Chapter - 8 ( suicide !? )

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" Why are you doing it ? " my words whispers and my heart stopped there only looking at him .

I looked at the stairs only to find him hiding at the stairs . His head digging holes in his knees, his body shivering in cold . While blood ran on his knees and ankles as if he blood bathed in it . He was scared and trying to hide and sobbing hard but silently covering his face hard to not let out a single scream . I couldn't say what was going on inside me at the moment i found him .

" Hia ? Please pick up hia . Please. I need you now. I don't want anything but you right now . Please pick up "

he shattered down, trembling on each word and am dead sure he was trying to dial porshe's number but i knew he wouldn't pick up He didn't have the phone & it's the same for all the guards in that house . No one is allowed to stay connected to the outer world except the family and registered staff .

I ran as fast as i could not mind the ice cream I brought for him because it fell on the floor abruptly.

He was all I had . He won't ever cry .
I had promised myself but still he was crying and i couldn't guess why ? I wanted to protect him but did I pay attention to him ? He was suffering .
But suddenly my nerves soaked all the blood in my veins and i stumbled back

For the first time in my life i feel fear . I'm afraid i won't deny it . He was holding a sharp knife and he looked at it too coldly for long. His gaze at that knife was killer and full of curiosity as if it was assumed , how much time it can pierce his nerves . He was looking back and forth at his hand and knife and my heart was pounding like crazy

I promise if anything happens to him I'll die there and then with him . I now realised that i just don't like him but i loved him . Until today i just knew that a slight liking towards him was breaking my mind in a million thoughts but watching him so close to death,
my eyes flickered nervously and just screamed one thing

" Save him kim . He's too precious for you to lose ever "

I've been ruthless and carefree & never feared to lose anything because i didn't feel i could even shred a tear for someone but now it was different . Now not just tears i could flow my blood for him anytime and only god knows , i will
I was lost in my thoughts but then

" Arghh ! Why me ? Why is it always me ? I don't want anything. I don't want any fucking thing here "

he screamed painfully, pulling his hair loudly and harshly. He suddenly went all wild trying to hit himself and my heart aches. He had a knife

" oh shit ! " i whispered slowly

His gaze ? i could feel it all . Damn , It's scaring the sh*t out of me here . The desperation and willingness with which he was looking at that knife , OH MY
FUCKING SHIT !

" Please don't do it chay , wait ! "

It was all i prayed from the bottom of my heart one wrong move of mine and I'll lose chay for forever. I can't let that happen with him . No way !

" Drop it ! " I screamed as i quickly took slow steps and crawled over him from back snatching the knife first and rolled over the stairs

" arghh !" I fell from the stairs harshly . I was not fully recovered and now this . I was sure that i'll not last long but still i wanted to save him and that's all i could do to stop him .I don't mind dying in his arms even if it's him who's the cause of my death. I'll accept it with a smile on my face for real . It'll be worth

" HOLD ON ! " he shouted to his best . Coming down from the stairs as the panic ran in his face . His voice is full of concern and sobbing which started breaking as tears fell from his eyes . I wasted on the floor and i don't know what happened to me but i could just have a blurred image of his view and his voice of crying and sobbing and i could feel little hands on my forehead as he screamed looking around and my face drenched in his tears .

My heart was in agony. The boy I wished to be always smiling and happy was crying over me. I didn't mean to make him cry at least not because of me ever.

" Get up kim , please get up . I'm sorry i didn't mean to hurt you please get up. You didn't have to do this. You got hurt."

Chay cried holding kim in his lap and caressing his head from which the blood ran and his side of jaw that was bruised .

" SOMEONE HELP PLEASE!
KIM IS HERE . HELP ME . GUARDS ! GUARDS! COME OUT PLEASE....
HE'S UNCONSCIOUS "

he screamed once more looking out for someone's help .




***Kim's pov

" Argh ! " A sudden pain rose up in my head and all was blur

" Sir ? " I heard a voice and my brain functioned properly when i caught it and i tried to sit but couldn't and fell back .

