Prologue

"Because I'm in love with you!" I yelled. The vein in my neck pulsed with the anger that flowed through my body.

His eyes widened and his lips parted ever so slightly. I heard the gasps of the others around us and my heart almost stopped. I hadn't meant for that to slip out. But I couldn't take it back now. My chest constricted tightly as my eyes searched his blank ones—he said nothing, his face completely emotionless.

It was over. With one last sad glance, I turned to walk away. On Monday the whole school would know about this and I'd be the laughingstock of high school. A hand on my shoulder had me freezing as hope ignited within me. He's stopping me! I didn't care if he didn't return the feelings, I just needed him to still be my friend. I turned around to face him, a small smile playing at my lips.

Suddenly, his fist smashed into my jaw, sending me sprawling on the ground.

Chapter One

"God, she's so hot!" I heard Taylor mutter as Sabrina Jamison walked by our lunch table. I rolled my eyes.

"I know you're gay, but you must know beauty when you see it, even if girls are," he changed his pitch to a girly tone, "icky and germy." He wiggled his fingers trying to act "gay" and I punched him in the arm. "Hey now! Come on, that's my throwing arm." He rubbed it slowly then grinned. "Seriously though, can you see their beauty?"

I gazed into Taylor's stormy grey eyes, wishing I could see something more in them than I did. But I never would and this made me sigh. "Of course I can see their beauty. I'm not blind."

"I just...I don't understand how you can't be physically attracted to these creatures."

"They aren't creatures, they're women. Why do they go out with you again? It certainly can't be for your brains or manners." Taylor gave me a flat look. "You know, I could ask you the same question. How can you not see the beauty in men?"

"Beauty in men?" The scoff he let out made my heart squeeze sadly. Sad because he would never find me attractive.

A sigh built up deep inside my chest and I let it out. I sure knew how to pick them, if you could even call it picking. To me, I never had a choice. The day I met him was the day I had met my doom. Doomed to walk the earth, loving a boy I could never have—a boy straighter than a pin who would never even give me a thought.

"Not that there's anything wrong with finding beauty in them." The words rushed out of Taylor's mouth as though he was afraid he had offended me.

"Taylor, we've been friends for a long time now and you say insensitive things 24/7, yet...here I am. So, why do you act like you need to walk on eggshells around me sometimes? I'm gay and you accept that, you're an ass and I accept that."

Taylor grinned his lazy, carefree grin that always caused my heart to jump and shrugged. "It's a habit, I guess."

"Hm," I mumbled, standing up and grabbing my tray. Taylor jumped up and did the same, walking with me to the trash can.

"Have you ever even tried to be with a girl?"

"Yes, Taylor."

He gripped my arm and pulled me around. "You have? When? Did you go like...all the way?"

"No, I've never gone all the way with a girl—"

"Then how would you know if you like it or not? You've never given it a real chance!"

"Because it was just...the way you feel about being with a man, I guess."

He wrinkled his nose. "Well, if you ever wanted to make sure, there are plenty of girls here who would love to go out with you, gay or not."

"Not interested." I opened my locker as Taylor leaned against his.

"Coach said that practice is going to run late today," he informed me as he turned around and opened his own locker.

"I'll wait for you."

"No, don't worry about it, man. I'll hitch a ride with one of the guys."

"Instead of your best friend?" I mimicked the girly voice Taylor had used earlier.

He burst out laughing and nodded. "I'll head that way after practice."

"Alright, see ya."

Grabbing my math book, I shut my locker and walked away. I knew he was kidding; he didn't actually believe I was a sissy. I had been on the football team for four years until I came out of the closet a couple of weeks ago. I quit the team because some of the team members started acting weird. And since football is a contact sport, it just wasn't working out.

Taylor had gotten so mad he had almost quit too, but I wouldn't allow it. They needed his strong physique and quick reflexes. There were times I wished Taylor had followed the other players' suit and ceased talking to me so I wouldn't have to be around him all the time—it was one of the hardest things ever for me to do. But it would kill me if I didn't see his face and hear his voice every day.

