"Just tell me where we're fucking going already?" I snapped.

 Ethan was driving me to some random location, and for some reason, he was insistent on keeping the whereabouts a mystery. And if it wasn't already obvious, it was really starting to piss me off. 

Ethan let out an exasperated sigh. "For the last, and final time Chubs, you'll see when we fucking get there."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Are you trying to kill me or something?"

It was a fair assumption to make considering how rude I am to him most of the time. 

He let out a long groan and looked seconds away from slamming his head against the steering wheel.

 "I wasn't planning on killing you, but I may change my mind if you don't shut up," he snapped. 

"I'm pretty sure, that was a confession," I sang, as I shot him a triumphant look. 

He rolled his eyes and shook his head at me in amusement. "You're actually an idiot, Chubs," he laughed. 

"That sounded to me, like the nervous laugh of someone, who knows they've been discovered," I drawled, as I looked him up and down judgmentally.

"Relax drama pants, we're here, so you can stop with the guesses," he chuckled. 

I looked out the window and raised an eyebrow, as I saw we were parked by a bunch of trees. 

"Okay, I was kind of joking about you killing me before, but now I'm not too sure anymore......" I mumbled as I took in the sight of the dark forest before me in worry.

 It was the perfect place to bury a dead body...

"You know, I don't actually mean it when I call you a dickhead, it's just good old friendly banter," I laughed nervously as we both climbed out of the car.

 In case he was planning on killing me, I figured the best tactic of distraction was to overly compliment him. With an ego like his, it was sure to work.

 "As entertaining as it is to watch you suck up to me, you are aware I'm not going to kill you right?" Ethan chuckled, as we trudged our way down a cobbled footpath. 

I just hummed unconvincingly as I continued to follow behind him. 

The forest was giving me a creepy vibe, with its odd rustling sounds and the eerily black night sky. I kept myself practically glued to Ethan's side, as embarrassingly, it made me feel one hundred times safer when he was close.

"No, but seriously, Ethan, why are you making me walk through a random forest in the dark?" I asked with a chuckle. 

"Just trust me, there's a cool place, I want to show you," he said as he looked back at me in excitement. 

 A second after he said that he turned left and started to divert off the cobbled pathway and into some bushes. I stopped dead in my tracks. Ethan looked back at me in confusion when he heard me stop walking.

 "Come on, it's this way, why'd you stop?"

"Erm...perhaps because I don't want to get attacked by a fucking coyote," I scoffed. 

Ethan walked over to me with a sigh before taking my hand in his. I felt a strange tingly feeling shoot up the entire length of my arm, as soon as our hands joined as one. And just like that, any fear of a coyote was gone, and I silently let him lead me off the path. The ground grew steeper as we walked, and the higher we climbed, the lighter the sky seemed to become. 

Any time there was a strange rustle from the bushes, Ethan would quietly give my hand a firm squeeze, as a reminder that he was here. I'm not sure if he'd noticed he'd done it, but a little while ago, he'd moved his hand, so our fingers were entwined. It felt oddly intimate, like the way you'd hold your girlfriends' hand. Soon enough, the ground started to become flatter, and the trees sparser, as we reached the summit.

As we broke out from the last set of trees, I was bombarded with the spectacular night view of the Californian city. I didn't even realize we had climbed to such a height, but we must have, as the view allowed sight for miles and miles. 

"Woah," I marveled as I stood dumbstruck. 

The sky was alit with stars, which gleamed down on the restless city that was bursting with vigor and excitement. Fast cars whizzed past, and looked like tiny specs, while people on the streets darted around like ants. There was something crazily moving about looking down at such a sight and seeing so many lives all at once. It was breath-taking.

With a wildly happy smile on my face, I swerved my head to the side to face Ethan. I was taken aback to find him around looking my way, his eye boring into me with a strange kind of light. I had no idea what he was thinking, but whatever it was, it looked as though it had completely overtaken his mind.

 Finally, able to pull myself out of the distraction of his gaze, I remembered what I was about to say. 

 "Okay, I take back all my complaining. This place is beautiful," I gasped as my eyes continued to dart over the view in awe. 

"Yeah, I know. I stumbled upon it when I was out for a jog. I've been looking forward to showing it to you all week. I knew you'd like it," he smiled softly.

 I turned back to face him, and I felt a warm feeling spread over my heart from his words. If there were no such thing as consequences, I swear I would have jumped into his arms and kissed him. But unfortunately, there would be severe consequences if I kissed him, so I settled for a smile. 

"Oh hey, there's a bench," I said, as I tugged on our entwined hand, and led us both over to the bench.

