I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay

GERARD.

Mr. Iero didn't let me go outside, he came and found me and took me with him. I didn't argue, I didn't cause a scene and I didn't even object once. I hung my head and followed behind him to his class, not looking away from the floor once even when he stopped to talk to a teacher.

Brendon had come into the classroom a few minutes after we got here and I decided to send him on a mission, "Do you think you can go and find Cassie? She's in year ten, tall, tanned, curly hair up in a ponytail. When you find her give her my number."

I gave my number to Brendon and sent him off on his little adventure around school, directing him to the cafeteria area and then began to set up my little camp besides the window, thoughts from break time still all clouded up inside my brain.

The positioning of the sun had changed a lot since the last time I had sat here, and the way that the world works has never failed to amaze me.

Just thinking of people who say the saying 'it's a small world' makes me laugh at their stupidity. It's no where near small.

That one person, compared to this world, is insignificant. We're all so insignificant, and when we ourselves think about ourself compared to the world, the continents, the individual countries, towns, civilisations. We are irrelevant, small and meaningless compared to all these other people.

Alone. That's what I was. Sure I definitely felt like that al the time even when I didn't have any reason to be, but these things happen when you don't even realise it happens, right?

The distance from the window to the concrete path beneath was starting to look a lot more appealing to me even though it wasn't high enough for my liking but I guess, one day, it will do the job I want the right way and I will no longer have to worry after that.

I changed my gaze to the landscape of buildings that were lit up differently. Who needed the music room window to jump out of when there were all those buildings to jump off of?

"Gerard...?" Frank whispered to get my attention. I looked over at him, only now realising that I had just been sitting there thinking as I stared out at the building tops, "What is going on inside that head of yours? What are you thinking? What are your thoughts?"

Frank stared at me intensely as he stood up out of his chair and walked closer to me, inspecting my facial expressions, my movements and my moods. Three things that had never been a big giveaway with my thoughts, how I really felt. And I'm guessing that's all Frank really wanted.

Frank and I didn't say a word, we didn't move. I certainly wasn't going to make a stupid move again anytime soon. I just let my thoughts wander once more as we just stared at one another, Frank's eyes darting across my face for something that gave away what I was thinking of.

Whilst I looked on his face for anything that told me how he was feeling. I guess I came back with more answers than he did.

The teacher in front of me sighed before looking out of the window, frustrated that he wasn't allowed any access into my brain, "I'm sorry. I just don't talk to people I don't feel one hundred percent comfortable with," Frank sighed and nodded, " but I do have a proposition for you."

Slowly, Mr. Iero looked away from the window and back at me and scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion, "What kind of proposition are we talking about, Gerard?"

Instead of giving him words in my answer straight, I unzipped my bag and pulled out my nearly empty grey covered notepad, "I was thinking, I write everything I feel and think down when you ask me to, and when it comes up to the time when I feel comfortable enough for you to know, I'll let you read it."

Frank smiled, "How will I know what you're talking about?" I thought about it for a moment before shrugging, "You're gonna have to guess what I'm going on about. Although I think most of it will probably be pretty obvious, even for someone I don't know to read."

Frank agreed and walked back over to his desk to sit down, kicking back with his feet up on a nearby desk, "I'm cool with that. Now write what you were thinking about before you forget."

I almost laughed at that. Me, forgetting those thoughts? They were reoccurring and they have been since the age of fourteen, I don't think that I'm going to forget about them in the space of four minutes. But was I going to say that out loud in front of Mr. Iero?

Hell no, I don't even know where to begin with that subject!

I wasn't used to all the 'serious talk' with people, I was the sort of person that held everything in, all of it to myself for me to dwell on, silently cry over and panic about until it got too much for me and I cried about anything and everything to whoever was the first to listen for the next three hours. Probably at three AM.

Before I could even start writing down a second paragraph of my thoughts for Frank, I felt my phone vibrate in my blazer pocket and I grinned as I pulled it out to see it was a unsaved number saying a simple 'sup', a fee moments later Brendon burst through the door and strutted to the table I was sat on.

I quickly tapped away at my screen to save Cassie's number then reply to her message before looking at the boy say on the desk beside me, "Thanks, Bren. You're great." Brendon just rolled his eyes and patted my thigh, "I know, just don't make a habit of that."

Brendon pulled his own phone out of his pocket and started typing a message to someone, not once trying to have a second look at the notepad resting on my lap, he didn't try and read more of whatever he had caught when he had first looked down to see what I was doing.

Brendon was probably going to be one of the bestest friends for me to have, and I've only known him for a good twenty-four hours. I guess it was something about him that made me think that some things in this world were worth living through.

Yes, I weren't completely sure how he was going to turn out as a friend. Sometimes when you spend a few days here and there with someone, you have one of the best relationships, but if you spend every single day with some people, it can get to be too much to handle.

I'm hoping for it to be a combination of the two. To spend everyday with Brendon and it to be one of the best friendships you could possibly have.

But if I do think about it, the friendship between us probably wasn't going to last if you count my track record of friends and best friends. I don't think I really kept a friend for longer than a year, and then I started losing interest in them, they began to annoy me like Hell or we just naturally grew apart from each other.

Did I miss any of those friends that I no longer have? Yes, of course I do. To know that there were actually some people that could stay around and tolerate me for more than five minutes gave me some hope. Yes they did leave me behind after a while, but they were there for me. I had that taste of a perfect friendship.

There was a quick knock on the door that broke my thoughts, followed shortly by a student walking in freezing me in place as he confidently walked over to Mr. Iero and smiled, "Hi, Sir. I know the music class for year eleven has already gone past but I wanted to note that I dropped drama and switched over to music, my head of year just wanted me to finalise it with you."

A frown appeared on Frank's face as he looked through his planner, papers and bits and pieces, "When was this arranged? Did your head of year plan on giving me a heads up that I was getting a new student in my class?"

Frank sighed, rubbing his eyes before looking back up at the student, "Sorry, welcome to my class," Mr. Iero handed three pieces of paper over to him, "I hope you enjoy your stay. I'm sorry, but what is your name?"

"Thank you for this stuff, I guess I have two lessons worth of work that I have to catch up on? Oh, and I'm Tom." Tom slightly turned in my direction and sent me a wink before looking back at Mr. Iero, "No, only one and a bit, today's lesson was a bit of a... Disaster, I guess."

Tom smirked and nodded, probably already knowing about what had happened in this classroom earlier. He probably got Jack to do it himself.

Dick.

The worst part about this is, Frank didn't even know how I was feeling right now because he didn't know about the whole Tom thing.

Tom took all of the papers from Frank and slid them into a folder before putting that folder into his bag, "That is all, right?" Mr. Iero nodded with a smile at his newest addition, turning back to his pile of papers whilst Tom looked at me.

He blew me a kiss sarcastically before walking towards the door, throwing me a wink and closing the door behind him, leaving me seething on the table at the same time as me being on the edge of a panic attack.

Great. Just. Fucking. Great.