Stickwitu

Nobody gonna love me better

A few hours later, I was waiting in the penthouse for James to pick me up, when Dave strutted out the door that lead to his home gym. From his sweaty bareback appearance, it was clear that he had just finished a workout.

I faced forward not wanting to be caught staring at him when he spoke to me,

"You waiting on James?", he asked.

"Mhm he's supposed to drop me to dinner."

He raised his brows and approached me slowly.

"With who?"

I swallowed hard. I was always nervous around him, even though we were together. Are we still together?

"Oh right, it's none of my business." He answered his own question, slinging the drenched towel over his shoulder.

I rolled my eyes at him. I guess we were still being petty.

"James ain't coming cause he's out of town, so I'll drop you", he said walking away from me into his room. "Gimme a few minutes."

"That really isn't necessary." I shouted behind him but the door slammed cutting me off.

Damn I really needed to learn how to drive and get a car.

Later  he emerged out of the room wearing a T-shirt that was snug around in arms and a pair of Balmains. His Cuban chains sat comfortably around his neck and he held a red cup in his mouth, while adjusting his clothing.

Whew having a fine man really is a flex.

"You ready?"

"Yes sir" I said jokingly but didn't receive a chuckle, a smile, not even a lip twitch in return.

To top it all off, I had to open my own car door. It's official, I hate it here.

During the drive he didn't speak to me, at least the music filled the silence. I was able to sing along to old school reggae love songs, which was weird since Dave typically listens to rap. While his eyes were transfixed on the road, I glance at his open phone screen.

On it, the Apple Music app was opened and music was playing from a created playlist labeled "When Allaya's In the Car ".

I sat back and smiled because although he wasn't currently showing it, he still cared about me and he was so corny that it was cute.

He parked on the curb in front of the building in TriBeCa and immediately picked up his phone. When he realized that I hadn't gotten out of the car yet, he turned to look at me.

"I'm sorry...about everything that I said and you probably don't want to hear that. But I honestly regret how our conversation ended."
I admitted. "But I'm scared...of the future...of my past. I'm trying to get it right, I promise to try, so please don't give up on me...yet."

Then I got out of the car and made my way into the opulent building.

My hands shook as I raised them to knock on the large wooden front door. I stood there in the quiet hallway nervous as hell for a family dinner.

Family? I barely knew these people.

The door opened to reveal my older brother, dressed in a formal shirt and slacks; his curly hair was cut into a fade at the top of his head. Amir offered me a weak smile before inviting me inside.

He lowered his tall frame down to meet mine and embraced me in a tight hug. Reluctantly I embraced him back, briefly closing my eyes to relish what it felt like to see him again. My mummy would probably cut our asses if she knew that we had been away from each other for so long.

We finally pulled away, and he smiled, "I missed you LayaBaya."

"I kinda missed you too MirMir."

As much as I wanted to be angry and a hold a grudge against him, I simply couldn't when I saw him face to face.

Forgiving him and dad would be a process, one that had barely started.

He guided me by my shoulders and led me through the luxurious flat to the living area. Seated on the sofa was a younger white woman who was engrossed in conversation with another lady that looked a bit like my father.

"Laya, I'd like you to meet Jamie, my fiancé" he said referring to the white lady. "And Zoe my older sister."

"Jamie and Zoe, this is my little sister Allaya."

Wow Johnathan really was a rolling stone. Amir wasn't even his first kid, how the hell didn't I know about this?

I smiled politely at the both of them, trying desperately to keep the comments in my head from showing on my face.

"It's nice to meet you both." I responded nicely.

Jamie immediately leaped off the couch and pulled me into hug. "Oh my goodness it's so great to finally meet you! Amir has told me so much about you. He talks about you all the time. Wow you're even more gorgeous in person. You just have to come to the wedding." She rushed out, all in one breath before my brother stopped her.

"Give her some time to digest everything baby", he said kissing her temple.

I hadn't realized how much I missed, until now. Mir was twenty six and getting married. They were cute. Never thought I'd see the day when Amir would be engaged though. Growing up, he was the biggest hoe I knew. All the girls I went to school with dreamed of dating him, and when they finally got the chance, they'd come crying to me about how he broke their hearts.

"Although, I haven't heard much about you Jamie, it's a pleasure to meet you."

I didn't plan to be overtly friendly with these people. In fact my guard was up more than ever.

The girl on the couch finally stood up and introduced herself. "I guess since you're Amir's younger sister, that makes you mines as well" she expressed.