As we sat down, neither of us let go of each other's hands, and I might have even held a little tighter. I know friends weren't supposed to hold hands for this long, but I didn't particularly care. If he wasn't going to say anything then neither was I.

 I knew I was playing a dangerous game, by letting myself pretend like this when I knew he loved someone else, but my imagination was all I had, and I was sure as hell going to make the most of it.

We sat in comfortable silence for a while, neither of us saying anything, just staring at the city below us and enjoying each other's quiet company.

 "Can I ask you a question?" I asked softly. 

He slowly nodded his head as he looked over at me.

 "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but why did get so upset when my cousin brought up your Dad?" I asked as I peered over at him with curious eyes. 

Ever since that day, it's been circulating round and round in my head, and I hadn't a single clue as to why he had reacted that way, and I felt like I had to at least try and ask him.

 Ethan's jaw clenched, and I noticed a flash of fear cross over his face. 

He exhaled a shaky breath "You already know I have a problem controlling my anger, right?" he stated tightly. He kept his gaze low as he spoke, and his free hand gripped onto the bench almost painfully.

 I slowly nodded.

 "Well, that anger...that anger," he swallowed, as though the words were difficult to say. "Comes from my dad," he mumbled before he lifted his chin to look at me. 

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly, not understanding the point he was trying to make. 

His eyes pierced deeply through my own and flickered nervously as though he was contemplating whether or not to tell me something.

"You're not going to judge me, right?" he mumbled softly. His eyes were brimmed with so much vulnerability, it almost hurt to look at. 

I gave his hand a soft squeeze. "I'd never judge you, Ethan. Ever," I stated confidently.

 I don't know why, but I just knew I could trust him. I knew that whatever he was going to tell me, couldn't waver how I felt about him. Not even for a second. 

"Mia, my dad is in prison," he said bluntly. 

And that's when it went silent.

 I hadn't expected him to say that at all, and I racked my brain to try and think of the right thing to say. Something that would be appropriate, something that would make him feel better. He continued before I even had the chance to speak. 

"And do you want to know what he did, Mia? The reason my dad has been behind bars for six fucking years," he spat. I stared at him in shock, as his eyes started to water with unshed tears. 

"He raped someone," he cried "And it wasn't just one person, it was loads of woman Mia, hundreds for all I fucking know," he croaked, as silent tears, started to trail down his cheeks.

He hung his head low, and his shoulders shook as he silently sobbed.His eyes were branded with an overwhelming amount of shame, and my heart bled for him. It was as though he thought he had to bear the weight of his father's crimes.

 "Ethan" I whispered as I reached out and lifted his chin, so his sad eyes rested on mine,

"Why on earth would you think I would judge? It wasn't your fault Ethan. It had absolutely nothing to do with you," I explained gently. Fear shone in his eyes as more tears ran down his cheek.

 Then his eyes hardened. 

"You don't get it, do you?" he snapped, as he ripped my hand away from his cheek. "I am his son Mia, I'm exactly like him. He used to get into fights just like me Mia, and look what he did" he croaked "Look what he fucking did," he cried angrily, as his breath became ragged and shaky. 

"And I'm so terrified that one day I'll hurt someone badly. That one day I'll hurt you," he whispered.

"I tried to stay away from you, I really did try Mia, I swear, but I just... I just.... can't," he said as he chocked over his words, and bowed down his head.

It was torture to see him like this, and I wished there was some way I could bear some of his burden for him, but I couldn't. So, I did the only thing I could do. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled his large torso against mine, as his body shook with sobs as he broke down against me.

 He hesitated for a few seconds before returning the hug, and he pulled me tighter against him. I didn't say anything, knowing he just needed time to release this pent-up pain. After some time, his body became stiller and quieter before he gently pulled away from me. 

He let out a deep sigh as he slumped his back against the park bench, his eyes dead and emotionless as he stared down at the city below us.

 "Now that you fully understand what I'm..what I'm.." he swallowed. "What I'm capable of. After today, I want you to stay away from me, Mia. Okay?" he stated firmly, not even turning his head to look at me.

 I felt an instant rage at his words. "Get actual fucking lost, Ethan. I am not staying away from you. You don't get to make decisions on who's good for me Ethan; I do. If you so much as even think about, ignoring me tomorrow, I will stalk your ass so fucking badly that'll you have me coming out of your ears," I snapped.

 Ethan looked taken aback by my aggressive outcry, and just stared at me with eyebrows raised in shock. Eventually, he recovered, and the corners of his lips turned up into a half-smile. 

