Skye

I never thought I would say this, but I've actually missed school, and the people at school.

Blink... blink... blink.

Five days without activities were way over my handling abilities. Ethan's visits and phone calls made all the difference and had me looking forward to be back in class.

I had a huge smile on my face as I walked through the doors. I bee-lined my way through the sea of people as I looked for him by the lockers. I could spot that dark head anywhere. Being a broad shouldered, six foot something made it even easier. My heart ruffled at the sight of him.

"Hey," I chirped grinning from ear to ear.

"Welcome back." Ethan greeted a bit stiffly, "How are you feeling?"

I stepped closer, "As good as new."

Ethan pushed off the wall he was leaning against and held out his arm as he usually did, "Glad that you're back."

Linking our arms, I studied his half hidden face. Something wasn't right. "Are you okay?"

Ethan smiled, but the harsh lines of his features didn't soften, "Yes." Was all he said.

"How is gramps?" I asked trying to get more out of him.

"Good," Ethan nodded, "he's recovering well."

I didn't if it was me or was it because I've been away for some time, but there was a nagging feeling that something was out of place. I brushed it off telling myself not to over think it.

Abby and Timothy were walking to class when they saw us and I couldn't not smile seeing those two together. Usually, Timothy would keep a solid two foot distance between them. His bashful self wouldn't let him get any closer to the girl he liked, but now, I saw shoulders brushing and pinkie fingers entwining.

Abby gave me mighty hug that it made it hard to breathe.

"Thank you for all the messages and funny videos." I was finally able to say when she let go.

She laughed brightly, "Any time, but don't get sick again. We missed you."

"And I missed you too," I could never ask for better friends.

Timothy gave me a brotherly hug, "Welcome back." He said a bit shyly.

"Good to be back," I chirped, "and thank you for all the notes. Much appreciated, really!" I said sincerely.

All that shyness was knocked right off him and he grinned, "You're welcome."

The bell rang loudly over our heads. "See ya' at lunch." Abby smiled before we split up.

Timothy was walking her to class before getting to his.

"See ya' " I returned and we were back on track to class.

"Hey, can we talk later, after school?" Ethan asked when we entered our class.

"Yeah, sure..." this seemed serious.

During class Ethan kept quite while I took notes. As usual, he would sit back and listen, memorizing on the spot what the teacher was saying in case I've missed something and asked about it later. Then we would walk together to our next class.

At lunch I tried to include him in conversations by throwing questions at him every once and a while, but he was off. And I couldn't break this wall of between us. The last time we spoke on the phone we couldn't stop laughing. I thought things were going well with us. What could have happened to cause such a silent change?

There was a great deal of tension going on and my brain went jumping from one thought to the other. Throughout the day I kept glancing in his direction trying to read anything out of him, but Ethan was a closed book. A blank cover, empty pages book.

What could've caused Ethan to close up like that?

By the time the final bell rang and everyone rushed out of class that was when Ethan finally spoke, "Come with me." He held out his hand for me to take.

"Um... okay. Where are we going?" I asked.

"Somewhere quiet." He spoke sternly.

The moment I held Ethan's hand his fingers closed a bit tighter than usual over mine and he started to move. I wasn't the one to guide him this time. His other hand ran against the wall and his steps were wide and confidant. I had to rush my pace just to keep up.

Whatever students were left in the halls moved out of his way as they usually did. The ones who didn't see him coming were pulled out of the way by others as we headed to the backside of school.

We stepped from the cool indoors to the crisp winds outside. My hair got blown in every direction and my hoodie was ruffling like a saluting flag. I used my free hand in a disparate attempt to close it around me to stop my shivers.

Ethan's hand guided us down a few stairs then went back to slide over the gray brick wall. The ground underneath our steps unleveled as we moved further, trees swayed around us in continuous rustles and winds howled tauntingly.

He didn't seem bothered by the weather. Ethan's shoulders were taut, his jaw was set and the vein on his neck pulsed visibly. I noticed his head was tilting from side to side, ears picking on the sounds around us. We were alone.