There were other gay people in school, so it wasn't as though I didn't have options, but none of them came close to being like Taylor. Although he was an insensitive ass who played girls constantly, I knew a deeper side of him. And that side had more to it than an outer shell trying to impress people. I knew one day these feelings I had would dissipate, but for now, they were being stubborn, refusing to go away and allow me a chance at happiness with someone I could actually be with.

Stupid Cupid.

"Hi, Luke!"

Recognizing my other best friend's voice, I turned around and smiled at her.

"Hey, Sara." I grabbed her books and she wrapped her arm around mine as we walked to class.

She was one of the shortest girls in school, barely reaching over 4'10. But her personality and spunk more than made up for her lack of height. She was someone who never put up with anything and never quit until she got what she wanted. We always teased her about having "small dog syndrome," but I truly respected the girl.

"What are you doing after school?" she inquired as we entered the classroom.

"Taylor is coming over after practice, but it's running late today. Why?"

"I thought maybe you'd like to get some ice cream with me."

"Sure, I can do that."

She grinned and let go of me, taking a seat at her desk. After handing her books to her, I did the same. The rest of the day passed at a boring speed as I waited to hang out with Sara. She was someone I always looked forward to seeing, almost as much as Taylor, but not quite. No one beat Taylor when it came to how much I looked forward to seeing him. But she was a close runner up.

~*~

"So, tell me," Sara began, elongating the o sound. "Why aren't you dating anyone? There are a least five guys you could ask out. Charles, for example. He's hot and totally single."

"He's not really my type, Sara." The fact that she didn't know that surprised me. But then I noticed the small, teasing smile at the corner of her lips and rolled my eyes, scoffing at her ridiculousness.

"Seriously though. Seems like it'd be easy for you."

I opened my mouth, then closed it, unsure of how to answer. No one knew my feelings for Taylor, and it was going to stay that way. Even if Sara was my best friend who supported me no matter what, I knew she would think I was stupid. She would tell me exactly what she thought about me being in love with Taylor, and I didn't want to hear it. She put up with Taylor mostly, but she was my friend, not so much his.

"Unless..." She gasped. "You have a crush on someone but you're too afraid to ask him out!" When I didn't respond, somehow her grin widened. "Who is it?" she shrieked happily.

"It's no one," I said hastily, wishing she would drop the subject.

"Don't you lie to me, Luke Peterson! You like someone and you better tell me who."

"Sara," I pleaded. "Please just drop it, okay?"

She frowned and sat back in her chair, tucking a strand of her mahogany hair behind her ear. "This must be serious if you can't even tell me."

"So what happened after you told that guy to get off of Allison?" It was my attempt at trying to revert the conversation back to the previous one that had been interrupted by a worker checking on us, but Sara's golden brown eyes told me she knew what I was doing.

"Luke, doll, if you're going to try and change the subject, you might as well use a subject you care about."

"What makes you think I don't care about your stories?"

"Because the whole five years I've known you, I don't think I've ever heard you open your mouth and spread gossip. You sit politely and listen to shallow girls like me talk about other people, trying your best to let us know you are paying attention, even though your mind screams for more...intellectual stimulation."

I laughed. "First of all, you are not a shallow girl, alright? You're just a typical girl who likes to gossip, seems like most do. Second of all, if you know I don't care for gossip, why do you always talk to me about it?"

She bit her lip and stared down at her hands. "Because other people's lives are more interesting. I'm not smart so I can't converse with people like you."

I stared at her in bafflement—she had to be kidding. "Are you for real? Sara, that is just ridiculous! You are plenty smart! And how can you sit there and say your life is less interesting than other people's lives? You are Miss World Peace! Miss Green! Miss Volunteer! The things you do and the stuff you know are incredibly interesting! I love when you talk to me about those things; you get this spark in your eyes and excitement on your face."

