What's Love

We should tell 'em about the story of us and make a killing

"Get up." Someone shook my shoulder. "Yo East nigga wake the fuck up!" Shoota's voice rang in my ears until I opened my blurred eyes.

"What the fuck man?", I swatted him away and sat up on the hard chair. "Shit what time is it?" I patted my pocket for my phone.

"Almost ten. You stayed here all night. Laya finna kick yo ass." He smirked in the front of me like shit was funny.

She's about to do more than fuck me up. I promised her we'd go out last night and ended up sleeping in my office at the warehouse.

"You got that info I asked you for?"

"I looked through everything and I can't find shit that points to a snitch. You sure it's someone in here East? Don't let that shit Ro's pussy ass said get to you. That's just some stuff niggas say when they about to die." He exclaimed.

"Nah man there's gotta be. It ain't no way Ruiz's niggas stealing shipments and selling on our blocks without some insider info." I tried to think of any outside source that may be leaking information or trying to fuck me over. It was one thing for Ro to say what he did, but it was another thing, when evidence started to show up to support it.

"Aye but I did find this." He took out his phone to show me pictures of someone in a white van holding a camera.

"When and where were these taken?"

"Got 'em off the security cameras this morning, but they're from weeks ago. Still working on who this is." I sucked my teeth out loud.

"Why this shit happening now? I'm not even supposed to be here, involved with this shit. But because Ramirez can't watch the fuckin' operation, I gotta manage this."

I opened my phone to see the twelve missed calls from Laya and countless texts asking about my whereabouts.

Shit I gotta go.

"Yeah imma call you later about this shit. Cause something ain't adding up." I dapped Shoota up before going to the penthouse to meet Laya.

I knew that she'd be upset. Things between us been hectic lately and she was looking forward to last night. So I had to make it up to her. Before I went there, I called my private shopper at Saks and got her a few things and told Eva to order six dozen roses to be delivered to the penthouse. I'd plan some more shit for us to do later, maybe we could take a little trip to Mexico or Bali. Get her out the city for a while.

When I got home, I quickly showered and changed my clothes, then went into my office to answer a few emails. But my desk was covered in photos and my computer was already logged with a video playing.

I clenched my jaw and furrowed my brows. "What the fuck is this?"

Two hours ago I woke up exauhsted and drained in an empty bed.

Now I was sitting exauhsted, drained, and terrified in an empty room.

These white walls were about to tell the story of my future.

A future I never wanted, that I didn't plan for, one that I wasn't ready for.

Talk about timing. The manifestation of the conversation that Shaneice and I shared last night. How did this happen? Being dumb and careless.

It's true what they say you know. When it rains, it pours, because everything ...every single thing that could go wrong in my life, was happening. Like someone held my fate in their hands and ticked off every tragedy on the list.

It was all sealed as soon as Nurse Sherry walked in with her bright smile and I frowned in return.

"Honey is there someone I can call for you?"

I swung my legs back and forth on the examination table staring at a minuscule ant crawling in between the grout.

I shook my head at her and hopped down.

"Thank you Sherry." I whispered emotionless.

"Laya...this was just a drugstore brand. The official one is more accurate, I can call you with the results later today?" She tried to ease whatever I was feeling.

"Ok." My voice inaudible. "You...you take care."

Her eyes hung low with pity, almost as if she wanted to cry. But she shouldn't cry for me, because I couldn't even do it for myself.

I absent mindedly weaved through the sea of New Yorkers to get into the small corner bakery.

In a complete haze, I managed to pick up Nene's celebration cake and walk to her new warehouse without bumping into someone or being ran over.

That'd really top it all off...being ran over.

And, because the universe favors me and my life is absolute bliss right now, God allowed the heavens to open up and rain to pour down heavily on me as I waited for someone to open the door.

Heavily.

It was all too heavy. Way too much to bare and like a balloon, that had reached its highest altitude, I was ready to pop.

I couldn't even put on a smile or brave face when I entered the room.

"Hey..." I said stepping over a box and placing the cake on the table. I unzipped my puffer jacket and looked up to see Ne and Bri staring at me as if I just interrupted an intense conversation.

Ne's eyes were sympathetic but I couldn't get a read on Bri.

"Um I brought cake...a-and there's champagne in the bag for you to pop Ne." I chided lightly.

No one responded to me, instead they looked at me with those same faces. I stared back down, at the bag of celebratory items - champagne, cake, glasses, my Polaroid camera for memorable pictures.

"You told her." It was not a question but a statement of fact.

Ne put down the broom and started to approach me but Bri beat her to it.

"Lay-"

"Allaya how could you?" Bri hissed at me.

I turned to Nene to see her fiddling with the ends of her blouse.

"Of course she told me. 'Cause it obvious that you weren't going to say anything." She argued. "I mean what the actual fuck Laya, what the hell did you gain from lying to me about what happened with Nene? And then you don't say nothing about your dad?! I didn't even know the nigga was in you life till now. Then with Zora's ass you just introduced me to her as your friend....NEVER did you mention that she was your damn sister!"