He finally stopped and I -being my usual clumsy self- bumped into his back, "Sorry..." I apologized gathering my ground under my feet.

He turned to face me and the stern features that I met worried me, "Hey, what's going on? You've been quite all day."

His lips parted, but then closed again.

Waiting with my hand still grasped in his. His head turned away for a moment. His teeth grinding causing his jaw muscles to tighten. His head snapped back in that angle that my heart jump out of its place, when he made me feel like he was looking at me. My reflection was clear in those dark shade.

Ethan took a deep breath then let it out slowly, his shoulders raised in what looked like an exhausted shrug. His voice was as heavy as his dropped shoulders, "I know, Skye."

That got me confused. "You know what?"

I studied his face. His eyebrows drown together deepening the crease between them and the crease his brow as they rose. The lines of his face were hard and rigid yet softly apologetic at the same time. His mouth pressed in a tight line that was neither a smile nor a frown.

Ethan hands moved up my arms and stopped at my shoulders in a gentle touch. His features softened to pain and his voice lowered in sympathy, "I know." He said again.

I stared at him, reading his face again and again until it downed on me. Right then and there I felt like someone wrenched my soul out of my body and ripped my heart right out of my chest. I felt heart broke recognizing the features. My head dropped.

It was all the same. The same tone I heard many, many times before, when people walked in and out of our house to pay their respect after the accident. That pulled down -be strong- smile. The touch that said I'm sorry for you loss. The same way friends treated me and my brother like we were fragile and we could break at any moment. It was happening again. I could take that from anyone, but not Ethan. Not him.

Numbness engulfed me whole and I felt hollow inside. No thoughts and no emotions. I was nothing, just an empty shell. I couldn't move or breathe. Breathing made my chest ache.

Tears started to pool in my eyes.

Ethan's thumps gently moved on my shoulders making my head snap up and then I saw her. She was staring right back at me, reflecting off those dark shades. Lonely. Numb. Washed with sadness. I never wanted to feel that way again. It took me a long time to get myself out of that state, now I was thrown back in. I hated that.

"Skye...?" He started.

"How...?" Counting all the people who knew, I only stopped at one, "Hank?"

Ethan shook his head, "No actually, Carmen did. Hank only helped my understand wh..."

"Carmen?" I interrupted.

That felt like a bunch to the guts.

The glorious cheerleader that everyone was saying how cute they looked together. The girl who has been eyeing me every time we crossed paths. The same girl Abby warned me about. The girl that had everyone quiet in suspense every time Ethan and she occupied the same space as if they were waiting for their great back together. The travelling eyes of other students between them and the way she looked at him possessively.

The girl who would crack a loud laugh just that he would notice she was there and I could feel him tense up every time she did. The same girl who I joked about when I saw his reaction and asked, girlfriend? Ethan shot me down and roared, ′EX AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT'. The same girl who would threw a 'He's mine' look at me every time.

I jerked away from his hands. What once felt like a friendly, gentle touch was now burning my skin. "Wow, for a couple who broke up you sure do talk a lot." I started to walk away.

"We don't! It's over between us!" Ethan tried to explain.

"It doesn't seem like it!" I scoffed sarcastically and more tears gathered in my eyes, "Go home, Ethan!" I started to walk away.

Dismay started to knot in his words and I didn't care or turn around. "Skye, please!" He pleaded making his way after me, following the sounds of my steps, "She said a girl from the cheerleader squad..."

I didn't want to know. Didn't care about the details. It was over. I walked faster increasing the distance between us. My throat strained with held back tears and my lungs struggle for a breath. I won't allow myself to cry, not here, not in front of him.

I was going to tell him. On my own record. When I was ready. I didn't want him to know how messed up and incomplete my life was just yet.

I ducked avoiding low branches as I swerved around a tree jumping the exposed roots. All I wanted was to go home and never leave again.

"Skye, I can only imagine how it has been for you. I just wanted..." Ethan's words were interrupted by a loud rustle followed by snapping branches and a chocked grunt that had me spinning on my heels and darting back without thinking.

