Chapter 28: Anything For You

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Please read the author's note at the end! Also, I listened to Fine Line by Harry Styles the entire time I wrote this chapter if you would like some background music!

Keeley's POV

I can see why Luca was ecstatic to see his friends: these are some of the best people I've ever met. We have spent the entirety of the afternoon together walking around, talking, and window shopping, and not once did I feel as if I was out of place. 

Their relationships with each other reminded me of the ones I used to have with my own team.  Diangelo and Emile remind me of Alice and Lexi in the way they are constantly going back and forth over everything and anything. They pick apart what the other says down to the last word and use it to keep the conversation going. They argue like cats and dogs, but at the end of the day, they have a closer relationship with each other than with the rest of the group.

Fergus reminds me of Dylan in the way he interacts with everybody. He is in every conversation but is always reserved about what he says regarding himself. Fergus' laugh is contagious and his accent is thick. The thing I like most about him though is how welcome he has made me feel, like I actually fit in amongst this group of friends.

And then there's Ilaria: I would almost be jealous of her and Luca's relationship if it didn't remind me of mine and Brady's. Throughout the whole afternoon, I could sense that there was a silent understanding between the two of them. At times when talk of a certain assignment or topic came up, one of them would look at the other and make sure they're okay. Even a blind person could see how much they meant to one another. 

I was thankful that Luca had someone who understood him at that level. But, if anything, it allowed me to see how Luca feels when I sometimes choose Brady over him. I know going forward I have to open up more and be more conscious about what I say and do, yet I can't get over the fact that Luca is more than likely keeping something from me like I am him.

"Keels? You ready?" I heard Luca shout from the living room portion of our hotel suite. 

Dinner had passed with laughter and rounds of drinks and the sun had long since set. The group had decided to go for a midnight swim in the private pool they had reserved. If it were anyone else, the idea of a midnight swim in an isolated pool with great people would sound like a great idea. But considering my history with water and drowning, I was not looking forward to it.

Luca and I had talked for a long time when we got back to the room. It baffles me how understanding and courteous he can be. He reassured me a thousand times over that I did not have to go, and even if I did, never would I have to get into the water if I didn't want to. I could tell Luca felt bad, and he even offered to stay behind.

But I promised myself something on this trip. I promised that this would be the new start of our relationship, and that I would not let my past or my fears stop me from loving Luca. This meant stepping out of my safety bubble and being more willing to try new things.

By the end of our conversation, I had decided that I would go, and while I would more than likely not swim, I would sit by and maybe even let my legs dangle into the pool. 

I gazed in the mirror, and never in a million years did I ever think I would be in a swimsuit again, much less the one I'm wearing. Aubrey had forced me to buy it when we went shopping some time ago "just in case." I was not comfortable at all in the black scraps, but considering this whole trip was last minute, I didn't have time to buy a new swimsuit.

It had a typical bikini top except for the fact it felt ten times smaller on me and the bottoms were cheekier than any pair of underwear I think I even own. My skin was bruised from earlier, but the bruises only reminded me of my victory over Luca, so I guess they were okay. I was just slipping on a jacket when I saw Luca walking in the door through the reflection on the mirror.

"Cazzo," he whispered as his dark blues traveled down the length of my body. I took his moment of distraction as an opportunity to do the same, and needless to say, I was not disappointed.
(Fuck.)

Luca always dressed to impress, and I guess swimming was no exception. His swimsuit wasn't baggy or sagging below his knees like so many people do, but rather the blue swim trunks ended above his knees and clung to his legs like they were made specifically for him. He kept the silver chain around his neck, and after the long day we've had, his hair was perfectly imperfect.

Luca's eyes were stuck like glue to my body, and the intensity of his stare made me begin to feel like I was overdressed, or perhaps the opposite actually.

