Avalana Skylar Valerie

My eyes are blinking, my eyes slowly open and reveal a bright light from the white ceiling above me. My eyes feel so heavy and I realize that i fell asleep with my make up on, i even still have my dress on.

I look around and found Apollo is sleeping next to me, the speaker isn't playing my playlist anymore. I look into the clock on the white wall in front of me that shows 3am in the morning, the window shows that it still dark outside.

I got up from the bed before grabbing my silk robe and put it around my body, i walked into the living room and found the Tv is still on playing one of Apollo's favorite tv series. And there's a red wine that i ordered before i fell asleep. I turned off the tv before pouring the red wine into a cup that still clean.

I got up from the sofa then open up the balcony door, it is still dark. The city lights look so beautiful complete with the famous Eiffel tower. I pulled one of the chair in the balcony before sit on it, staring at the beautiful night view from the very top floor of this hotel.

I sip into the red wine, the red liquid is pouring my dry throat, the cold breeze is blowing. It's empty out here, so chill and relaxing. Apollo is peacefully asleep, he's asleep with both of his eyes close. I can not see those beautiful blue eyes that never failed to makes me nervous every time i stare at them, i always drown every time i see those beautiful pair of blue eyes. His strong stares always making me so nervous all the time, his sharp jawline always clenched every time he's trying to be serious. Those dimples that always come out every time he smiles and every time he laughs, and his pink plump lips that i always crave for more, that seems has an magnetic connection with mine.

The first lip that gave me my very first kiss, the only lip that my lip has kissed. I wish my lip is the only lip he kissed, and I thought my lip is the only lip he kissed.

But i was wrong.

I saw him kissing her in his house that day, he didn't know i was in his house that day. My heart shattered into pieces when i saw they lips touching one another. I thought it was a dream, it feels not real. I feel like a sharp knife is being stabbed right on my chest, the last time i felt like that was when dad passed away.

It is so hard for me to act that everything is okay when  you know that your boyfriend is cheating on you. I heard that Kayla said everything was okay before i walked in, it means they've been doing those things before i walked into his life.

She said that I cannot give him all of me, she also said that i can not fulfill his needed. And i realize that a guy need something from a girl he dated. And i can not give it to Apollo, it hurst me. Knowing that he cheated on me because I cannot fulfill his needed. It's all my fault, but virginity is really important for me, I'm going to keep it until the right time. Love is full of bullshit.

I saw him trying to push Kayla away but she asked for one last kiss, i saw them kissing in his house. It really breaks my heart, i didn't want to see what happened next so i went home. I keep crying on the way back home while still can't believe that Apollo did this to me the whole time.

I couldn't stop crying that day and my mind was everywhere so i asked the girls to go to the bar with me that night. Sarah couldn't come so it was just me and Diana, we went to the bar but I didn't tell them a thing cause I don't want our group of friends messed up just because of me and Apollo.

I love him so much, but he cheated on me.

I can not imagine how he did that with Kayla, and I cannot believe my Boyfriend did that. And I cannot believe he still acts like nothing happened. It hurts me every time I tell him i love him and he said it back without feeling guilty.

Now I don't know what should i do with him, I don't know what will i do in the future. It's really hard for me to hold a tears and act happy towards him when i know that he cheated on me.

My sweet boyfriend cheated on me, it's all my fault I cannot give him all of me. I trusted him I really trusted him but it shattered into pieces the time i saw them together that day. I can not trust him anymore, now I don't know how to brings up the topic when he acts normal in front of me.

I want to punch him in the face but my love is too big for him, i feel like I'm an idiot. I also thought maybe it is an another miss understanding just like our last argument when Rachel kissed him.

I'm an idiot, Which girls who keep saying i love you to a guy that cheated on her, and which girls still want to go for a vacation with a guy that cheated on her. I feel like he's playing with my feelings and I'm just a dumb girl who doesn't know how to handle this situation.

I've been spending my time inside of the bathroom crying, I don't think that he noticed that i always took a long time inside of the bathroom. I cried myself, even though that day was a really good day but he still hurts me. Plus when he acts that everything seems fine.