Everything after happened fast.

Ethan has walked right into those branches and was tripping over the roots that I've jumped earlier losing his ground. I made it to him in time, but my strength wasn't enough to prevent both of us from going down. My body prepared for the impact. Even though his reaction was quick as he tried to ease our fall by circling my waist with one arm while stretching the other out to meet the ground before we did, it wasn't enough. We fell hard. Pain shot through my hip to my side and elbow.

I was panting like I've just ran the hundred-yard dash. Ethan's arm felt heavy and tight on top of me. His heartbeat felt strong and rapid against my arm that trapped under his chest. His head was close to mine that his dark soft hair touched my cheek. The scent of his cologne and soap lingered, strong and fresh.

Ethan didn't shift or even turn his head for longer than what should take a person when they have someone trapped underneath them. I nudged him, but nothing.

I nudged him again, still nothing.

Alarms started ringing in my head. Did he fall hard?

I wiggled underneath him, but there was no response.

Was he hurt? Was he unconscious?

"Ethan?" I touched his hair. Sheer panic gripped my heart as I attentively waited to hear his voice.

"I wasn't sure if you were still talking to me." Ethan finally spoke without moving. Concern clear in his words yet his head kept turned away from me, "Are you okay?"

Did he mean emotionally or physically? Because right now it hurt internally and externally. I thought hard for something aggressive to say, but at the same time I didn't want to talk at all. I wanted to be alone.

Ethan didn't rush me. He waited until I finally gave in and spoke, "Yes. You?"

"No" Ethan breathed, his voice was weighed down with desperation. "Skye, believe me when I say that hurting you is the last thing I wanted to do."

Pain and anger exploded inside me and I furiously wiggled under him trying to release myself. His arm tightened around me, trapping me, limiting my movement and building my frustration.

I snapped hating the tears that rolled down my eyes and the break in my voice, "Then why do I feel like it happened all over again?"

His body convulsed like I've just electrocuted him and then froze for a long moment. He let go of my waist but his hand captured mine that was pinned under him as he sat up.

Ethan pulled me up to sit too, without letting go. I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to see how sorry he was for 'my loss' or for me to see my reflection on his shades again. I shrank away keeping an arms-length space between us.

"I'm really, really sorry, Skye."

The pain in his voice was something I've never heard before from Ethan. It poured right inside my heart. I lifted my head looking at him for a second before my eyes widened as a startled gasped escaped my lips. Crawling closer, my fingers gently touching the side of his face where four angry red scratches ran across his cheek. One was deeper than the others and a bloody streak ran down to his jaw. I patted my pockets for that small pack on tissues and ripped the top off in my haste.

"Oh my god. Does this hurt?" I glanced at Ethan's as I carefully patted his check and around the wounds.

Ethan grabbed my hand stopping me as leaned away shaking his head, "No. Talk to me."

I started to get up, "Let's get you cleaned up first."

Ethan shook his head more firmly this time and seated me back down. His voice was stern, "Talk first! Please! It will kill me if you of all people hated me."

Even though all melancholy and remorse that have built inside me were compressed into sheer wearisome after the last few minutes scare, my heart was still heavy. He was concentrating on following me that he didn't check his stepping ground.

"I don't hate you, Ethan." The words left my lips.

I didn't see how tense he was until his shoulders dropped and he breathed deeply. Whatever leftover anger was in me evaporated under his state.

The fingers that were closing over my wrist let go and guided their way up my arm all the way to my back. While his other hand located my knees then sneaked underneath them. Before I could ask -I was scooped up and placed on Ethan's lap in one swift move.

I was shocked with how close we were that I froze for a moment, then my body hummed with this closeness and relaxed. This felt safe. The strength and warmth of his body were comforting that I found myself curling closer. Ethan's arms locked tightly around me in response.

