Thinkin' Bout You

Do you think about me still? 

"Allaya", he nodded at me.

"Why lord, WHYYY?" I screamed in my head.

I swear it was like time stopped. The moment was so brief, nonetheless it was still a moment.
His eyes were the first things that captured my attention. Me taking in everything - the way he looked, how good he smelled all the way from over there.

Fuck Laya. Two years should have been more than enough to get him out of your system.
As if I was an addict, my trigger was right in front of me. Then some of those old feelings crept up right behind them, how much I use to - no how much you do still lov-

But all of those were swept away when long pink acrylic nails grasped his bicep. The woman, that stood off to the side on her phone while I greeted everyone, finally introduced herself to me.

"Hi, I'm Jasmine, East's girlfriend."

Girlfriend.

"Remember when you could say that?" My conscience teased.

Oh Jasmine, why the hell are you here?

I could just tell by her composure that she already knew who I was to him. Fake smile, blinking rapidly, pushing herself against him. She was staking her claim, making her property known.

To be honest I would've done the same.

But, his eyes were still on me.

My arm was still around Shoota's waist, and I felt him flex his hand on mine as a way to communicate that I should relax.

I flashed my award winning smile, the one that got investments from millionaires and brought niggas to their knees.

"I'm Allaya, Shaneice's friend. Welcome to The Grove."

I turned around in Shoota's arms to escort everyone inside when his phone rang and he excused himself so that he could take it in the cobblestone parking lot.

That left me walking wearily behind with Dave and Jasmine.

Things just got one hundred percent more complicated, and now I needed a drink, not any of my usual mommy time wine, but a stiff one. Actually what I really needed to do was get my baby to the car and then home without anyone seeing. The promise I made when I was pregnant ringing in my mind.

"I'll tell him about the baby whenever I see him in person again."

But it was too soon. I'd wait until after the weekend, no matter what I felt or what happened, he'd know the truth.

"Cara is gonna get you guys checked-in and situated in your rooms. I have something I need to take care of. Um Cara please check to see if we have anything available for..." I gestured to Dave and his concubine.

Why did I call her that? That wasn't nice of me.

"If we don't please find them accommodations at another hotel...I know the Beaches Resort in Grace Bay is gorgeous." I said nervously.

We were usually booked out, with our rooms being reserved months ahead with full payments. So I prayed that it was the same case today.

"Actually you're in luck, we just had a last minute cancellation! Follow me and I'll give everyone the tour, while we get your villas ready." Cara said with enthusiasm. I had a feeling that she knew exactly what was going on, that bitch was never enthusiastic.

Dave walked past me and didn't offer another word, just a brewing glance.

As soon as they were all out of sight, I snuck into the 'Employees Only' door and quickly dashed into my office where Lilo was still knocked out. She wouldn't fall asleep until late tonight for sure.

"Thanks Drea. I'm leaving for a few hours so hold my calls unless it's something super important.", I said picking Lilo up along with our bags.

"What's wrong? Everything alright?"

Nope everything's about to go wrong and I need to prevent it from going to complete shit.

"It'll be alright." I said quickly.

"Wait Primo called again. He said that he wants an appointment with you."

I sucked my teeth out loud. That man had been a pain in my ass, since the start and I honestly didn't have time for him or any of the illegal activities he wanted me to participate in.

"Tell him I'm busy...or that I'm not here. Drea you know the routine, I don't want to hear anything he has to say."

And with that, I peeked my head around the door, tightly holding Lilo's stroller and after not seeing anyone but a few guests checking in out front and a few more laughing and drinking in the lounge, I slid my sunglasses over my eyes and speed walked to the car.

I was almost successful too. But, as my bad luck would have it, Shoota stood at the corner of the lot, his phone to his ear...watching me intently as I loaded my car.

He ended his call, and approached me slowly. I rested my hand on Lilo's foot and waited for him to make the first move.

