~Natasha's Pov~

Yesterday was the scariest night of my life, I almost acknowledged my greatest fear. Rejection. She had a break down in front of my eyes, in front of my doorstep and I couldn't do anything. The second I head her say "we have to stop seeing eachother", a stabbing pain rapidly thumped in my chest. I knew that second it was over, but then she apologized, "I-I'm sorry". I don't know if she's trying to break up with me. She can't do that, we're meant for eachother. I refuse to break up! I can't live without her, goddammit, not her! Her words kept replying in my mind, "...to kill me..."
causing me to have trouble sleeping. I don't know why she began bursting out in tears, almost like she was regretting to say that.

I made her tea last night, telling her to go lay down. The imagine of her breaking down was replying in my head. I hadn't even noticed she fell asleep. I didn't want to carry her to bed with me, it'll make her uncomfortable. I can't sleep with my ex, I thought. So, I only threw a blanket over her shivering body on my couch and headed upstairs to sleep alone. Although, I didn't sleep at all. I just kept staring up at my ceiling, feeling mixed emotions. Raging anger, upset, disbelief and most of all, sorrow.

-

It's 4 am and I can't turn my head off, so I decided to make myself a cup of coffee. I walk down the stairs, seeing Y/N still asleep on the couch. How didn't Yelena even spot Y/N when she returned? I shrug it off and continue making myself coffee. I came at a point where I was slumping, my head tilted down and my eyes heavy from not sleeping at all. I feel like my hearts gone numb in a way, like I have no emotions expect for those four (4) I felt earlier. Now and then I'd get a burst of anger, like I want to punch a wall. But I have to accept that Y/N doesn't want to be with me anymore.

I can't turn my pain into anger anymore.

"Tasha" A soft, yet sleepy voice called from behind me. My back is facing Y/N, so she can't see my emotionless face. I shut my eyes tightly at her voice, knowing I won't ever hear it again. "Hm?" I mumble. I heard the couch shift then footsteps walking from behind me. With my face still tilted down, I can't ask to help, "Is it that James, guy?" I felt her presence in front of me, looking down to her feet. "What?" She questions, still a bit sleepy. I look up at her, seeing her eyes soften. I tigthen my grip on the counter, my knuckles turning white.

"I asked, do you have feelings for that James guy?" I clench my jaw. She looks back and forth from my eyes with an unamused face. She starts frowning confusingly.

"You have dark circles under your eyes" she states queitly. "Goddamit! I ask you a question, Y/N!" I yell, my voice breaking mid sentence. She flinch as I raise my voice and slam my hands on the counter. I look into her scared, widen eyes as mine turns soft. I pull back from the counter. "Oh god, I'm so sorry" I whisper, stepping closer to her. She gulps, looking down to her feet.

"I didn't break up with you, Tasha. There was just a lot going on" Her voice is raspy and soft. She looks back up with her eyes glossy. She starts nodding, "But I might consider it now" she sobbed and immediately walks to the door, slamming it shut.

No, why.

~Y/N's Pov~

I sob into my pillow, gripping it tightly. My throat feels dry, yet I still try go swallow my thick saliva. My bedroom is filled with my muffled screams and sobbing sounds. I've said things I shouldn't have twice now, meaning not one of them. I wanted to tell her about what's going on, how the spy organization is taking down the Red Room. I wanted to apologize for breaking out and saying we needed to part ways technically. I didn't mean what I said earlier, that I might consider us breaking up. What does that mean? Are we over?

The thought let's me sob even harder.

Suddenly, the was a knock at the door. I bite my bottom lip, preventing from crying to loud. It's probably just Natasha, trying to apologize. I tighten my grip around my pillow, sighing shakily.

"Y/N! It's me, Wanda!" A loud voice from outside yelled. I widen my eyes and push myself up, looking down at my wet, mascara stained pillow. I wipe away my watery eyes, under and above before rushing down the stairs. I open the door. "Hey" I drag out, leaning against the door innocently. Wanda's eyes soften and immediately, she pulled me into a hug, causing me to frown. Although, I really wanted a hug, so I accepted it.

"Oh babe, I stopped at The Dead Rabbit earlier. You weren't there, I thought you went out on an urgent mission, but I just wanted to make sure" She whispers, rubbing my back. I relax in her touch with a sigh. Well, I guess I can't hide something from my bestfriend who calls me babe. She pulls back with sympathetic eyes. "Whats wrong? You look like a mess" She chuckles the last part. "I never saw you cry before, so whatever made you cry, must've hurt you a lot" she adds with a queit voice. I chuckle pathetically, shaking my head.

"I guess wrong person wrong time" I shrug with a weak smile. She flashes back a weak smile. "You'll find someone better" she pats my shoulder.
"No I wont" I mutter to myself. "What?" Wanda ask softly, eyebrows furrowing.
.

..

We ended up sitting on the couch, the TV playing in the background. We both eating ice cream out of the tub.

"So? You said you wouldn't find anyone better than him" Wanda exclaimed. Oh, we're back at this topic. I thought I distracted her with ice cream so that she wouldn't ask me anymore. She said "him", its not a guy. I dig the spoon inside the tub, leaving it inside. "Because I'm the one who broke up with her" I mutter, correcting her. She gasp and swiftly placed the ice cream tub back on the coffee table. Confused, I let her take my hands in hers. Her eyes are sparkling with excitement.

"It's a girl!" She smiles, gripping my hands tigther. I cringe at my squashed hands and nod slowly. "You're lesbian!" She states, her voice going high. "Mhm" I nod once again. She squeals before releasing pressure around my hands and grabbed the ice cream with a smile. She places it back in the middle, passing me my spoon. "Well, I feel like it's only fair if I tell you..." she scoops ice cream, so do I.

I chocked on the spoon entering my mouth once she said, "I'm lesbian too" my eyebrows  lifts up and I quickly retrieved the spoon out of my mouth. She pats my back, chuckling. I had a gagging situation before looking at her with slightly widen eyes. "I never expected you to like women" I commented with shocked furrow eyebrows, going in for another try to bite, hoping I won't choke this time.

"You have to tell me all about her" Wanda squeals, licking the ice cream off the spoon. I sigh.

"Well, her name is Natasha. Natasha... I can be myself around her. I love the way she stares at me. She listens to every tiniest problems I have. The smallest compliments that she gives me makes me blush. She has the most beautiful emerald green eyes that lightens the room. Her hair is dark red and curly." I release a shaky breath, looking down. Wanda listening carefully. I start unconsciously smile.
"Natasha is warm... and she's also gorgeous. And it's real, and honestly... when I'm around her... I-I... I completely forget what I am."

"Oh my god" Wanda whispers. I snap my head to her with a soft smile. She smiles widely, chuckling in between her teeth. "You are in love with her" she states softly, keeping her wide smile on her face.

I look back down. Am I? Am I in love with Natasha? I mean... she's one of the few poeple who knows me the best. I hate, but yet love her teasing. Her raspy morning- and- regular voice, her body, her protectiveness, her smile...I love everything about her. She's my best friend and lover.

"Yeah" I whisper, gulping.

"You have to get her back!" Wanda yells, startling me.

...

Wanda kept bothering me about Natasha before I kicked her out of my house. I gave her a cookie on the way home, I'm not that cruel.

But, her words really did come to my head. Then again, I have to let it go.

A/N: Everyone chill, something awesome between Natasha and you is gunna happen. So, stay tuned.