Studying his grim features that were masked with a strained smile. Catching every expression that broke through his constantly guarded front. He had questions, and so far Ethan has given me the benefit of the doubt. He didn't accuse me of mocking his disability, or for fooling him for all the times I could have said something.

If I were to be honest with myself, I couldn't see myself building up the courage to talk to Ethan anytime soon.

Ethan was right, we should talk.

Ethan

Hearing Skye say that she didn't hate me calmed my fears, and having her this close reassured my uneven pulse. However, the thought that scared me was what came after this. This 'talk' could either bring us closer or pull us apart and that tore me to pieces.

I took a deep breath before starting, "You know you can tell me anything."

Skye's head nodded quietly on my shoulder. Her soft hair brushing against my jaw and along my neck.

I tried to pick the words that were about to come out of my mouth as carefully as I could. However, I wasn't sure if they were the right ones to say or not.

"When Carmen told me, I was angry that I heard it her from her and not you. "As much as I hated it, Carmen's words that she stabbed me with were still bleeding, mercilessly clawing my brain.

"I was at your house, Skye! I've visited you three times, but I've failed to notice! Even at the hospital, your reactions, Sophie checking on you, I failed then too! People notice things like that! Hell, the bottom level type of friendship would be able to -in the least- tell that their friends weren't fine! I couldn't." My frustration towards myself intensified but forcibly kept in check, "Is that why you choose to be my friend? Was it because I wouldn't be able to tell?"

"What? No! Of course not!" She jerked back exclaiming without hesitation.

Carmen sardonic, poisoned voice with her mocking smile rang in my head, Look who was taken for a blind fool? Carmen said. "Then why me?"

Skye was silent for a moment. When she spoke her voice came out soft but brittle, "Because you were like me"

"How?" I needed to know.

She took a shaky breath, "Because most people will only see a person who has lost something or someone. They will only see your loss. No matter how much you want to move on, just looking into their eyes or talking to them will bring you right back to where you started."

The crack of her voice as she continued split me like a blade, "It was you because there was more to you than the tough front that you were showing. Because even though there were times you wanted to give up you just move on. Because I, really, saw you and you were like me."

Then her voice choked with tears, "I didn't want to see it on your face or hear it in your voice. Not you." That right there, broke my heart.

Every sob ripped me apart over and over again. There was nothing I could say that would undo this. Not even apologizing over and over and I've never hated myself more. All I could do was to hold her tightly as she cried all the hurt and pain she held inside. I gently rocked her and stroked her hair as I mumbled my pleas for forgiveness until she quieted.

I knew exactly what she meant. Everything Skye has said was simply me. Us. We were alike. Skye's pain was mine. Her struggle was my struggle. The only difference was that she met her pain with kindness and tenderness, while I faced mine with impulsive rage and pushed everyone away. My head dropped in shame of my insecurities.

That's why you never felt sorry for me.

I didn't notice when my thoughts left my mouth, "You weren't trying to fix me." I regretted it the moment they slipped out and prayed dearly that she didn't hear them.

"You were never broken to be fixed, Ethan." Skye hitched in a small voice.

My head snapped up, "What did you say?"

The words flattered like a whisper, "You were never broken, Ethan."

An aggressive surge ran from my brain, through my spine, then exploded in my chest. Something shattered in me. Everything that was manipulated by Carmen turned into dust and washed away. Like a discarded memory.

That only brought me to the point of clarity that I've long forgotten. The only reason I've tolerated Carmen was because she was sort of a connection to what I was. My attempt to holding on to something of the past, allowing her to poison my thoughts along the way. Not that I've needed any help with my original dark ones. Pathetically, I did quite a fine job all by myself.

After Skye's words, nothing of the past mattered. All that was important was right here with me. There was this weight that burdened me for so long that was now lifted. My body felt light and my thoughts became quiet for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime. Skye could never imagine how her words just set me free.

I smiled at her like I never did before, "You sure are something."

I wanted to do something more, to take a bigger step that would bring us closer, hopefully she accept. But first, I have to mend the rupture that I've caused between us.

That was when I decided that she should know.

I cleared my throat,