"This why we ain't here from you in two years.", he peered down at the the sleeping little girl and smiled.

"Something like that." I sighed, desperately trying to control all the emotions traveling through me.

"Lemme help you." He carefully unstrapped her from the stroller and laid her on his shoulder without waking her up, so that I could fold the contraption and place it in the trunk.

"Damn she look just like you... she got some of East face... but this you fo' sure. She's beautiful ma."

It was the least the child could do...look like me. I didn't spend nine hours in labor for her to have her daddy's face.

"T-thank you.", I took her from him and he opened the back door so that I could secure her car seat.

When I was done I turned around and faced Shoota who was leaning against my driver's side door.

"When you gon' tell him? Were you even planning on telling him?"

"Shoota I need to go please..."

"I know he fucked up and that's why you left, but this shit is even more fucked up. What kinda shit is this?" He made movements with his hands. "That nigga gonna trip."

My leg shook underneath me as I tried to prevent myself from crying. Everything Shoota said was true, I was a horrible person for keeping this away from Dave but I had my reasons.

"Yeah...well he can trip out after the wedding. Now excuse me, I need to feed my daughter."

He moved out of the way and opened the door for me, but grabbed my arm before I could start the car.

"Do it before the weekend is over or I will. And that would really fuck shit up...wouldn't it?"

I don't know why I expected, some sort of sympathy from Shoota. Maybe because we were so close before, but he was loyal to Dave and now his threat would be hanging over my head.

That nigga probably gonna kill me.

I left the hotel with dust flying from behind me. Before going home, I stopped to our local supermarket to pick up some essentials that we were running low on. It was after one o clock and the rehearsal dinner wasn't until eight, so I would try my very best to hide out with Lilo until then.

I took her out of her car seat, waking her up in the process. She wasn't happy that I did, because her little mouth opened and loud shrieks erupted from her.

"Ok ok. Yes I know you're sleepy and hungry baby. But we have to go inside to feed you love." I cooed, picking her up and grabbing her diaper bag and the groceries in the process.

From there it was a race to open the front door and give her a sandwich and some peeled grapes. Hangry was her middle name, and like her mother she was miserable when she didn't eat.

I pushed open the woooden door, then the screen one, while Stitch circled my feet excitedly. I managed to calm her down enough to change her diaper, then strap and secure her to her high chair, so that I could feed her lunch.

The greedy dog was already sitting beside her, awaiting for her little fingers to drop pieces of
food on the floor to him.

After heating up the meal I placed it in front of her. Then I went back to the car to remove everything that I left in there.

I was in the middle of organizing the pantry when there was a loud knock which caused Stitch to bark obnoxiously and Lilo to scream in delight, because this was all fun for her.

"I'm coming! Damn." I muttered, wiping my hands on a kitchen towel. "Stitch be quiet!"

I opened the front door to see Bri and Ne holding garment bags in front of me with Cara in the back of them.

"Hey! What are y'all doing here?"

"Well you ran off so quickly when we got here, we barely got the chance to say hey properly." Nene started.

"So we asked Kayla here, where you were and she brought us to this big ass house." Bri continued.

"It's Cara actually..."

Bri rolled her eyes then her face morphed into a confused expression, because of all the noise in the house. "Girl what you got going on in there. A damn zoo?" They walked passed me into the house. I stood at the door, and took a deep breath.

"Yes it's a zoo." I closed it and followed behind to lead them into the living room.

But the toys scattered all over the floor deterred them further into the home towards the kitchen.

"Watch your step...I didn't get around to straightening up." I muttered while picking up a few of Lilo's toys. By the time I looked up the ladies were gone and the dog finally stopped barking.

I looked into the living room to find no one there and walked on my toes towards the kitchen, where Bri and Nene were staring at the little girl who looked back at them with a mean mug.

My palms sweated and pulse increased significantly. What the hell was I supposed to do now? Closing my eyes to sigh heavily, I began...

