Killing Me Softly

Singing my life with his words

"Shit is fire my nigga!"

"Yo you feelin' it?" I asked Shoota over the music.

"Hell yeah, that shit gon go crazy", he answered after drinking from his red cup.

My listening party was tonight and the EP was droppin' at midnight and a nigga was excited. All the blood and sweat I been through these past few months was finally gon be worth it.

"So when we gon hear the last song?" Freaky asked.

I motioned for Mike to turn down the sound before I swiveled around in my chair to answer him.

"Imma perform it tonight"

The last song on the project was something sacred. I just finished recording it the day Laya and I came back from Miami, and it was the one I was most nervous about. Nobody had heard it yet or knew the feature.

It was some shit I could picture Laya vibing to as she cooked in the kitchen, barefoot wearing one of them big ass t-shirts over her pregnant belly. I smiled at the thought of her carrying my child, that's some shit that I wanted to build towards. She was the only woman since Millie that I saw a future with.

Despite our age difference, we had a lot in common. She was someone I admired - she was hardworking, loyal, smart and she didn't judge. I never seen someone quite like her. She could be all professional in a business meeting one minute then cussing and joking with her friends the next. The girl was versatile and despite her being shy, she got along with most people.

Around her I wasn't Dave East. I was just Dave and she was just Laya, two humans trying to figure out shit together. She was teaching me that it was okay to open up about my feelings and I was teaching her how to be unapologetic in everything she did.

She had a nigga in love. I can't even say I'm falling hard anymore, I already fell.

"Is this nigga having a stroke?" Freaky waved his hand in the front of my face as I snapped back into reality.

I smacked my teeth and shoved his hand out the way, while everyone in the room laughed. "What is you doing nigga?"

"Tryna make sure yo brain still working. You spaced out for like five minutes, so excuse me for being concerned." he muttered.

"Mike take five. I'll let you know when I'm ready."

I had some business to discuss with Shoota and them, that required privacy. These two men in this room along with Wayn0, Jay and my father were the only people that new that I hadn't quit the drug game...completely. I wasn't in the same position I was in before the music, now I took a more silent approach and watched everything from afar. Meaning that I financed a few operations, and cleaned money through my businesses.

But I no longer got my hands dirty.

"So what's the news on Ro?"

"I heard he all the way upstate. He tryna start his own operation since Carlos got popped."

Niggas had no fuckin' loyalty. Ro stole shit from his own family to start his empire. The rumor was that he killed his older cousin Carlos as a way to make it to the top.

"Ion really care about his operation, I just want that nigga's exact location so I could take care of  his ass myself." Putting a hit out on him wouldn't do justice for Mugga. I needed to see the life leave that bitch's eyes.

"I'm still working on a local, cause he's been smart enough to lay low. He knows you looking for him after what he did to Mugga.", he stated.

I briefly contemplated reaching out to an old connect that owed me a favor.

"Aight lemme know when you got it. I want that nigga dead...like yesterday. And if you still can't find him, pay his pussy ass lil brother a visit."

"Girl is that Teyana and Iman? Damn she looks amazing...and she's pregnant.", Bri exclaimed.

We were both walking around the packed room in search of the bar at Dave's listening party. The dark room was expertly decorated to portray a Harlem neighborhood in the 90's. There was a built out brownstone and a few vintage luxury coupes around. It perfectly represented Dave's theme for his EP "Love Letters to Harlem". The project was comprised of ten songs and there were features from Lil Baby, Teyana Taylor, Future and a few others.

It was currently playing throughout the sound system in the room and to say I was impressed was an understatement. This was the first time I had heard any of it. I knew that Dave was talented, but his voice over these tracks had me bumping my head and trying to sing along.

"You seen Nene?", I asked Bri. "I saw her come in earlier with Kyle. She looked upset." I frowned recalling my friend's face as she entered the building with her boyfriend.

Bri stood up on her tippy toes and glanced around the room until she pulled my hand signaling that she found them.

"They're in the corner over there." She pointed. The couple looked like they were in a heated argument and Nene's face told me that she was taking the verbal berating Kyle was giving her.

I didn't know much about him. But I did know he and Nene had been together for about a year and that he was a very private person. He never liked to hang out with her friends and he tried to keep Nene to himself a lot.

I guided Bri through the crowd over to them and slipped in on the side of Nene.

"Hey boo, I was looking for you!", I hugged her and gave her a worried expression. She hugged me back tightly her fingers digging into me. That was the first sign that something was wrong. I pulled away from her slowly and looked at her eyes, "you all right?"

