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I had absolutely no idea what can I to do. It overwhelmed me. 

Only one person could help me at times like this.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Grandpa. I'm not bother you?" I mumbled uncertainly, scolding myself for bothering him with such crap.

"Are you kidding me?"

Then I heard the unsubtle sound of the door closing, so it was obvious that he had chased the patient out of the consulting room. Oh well. I can't help it now.

"Even if the earth burns, you are always the most important, my Lady L." he soothed me, sensing the apparently unhealthy tension on my part.

Oh, only Grandpa call me that, and I love it when he says me that.

"You know grandpa... I miss you so much." I whispered.

"I miss you too, my princess. I can't get used to you being so far away. I miss your smiling face so much." I felt a tangible thread of longing form between us with every word he spoke.

"Grandpa, I..."

"Yes darling?"

I space out automatically. Again my thoughts wandered somewhere in the restless sea of bottomless thoughts.

"I wanted to talk about something."

"Something happened?"

"Ryan's here." I lowered my voice.

I guess subconsciously I was afraid that Ryan would burst into the room, snatch the phone from my hand and throw it against the wall.

"What did he come for? He didn't say anything about coming to you. It's a pity, because I could come with him. Of course, if he was riding in the trunk." he added with a reluctance he never even tried to mask.

"Grandpa, he came for me."

There was an awkward silence. The last sentence settled in the air, thickening the atmosphere and destroying the previous apparent good mood.

"What do you mean he came for you?" he emphasized every word.

We have a some characteristic feature in our family. We don't like being ordered around. I mean, Grandpa and I have this feature. At my mother's, this somehow magically began to disappear right after the wedding.

"He wants me to come home with him." She insists on starting the wedding arrangements and...

"Darling, what wedding?" he hissed in such a venomous voice that it made me shudder. "This whole for God's sake forced engagement was a far-fetched idea enough already. You're only eighteen, Lauren, damn it!"

"Grandpa, take it easy. You mustn't be nervous. It was a casual conversation. Ryan suggested that I consider temporarily suspending my studies and staying with his parents for now, because after the wedding anyway..." here I understood what I had just said and how much fuel I had just added to the fire.

"I can't fucking stand it. And what else? Can you make yourself a little chick?" he hit flawlessly "And I can suspend him by the balls in the basement. Poultry Jeff Bezos!" he screamed into the phone like a man possessed.

Calling Grandpa right away probably wasn't the best idea. Because it's a bit like having your finger cut off and going straight to the pathologist to put you in a plastic bag. It's the same with grandpa- he doesn't admonish, he immediately punishes. 

So I guess I just passed judgment on Ryan.

"Lauren, and what do you want?"

"I don't know..." I whispered confused.

Grandpa always knew how to calm me down and, above all, how to talk to me.

"But I know what." he replied firmly. "You want to study, fulfill your dreams, make a career, be happy and loved. He won't give you any of these things."

"Grandpa, he loves me."

"No, Lauren. If he loved you, he'd come today with a suitcase and say he's moving to New York for you. But he came, as if for his property, and he orders you." he added in a confident voice. "Simple question: do you want to study?"

"Yes."

"So tell that parasite to get the fuck out, and if he causes problems, one phone call and I'm here in two hours." he declared.

"You know perfectly well it's not that simple."

"Don't worry about father, I'll take care of this." as usual, he read my mind. "If necessary, I can even replace you at the altar."

"God, grandpa..."

"Am I missing something?" he asked, offended. "They will dress me in white feathers and lace... Do you think he would refuse me?"

The sight of my grandfather in a wedding dress, kissing Ryan like a purebred drag queen, did not leave my head for a long time, probably leaving some minor neurological changes in it, manifested by seizures, especially in the REM phase in my still restless sleep. Thanks grandpa.

"I love you." I replied after a moment with indescribable relief when I realized that Ryan's case is resolved.

"I love you too, Lady L. Call me as soon as you get rid of him."

"Who?"

"How who? My future husband. Tell him he'll have to spend some nights alone because I'm on duty, but when I get back..."

"Please don't finish." I interrupted at the last moment.

"I telepathically kiss your small hand and wait for the call. Oh, and I sent you a package of anatomy books, the ones you wanted, and added a few more bits and pieces. It should come in the next few days."

"Thank you, I love you Grandpa."

"I love you too, my princess."

The conversation with my grandfather gave me courage enough to immediately jump out of bed and, in a combative mood, headed for the door. I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, so without wasting any time, in the elevator I started composing my farewell speech, stuffing it with a solid dose of arguments.

It wasn't easy for me at all.

I was just closing a very important chapter in my life, but I definitely needed a change. Even if I wasn't quite ready for it.

In the parking lot, I quickly tracked down a familiar car, which of course was not too difficult, considering the fact that not many people drive a yellow Multipla. But surprisingly, I didn't find Ryan either next to the car or inside. I wanted to call him, but only now realized that I forgot my phone, so the best and only solution in this situation seemed to me to simply walk around the campus. He couldn't have gone too far.

