I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay.

GERARD.

There wasn't a lot more said throughout the night, me and Frank had hung back when people had started going back to their rooms, Mr. Khan leaving before a lot of kids did with an apology to Frank and a good luck before he jogged off, four more students following behind him. I never wanted to leave, it was nice here, I felt calm and relaxed.

Even with the knowledge that Tom was within three meters of me.

"Hey..." Frank mumbled, bumping his shoulder into mine gently and discreetly on our way back to the dorms, making sure no one wouldn't be able to notice him doing it, "I need cuddles tonight. Do you know anyone that will volunteer for me? I don't mind who it is, although I do indeed have a certain someone in mind right now."

I smiled at Frank and his wide grin and his bright eyes, even though we were just coming back through the trees back to our rooms, his features were illuminated by the lamps that were evenly placed around camp to keep us from getting lost or walking into things, "I do think there is one or two people I know that would offer up their night to cuddle with you."

Frank rolled his eyes and saw that the hall was empty before he took my hand and unlocked his door, letting me in first so he could close it behind him, "You looked very pretty in the light of fire tonight." Frank said softly, leaning back against the door as he gazed over at me laying down upon his bed, his smile barely there.

"And I've never looked pretty before I sat beside that fire?" Frank giggled and walked over to the bed, climbing on and sitting cross legged in front of me, "You always look really pretty, you're my pretty girl. I think you're really pretty whatever gender you are, gender doesn't matter."

I hauled my legs up to my chest and propped my chin up on my knees as I stared at the beauty in front of me before letting my eyes drop to the bed sheets, "Thank you for that reassurance. That honestly makes me feel ten times better about it all." I gave a halfhearted smile, too tired to actually throw a proper smile.

Frank cocked his head to the side quizzically, his eyebrows rose slightly as if to ask me what the hell I was talking about but he just couldn't bring himself around to ask me out loud. I wouldn't want to ask me out loud about this sort of thing either, if I were him. I don't blame him.

No more was said of the topic, no more was mentioned on my gender and I started moving so I ended up on Frank's lap with my arms around his neck, my legs still pulled up to my chest so I could keep all of my warmth within the area that me and Frank were taking up.

His arms went around my waist and his face buried into my neck, his nose brushing the base of my neck where it meets my shoulder, his deep breath out scampering across my collar bone, "I'm tired." I whisper, pulling away a little just so I could look at Frank's face, so I could see what he felt and know if he agreed with me as he spoke his reply.

"We should really get you to sleep then."

I nodded and pushed myself up off of Frank and reached my arms up, stretching out and letting a load of pops to sound before turning back to Frank with a smile as I watched him follow my path of movement, wrapping his arms around my shoulders once he had finished his stretch and he cuddled up to me with a hum of approval, "Hey, Frankie? Can I borrow some clothes from you tonight? If I go and get some-"

"You don't need an explanation for me to let you steal my shirts, don't worry." Frank turned his back on me and pulled his suitcase out from underneath the bed and pulled out a white loose fitting shirt for me, passing to to me before he went hunting for his own clothes to wear during the night, ending up with nothing in his hands, my heart rate increasing as it dawned on me that Frank would be seeing my legs up close and in detail for the first time.

Frank saw my discomfort, offering up a soft smile before pulling me into a hug, "Gee, whatever you have under those jeans is nothing I haven't seen before. Whatever your scared of, it's only temporary, alright?" Frank rubbed circles into my back as we swayed back and forth, Frank humming a tune to me quietly, "I love your body wholeheartedly. I promise."

I nodded, still not entirely convinced. Of course I wouldn't be, I never was extremely comfortable with my body and I never will be, and the fact that my body was going to be next to Frank's for a comparison, I wasn't willing to let that's process go through our minds. I would only get more upset and it would ruin my day.

There wasn't anything else said between us for the next few minutes that were spent with Frank hugging me, then pulling back and making his way into the tiny toilet and sink room to get changed and let me go about my own changing without his watchful eyes to see things I don't want him to see. Frank didn't make a sound when he was stripping himself of clothing, and I didn't want to break that.

I continue to let the silence slide by as I take off my own shirt, my shoes and socks, then lastly my jeans, my level of uncomfortableness seemingly getting worse now just by being almost naked in a room that I wasn't at all familiar with, making my fingers fumble with the fabric of Frank's shirt as I scramble to get my head through the right hole and my arms in.

"Gee? Are you done?" Frank called out from the room he had locked himself in, "Can I come out yet?" I giggled at his silliness as I pushed my clothing to the side with my foot and climbed back up onto the bed and under the blankets, covering up my legs before looking back up at the door Frank was behind slowly opening.

The older male peaked around the door cautiously, making sure that I was ready and he stood up properly when he saw me sat up right in his bed, ready to go to sleep and he was just being dumb, "C'mon Frankie, it's cold in this bed, I need someone to warm me up and you seem to be the only likely candidate right now, sorry about that." Frank smirks as he makes his way over to the bed with surprisingly long strides.