Oh sweetie that makes us nothing, we just share the same sperm donor. Zoe definitely had an air of arrogance around her. Like I should've been happy to be in her presence.

On the left side of the room, a pair of French doors opened to reveal a slim middle-aged mixed woman in a floral dress and heels. She was what we would call conchy joe back home. Meaning she was native to the island, but her family and lineage was mostly white with the token black person sprinkled in there.

Her face seemed so familiar though, it was a dead giveaway that Zoe and Zora were her daughters.

"The apple don't fall far from the tree aye?". I muttered from the side of my mouth to Amir. He knew exactly what I was referring to because he bumped his shoulder with mine.

"Allaya is that you? I haven't seen you since you were twelve years old"

Twelve? Ma'am who are you?

The confused look on my face must have given her a hint because she introduced herself further. "I'm Elizabeth...Elizabeth Hanna, well Deveaux now but don't you remember me?"

I searched my mind until a bell went off.

"Yes Ms. Hanna from the firm."

I'd remember her as my dad's assistant at his law firm. Back then she did have two daughters. It's all kind of funny now, no wonder my mother couldn't stand her scrawny ass.

"Right right. Look at how much you've grown, you're so beautiful, I can definitely see your mom in your features."

Yeah, that did it for me. I definitely hated this woman. How could she bring up my mother like they were lifelong friends?

She came towards me for a hug but I moved to the side and patted my hair down while giving her a smile.

She returned with a fake one.

"Well dinner is ready. I made curry chicken, coleslaw, corn, and rice. Amir said that was your favorite food Allaya."

"It is. Thank you."

"Of course darling. Anything for my stepdaughter."

Jamie and Zoe walked in front of us into the dining room while I stayed back to talk with Amir.

"In here don't smell like no damn curry Mir.", I murmured.

Anyone that ever made the dish knew that the scent of the spices and seasonings could fill an entire home and stick to clothing. But this room just smelt like burnt rubber.

"I know and trust me it ain't gin look like it either."

Elizabeth placed my seat at the opposite end of the table with Amir sitting to my left and an empty seat to my right at the head of the table.

My father and Zora walked through the doors laughing with each other and she beamed when she saw me,

"Allaya! I'm so glad you came"

On the other hand, my dad just looked at me, yet to say anything. He sat at the head of the table while Elizabeth brought plates of food to us.

I skinned up my nose looking at the brown chunky mush on top of a bed of rice.

I should've ate before I came.

"Well you all can dig in." Elizabeth exclaimed.

I placed the napkin in my lap and hesitantly picked up the fork before shuffling food around in my plate.

I was about to eat some when Zoe asked me a question.

"So Allaya, you're dating Dave East right?"

I put down the fork and nodded my head. "Yes that's my boyfriend."

A wicked grin spread across her face then she turned to her sister, "Zora didn't you...OW!"

There was a loud thump and the table shifted. For some reason Zora glared at her sister.

"Oh! You're the one that he made that song for. Zora went to the party and came home and told me all about it. It sounds like that loud racket Johnathan plays all over the house."

"It not racket Liz. It's culture, but you wouldn't know that.", my father responded wiping his mouth.

My head was down and I smirked a bit. He was still quick witted, and I was glad that his love for reggae hadn't faded away.

"Whatever. It's loud and annoying and no one can understand it.", she went on.

"Allaya, Amir tells me you're getting your masters...what are you studying?" Jamie asked breaking the tension at the table.

"Marketing and advertising. I'm almost done actually."

"Wait so you're a full time student. How do you afford the designer clothes and bag?" Zoe waved her fork at me.

"That's none of your business so stop being a bitch Zoe.", Zora added.

Their mother looked like she was about to scold them but I spoke before she did.

"I have a very good job, that has managed to give me some stability. That's something I didn't have for a while." I glanced at my father and chewed some of the God awful food.

I heard the sound of metal hitting ceramic, as my father dropped his fork. "Allaya I'd like to speak with you."

He finally referred to my presence after all this time.

I followed him out of the room and Amir followed behind me.

He entered another living space and shut the door behind me, locking Amir out.

"Sit down." He commanded.

"No I'm fine standing."

"SIT DOWN!"

My dad never shouted at me growing up. My mom was the main disciplinarian, so this side of him was all new to me.

"I said that I was FINE STANDING", I matched his tone.

He paced the small space then sat in the armchair. His face was in his hands before he looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Allaya please, please sit down."

This time obeyed. My knee bounced off the floor rapidly as my anxiousness kicked in.