I looked at the man near me " where's chay ? " He didn't answer but bowed down. My heart ached even more and the fear in me inclined to a point where my heart said about the possibilities he could have done because the way i watched him was deadly. It feared me

" Is he hurt ? Where's he ? " I carefully looked around to catch a glimpse of him

" Bring him here " I shouted at all the people who were near me and they looked so worried. They went pale as if scared that i might kill them

" where's he ? " Only i know how i felt when i saw how ken turned his face to the other side looking at another guard

" Ken ! I'm asking you something " I sat painfully straight and pulled the IV strings angrily and he bent on his knees .

" We are sorry sir " my heart broke i clenched the sheets tightly

" What..... what do you mean s-sorry ? "
I whispered my heart hurts .

" Is he alright ? " He nodded quickly. I took a sigh of relief & looked up at him

" Where's he ? " he looked at the gate and then held my hand nervously

" the room sir " i immediately shrugged off and stood straight.

" Take me there ! " i stood but when i turned back I didn't see anyone moving

" THAT'S AN ORDER! " i yelled back

" We apologise khun kim but our hands are tied . He says he wants to see no one anymore . We are sorry but we can't , we know he's important to u but ..."

" he said t-that.. ken ? " I asked grabbing his collar angrily and he nodded.

" What the fuck he's upto ? " I pull my hair. What's happening all of a sudden?
I turned back and looked at everyone

" No one will follow me until i call you myself. Otherwise I'm not responsible for your graves " i slammed the door and ran to his room . I said it with a still face my cold aura was back and they felt it and abandoned my way quickly




***At the room

I knocked on the door twice but he didn't respond and again knocked but this time it was harsh

"OPEN THE DOOR i screamed .

I didn't utter any words but just again knocked but still no answer. I called the bodyguard and ordered him to open the door and he did it in a few seconds . I couldn't do it . I know and even if i tried I'd have just hurt myself because i wasn't alright, i knew and i didn't want chay to think that it was because of him . I didn't have any plan to make him misunderstand anything

I was standing at the opened door and quickly remembering that before i fell down i saw him crying . He looked devastated when i saw him back .

" SOMEONE HELP ... PLEASE HELP US "
Memories of him flashbacks in my mind making me go insane. He was screaming , i clenched my fist .

What has happened today ? It seemed too bright till yesterday but now it's all dark . Why did he do that ? Did something happen while he was out ? Will he tell me if i ask him ? I don't know what I'm expecting him to say ? Does he even need to ? What if he asks me what I've been doing ? Why am I doing it ?

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes and got in. It's that same room we've been sleeping in . It resembles us , our moments . I want to know why he did that ? Why not call me when he needs help ? He knew he wouldn't come right ? but still he tried to reach him but not me . Can't he even trust me enough to run to me if he's in trouble ? I thought that something was there between us but now i feel it was all from me . He never asked anything to me . Even if i could see his eyes full of questions he never asked one but why ? If he would have asked i could have answered it even if it'll hurt him in the end .



***Inside the room

I told my guards to stay away and go back and my death glare was enough for them to know that something bad was gonna come . I was in no mood to have a third wheel between us tonight
The windows were open and the winds blew harshly on my face like a slap that a storm had finally arrived . I went inside the room and my eyes went back and forth but didn't find him . I even looked in the bathroom but found no one

" Maybe he's gone out " i sighed. I had no hope to see him now so i thought of waiting in the lobby for him . When he comes home i will greet him first . I was going back but i stopped .

My instincts intensified and told me that he was here only. I could feel he was in this room only but he didn't come out . I could feel his scent and i can't be wrong on that " i can't "

I sat on the bed quietly with my hands on my temple and i thought about how to get him to see him . The angst in me kept rising . I went close to the mirror and stared at it endlessly without blinking a second and punched it hard .

" Fuck ! " I screamed in pain .The glass broke down and the pieces pierced my knuckles badly .

" Stop it kim ! you'll get hurt " he screamed. He came out from under the bed crawling on knees and held my hand and blew on it .