"She's fine. Just tired, right bae?" Kyle exclaimed before Ne could even open her mouth.

"She wasn't talking to you Kyle", Bri butted in putting a finger in his face. He clenched his jaw and flared his nose.

Something wasn't right with her. She wasn't meeting my gaze and her eyes seemed to be fixed on Kyle.

"Ne you Good?" I asked again.

"Y-yeah I-I'm fine. Kyle was just worried that my dress may be too short for the party y-you know? Since we're here with celebrities and all" she stuttered.

I looked down at her dress confused, because she looked gorgeous.

Before I could respond Jay appeared on the side of us and slung his arm over Nene's shoulder.

"Wassup with you ma? You ain't even tell me you was coming." He hugged her then took both of her hands into his to stare at her full figure. "You look beautiful."

Nene blushed in his arms then a raunchy cough came from behind us. I turned around irritated at this nigga's presence.

"You need a cough drop?" Bri asked sarcastically. She never missed a beat. Kyle was being a grade-a ass tonight and he did something to my friend to upset her, so he was now at the top of my shit list.

Nene finally spoke up, "Jaheim this is my boyfriend Kyle, Kyle this is Jaheim"

Bri and I both looked at each other, taking full note that Ne didn't give Jay a title and she called him by his full name. Kyle stretched his hand towards Jay who in turn looked at it in slight disgust before turning around to converse with Nene.

Why am I suddenly a Nene and Jay fan?

Kyle impatiently tapped his foot on the floor as he waited for Nene to acknowledge him again. I'm glad he knew better than to interrupt Jay. He may have been quiet but I could always tell that he wasn't someone you tested.

Kyle's impatience must've reached its limit because he grabbed Nene towards him and whispered something in her ear harshly.

I was about to lunge at him for pulling her so roughly, but Bri pulled me back by my elbow so that Jay could step around me.

"Aye don't be grabbing on her like that bitch" he shouted at Kyle while holding him by the thin dress shirt he wore. Kyle's scary ass cowered in Jay's hold as the man who was at least six inches taller looked down at him.

This little interaction was starting to draw attention and it was time I stepped in to do some damage control.

"I-I think we should go." Nene murmured standing in between the two men.

"No you just got here. Stay a little longer-"

"No...ah Kyle's got a business trip in the morning and we need to get home. Thanks for the invite Laya."she leaned in for a hug.

"Girl let that nigga take a cab. I can drop you off when we done." Bri interjected.

"That ain't necessary. You heard my baby we gotta go", Kyle said pressing a kiss to Nene's temple.

She offered us a weak smile before following her boyfriend out the door of the venue.

"I'm gonna make sure she get in the car with him safely.", Jay muttered only a few steps behind them.

"You think he's hitting her?", Bri whispered, worry entangled in her voice.

"He better fuckin' not be. Because I'll hit him back for her." I was profusely protective over the people I loved. Whether it was keeping them from harm or fighting battles for them, nobody hurts my friends.

Bri and I left the corner of the room and finally found the open bar. There were quite a few people who were waiting on drinks and the bartender seemed to have disappeared. So I slid underneath the divider and pulled glasses from the shelves to start making orders. This event was going to be successful by any means.

"Now I can only pour shots, and make vodkas and cran... so those are your options" I told everyone seriously.

"I'll take one of those!", a girl with big hair and a British accent shouted. I recognized her to be Zora, a singer that Nas's label was about to sign. She had been photographed a lot with Dave and his crew and I do believe she was featured on one if his past songs. I filled a glass a quarter of the way with ice before adding the perfect ratio of booz to juice. I walked down the long bar, being careful not to slip on the wet ground in my heels to hand her the drink.

As I got closer, I was able to hear a glimpse of her conversation with the other woman across from her. "I know right! I don't think he's seeing anyone, so after his performance, I'm going to see if I could go home with him. There's always been chemistry between us."

Oh baby, I highly doubt that.

The words nearly slipped my mouth as I handed her the drink but Bri called me down the bar to mix one for her. I instantly regretted telling Dave that I wanted to keep our relationship private, because he had these gyals out here thinking he was single.

"Laya I want a martini", Bri pouted.

I filled a glass up to the top with Ciroc and pushed it in front of her, taking into account the disgusted look on her face.

"What?! A martini is only vodka" I told her.

"I know but you could at least made it look pretty. Like can a bitch get some olives? Some motherfuckin ice? Like damn" she muttered.

