying to pull myself together, "You didn't do anything Mason. My motive was never to push you away or make you feel unwanted. I just -"

"Just what? Tell me Lexi, please. All cards on the table." he was outright begging me.

I could do it. I could explain. Maybe he'd understand. Maybe he'd abandon his attempts to ruin the false narrative of a rosy life he thought I had.

I could tell him. I should tell him.

I open my mouth to let it all out... but the words are lost on me.

If I tell him, everything changes.

What if he doesn't believe me? What if he goes to the police, tells them I made it up? Would they question me? Arrest me? If I got arrested, what would happen to my skating? It's the only future I have. The only thing that keeps me sane. I can't lose it. I won't lose it.... but what if they talk to Derrick? What if they investigate? What if they dig too deep and find what has to stay hidden?

Oh god. They'll take Heather. There'll be nothing I can do to stop it. What if she ends up in as bad a place as I think Mason did? What if they don't let me see her? What if I'm left completely on my own?

My thoughts are moving a mile a minute and spiral further out of my control with each passing second. My hands turn clammy and a cold sweat breaks out on my brow as my heart beats erratically.

I have to go. I need to get out - I need to get away from him. 

I turn on my heels and sprint to the door.

Mason scoffs, "I shouldn't be surprised that you're running for the door. After all, that's what you do best isn't it Lexi? You run away from your problems. Never facing them, never confronting the ugly truth that you're clearly so damn ashamed of."

I yank on the door handle, willing it to move or snap. I don't care which so long as it sets me free.

"Mason stop" I bite out. Saying those two words at at audible volume takes far more effort than it should.

I'm in trouble. The panic I've been staving off since I heard Mason's voice approaching this room is bursting through my barriers, clouding my mind and making my movements sluggish.

"You'd like that huh? Want me to stop when it gets too real for you? Did I hit a nerve?" 

He's mocking me and it isn't helping me calm down in the slightest.

"Stop" My voice sounds hoarse as I struggle to get enough oxygen into my lungs.

"No. No I'm done messing around. You're going to tell me right now why you did it."

"I- I can't" 

"You can and you will. You don't have a choice Lexi, there is no option B here. Why did you do it? What terrible sob story did you fabricate?"

I rest my head against the door, pleading barely above a whisper for help.

"You're a fucking coward"

Maybe I am.

"My team has been up my ass for how I've treated you but god you deserve every bit of it."

Maybe I do.

"So long as you're here Lexi, I'm not going easy on you." he chuckles darkly, "You should leave and crawl away like the pathetic little girl you still are while you still have somewhere to run to."

Maybe I should. Maybe Derrick's less of a threat than you. At least I know he'd never turn me in.

"Or are your parents sick of you too? Are you here because they finally kicked your sorry ass to the curb?"

"Stop it" I say, throwing all my strength into the power of my voice.

"Not until you tell me why."

"Never" I choke out on a sharp intake of breath.

"Tell me"

"No"

"Tell me"

"I said no" I bite out, gritting my teeth as my head begins to throb from my dwindling oxygen levels.

"Tell me Lexi"

I don't respond.

"Explain yourself"

Still I say nothing

"TELL ME!" he yells and my insides clench at the fury radiating from him. "TELL ME" he yells again... and again... and again... until I can't stand it anymore... and I snap.

I whirl round so quickly I barely keep my balance, "I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU YOU SELFISH BASTARD"

Time seems to stand still the moment I scream those words at him. His entire body goes rigid and he stares at me like that was the last thing in the realm of possibilities of what I could say.

Then it sinks in for me what I just admitted to.

My blood turn to ice and it feels like the shards are piercing my skin from the inside. I thought maybe I'd feel as numb as Mason looks - oh how wrong I was. My entire body is frozen in agony, a heavy weight crushing my chest as I start to obviously hyperventilate, unable to hide it anymore.

"What did you say?" his voice is low and confused.

 I turn back to face the door, hiding from him as much as I can.

"Lexi what did you say?" he has more power behind it this time but I know he's still flailing about inside his head, searching for answers in every syllable I utter.

"I - ca-c-" I don't even get the words out before my legs buckle and I'm on my knees facing the door, my strength extinguishing. 

"Shit." I hear Mason curse and feel the vibrations through the floor as he stalks over to me. "Lexi..."

I hear my name only once before the high pitch ringing in my ears drowns him out. I can't focus on anything around me. It's all a blur.

I know he's talking to me but it's like I'm underwater, too far down to hear him properly. I vaguely register him yelling and pounding on the door before he leaves my line of sight again.

"Why did you lock the door?" I ask, my 13 year old self looking up at my step-father.

"Because we don't want Mommy or your siblings to interrupt our special time together."

"I thought we had our Daddy - daughter time like Mom wanted when you took me to get pretzels?"

Derrick only ever comes in my room because Mom's in here or because I disrespected him or misbehaved... but he doesn't seem angry so it can't be for a punishment.

"This is a different sort of time together"

"Like what?"

He sits down on the edge of my bed and shimmies the covers down slightly so the slight breeze from my crooked window raises goose bumps across my shoulders. He strokes my right arm gently with his hand and trails his eyes over me in a way that makes me fidgety.

"Sh sh sh, don't move around so much Lexi. You have to be quiet little one. You mustn't make a sound."

I hear a strangled cry and the end of a scream for help. For a moment I think about how Mason's voice isn't usually that high...

... then I realise that it was me. I'm the one screaming.

I frantically rise on my knees and pull at the door handle, yanking it up and down and pounding the the door with my other hand in a fist.

"Sam open this door right the fuck now!" Mason bellows as he shoulder barges into the one next the one I'm futilely attacking.

"The key is jammed! Seb went to get tools!" he yells back through the door.

"No no no no no no no, get me out, let me out!" I ramble, still beating the crap out the door and wrecking the pain job with my scratches.

"Is she ok?" a female voice calls out.

"No of course she's not ok, she's losing her shit!" Mason growls back.

"I can't. I can't. I can't" 

I keep rambling until all of a sudden my body is hoisted to the side. I'm pulled to the right and end up straddled over Mason's lap as he sits with his back resting against the wall. He cups my face in his hands and I instinctively wrap mine around his wrists, trying to pull him off me.

I don't want him to touch me.

If he can't touch me, he can't hurt me.

"Shit!" Mason cursed, storming over to the door as I heard the bolt go across and the padlock go back on. "Mom let us out!"

"I won't let her tell more lies" His mother hissed back before running up the garden and back into the house.

I  can't be here, I can't be in a locked room with him again.

I try again to pull out of his grip but he's holding on too tightly.

"Let me go!" I desperately demand.

"Not until you calm down." he responds.

"Please. Please let me go." I sob.

"Lexi I won't hurt you. I promise.