" Are you mad ? Why would you do it ? See ! You've lost so much blood . Have you lost it ? " He complains . He quickly took out his handkerchief and wrapped it around my knuckles but my eyes didn't stop looking at him once. His messy hair, red puffed cheeks and face are filthy from crying for so long . His face showed clearly how much he cried tonight .

" It hurts ? " He asked and looked at me . His eyes were so talkative and yet so quiet. Why are they like that ?

I wanted to ask so much but will he answer ? But why would he ? He's not accountable to me . What he says on my face will i be able to take it hearing him ? His hands were continuously tugged on mine and the handkerchief he rapped and he cried but no sound came out . My hands went to his cheeks . I stood up

" Don't cry . I'm okay but are you okay chay ? " He turned his eyes away in an instant and took a deep breath . My hands fell down .

" Sit here I'll give u first aid " he said making me sit on the bed and crawled back to the drawer . He looked so pale and empty right now what to do him that -

My eyes flickered nervously and i saw him very observantly and i pointed towards him " why are you doing it ? "
He turned. I again pointed at him

" why don't you sit straight ? " His eyes widened .

" Because the drawers are on the floor not in the air ! " He yelled

But i wasn't satisfied. He turned back looking once more for the ointments.
I hurried and hugged him from behind and he stopped . His body stiffened

" Are you really okay ? Tell me what happened did someone say anything ? " my hands grabbing him from shoulders and waist while my face hid in his back and we went silent

" L-leave me ! " He whispered .
I just tightened my hug more and more

" I said... l-leave me k-kim ! " My grip on him tightens more . He was trembling

" What do you fucking want ? You are so troublesome you know that right ? G-get out ...of my house and let me live in peace ! "

His voice trembled and each word shattered while he cried in each part he uttered .

" You " i said bluntly.

" I want...you " i again whispered and he didn't rebel more . But he stiffened but then i felt warm small hands wrapping around mine and his chest leaned on mine while i heard a cry again . And it was a green signal
I swore that if he wouldn't have taken it i would've killed someone because my mind's bursting out with negativity.

" Why are you doing this to me ? Why "
He cried and i turned him to face me. My hands rested on his face and i kissed his tears softly while he looked surprised. I ran my hands on his cheeks

" I know what I'm doing . You asked me what I want and my answer is you . I want you , your tears and everything that comes with you " i leaned my head on his and closed my eyes . My hands on his neck as i soothe him sweetly

" I know I'm crossing my limits but i can't see you like this . Nobody's allowed to make you cry not even me "

I've never said these types of things to anyone. Instead I've made people cry but him ? He deserves all kinds of love but not this.

" S-stop.... Stop it ! " he cried pushing my chest and my heart sank deep . I held his wrist tight .

" You should stop expecting me to leave when you ask me. I like you and i want to be with you not to leave you alone when you cry and almost try to kill yourself chay !" He stopped struggling and i sighed.

" Look at me " i made it clear and he looked at me scared while sobbing . I put his hand on my chest .

" Don't ask me to go . Let me stay here. "

He was looking at me for so long but didn't answer back instead turned his back on me . But there was no answer for a few minutes and i took that silence as " NO" and freed him from my hug disappointed.

" I'll leave then ! " I made it clear and turned back and rushed to open the door but then two hands rapped on my waist and his head rested on my back and he whispered slowly

" C-can you... stay but not .... ask anything ? I don't want to ...lie to you . stay with me. I need you ....with me "

His voice cracked but his heart more , his hands wrapping my waist as if he couldn't let me go and he needed me . It appeared as if i was his hope now and he asked me to stay .

I shook his hands and didn't turn around once and went straight to the ground floor . I could feel he went silent at my actions He must've thought that i went for good but i cared less about that thought . I quickly took the stairs and opened the door . When i went down where all the eyes were on me .

I looked at them and screamed

"Where's the first aid ? " A guard rushed and picked it up . But did it have everything ? I looked into it but there were very few things.

" Ken ! " I called my head guard

My mind spun. I didn't know what he'll need exactly. I pulled my hair in irritation

" Forget it ! Put everything , whatever's present in this house now " . He did it.

I came back with full preparation and went near chay and kneeled down

" Give it to me " his eyes moved to me .

