Want to hear a funny joke?

My life.

I'm just hilarious, right?

I wish there was a way people could know the decision they're making is right. I'm pretty sure that's what a conscience is supposed to do, but if so, mine has been slacking on the job quite frequently lately.

I'm actually even starting to enjoy school more, because it's a place where for the hour and a half block of learning, I don't have to think about all the shit going on outside of the room.

The court was a success, or a tragedy, depending on who you talk to. Myles was credited with ten years in prison, as well as federal offenses to his record and many other illegal things I don't understand very well.

Mason says he deserves it, but I guess we'll never know.

He'll be twenty eight, when he's released. A whole decade of memories that potentially could've occurred washed away the second he put the bottle of liquor to his lips.

I guess that's the power of what certain things can do to you.

Things can harm you or help you. They are to be or not to be.

I could love him, or I could let him go.

Lately my mind's been flooded with thoughts of what my life might be like if I didn't play it out the way I did.

Maybe if I wouldn't have gone shopping with Elle, I wouldn't have met him in that way.

We wouldn't be friends.

From there, my life might've escalated, and my future may have included a light haired boy with a kind heart and well being.

But it didn't.

And there's nothing I can do.

Mason doesn't want me anymore. He needs me. And I need him as well. As does Elodie, and the rest of us.

He doesn't take being needed very well. I can tell, from the way he grips his pillow at night, to the way his eyes look when he asks me to spend the night.

I say yes nearly every time. I can't help it. His eyes win me over and when he asks, it's like the word no disappears from my vocabulary altogether.

"Mason?" I call, as I reach down to slide off my shoes, before turning around to shut the door.

No response.

"Where are you?"

Nothing.

The silence fills up the room louder than any shouting could.

I ignore it, and walk towards the staircase towards his room, the faint smell of alcohol on the air. I crinkle my nose. This isn't the Mason I know.

I approach his door, crack it open, and I see him.

"Lex." He breathes out, from his fetal position on his bed. He's covered in sweat, his hair slicked back from his face, and empty bottles litter the floor next to him, "You can't see me like this Lex. You'll be pissed."

"I'll be pissed? That's all you have to say? How could you even do this to yourself? After what Myles did, you'd think you'd have a little more common sense Mason."

"I-" He starts.

"No. There isn't an excuse for this."

"I had to. But I don't want you to see me like this."

"Then who do you want to see you? Because not many people cared as much as me. A lot of people would've just left. And I didn't. I stayed through it all, and through everything, at the end of every day I'm in love with you a little more. I shouldn't still be here but I am, so father forgive me, let me help you."

A small tear makes its way down my face, as I look at him, broken on his bed.

That's what we've become, hasn't it? Once a beautiful glass, now a jumble of shards on the floor. Time changes things.

At this point I don't know what to do.

"Find me when you're sober."

"Lexa, wait!" He calls after me, "Alexis, please."

"Bye Mase." I shake my head and leave.

On the way home I took the long route, driving an additional number of miles for no reason but expression. Expression of my anger, and of my sadness. And of the longing to be with the beautiful boy I think I love.

It's funny how people don't realize things until they hit them. Mason didn't realize how much he needed his mom until bam. Gone. I didn't know how much I've been secretly loving him until the possibility of losing his love seems like the scariest thing in the world to me.

I pull over to the side of the road and shift my vehicle into park, clasp my hands and lean forward onto the steering wheel, breathing deep sighs or sorrow, anger, and sadness all combined.

My phone rings. I glance down at the name on the screen and swipe to answer.

Parker.

-

I am extremely sorry for the long hiatus. I've had so much stress on me with school and friends and life and all sorts of other things. I'm hoping to get this book back and rolling so i can finish it up and start working on a short story. Honestly not even sure if i have readers reading anymore. If you're still here you're the real mvp. you should comment and let me know!

Question of the chapter:
How mad at me are you for abandoning y'all on a cliffhanger for a few months?

more updates soon, i promise.
xx