I think everyone here is gay.

Well, that might be because we're at a gay club called 'Connections' but who knows, some straight people could be here too.

I looked around, attempting to see through the flashes of colourful lights and dancing guys and girls.

Tonight has been long and tiering. We've been hopping from gay bar to gay bar. I think that means that my question was answered about if Josh, Kane and Mick were gay. Now I just need to find them and my messed up boyfriend.

For half an hour I'd been searching for them, with no luck. Why does everyone ditch me?

Another few elbows to the side later, I stumbled through the crowd towards a small back room. I pulled my eyebrows in, confusion washing over me.

I could hear people inside the small room, but why? Actually, I think I know the answer..

But still I walked inside and stopped dead in my tracks. Of course there was Jace shooting up on something how one shoots up on anything.

Yeah, I've had a bit too much to drink...

"Ash!" Jace noticed me.

Mick glared at me while Kane ignored me. I don't know where Josh went. He was probably dancing with one of the many horny guys here. Bloody Melbourne nightclubs and gay boys.

I raised my eyebrows at Jace, trying to hold in my anger. Why did he always do this bullshit?

I glared at him long and hard before speaking.

"Whatever Jace; ruin your fucken life. I couldn't careless." I yelled, walking out.

As I pushed my way through the crowd I could help remembering the look on Jace's face the night Drew died. He looked like a lost puppy. A scared, hopeless looking one.

I should have gave up on him then.

As horrible as it sounds, I should have. I had no clue a puppy could turn into a hellhound, and this situation could get any worse.

Outside the club, the air smelled similar to home. Or maybe I just have had too much alcohol, but everything about clubs always reminded me about home...and Drew.

"Ash! Where are you going?" Jace bursted out of the club entry, a little out of breath. His eyes were glazed and his skin was ghost white in the moonlight. I wanted to remember him like this.

I smiled at him. I was angry at him, but I was also sad for him. "Home. I'm done Jace."

The expression on Jace's face was one of terror, not exactly sadness. He needed me to survive and he knew it. "Ash, come on.. It was just for fun."

"For you maybe." I bit my lip, and moved closer towards him. "I'm sorry Drew died Jace–"

"Don't bring up Drew!" Jace yelled, shaking his head at me. He looked on the verge of tears. I snorted. "But this is what this whole things about though right? This is why you're dead inside. Because of a situation we both should have helped Drew avoid."

Jace was fighting back tears now. "I miss him."

"I miss him too. And I miss the old you." I said, reaching up to stroke Jace's cheek. He looked hopeful and sad, like he knew what was going to happen but he was hoping it wouldn't. "But I'm sorry, find someone else to put up with your bullshit Jace. If you change maybe we can talk things out but until then –clear out your stuff."

Without hearing his reply, I turned away, and for once I felt like my life could be okay.

Even though it wouldn't be for a while. Not without Jace.

~~~

"Ash?"

I smiled at my mother, whom was dressed in a pink nightgown and old bunny slippers I'd gotten her for Easer. She looked shocked and happy at the same time.

I couldn't go back to the apartment right now. And even though things were still slightly tense between us, I knew mum would understand me right now. She knew heartbreak. She knew what it's like to date fucked up men, even though Jace isn't as bad as my dad.

"Hey mum," I smiled easily. I'd been trying to convince myself things would be okay.

Mum raised her eyebrows and sighed. She knew hurt when she saw it. "Come here Ashy baby."

I bit my lip and looked at the floor when I stepped inside my childhood home. I missed this place, but I haven't been back since Drew's death. I haven't even seen or spoke to mum in months.

I missed her.

A lot.

"How're you?" I asked, taking a seat on the bar stool. She sat next to me on the other.

Mum smiled softly. "Dealing, how are you?"

"Jace and me. Yeah." I said biting my lip again.

Mum nodded and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Tell me everything honey."