I held his hands and tugged my eyes at his arms which were slightly bleeding Then his knees were fully bruised ,then his clothes were dirty just like i saw last night . I didn't do anything wrong but STILL couldn't catch up to his eyes if u ask why then the answer was simply him . His beautiful innocent eyes.

" Does it hurt ? " He didn't answer.

I didn't look up to see his face . I was afraid that he'll see through me .
His eyes were again full but this time not questions but tears that were ready to drop again . I used cotton and a cream to treat his knuckles and arm bruises .

" Shit ! " I stopped. He hissed in pain too loud taking his hand away .

" It's done " i nodded in agreement. I placed the box over the ledger of wooden blocks in the room .

" You should go now . You need to rest " I turned back immediately while
he was looking outside the windows .

The first time his eyes had tears and were empty . It feels cold as if he's not the little guy I've known for days . Tight string knotted in my stomach and it clenched hard breaking me into pieces . I again went on my knees and pulled his head near mine bringing his eyes to meet mine in anger and put the bandage on the side that bleeds a little harshly

" shit ! Are u giving me first aid or hurting me more ? " He said angrily

I shrugged off and said nothing . I don't have words . ' stubborn brat ! "

He hissed in anger .

But i'm scared that if i look up to his eyes ..He was continuously looking out of the window as if trying to find answers .

I angrily held his hand making him look at me " say something! "

" As if you tell me everything ? Bluddy liar ! Don't pretend as if you tell me everything is true " he said and rolled his eyes back and now i was scared even more. I could feel my legs shivering from his words . I took a step back and his wrist fell loose . He smirks

" You're too bad at hiding things "

what was happening ? I can't fucking believe it . My insides halted by his words . But he looked rather relieved and sighed looking at me .

" What do you mean ? " My words trembled and he looked up.

" You know why i treat you well ? " He chuckled

" The day i allowed you to stay here i came to know you have no one like me to take care of you so i wanted to make you feel loved but I'm scared now . You lied too much and now you didn't even hesitate to say you like me ? What do you want from me ? I don't want to cry because of you . Is it possible for you to say the truth ever ? "

He said tears flowing through his eyes his cheeks all red and breathing heavily

" Then why did you take me in ? Why do you behave so nicely with us ? " I frowned. He looked at me with eyes glistened

" Because i liked you since the first day i remember that you were the one who saved me in school " my eyes flickered nervously

" I like you so much that it is okay till you are here but can you not lie anymore ? "

For the first time in my life i felt shameful and embarrassed. What was i doing all these days here ? A moment of silence indulges in the air . My eyes drove the floor in embarrassment and he sighs and fakes a smile rubbing all the tears and turns to me as i look at my wrist he holds . I didn't even recognise it for how long we went quiet.

" I am so hungry. Wait ! Where's my ice cream Mr. Kim ? I asked you to bring me one right so where's it now ? "

He looked back at the bed and made a grumpy face and looked at me

" don't tell me you ate it all ? "

" What ? " I asked back . What is he talking about? "

" Nothing ! " he said holding my hands and trying to brush off whatever he said . He held my hand tightly and i shot him eyes in worry . Did he hit his head ?

" Let's go please" he said swinging my arm playfully looking at me. He dragged me a bit but his legs touched the bed's edge and he fell crying very badly. I immediately helped him but he cried and then fell on the ground badly once more and it was so suddenly that i couldn't catch him up . He screamed, cried holding my hand and my heart stopped looking at him.

" Hey ? What's happening to you ? Chay! Get up . Look at me you're fine"

I kept blabbering but he went unconscious right in front of my eyes the next moment.




***Chay's pov

" Are you alright ? " I looked around but saw everything blurred. But i heard mr kim's voice the moment i woke up , his voice was cracked .

" Mr Kim ? " He looked at me holding my hand and my heart ached looking at him . He was sitting in front of me on the bed while the guards all teared up .

" What happened ? " He closed his eyes clenching into a fist as he shook his head in denial .

I looked at his carefully usually he looks dashing wearing expensive clothes even when he

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