"I knew it." Bri said lowly. I immediately walked to Lilo's side and unstrapped her. I didn't know where this was going to go, but nobody, friend or stranger would hurt my child. I turned around and was taken aback by the look on my best friend's faces.

Smiles. Big ones.

"I knew it. I knew it! Didn't I tell you that she was pregnant?! Oooh I should've put money on that but I was right!" Bri said excitedly, throwing the garment bag onto the kitchen table.

Ne just stood there grinning from ear to ear, while Cara looked bored on her phone.

"Wait wait wait, what do you mean you knew I was pregnant?" I asked in bewilderment.

This was not what I expected. In my mind I was picturing a mini blow out to what we had over the Kyle situation.

"Hold on, I'm trying to process this...so your best friends didn't know you were having a baby? Geez Laya, what's wrong with you?" Cara looked up from her phone and commented while we were trying to discuss this.

Bri turned towards her, clearly irritated, "Kayla, you in her business...don't do that."

"My name is Ca-"

"Cara how about you get back to the hotel, I'm sure you have stuff to do." I proposed.

"Anyway what were you saying Bri?" I adjusted Lilo on my hip and looked towards her for clarification.

"Oh my God...I just can't believe I was right! Like my gut was telling me that this hoe was big up! Oooh wait I can't say hoe...Auntie's baby can't be exposed to that filthy language." She came closer and spoke in a baby voice to Lilo, who looked at her like she was crazy.

"Basically Laya, Bri had this wild theory that you dropped off the face of the earth because of a mixture of what happened between us and the possibility that you were pregnant, 'cause you were sick around that time." Nene emptied her hands and explained.

"Then when you called us to talk...I was tryna figure out what could make your stubborn... lowkey toxic ass...I mean booty, fold like that."

"I'm not toxic.", I rolled my eyes at her.

"Yes you are but I'm toxic too, so that's why we work. But yeah... then I was like BOOM she pregnant." Bri finished up. "I was supposed to take a trip down here to see you but I never did because I got so busy with my new position at work and traveling back and forth for Fashion Week."

Lilo began to get antsy in my hands and was reaching for the food on her table.

"Why didn't you just ask me if I was?" I really didn't understand Bri's logic. The girl is so confusing.

"Ughhh" she whined in frustration. "Our friendship was just getting back together and Nene made me not say anything because she was scared I'd push you away again."

"Laya can I hold her?" Nene asked stretching out her hands with a smile.

"Yes of course." Lilo stenched away but then went willingly when Ne handed her a peeled grape.

"Ohhh Laya she's so cute. She looks just like me." Bri said fanning her eyes.

I let out a laugh while Nene rolled her eyes at her.

"What's her name?"

I leaned against the kitchen wall, cherishing the site in front of me.

"Lilo Brielle Brewster - after my mom and best friend."

Bri looked up at me, her face contained a small pout. "I'm 'bout to bawl real thug tears."

She came up to hug me, then went back to hand Lilo more grapes.

"Hey what about me? I'm hurt. Why she don't got one of my names?"

"'Because...Shaneice is the name of a middle aged mother of four." Bri joked, causing Nene to turn away with the baby.

"Well she was born on April 13th..."

"She has my birthday? Awww Lilo you're Auntie's Aries twin!" Nene placed a small kiss on her forehead.

It was also the day of my mom's death. Everything had a new meaning now, Lilo Brielle was destined to be her name.

"I'm sorry I hid this from you. But at the time, I was really going through it. I did plan to tell you after the wedding though...I understand if-"

"Laya stop, it's fine." Nene smiled at me.

"You don't need to apologize. We honestly do get it. With all that stuff you had going on with us and Dave, you had every right to protect your peace. I just wish that we had our shit together so we could've supported you with all of this." Bri stopped playing with Lilo for a minute and grabbed my hands. Her voice breaking with tears: "I missed you so much, you don't know...but it's a lot. I'm so freakin' proud of you." She cried, which caused tears to leave my eyes too. "You accomplished all this with so much against you. I'm so thankful that I can still call you my best friend."