I looked directly into her eyes as she yelled me. What could I say? She had every right to act be angry.

"I-I feel like I don't know you anymore and I'm supposed to be your friend...your BEST FUCKING FRIEND and you couldn't tell me? That's real fucked up. I never gave you a reason why you couldn't trust me. I understand that you were probably scared-"

"I'm still scared Bri...I'm literally about to lose my shit and this was the exact reason why I didn't want to tell you or anyone else. Because you'll worry...worry about me and there is some shit that I can keep to myself. But no, I'm sorry for not telling you." I breathed in deeply, desperately trying to keep pent up tears at bay.

"You know what Allaya, that's your problem." She walked closer to me. "You want everyone to trust you but you can't trust anyone else. You try to stay so strong and the reality of it is...that you don't need to. You don't need to when you have friends... or people who are willing to help you. That why I can't feel sorry for you. We are here and willing to listen but YOU RATHER KEEP IT ALL IN! Stop playing the victim in a situation you created!"

Ow. That one stung. I didn't even know what we were fighting about anymore.

"WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE LIKED ME TO SAY? HUH BRI?!" I raised my voice at her. "You wanted me to come right out and tell you that I stabbed him? That I took the closest weapon to me and stabbed him over and over again so that he could get his hands off of me?" My body vibrated with frustration and anger as I recalled the damned night. "You want me to-to... TELL YOU, that I kept on going even when he begged me to stop or would you rather me explain how it felt when his blood touched my face!? Cause shit...if that's what you wanna know, sit down and I can explain my latest nightmare. How the hell an I supposed to say something like that to you?" I finished calmly, gripping the edge of the table tightly as I felt my chest tighten.

"Laya...Bri...c'mon y'all, stop it" Nene tried to grab my hand to calm me down but I pulled away from her.

"No Nene because this is what you wanted!" I pointed at her. "I said that there would be fallout...so now handle it."

The tears on Bri's face trickled quietly as she tried to look out the window and past me. I'd never seen her so angry or passionate about something like this.

She was hurt and I was the one who caused it. The person who survived college, and a lot of other shit with me didn't trust me anymore.

My natural instinct, one that had been passed down to me from the generation before, was to leave. It made no sense sharing with them what I had found out the night before or this morning.

"Today was supposed to be a good day...you know? A quiet day after the storm."

"Laya..." Bri choked out.

"No Brielle please let me finish" I said calmly. "First, I would've woken up surrounded by warmth because the man that I loved...the one that I could trust, would be holding me and I'd say a prayer of gratitude because our relationship was still standing, even after all of the...shit... we revealed the night before. After a few rounds of morning sex, I'd get dressed and put on the new shoes that I finally bought because I was saving up for them since last year. Then, I'd visit Sherry and get some new meds so that I would feel better." I shook my head. "After that I was coming here to celebrate with my best friends - to drink and laugh. Just good vibes. Later, I'd go home and sit on my balcony to think about how blessed I am to have made it out the dark place I was in, just a few months ago." My lips morphed into a bitter smile and I sniffled loudly.

"I'm sorry for being a shitty friend, I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to tell you and most of all I'm sorry that you had to find out this way Brielle. Shaneice you were right and I wish that I took your advice last night." I walked up to her and embraced her in a lifeless hug because who knows where our friendship was going after this. "Congratulations again, I'm so proud of you."

I let her go and noticed the tears in her eyes too. "I know you'll do some bomb shit." I glanced at Bri one more time, who for the first time in her life was quiet.

I turned around and grabbed my wet jacket and bag.

"Y'all take a sip for me." I took out the green and orange bottle of Veuve Clicquot and rested it on top of a box with a small smile.

I felt like I was burning bridges. Destroying relationships that I had built and my headspace was so warped that I couldn't determine how to fix them.

/•/

I made my way home, so that I could take a nap. A long one that would include huge wet spots on my pillow from my dribbled dreams. Then maybe I'd have the strength to face everything else that was being thrown at me.

Bending down, I unzipped the boots I wore, to avoid tracking dirt on the dry marble floors of the penthouse. It was quiet, I hoped that I was alone so that I could sleep without interruption.

But when I opened the bedroom door. Dave was sitting on the edge of the bed, exactly where I sat while I waited for him last night and in his hand the blue folder of photos.

He looked up at me.

"What's this?"

I glanced at him and the folder, then rolled my own eyes and went into the closet.

What the fuck did it look like? Struggling against the sarcasm that threatened to fall from my tongue, I shrugged out of the wet jacket and used the hair tie on my wrist to put my wet frizzy hair into a bun.

"Allaya. What is this? And where did you get it from?" He questioned again. His voice cold, like he was talking to someone that wronged him.

"A folder. David." I came out of the closet in a new change of clothes.

I just wanted to sleep. My eyes hurt and at any moment I was about to projectile vomit all over the floor.

He bent his head and did a harsh little laugh and looked up at me, ice in his eyes.

"Yo stop with the sarcastic shit Allaya! Tell me what the fuck is in this folder and who the fuck you got it from!" He stood from the bed.

