I felt sloppy, messy and exhausted.

I also felt a slimy, smelly, tounge like thing stroke my face. And it wasn't until I woke up, that I realised that I was actually being licked by a dog.

Bender, the dog mum had gotten after I left for Uni to keep herself company on lonely nights, was a cute pug that thought licking humans was okay.

And in my books, I agreed.

"I would lick you back, but that would just be creepy." I mumbled, turning over on my bed.

Now, I was facing the window of my old room, the exact one I'd crawled through many times to see Jace. It was also the exact window I had sat at with Drew, when I tried smoking for the first time.

I still remembered the night clearly.

"Ash! Who gave you those?!"

Drew's eyes had widened at the sight of the cigarettes I had stashed under a book on my desk. Let's just say that my hiding skills we're bad, like really bad!

"You're fourteen. You don't need to smoke." Drew said, disapprovingly.

I shrugged and smirked. "I know you've done it before, hypocrite."

Drew looked shocked. "I have not!"

I rolled my eyes. "Jace told me."

I watched as Drew silently cursed Jace and threw the cigarette packet at me, "I hate him."

"Lies, I bet you two are lovers." I made kissy faces at Drew. "You guys spend all day together!"

"Oh shut up Ash!" Drew said, annoyed.

He sat down next to me on my bed and moved his blonde bangs out of his eyes. He smiled slightly, which showed his blue braces and white teeth. Drew bit his lip and held up the smokes, he then carefully took two out.

"Have you tried one yet?" He asked me.

I shook my head. Macie had only gave them to me an hour ago.

"Well, if you're gonna do it I want to be with you." Drew said slowly, gesturing at the window. "Let's sit on the window bench."

I rolled my eyes. "Stop acting like you're older than me!" I said, but followed him anyways. I was scared that mum would catch us and I was scared of trying my first smoke. What would my dad think if we smelled like smoke when he got home?

"Stop over thinking Ashy. I'll open the window so we don't smell like smoke," Drew said as he opened the window. We had both sat down on the window bench and had a single cigarette in our hand.

I nodded at my brother. I knew he wouldn't tell on me. I knew he'd always be there for me. Drew pulled a lighter out of his pocket, (why does he keep a lighter in there?) And lit both of our smokes.

I felt like my heart was gonna beat out of my chest. "One, two, three," and then we puffed.

And I felt nothing but the cold night air, although after a couple more puffs my throat started to burn and I started coughing.

Drew was holding his stomach, probably in pain from laughing too hard at me. Serves him right!

"You're a meanie Drew!"

"I'm sorry!" Drew said, still laughing.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. This guy!

I felt myself smiling when I came to reality. 1998 was a good year. My parents were still together, Macie was still around, Jace was amazing and most importantly, I still had Drew.

Fuck, I missed my twin.

"Bark! Bark!" Bender was making it painfully clear that he didn't like to be ignored.

I laughed and pet him. I glanced over at the star wars clock on wall and realised I should probably get up, considering it was ten AM.

"Well Bender, do you want some breakfast?" He barked at me again, so I took that as a yes.

Getting up, I knew mum wouldn't be home so I didn't bother putting on a shirt. Though, I wish mum was here. She had been amazingly supportive last night and listened without interrupting, which is something I appreciate.

I walked out the door and I grabbed my phone and checked it. Ten text messages.

Six from Jace.

One from Macie.

And another three from Matt.

Since when did Macie message me? We haven't spoken for a year. After Drew's funeral, Jace and I had seen her at school but she just ignored us and started hanging out with different people.

Sometimes I thought she might just have been in pain and sometimes I just thought she was being a cunt.

When I reached the kitchen, I sat down and opened my messages.

Macie: Hi. Jace told me to message.

Of course.

Matt: Dude have you forgotten you had a shift like three hours ago?

Matt: Ash!!

Matt: Asher Sage! We're not paying you to not turn up to work.

Fuck! I forgot about work. Shit, I'm horrible.

I bit my lip before I opened Jace.

Annoying Cutie: Ash, please call me.

Annoying Cutie: Ash, fuck! Don't do this.

Annoying Cutie: You're an asshole.

Annoying Cutie: I hate you.

Annoying Cutie: Please come back.

Annoying Cute: You can't just turn me into a sappy cunt and then leave. It's not fair.

Now I felt bad. Did I make the wrong decision? At the time breaking up with Jace felt right, but now I miss him. A lot.

I sighed and put my phone down. I need to go see Matt, or otherwise I could run the risk of getting fired and I needed the money and the friendship right now.

It wasn't until now that I noticed Bender. I had completely forgotten that he'd followed me down stairs. I smiled at him and opened the fridge. Spotting a piece of chicken, I picked it up and tossed it to Bender, who caught it in his mouth.

I giggled and picked up some left over fries that mum must have left inside the fridge from a late night working.

Munching on the fries, I padded up to my room and tossed my Motley Cruë tee back on. Going to work would require money for a bus ticket so I searched my pocket for money, only for my search to come up empty.

Taking a deep breath, I made a decision that might make me go crazy.

I should go check Drew's room for money. It would give me an excuse to go in there; I haven't been in there since his death..

Since Drew's room was across from mine, I slowly walked towards the door and braced myself.

Holding my breath I opened the door..