As soon as he reaches the bed, he places a hand on my neck and meets me half way to plant a kiss on my mouth, humming against my lips as he acknowledged that I had actually said something prior to him getting his ass over here for a kiss from me, " Oh no, now we're gonna have to find you another candidate willing enough to participate in such activities as his."

I mock-gasped, pulling back a little and put a hand over my heart as Frank just giggled and sat down on the bed beside me, not even playing along with me, "Are you trying to tell me you don't wanna be my cuddler? You don't want to act all cute with me? That's extremely rude, Frankie."

Frank shrugs and lifts up the blanket, his smile faltering slightly when he noticed me flinching back away from him and the possibility of him being able to see my legs, "Hey, I guess I could make it through the night, I can definitely make it out alive." I pout but still shuffle over in the bed so Frank could have more space to cuddle with me, noticing that he had literally let the whole cringing away from him thing slide out of focus, probably knowing that there wasn't really much use of him bringing it up and talking about it.

Frank probably knew it would make me feel ridiculed, frustrated or vulnerable. I myself had no idea how I would feel exactly and how I would teach to what Frank would say about it. To be honest, I would not even know what it would be that Frank would say about it, he could take the subject many different ways and Frank didn't seem to be that easy to predict in what he was going to say.

"You make it sound as if I try to kill people in my sleep. I'm not that hard to cuddle up to at night, I just shuffle around a bit, honestly speaking now, if anyone is going to be having trouble trying to get to sleep tonight, it would definitely be me." Now it was Frank's turn to gasp and look offended by the words I had said, "Hey, I have my own fully valid reasons! Last night was certainly enough to put me off of sleeping with you in the same bed for the rest of my life."

Frank still stared at me, looking as if he had been shot in the chest, as if he was a wounded puppy, "Name three things I done last night that made it so bad for you to get to sleep!" Frank demanded, obviously getting upset over the fact that I had accused him of being difficult to sleep next to, "Well, first off, you literally starfished yourself out and took up most of the bed, then you took up practically all of the blanket. Also, you kick in your sleep a lot, I'm not sure why. Oh, at one point you dribbled on my face."

Frank stared at me for a long moment as I stared back, "You could've stopped about three points ago." He sniffed intentionally loudly before shuffling further down under the blanket and plopping his head down onto the pillow, "Come and cuddle me." Frank whined, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me towards him, putting his right leg between the both of my legs, bumping his nose into my collar bone every so often.

It was silent as we both closed our eyes, until I realised it was still considerably bright in the room and that it wasn't dark how I would expect it to be when going to sleep, "We forgot to turn the light off."

Frank groaned and flipped the covers off of his body and partly off of mine so he could push himself off of the mattress and over to the light switch by the door. Once he got back into bed, the room now darkened and my eyesight starting to adjust to the dim lighting setting, he cuddled up with me once again, letting the gentle silence hit us once more because neither of us actually wanted for us to speak up.

But, as always, someone has to speak and ask a stupid question and ruin the beauty of the moment by making it completely uncomfortable for me.

"Gee, I've got a question... Obviously you do not need to answer it and you shouldn't feel as if you need to or have to answer it just because I'm curious as to what you meant. You were saying you were happy that you had the reassurance that I found you attractive... What did you mean by that?" I sighed as soon as Frank was finished, knowing he was only a small minded male that had already gotten so far in this world on such little knowledge.

And that was coming from a teenager.

"Well, I guess, I don't know. I didn't ever feel... right. Don't get me wrong, my body wasn't ever necessarily wrong, it was just never right. I always thought myself a little different from the other kids in my class, and I always found myself wondering why I couldn't be pretty like the girls and why the boys all laughed at me for being such a girl. I found myself starting to hate the fact I was a boy, I didn't like it, I felt like this wasn't me, this isn't my own body, I was borrowing someone else's.

"Recently, it hasn't been as bad. There's still the uncomfortable feeling I get every time I show my body in front of other boys or girls, I don't like they way I'm built. I get jealous of other boys for being boys and I get jealous of girls because they look so pretty. That's honestly all I have wanted since a very young age. To be pretty."

I then became silent, wondering about what Frank must have been thinking right now after he had found out this much about me, wondering if he thought I was weird, "So... I, do you have any pronouns you prefer? Would you like for me to say her and she instead of his and him? Just to make sure you feel a lot more comfortable about yourself?"

"He is fine with me."

We lapsed into another silence once more, and I couldn't help but feel the overwhelming hate that Frank must feel towards me now that I had told him I felt this way, "Am I weird? I mean, how many boys my age are gay and gender queer?"

"No, you're just finding out who you really are. Don't worry your pretty little self about it, it will all work out eventually." That, that was certainly an answer I could settle with for tonight.

This was wrote in light of what Gerard had said about himself recently in an online interview/via Twitter mentions, and also about how lazy I am when it comes to turning off the light when you wanna go to sleep.