A tear started to fall from my eyes, it is so hard to act like everything's fine towards the person that lied to you the whole time. It doesn't feel the same anymore, holding his hands, hugging his body, kissing his lips. It feels so strange and not the same.

I can't believe i can be this strong to face him after what he did to me. This whole situation seems supporting me to walk away from him, plus I'm going to leave him far far away from
Home. Oxford is always dad's first choice and i think he suggested what's best for me. I still feel confused about moving out to Europe when i still be with him but since i know what he did to me now i have a reason to walk away from the reality that i used to face, him.

The tears keep falling from my eyes then i started to sobbed, I don't really know what to do and I don't want to asked another person advice cause it is going to make him looks bad.

But i also know that I cannot stay like this forever, there's should be one of us to started to talk about it. We can't stand in an unhealthy relationship like this, this is my first ever relationship but also my first ever heartbreak.

Apollo, he's the first person that makes me fell hard, I fell so hard for him and still falling so hard for him. I can't handle my feelings towards him, it was so hard to look at yourself in the mirror without crying cause you're the only one who knows how broke you are.

The person that always brought happiness to me, the person that always be there whenever i need him, the person who sticks around by my side all the time. I'm not ready to loose him but having him next to me all the time now just making my feelings hurt.

I open my phone and started to call the number that will understand me and wont take a rush steps.

"Hello" she finally picks up.

"Hey am I bothering you, what time is in there?" I asked her.

"No you're not, what's up? How's paris?" She asked.

"It's" I paused.

"It's good" i said.

"Lana are you okay?" She asked.

I stay in a silent for a moment.

"Lana?" She asked.

"I'm not okay" my voice cracked and i started to cry and sobbing.

"Oh my god what happened, I thought you're having a lot of fun" she said.

"There's something going on and I cannot keep it by myself anymore" i said while crying.

"Why honey? Tell me" she said.

I take a deep breath while looking up at the dark sky, trying to hold my tears from falling.

"I'll keep it by myself i promise, what happened?" She asked.

"He cheated on me" i said and it's making the situation worst.

"I'm sorry? Wait what? He cheated on you?" She asked.

"Yes" i said while trying to breath.

"How do you know?" She calmly asked, she sounded surprise but now she sounds calm, i know she's the best person to talk to.

"I saw him kissing another girl and talking with her like they've been together for a long time" I said.

"I thought he isn't that guy that cheated on a girl, he seems so loyal and care about you Lana" she said.

"I thought about that too" she said.

"I actually found out a week before the vacation" i said.

"So why do you still want to go?" She asked.

"I don't know, he acts normal towards me and i love him too much" i said.

"It is an unhealthy relationship Lana" she said

"You have to talk to him" she said.

"I don't know how" i said.

"So what do you want now? You keep hurting yourself if you keep doing this" she said and she's right.

"This situation seems making me more sure to move out to England" i said to her.

"It is the positive side but have you realize what's the negative side?" She asked.

"The negative side is.."

"One lie can produce more and more lies" i said to her.

"I mean, we're lying to one another right now" I said.

"Yes I understand" she said.

"So what do you want me to do for you Lana?" She asked.

"I don't know" i said.

"You decide everything by your own, I'm always going to be here if you need my help" she said.

I stay in a silent for a minute thinking about what am i going to do next,

"I want you to prepare the private jet for me 3am tomorrow morning" i said.

"You're going to walk away from him just like that?" She asked.

"It's better for both of you to talk about it first" she said.

"I can't, a few days here has been a lie and I can't keep faking a smile towards him anymore" i said to her.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

I take a breath then let it out, thinking about it one last time.

"I'm sure" i said.

"Okay I've told you my advice, but if it's What you want i'll help you to prepare the jet" she said.

"Thank you so much i love you" i said.

"I love you too" she said.

"And one more thing" i said to her.

"laura, Please don't tell Gabe or mom about it" I said to her.

"Okay sister, i'll pick you up at the airport" she said.

"Thank you see you there Laura" i said.

"Anytime" she said ended up the phone call.

Okay this is the final decision, I'm going to sneak out of the room while he's asleep.