"Do I look okay?" I asked while smoothing my hands over the jacket. His eyes shot up and locked with mine in the mirror as he walked out from the doorway and over to me. He pushed his hands under the cotton of my jacket to rest on the bare skin of my hips. My breath stuttered as the coolness of his hands traveled throughout the length of my body.

"You look more than okay, Keeley. I'm- I'm more surprised than anything. I just expected you to bring a swimsuit that wasn't so-" Luca fumbled over his words as the tips of his fingers ran along the top of my bottoms. "Revealing. Not that I'm going to complain, though."

I chuckled to myself as I placed my hands on top of his and leaned back into the tan skin of his chest. Our eyes were still locked on each other through the mirror, and his eyes held a sort of hunger I wasn't used to seeing.

Neither of us spoke for a while as I closed my eyes and allowed myself to relax into him. Although, the more I loosened up, the stronger the hold on my body became. I soon felt Luca shift to place his lips on the skin of my neck. 

"We should probably go before I get carried away, shouldn't we?" he mumbled as his kisses traveled lower and grip tightened. I was beginning to have a hard time breathing as his touch clouded my mind. 

I gently nodded my head, and Luca hesitantly pulled away from me. 

"Under no circumstances do you allow Ilaria to get you to switch teams tonight," Luca spoke sternly as he handed me the bag I had put our stuff into.

My head fell back in laughter as a slung the tote over my shoulder and slipped on my flip-flops.

"I'm serious, Keels. She's done it before."

"I'm sure she has, Luca."

He shook his head knowingly with his lips pressed into a thin line as the two of us shut off the lights and took the elevator up a floor to the roof. You apparently needed special access to it, and to no surprise, Ilaria had managed to get it for us. 

When the elevator dinged, I grabbed Luca's hand as we began making our way towards the others. Their laughter boomed over the sound of the water splashing in the air and onto the cement. The pool area was enclosed in glass so that it provided warmth as well as a view of the city. 

The entire thing was a rectangle that covered the better part of this corner of the building. Lounge chairs surrounded it, and in the corner was a hot tub that I imagined could fit nine to ten people. The sky was, no surprise, dark,  but even with the lights from the main strip below, the stars were clearly visible.

"Look who finally decided to join us!" Fergus yelled over the other three. Their faces lit up even brighter as we walked towards them. Banter was immediately shouted from all of them as Luca took off running.

Diangelo's face turned to fright as he struggled to get out of Luca's path. But to no avail, Luca was already in the air and falling into the water, almost directly onto Diangelo. The rest of us laughed as the two of them came up, Luca laughing and Diangelo spitting water out of his mouth.

As the excitement lingered, I sat my bag down on a chair followed by my jacket. I threw my hair up with the scrunchie on my wrist before slowly walking to the edge of the pool. 

The clear blue water was making me nauseous, and I hadn't even touched it. I raised my gaze to find Luca already looking at me. I could see the concern he had for me from this far away. 

I do my best to take in a steady breath as I lower myself to the concrete. I pray that the others aren't looking at me because I know I'm doing a shit job at hiding my nerves.

I shake and stumble over my breaths as I reluctantly dip my feet and then my legs into the water. It's almost like I can feel my heartbeat in my throat as I work to calm my ragged breaths and focus on the fact that I'm not going to drown.

It takes a couple of minutes, but with the laughter of the others distracting my mind and knowing I'm safe with these people, I manage a calmer breath and lookup. Luca's got a million-dollar smile plastered across his chiseled face as he meets my eyes.

I let out a half-hearted laugh and return the gesture before he goes on messing with the guys.

I don't know how long I sit there for, watching them all splash each other or get on each other's shoulders and try to push the other person off. Eventually, the boys get caught up in some silly argument and Ilaria swims over to me.

She pushes herself up and out of the pool to sit beside me. And I wouldn't tell Luca, but if I thought she was gorgeous earlier, I don't even have a word for her now. Her red two-piece was something I couldn't pull off in a million years with the way it accentuated her natural curves. It made her tan skin seem to glow, and even after swimming for so long, her hair was simply gorgeous.

