I woke up to the sound of pounding on the door. I didn't know what time it was and I couldn't even check because my phone was off.

I felt groggy, tired and as the pounding stopped, I made to go back to sleep. But it started again. I sighed and got out of bed. At least I was decent because I don't think I would have mustered the energy to get dressed.

I walked to the door and I was about to open it, McStupid at the door decided to point it again. Fuck I didn't have enough money to pay for a door if this one got broken.

"Take a chill pill oh my lawd," I muttered, hopefully loud enough for them to hear.

I finally swung the door open and I was tempted to close it back. It was Harry. I was mad at him. And quite honestly, I couldn't say why.

"Iris, don't you ever do that again. Do you know how worried I was?" he asked.

In that moment, I felt kind of detached. So I shrugged. I knew I was being irrational. And I didn't even have a good enough defense for it other than the fact that I had just sprung on myself that I loved him and he probably didn't return my feelings.

Harry stared at me for a while then held out his hand and said, "Come. We'll talk at my place."

"I want to be alone Harry," I spoke up for the first time since I had opened the door.

He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. For a split second, I thought he was going to say no and forcefully carry me to his apartment. But then he just stepped back.

"I can respect that." He turned to leave and my heart just kind of broke. I mean I didn't want him to stay but he had accepted so easily. Almost like I was just a booty call.

As I was about to close the door, he turned towards me and said, "You're still mine Iris. You're still my woman and I'm still yours. No matter what happened."

I felt like going into his arms and just kissing him and telling him I was just being an insecure idiot.

But I didn't. I just stood there and watched him walk to his apartment until I couldn't see him any longer. Then I got in and locked my door.

I sighed and walked to the bathroom. Showers always helped me think. And it was clear that I was in great need of some thinking.

I knew I was going about everything wrong. I know it was normal to have insecurities. But shutting him out was wrong. But I didn't know how to stop it. I didn't know how to meet him and tell him:

Harry, I love you. And I'm being insecure because I don't know if you even like me back, talk less of loving me back

Not in those exact words but you get the gist. But I was just so reluctant. Firstly, I was still coming to terms with the fact that I was in love with Harry. I mean how hadn't I realized it? And how stupid was it that it was someone else who made me realize this fact?

Secondly, I don't know. I didn't feel like dropping my defenses right now. I needed them up. I didn't want to get hurt.

I sighed and put my head on the glass door of the cubicle. I was a mess. It wouldn't even be surprising if Harry rejected me. I was a complete and utter mess.

*"*

I spent the weekend indoors, with my phone off and my TV on. I had binge watched at least five series at this point. I was bored. But I didn't feel like getting out of home.

And that is why I didn't know that my mother had been trying to reach me until I heard an angry voice after violent banging on my door.

At first I thought it was Harry, but then I heard the voice. There was no mistaking the sharp and angry voice of a black mother who had been ignored too long.

I swallowed and said my last prayers as I opened the door. A miracle please! Anybody. Help!

But once again it seemed like no one was listening to me because my mom got in like a breeze and turned to me with her hand on her hip. I could barely close the door that she had already started.

"So I give birth to my own child and she cannot pick my phone calls? Who do you expect me to call Iris? Who do you want me to talk to."

Oh no. The guilt tripping was even worse than the scolding. I would take it any day, all day over the other.

"Mom it's not like that... My phone was off," I explained and her gaze softened.

"What happened baby? No wait. I bet you haven't been out of the house since you came back from work. So what you are going to do now is change into something presentable, make yourself look even more beautiful and we will see out. Okay?"

I loved this woman. I nodded and walked into the room. It had been months since we saw each other but we always just fell into our easy going rhythm. It was amazing.

I got dressed and came out to see my mom already ready. I smiled at her and she said, "You look beautiful baby."

"So do you mom." Then I dropped a kiss on her cheek.

I opened the door and we stepped out. There Harry was. He caught my eye and nodded. I struggled to swallow the lump in my throat. I knew his coldness was my own damn fault but did not mean it didn't hurt.

I turned to my mom and saw that she was already watching me intenly.

"Is that him?" she asked and I nodded.

She patted my back and we got into the elevator. I closed my eyes to stop thinking about Harry. Today was about me and my mom and nothing was going to get between that. Not even the guy I loved.

***

Word count: 1050

Hi guys. So it's midnight and I'm sleepy so no long author's note
I hope you understand where Iris is coming from more
And poor Harry

Give me your thoughts!

Bye!
Love, Essie 🌺