I hugged her tightly and sniffled on her shoulders. Nothing felt more right. I loved these girls with everything in me.

Nene smiled from across the room, still holding and feeding Lilo. She mouthed the words I love you to me and I repeated them back to her.

/•/

Some time later we were all upstairs in my bedroom waiting for Nene to change after she tried her dress on for me.

Bri and I sat up on my bed, while Lilo laid comfortably across Bri's legs watching something on her phone. It amazed me how comfortable she was with Bri already. Usually she cried when other people held her. But in this case, her leg was thrown up in the air while she played with her toes, without a care in the world, no bills to pay, and stress free.

My daughter was living the life I wanted.

"How are you really doing ?" Bri broke the silence.

"Better than I was. Not as good as I'm gonna be." I replied with a smile.

"I hear that girl. You're so wise now...like I can see the growth on you. The old Laya would've been spazzing." She noted.

"Oh no...I'm still spazzing. But, I had to grow up, I didn't realize how immature I was until I came here. Like there was so much stuff I actually had to deal with. I wanted to make sure that my mental health was in the right place so that I could raise her."

"You're doing an amazing job so far."

"Girl I'm trying. I just don't want to mess up. Lately, I've been feeling hella guilty 'cause I'm working too much...and because I'm keeping her from her dad." I admitted to Bri.

Lilo started making noise because her video stopped, so Bri put on a new one for her.

"I think that's normal when you're a parent. You know I don't have kids but I think you're supposed to mess up a bit. Speaking of dad...whew girl how you gonna tell Dave?"

I leaned back onto the bed and sighed, "I honestly don't know but it's gonna be after the wedding. I didn't even know he'd be here. Nene said he was on tour."

"I said what?" Nene emerged from my bathroom wearing her normal clothes.

"You said that Dave wasn't coming to the wedding!" I accused.

"Oh yeah, I did say that. But I was trying to tell you that he was actually gonna make it this morning, but you hung up on me!"

"Well he's here now and hasn't said a word to me besides my name. When I tell him he has another daughter and I hid her from him for nearly two years that nigga is gonna hate me. And who's that girl that he brought?"

Bri perked right up and placed her hands on Lilo's ears.

"Don't get me started on that bitch. Her ass complained the whole way here. Like you could tell when a hoe ain't use to nothing, when all they do is take videos of everything and act like they the shit." Bri removed her hands and fixed her phone for Lilo.

I looked at her wide eyed. Then Nene added,

"I don't think they have an actual relationship. He hasn't really acknowledged her the whole time she's been here. Plus he's been on tour most of the year and before that, as far as I know, he hasn't been dating anyone. You know how these girls go, they sleep with someone more than once then put a title on that shit."

"Hey! No cursing in front of Lil Bri." Bri scolded her and I laughed.

"I think y'all are reading too much into it. He didn't correct her when she said it, so she probably does have a relationship with him. Dave deserves to be happy with someone."

"You deserve to be happy too Lay. I lowkey wanna start some Parent Trap mess just to get y'all back together." Bri announced.

"I'm with Bri on that."

I let out a quick laugh then added, "Y'all are really trippin'. He's moved on and I'm happy where I'm at. I think we both enjoyed the time we had together but it wasn't meant to be."

"Meant to be, my ass!" Bri shouted, then looked down at Lilo who wasn't even paying attention to her. "Anybody with one good eye could see that y'all are soulmates. You know that I'm right too, get off that little high horse and admit you miss him. I ain't gonna judge you girl."

I turned my head away and shook it.

I did miss him. Sometimes at night I saw him in my dreams, holding me, talking to me and loving me like before. Since I left I've tried my hardest to forget him, focusing on work to get him out my head during the day. But at night. I still found myself mentioning his name in my prayers. I prayed for his