"Don't you want to go for a swim? You've been here a while and haven't even gotten your knees wet," she asked with an eyebrow raised.

I let out a light laugh as I turned back to the pool just as Emile fell off of Luca's shoulders.

"No, I'm good," I say quieter than I intended to. I tighten my hold on the edge of the pool just slightly.

"What happened?" 

I immediately turn my head to face her and an expectant look is etched on her flawless features. I struggle to find something to say as I am caught completely off guard as to what she just asked.

"Relax, Keeley. It's okay. I just saw your apprehension sitting down earlier, and when I asked you, you paled a bit. I don't think anybody else saw."

I nodded my head at her explanation and kept my mouth shut, suddenly feeling like if I were to say any more, she'd have figured me out completely.

But as we sat there longer, I felt a pull to talk to her, to open up a little bit. I don't understand why, but I can't even begin to stop myself as my mouth falls open.

"I drowned once. I don't even like washing my face, much less getting into a pool. That's why I'm not swimming."

She nods her head slowly as her brown eyes lock onto me.

"What's holding you back?"

"What do you mean?" I stumble over my words as she keeps asking questions I'm not prepared for. 

"You know what I mean, Keeley. Part of my job is to read people and the situations I'm in and around. You're a tough nut to crack, but I can see that you're holding back."

"I just- it's a hard conversation," I try to explain but suddenly the water feels like it's crawling up my legs even though it isn't. I pull them out of the water and tuck them under me. We are quiet for a little longer before her hand reaches up and brushes the tattoo on my neck.

"When you took off your hoodie earlier," she began cautiously as I turned to her. Her brown eyes were tracing the ink on my neck and glancing over my back. "I was taken back, but not because of the tattoos. I saw this one at lunch, but the scars, I'm not used to seeing them apart from the darkness in which they're normally given."

I'm stunned silent at her bluntness and forwardness at the marks across my back. When most people see them, they try too hard to act like they aren't there or they make the whole situation weird by asking all the wrong questions. There's almost something... refreshing, about the way she addresses them, even if that scares me.

"I don't have them myself, well, not like those anyway. It's just-" she visibly swallows as her eyes meet mine once again. There's something about her that makes me want to spill my secrets, like she'd understand. I feel comforted by her, and that scares the living shit out of me.

"I've given people marks like those before. I guess in the profession we're in, we all have. The only difference is that we don't have to confront those with them after the pain has been delivered. And I'm sorry if this is coming out terribly or insensitive, I just- I'm sorry you have to wake up with that sort of pain and be constantly reminded of it because of the life we have."

I can't explain how I feel at this moment as she apologizes for something that she had no hand in. And although most times when people apologize for pain, they say it out of pity, I wholeheartedly believe her's is genuine. 

"It's not your fault, it's nobody's but the person who did it," I whisper as the guys burst out into laughter. The two of us look out at them just as they line up on the edge of the pool and begin doing dramatic dives into the water.

Ilaria catches my stare at Luca and hesitantly asks her next question. "Does Luca know what happened?"

I shake my head sadly as I focus my attention back on her.

"No, although I know he wants to, he can't. Not until I've taken care of the mess I got myself into."

She studies me for a minute, her mind most likely working a mile a minute to put the pieces together. 

"They were important to you, weren't they?" 

I'm taken back but not surprised by her blunt question. She's managed to figure me out better in the past fifteen minutes than anyone has since I've been home. I take a moment to figure out how to respond to her question before I answer.

"I was sent away after my mother was killed," I began to explain. She turned towards me and I knew I had her full attention. "I only came home some few odd months ago after five years of being away. I had to face a lot on my own, more shit than any person should have to go through, especially a kid. I lost most of the people I cared about due to my actions, even myself. I'm starting to find who I am again, but until everything settles, I can't let the past go. 