"Just let me sleep. Please just give me two hours David and I'll tell you what you want. I tried to go around him to the other side of the bed but he positioned himself in front of me.

He tossed the folder onto the floor causing all of its contents to fan out.

"Allaya" he spat my name like a warning.

I didn't want to discuss this or the truth. We could just forget about it and go back to what we use to be.

Turning around, I was about to leave the room to sleep in Nene's bedroom. But he roughly grabbed my forearm and pulled me back towards him.

"Let go of me!" I yanked away from him. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" A bright red mark started to form and I was sure that  it would bruise later.

He was frightening me. Never has he put his hands on me in a threatening way.

"I see this shit in my motherfuckin' office and you gon ask what's wrong with me?! I only know one nigga that hands out info in these blue folders...ONE NIGGA that everyone he works with knows not to trust. 'Cause he always keeps a big ass fucking file of dirt on all his clients. Now I wanna know why the hell you have mine and are you working with him to destroy what I got goin' on?" Dave glowered down at me. He dropped onto the bed while I was still standing, frozen into place.

It's amazing how quickly God...or the universe or whatever there is out there...will humble you. There were some things that I thought would simply never happen to me. I would never be deceived by the two main men in my life, or cheated on...or lied to. It's all funny now though - no one is exempt and I was a fucking idiot to think otherwise.

All that there was left to do was laugh and that's exactly what I did. Deep from within my diaphragm the comedic throaty sound of laughter released itself. That man stood there and looked at me like I was stupid... rightly so.

He said nothing and just looked until I was done. I had put my entire head in the lion's mouth and now he was going to bite down.

"I should've known better...the day he walked in the studio. He always said that he had another daughter who lived in New York and then I found out it was you. That night when he walked up in here and threatened me over your life...I should've known"

And like a cease fire the laughter stopped. I would have rather been deaf for the rest of my life than to have heard what he just said. How could he think that I would ever turn my back on him, for my father? If he wanted to have this conversation now, then so be it.

"You knew that he was my dad? You were working with him all this time and not once did it cross your mind to tell me?"

He held the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

"Allaya I was trying to protect you."

"Ohh bullshit! You was trying to protect yourself. Otherwise you wouldn't have suspected me of trying to hurt you. No keep that same energy you had earlier!"

He was angry with me about pictures of him, when he had yet to tell me the truth. "You wanna know where I got them huh?! HUH?!" In a rage fueled by my exhaustion. I bent down and picked up a few of them, then pushed them into his chest. "I should be asking you, what the fuck are these?"

Dave took a step back with the way I pushed him and upon registering how enraged I was he began to speak.

He scrubbed his hand down his face.

"Allaya you don't understand-"

"What is there to understand Dave?! You wanted this conversation right...so don't run from it now." I shouted.

"Your first question was, what the fuck are those?" I picked up one of them. "Well this is you. See." I showed him it but he continued to glower into my eyes. "That's you! In a room filled with naked women while they package drugs. Actually... you're in all these photos. ALL!" I tried to control my breathing.

"You have the nerve to ask me what these are. Niggas really ain't shit." I said in disbelief. "There was a video too...but you already know that. I saw it. I think I watched the whole thing without blinking. Last night I waited for you too. At first I was worried that you were hurt or something. But then I watched that video...and I was fighting with the possibility that maybe you were with another bitch or even better running your drug empire."

"You knew what I did when you met me. Ion know why you acting surprised now. Yo father basically do the same shit I do but add blackmailing and a law degree onto it." Dave said.

"Nigga, I defended you. I swore up and down that you were someone that I could trust and now this bull is laid at my feet. What you want me to do ignore it, go with the flow? Be the Bonnie to your Clyde and help you run this shit?"

"You ain't gotta do shit but accept it, so that we could get over this and move on. I'm man enough to admit that I never should have kept this from you and I apologize for that...but I didn't lie to you Laya." His eye and his words softened, but that didn't move me.

"Dave its plenty of shit I could accept and I would never judge someone for how they get theirs given the circumstances. I went to school with people who did that shit. Where I'm from I don't know a single nigga with a fucking boat that don't run drugs from Cuba. But you...I expected so much more. Cause you don't need this! That was the old you...it says big and bold on your Wikipedia page that you USE to be a drug dealer. You have an amazing career, and legal businesses and....and investments." My mouth was becoming dry with everything I said. "I'm not privy to this lifestyle but I know that it don't last long - you gonna either get caught slippin' and end up in jail or freakin' dead. I swear to God, I'm not burying someone else that I love."

He moved forward to touch me, but I moved away.

"Don't touch me." I muttered.

"You lookin' at me like I'm some kind of monster or like I'm gon hurt you."

"You killed someone...on purpose. You hurt other people on purpose and you ain't showing no remorse for it. That's all men like you do, including my father...abuse your power so you could get rich!"

"You don't be complaining about the money or the way that I'm living." He back fired.

"Jesus Christ it was never about the money! Fuck you for even thinking that." Dave knew from the beginning that I never wanted anything from him, he had no reason to say that but to get me even more riled up. "This..." I searched for