I probably would have been wandering like this for several good minutes, if I hadn't luckily caught my eye on his red shirt. He was sitting at one of the tables that belonged to the college coffeehous, and surprisingly he wasn't alone. I immediately recognized the red-haired girl accompanying him. She is Gabrielle, his neighbor from Allentown. He studies the same field of study as me, only she on a year higher.

They had their backs to me, so I was able to get closer without being noticed. Weaving between the chairs, I subtly sat down at the next table, meticulously covering my face with a huge menu card.

"Are you serious? Are you telling me this only now?"

"Gab, understand, it's better this way..." out of the corner of my eye, I saw him gently take her hand.

"For whom?" she nervously rejected his affectionate gesture.

So I decided to listen more to their intimate chat, because I will not say- they intrigued me quite a lot.

"For everyone." he cut off and took a sip of latte with a huge dollop of whipped cream, obviously getting his nose dirty.

Then he wiped nose off with the sleeve of his bright red shirt, obviously leaving a huge hideous stain on the cuff. Oh... I turned around disgusted, because I was constantly irritated by his sloppiness for years, grow up like crazy from year to year.

"You're a fucking coward."

I looked up from the card again, trying to see their gestures.

"If Isla hadn't seen you, I wouldn't even known you were here." she nervously brushed a long strand of red hair over her back. 

"I just come in for a moment."

"You came here for her, didn't you?"

"Take her. We're come back home"

I furrowed my eyebrows, because how else. Not for me, but to take me. As for the thing. I clenched my fists tighter on the menu card, flexing its edges significantly.

"Are you kidding me?" she snorted incredulously.

"We're moving in with my parents. My mother started embracing the wedding and reception."

Oh, I see they're all in the know already. Except for me, of course.

"When were you going to tell me about this?" she looks in disbelief.

"About what?"

"Well, I see you don't notice the problem?" she snorted and nervously grabbed the cup. "You will always find time to fuck me, but to inform me that..."

"Gab, what the hell are you talking about?" he grabbed her wrist as she tried to get up.

"Let go or I'll start screaming. And not the way you like it..."

"You knew what the situation was. I am engaged." he nervously placed his hand on the back of chair, blocking her escape route.

But she didn't look like she was going anywhere. And from the look on her face, Ryan should be getting ready to evacuate.

"What I mean?" she gasped. "Maybe the fact that first you've been fucking me for over a year, and now you don't even have the courage to look me in the eye and tell me it's over." she grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him tightly to her. "Suddenly you remember her? You think you're gonna fuck me and I..."

"Did you sleep with her?" I finally allowed myself a little interjection.

"Lauren?..." he looked up at me with a panicked look.

I looked into once beloved chocolate eyes, which became more and more ugly with each passing second.

"Yes. He's been fucking me for over a year." only after a long time, Gabrysia willingly explained the situation to me.

"You bastard!"

"Chicklet, it's not what you think..." he jumped like he was burned trying to embrace me, which provoked me even more.

"Do not touch me!"

"Sunshine, I'll explain everything to you, just let me..."

"There is no need." I hissed, pausing after each word to let his finite mind analyze the entire sentence.

"Lauren, I love you..."

"Take that ring and choke on it." I pulled the iron off my finger in one swift motion and made an impressive swing aiming straight at his teeth.

"Chicklet, be careful, it's a keepsake from Grandma. Ancestral ring..." he pleaded.

At that moment, the embarrassment counter exploded. If I had stood and watched us from the sidelines right now, I would have pissed myself laughing.

"Oh, really? I didn't know baby..." I added in an agitated voice, forgoing the sweeping throw for something more refined.

As fate would have it, I was standing on the drain grate, so you could say that the opportunity presented itself and it was a sin not to take advantage of it.

"Oops..." I gently dropped the ring from my hands.

"What have you done?!" he shouted like a madman, rushing to me, and then desperately grabbing the bars of the iron grate.

Still, it wasn't enough for me.

"Screw you." and at that moment my brain decided that these words would sound much better with the accompaniment of a heavy slap.

So I did it.

The blow was quite solid as it knocked his head to the side. He grabbed his burgundy cheek, then lost his balance in shock, landing on a nearby table.

I was wrong. It was the most embarrassing sight I've ever seen in my life.

Disgusted, I made my way through the crowd of onlookers witnessing my unusual show of aggression and, without looking back, headed towards the entrance gate. I walked briskly past a group of students from my year and headed for the path leading to the city.

There was no way I was going back to campus before sundown.

Firstly, I had to cool down so as not to hurt anyone else, and secondly, I prayed silently that no one would remember this incident until the evening.

Omg. All my life I was considered a miss perfect, an exemplary student, a good girl, and suddenly such a show of aggression. So what if they refer me for some psychiatric evaluation? No, no... No exaggeration. This campus has seen more interesting cases. Take, for example, Waller or Degas.