As I shook my head and handed her the entire jar of olives, Dave finally appeared on stage and spoke.

"What's good New York?! I just wanna thank everybody for coming out here tonight to support my new project. Love Letters to Harlem is something that I've been working on for the past year, it means so much to me for my work to reflect the community that raised me. I hope y'all enjoy all of it and make sure you stream it at midnight when that bitch drops." He laughed in the mic then continued.
"So I got one song that's not officially on the soundtrack list and it has a legendary feature. This song was inspired by someone very special to me. She's in this room watching now, and it just sums up the entire album. It's my love letter to her and I'm gon perform right now for y'all."

"Too keep and care if you've got to water it. To keep and care it you've got to water it. I've been travelin' all over this world and I never seen no other black rose in no other garden" a deep baritone voice boomed over the mic.

I stopped midpour with a bottle of Belaire in my hand and turned towards the stage.

There's no fucking way, it couldn't be.

"So you see my garden is so special. Garden!" Then the drumbeat and bass kicked it with the background melody as the man continued to sing.

My mouth was slightly agape as I watched the one and the only Barrington Levy in the fucking flesh, sing my favorite song next to Dave.

"Black black roses, is in my garden, garden. Black black roses..."

I looked on starry eyed as one of my idols put passion behind each word that left his mouth. I made my way from behind the bar, forgetting  whoever I was serving to stand at the back of the crowd who was too looking onwards.

For a brief moment my eyes met Dave's and behind them I saw the same thing that Barrington sang with, passion. They never left mine, when he walked up to his mic and adjusted his ear piece.

And what left his lips after that, would stick with me forever. He rapped along a steady beat that was fused together with the song's original melody. The two together brought a vintage urban sound that I was falling in love with.

"Sayin' some player shit to a girl I always wanted.
Always frontin'
How long I plotted,
Now how could I front this?
The same shit I swore I never wanted.
But with you
This is somethin'
New, I'm willing to pursue
I know you're precious 'cause I say yo name in my prayers
Not just praying for us, but I pray for you
I wanna see you become the best woman you can
I want you to have happiness that causes amnesia of hurt from the past
So I plant this seed
And watch a black rose grow from concrete"

(Lmfao I'm not a song writer and I definitely can't rap, so these are some random lyrics mixed in with a poem by Aikeem Vill)

"Too keep and care it you've got to water it. You got to do the best you can do. 'Cause no other garden is-so special like this. Black black roses in my garden."

Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words. My eyes stung with the onset of tears. Between the deep sound of Barrington's voice and the hundred words Dave just spoke, I was about to cry.

And I really had no idea why. Truth be told if I could sing or if I had one ounce of musical talent within me, I'd put all my feelings in a song too. But even that wouldn't be enough.

I loved someone. For the first time in a long time I loved someone and I didn't know how to say it. My toxic pride was telling me that I couldn't say it - I shouldn't say it, just so I wouldn't be hurt if things fell apart.

You can't rely on 'what if's' Allaya.

Soon the song ended and Barrington hit the last note before an eruption of applause and shouts invaded the room.

I must've looked so stupid standing in the middle of a room of celebrities with tears rolling down my face and streaked makeup.

"Girl looka you", Bri said worriedly while grasping both of my shoulders in her hands to inspect my face.

I giggled through a sniffle and tried to wave her off " I'm fine, I'm fine...that was just really beautiful"

"Damn when he said he was making a song about you, I thought it woulda made your panties wet not your eyes", she joked and I laughed after her.

"You knew?" I asked her curiously.

"I had my suspicions when East told me he was contacting Barrington's manager. Laya that man loves you, you know?" she searched my eyes. "And I know my best friend, so I know you love him too. Trust me, it's ok to say it. You gotta have that one person you tell everything to. I already accepted a long time ago that it wouldn't be with me, so why not him?" She spoke lowly while using a crumpled up cocktail napkin to wipe my eyes.

Dave was in the front of the room talking to some people that stopped to congratulate and hug him but he kept his eyes affixed on my position. When he finally got to where I was standing, I threw the entire "secret relationship" rule out the window and wrapped my arms around his neck and my lips around his.

I felt both of  his hands grab my ass and
when I pulled away I ignored every eye on us and spoke to him earnestly,

"I love you too"

And the smile that widened on his face made me wish I told him sooner.

In that moment I thanked God for Dave. I have no clue what I did in this life or a past life to deserve him, but I was beyond grateful to have someone that loved me out loud.

_______________

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(Killing me Softly by The Fugees)