"Wow, that speech was somehow both flattering and terrifying all at once," he chuckled. 

I worked hard to try and maintain the scowl on my face, but it soon melted into a small smile. 

"Okay, that might have been a little aggressive, but that's because I really care about you, Ethan," I confessed.

 His eyes softened. "I really care about you too, Mia. That's exactly why I want to keep you safe. If we stopped talking, it wouldn't have to be forever Mia, it would just be until I get better, then I'll come back to you," he explained, as he clasped our hands together. 

I let out a groan of frustration. "Why are you so hard on yourself? You're not that bad Ethan, I punched Connor in the face too, so I'm just as bad as you," I argued. He paused for a couple of seconds as he contemplated my words. 

He sighed "But-"

"No, I don't want to hear it, Ethan. You're not doing the 'I'm gonna push you away till I'm perfect' shit that you're doing with you crush. I don't need you to change, I find you perfect just the way you are," I blurted out in a passionate rant. 

His eyes flashed with surprise, joy, and something else, and they bore into mine with a startling intensity. It was the kind of intensity, you couldn't look away from. His eyes danced over my face before they landed on my lips. It only lasted for a second, before he tore his eyes away from me. He leaned back on the bench with a heavy sigh. 

"Have you seriously not guessed which girl I'm talking about? I think it's getting painfully obvious now, Mia." He chuckled harshly.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "No, I'm not psychic, Ethan."

"You're clearly not that observant either," he smiled as he shook his head at me in amusement.

 I scoffed and playfully slapped his arm. "Just shut up and tell me who it is already."

It was ridiculous that he was still refusing to tell me when I was one of his best friends. Plus, I wanted to know who this bitch was, so I had a target for my jealousy.

He went silent for a few seconds, as though he was debating whether or not to tell me. 

"I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually..." he finally said with a heavy sigh.

Another period of silence ensued before Ethan broke it. "You know what the worse thing of all is about my Dad," he laughed bitterly. 

"What?" I asked softly as I looked over at him in concern. 

"I don't even hate him, I just miss him. I don't know the guy they accused of rape. All I remember is the guy who taught me how to ride a bike, the guy who taught me how to play soccer. The guy I used to call my idol," he whispered as his voice cracked in pain. He looked at me carefully, as though he was searching my eyes for judgment, but I had none to give.

 "You shouldn't feel bad for not hating him. It's natural, he was your dad. People aren't all good or all bad Ethan, and it doesn't make you weak to notice the good. It makes you strong," I finished softly.

 Ethan sighed. "Yeah, I suppose you're right but it sure would have made things a whole lot easier if I had seen more of the bad. Strangely enough, he was never abusive. He was..he was nice. If he was angry, he would just go out..," he mumbled.

 Words didn't need to be spoken, to confirm what likely happened when he went out.

 "I remember the day he was arrested so clearly, we were playing out in the garden, and then the police came...he kept denying the accusation over and over again, but when the court day came, the evidence was there loud and clear; he was guilty," he croaked. 

"My mum cried herself to sleep every fucking night after that, and I didn't know to do, I was only twelve.... I just...I just... can't wrap my head around why he'd do it, why he'd hurt us like that," Ethan cried as his eyes brimmed with pain. 

I sighed. "Sometimes people just do things, horrible things, for reasons we cannot explain," I said simply, not having a better answer than that.

 "I'm just glad, Dylan's nothing like him. He's kind and gentle, and everything I'm not. I'm so scared of becoming him, Mia, it scares the crap out of me," he whispered. 

"And you won't," I stated confidently, desperate to drill it into his head. 

"Well, I hope so, because I've sure as hell been trying. After what he did, I started working hard at school and tried my best to be good at everything. I assumed the more perfect I was, the less chance I had of turning into him," he said with a harsh chuckle.

 "I even vowed to stay away from girls, to diminish the risk of ever hurting someone the way he had," he sighed "And it was going great until one crazily beautiful girl walked into my life."

 I furrowed my brows. "Who?"

 His head rose, and his soft blue eyes locked on mine. 

"You, Mia. Everything was going according to plan until I met you." 

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Author's note:

Chapter 36 is all done! Hope you enjoyed my amazing cliffhanger ;) Which was ironically on a cliff...

Anyway, now your questions have been answered and you know what Ethan's problem is. Were you expecting that reasoning? Shocked? Surprised???

And yes, I did pull the ultimate cliche and make the confession scene in the 'secret place.' And even worse, on a viewpoint/cliff. I'm only human, I'm sorry okay!

Hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks so much for reading!

Next update: Wednesday (6-8PM-UK time)