However, after a while I remembered small difference that existed between us. Dominic and Shane are here because of their wealthy parents, who will cover up any of their excesses with generous donations to the college if necessary. And I'm here as part of a scholarship for outstanding scientific achievements and... exemplary behavior.

Yeah. Such a beautiful fate's irony.

Suddenly, I began to question whether I was fighting my destiny. Maybe somewhere up there it's already written that I must be expelled from these studies, but I stubbornly keep getting away somehow. Perhaps recently I've unintentionally absorbed some lucky from Waller. However, if it's true, then probably as a legitimate worm copy, he gave me this lucky with a rapidly developing neurosis for free.

So I have to keep contact with Waller to a minimum. Definitely.

I decided to slow down and walk a little further to calmly rethink my life and develop an action plan for the coming months, or at least days.

After about three hours spent in the nearby woods staring at the clouds to the accompaniment of the rustling of the trees, interrupted from time to time by a pair of hummingbirds mating, I returned to the road leading to the nearby shop.

I'd wasted several years of my life on Ryan, so I wasn't going to waste the rest of today.

Not wanting to let go of celebrating my two successes today, and if University authorities don't expelled me from these studies before the evening, even three successes, I decided to narrow down the group of guests at my today's party only to my humble person and celebrate my bright future in this excellent company.

After reassuring Meghan and Michel via WhatsApp that the swimming pool was no longer a threat to me, I quickly added that I must have caught a cold and postponed the celebration until next week just in case.

Then I headed briskly towards the small shop at the end of the path, intending to buy provisions for my super one-man party.

After reaching the place, however, I found that the term shop is definitely out of place here. Considering the red-nosed customers and the bank of tins in front of building, that shimmered in the sun, this shop was more like a well-camouflaged illegal factory producing low-cost alcohol.

I quickly passed a group of several heavily seasoned men, probably at the climax of today's party, which had apparently been going on since the early hours of the morning. The loud sound of the bell in the door lured the red-haired lady cashier from the back room, who, detached from her private, closed libation, approached the counter dissatisfied.

The woman was about fifty years old. With spiky hair, silver bell-bottoms, and tons of tacky jewelry, she looked like a bad knockoff of ABBA trapped in timespace and spewed out through the spacetime vortex to the present year. The background song Gimme! she was like the rotten icing on this heavily liquored cake.

"What can i get you?" a slurred and heavily intoxicated voice snapped me out of my trance.

"Wine, please."

"White, red, rose?" she muttered.

"Or no, I'll have vodka. The most expensive vodka." I added quickly, making it clear that alcohol was supposed to be branded, not from the back office.

The woman surveyed me with a penetrating, albeit unconscious gaze, analyzing whether I had really reached the right age for this consumption. However, she soon realized that she wasn't too interested in that, because she immediately added:

"One hip flask?"

"Not a hip flask. One normal bottle, please." I do not know why I am so decisive today and since when I have such advanced knowledge about strong alcohols.

I picked up a few more items that I thought were upscale for a bite to eat, then quickly settled the bill, put the groceries in my bag and headed back, not wanting to stay in this place a second longer than necessary.

I silently prayed that no one would see me leaving this dive. The very presence in this place gave me a moral hangover as soon as I crossed the threshold.

When I found myself on the road leading to the university, it must have been well after noon, because the sun was going down towards the west, leaving streaks of orange and purple in the sky, interspersed with small feathery clouds.

There were two roads leading to the campus. The shorter one - along a busy street, stretching from the shop to the entrance gate, and the longer one - leading through the park, a housing estate of single-family houses and an alley full of trees that bloomed every year, creating a light pink carpet leading straight to the north gate.

I already had the opportunity to admire this view when I came to Stapcus University in April last year as part of the open days. I remember how I walked the winding streets for an hour, enjoying myself as abnormally, when I saw every blooming cherry trees I encountered. These memories in a second brought back the image of my loved ones who accompanied me on the journey.

This put me in an even worse mood.

So I quickened my pace, plugging my headphones into my ears and wrapping the scarf I now use as a cardigan around me.

When I got to campus, I prayed again that I wouldn't meet anyone I knew: not Meghan and Michel, not people from the department, and especially Ryan. However, I was sure that after fishing out his native treasure, he left the walls of this university once and for all.

I briskly crossed the campus and, using the skills learned from my beloved roommate, entered the building through the back entrance.

Not wanting to wait for the elevator, where I might also meet a member of the audience for my today's performance, I decided to go up the stairs. Rather, no one uses them, and if they do, it's people who live maximum on the third floor, because why bother when you can just take the elevator.

Today's situation, however, forced me to be the first and probably the last person who will voluntarily climb the stairs to the last twelfth floor of our dormitory.

I was hoping that it would be a lonely journey, so I was quite surprised when, on the level of the fourth floor, some wild screams reached my ears...