"I know that I haven't been there for you recently, but don't you dare act like I havent provided for you during most of your life." He accused. "I was there when you were born. I took you to your first day of kindergarten. I tied your shoes, tucked you into bed, put food on the table. The list goes on, but I was there for most of the time!"

"Most of the time? I haven't seen you in eight years...EIGHT WHOLE YEARS. And the first thing out your mouth is that?"

I felt anger that I had never felt before bubble inside me.

"Yes you tied my shoes and yes you were there for the first fifteen years of my life but that does not ERASE THE FACT THAT YOU LEFT!"

"You missed so much more than you care to admit. Ask me what I did for my sixteenth birthday."

He stared dead ahead with his fingers over his mouth.

"ASK ME!"

"What did you do?" he whispered, his voice cracking. While my eyes pooled with hot tears.

"I held mommy's hand while she got her first round of chemo. Then later that night I held her hair back while she vomited because of the side effects. You wanna know how my college graduation went? Well I was valedictorian and I gave the class speech. The whole time I was up there I looked in the crowd for someone... anyone that was apart of my family. But no one was there." I swiped my hand across my face.

And that's only some of the major shit. "You weren't there to drop me to college. You weren't there when we struggled to put food on the table. And you wasn't fucking there when I put my mummy six feet fucking under." I yelled slamming my hand on the coffee table.

"So don't you dare, tell me how to act, what to feel or what to say, because you...weren't... there."

I sat back down and crossed my legs. Wiping my face once again.

"I apologize for leaving you, but you were too young to understand why Lani", he said calling me by my middle name.

"Well I'm an 23 now. So humor me."

He leaned over to grab my hand and held it while rubbing his thumb over the top. My nose flared and I looked directly into his eyes.

"Your mother and I had problems, way before I even left. I'm not the perfect man, and I never claimed to be. I'm human and I made mistakes. Lilo was a good woman and she...she took a lot of my bullshit. I miss her so much and to this day I regret they way I left things.

Elizabeth was someone I messed around with before marrying your mother. By the time I got married and your mother was pregnant with Amir, she came to Turks from Nassau saying that she was broke with a toddler that was mine. What kind of man would I be if I let them starve? So I got them a home and hired Liz as my assistant."

I sat there listening intently to the answers to all my pending questions.

"Of course your mother knew. She wasn't angry with me, she understood what happened but she felt that it would be better if you and Amir didn't know. I started working later, Liz and I got closer...long story short I had another affair, fell in love and I wanted out of my marriage. I told your mother, she laughed in my face and said I'd never leave. Liz told me she was moving to London to be with her family, so I packed up and went with her." He ended and looked at me for some sort of input.

"It was just like that? It was that easy for you to leave me and Amir?" I asked.

"No, it wasn't easy. But I had to go. I couldn't stay. I-I tried calling and writing letters but you all never wrote back"

"Letters? It was 2012, so please save that shit for someone else. You could have texted, video called, WhatsApp...hell you could've  emailed  me."

"I tried. On God Laya... I tried. But your mother filled your head up with so much... negativity, that you didn't want to talk to me. I was lucky that Mir wanted to come live with me in London. Laya I just want you to forgive me so we can move past all this."

I slowly removed my hands from his and stood up, preparing to leave.

"Remember when you use to say actions speak louder than words? Well your actions were volumes ahead of what mummy said about you."

My mother never bad mouthed him in front of us. In fact she was the one that told me that he still deserved respect.

"I'm gonna leave now. Thank you for dinner."

He pulled a business card from his pocket and gave it to me.

"If you ever need anything call me. I love you.", he hugged me tightly.

I opened the door and bumped right into Amir. I walked around him to grab my bag and head to the front door.

He pulled me back by my elbow. "Laya you have to realize that he's human too. Try not resent him."

"You mean like how you resented mummy?", I snapped.

I walked out the building, fully prepared to pay a hundred plus dollars for a cab but when I looked up Dave was leaning against his G-Wagon.

He looked up from his phone and I walked straight into his arms, that he hooked around my waist without hesitation.

I was certain that my tears were soaking straight through his shirt.  He didn't seem to care since he kept me there.

His hand maneuvered up and down my back.

"You ain't gonna worry bout nothin' aight? Me and you good and we always gon be good. You hear me?"

I nodded my head against him and pulled me up so I could look at him. He used his thumbs to wipe the liquid from the corner of my eyes before kissing me.

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(Stickwitu by The Pussycat Dolls)