She gave me a shy smile and looked away as she mumbled, "Whatever."

"I'm serious." I reached over and touched her arm. "You're incredible. Don't sell yourself short." I winked playfully and she slapped my arm lightly in mock offense before giggling.

By the time I got home, it was five-fifteen. Taylor wouldn't be there for a while yet, so I headed straight for the bathroom and took a relaxing shower. When I got out, I wrapped my waist with a towel and went to the sink. Fog had settled across the mirror and I used the hand towel to remove it. Even though Taylor paid no mind to how I looked, I still wanted to brush my teeth and make sure my hair wasn't a complete mess. Once I was done, I went to my room to get dressed and found Taylor sprawled across the bed reading one of my old Popular Science magazines. He grinned until he noticed I was almost naked.

His smile instantly faded as he looked away in discomfort. "I didn't know you were in the shower."

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter." I thought back to the many times growing up we had seen each other in our underwear, although the experience had been completely different on both sides.

"Of course it does."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "You've seen me half-naked plenty of times."

"Yeah, but that was before..." he trailed off and shifted uncomfortably.

"Before you knew I was gay." I sighed and headed into the closet, shutting the door behind me so I could get dressed. "Sometimes I wish I had never come out of the closet," I admitted, mentally chuckling at the irony of where I was standing. When I opened the door, Taylor was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the floor.

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't wanting things to be different. I just wanted to be completely honest with you because you're my best friend." I sat down beside him, noticing him inch away slightly.

"There's nothing different—"

"Are you kidding me? Look at what you just did! I sat down and you scooted away! You never used to care if we were sitting so close our arms touched!" I got up and shook my head angrily, heading to the kitchen to get something to eat.

"I didn't scoot away from you."

"Well that's even better, isn't it? You do it subconsciously!" I jerked the fridge open.

"I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't know I was doing that."

Shutting the fridge, I turned around to face him. My eyes roamed his face: his perfect nose, full lips, dazzling eyes, square jaw, flawless skin. He was gorgeous but so stupid. I swallowed and looked away. But I was just as guilty of being stupid, wasn't I? How could I have fallen for my best friend?

"Luke?"

My attention went back to him. "Just forget about it, Taylor. You wouldn't understand."

"Of course I wouldn't, I'm not gay."

My face twisted at the absurdity of his words. "You don't have to be gay to understand. You wouldn't understand because you're dense!"

Taylor narrowed his eyes angrily. "I'm not dense!"

Oh, but you are. If you weren't, you would see how I feel about you.

"I thought that if I were to be open and stop living the lie I had created to protect myself, then I could be happier! But I'm not happier! It's worse because now I'm shunned by a lot of the people who had been my friends and my best friend acts differently towards me! Even if it's ever so slightly, slightly is still different."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't know!" I yelled, my irritation flaring up again. "You're so stupid sometimes!"

Taylor got in my face. "I'm not stupid, and I'm not dense!" His face was so close to mine I could feel his hot breath brush against my neck and cheek, and smell the mint gum he had been chewing earlier. It would be easy to lean forward and brush my lips against his, but that wasn't the urge that pulsed through me—I wanted to punch him for being so dumb.

Shaking my head, I shoved him away from me. "Yeah, you are." Although the words came out soft, almost a mumble, I knew he heard me. My heart was pounding in my chest from our close contact as I turned away from him and sighed. "Just go home, Taylor."

"Fine, whatever, jerk."

Once the front door slammed shut, I leaned against the counter and rubbed my forehead. It was my fault that we had argued, but he wasn't the same around me now and it was bothering me more and more. He was no longer as open with me as he once was. He had become careful of what he said and careful of how close he got to me. Sometimes he was even careful about where we went to hang out. Did he think I didn't notice? I shook my head. He's so stupid! Seemed like I had been using that word a lot lately and I didn't like it. Having lost my appetite, I went back into my room and stayed in bed for the rest of the night.