"As unfortunates as that is, I will not tell Luca and ruin him too, no matter how much I love him. I've seen my friends get killed because of me and I've ruined a lot of lives and some really strong relationships. I did what I had to, but it doesn't change the outcome. I've made mistakes, too many to count, and I refuse to bring Luca into it and do the same thing.

"But to answer your question, yes, they were important to me. I screwed up with them and their family and their life, and I'm still facing the after-effects of it. By looking at me, I'm sure you can see that they screwed up too. The only thing in my life that's not messed up is Luca, and I almost ruined that this morning. I'll do whatever I have to to keep him safe, even if it means struggling on my own. But I've made it this far, and it'll work out one way or another."

I meet her gaze as she asks her final question. "So, you didn't just drown did you?"

I shake my head, and understanding washes through her eyes. 

We turn back to the guys and she throws an arm over my shoulder like we were old friends. I lean into her and even though the weight of our conversation lingers in the air, we laugh as we watch the four guys try doing a synchronized water dance that they really have no business doing.

Something about Ilaria makes me feel like she isn't going away any time soon. And although she may not know the severity of my situation or what actually happened, I feel as if she truly understands me. She's not afraid to ask the tough questions, and she's not afraid to make me admit to myself the answers to some questions even I don't want to ask. 

The genuine care and thoughtfulness she has shown me have been greater than many of those in my own house. She listens and makes me feel that what I have to say is valuable and matters even if it is only a twenty-minute conversation. And even though I love talking to Luca and Brady and my family, talking to Ilaria makes me feel like she will just listen when I need her to. Luca will reassure me that things aren't my fault and he'll help me solve my problems, and my family will try to do everything for me. 

But Ilaria, she's just going to tell me how it is and help me realize things I didn't know myself. Her friendship is one I need and one I long for. I just hope she wants to be my friend as much as I need to be hers.

Eventually, the boys grow tired of swimming and decide to call it a night. Luca swims to us as the other guys hop out. As they dry off and everyone packs up, Ilaria turns to me to say one last thing.

"Thank you for loving him like he deserves, and I'm not sure if you've heard this before or believe me when I say this, but I'm proud of you. From one friend to another, I'm proud of you for facing these things and moving forward to better your life when so many would throw in the towel and be done. Goodnight, Keeley."

"Goodnight, Ilaria," I respond with a genuine smile as she gets up and retrieves her things. They all shout goodnight before leaving, and Luca and I are alone.

"She didn't swoon you too badly, did she?" he asks while moving to stand between my legs which I had put back in the water.

"Eh," I laugh while placing my hands on his cheeks. "Only a little."

He smiles as I pull my face to his and kiss him. I can taste the chlorine on his lips as he places his calloused hands on my thighs and tightens his grip. 

I pull away and briefly look at the empty pool behind him.

"Something on your mind, my love?" he asks me gently. It's no question that he's Italian when he asks me this, for his voice has gotten considerably thicker since we got here this afternoon. I love it.

I think to myself about what Ilaria said to me before she left: I'm proud of you for moving forward. She's right, even though I can't always see it, I am moving forward. Adrik has controlled my life for so long, and I've slowly been taking back bits and pieces. Maybe I have the chance to take back a bit more.

"I- um, I think I want to get in," I speak quietly as I turn my focus back to him. His eyes are practically popping out of his head and his grip on my legs slackens.

"Unless you're ready to get out of course, then it doesn't really matter-"

"No!" he interrupts me, seeming like he found his words again. "If you want to get in, I will gladly help you." 

I suck in a deep breath and try to steady my rapid heartbeat as he wraps his hands firmly around my hips. I can feel the shake of my hands as I place them on his shoulders and close my eyes. 

"Tell me when, baby," he reassures me. 

I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes tighter, trying to fight the nausea and anxiety that has spread from my stomach to my chest. I remind myself I'm doing this for me. I'm here in Las Vegas to better myself and my relationship with Luca, and this means doing new things. I can do this.

I nod my head and feel Luca's hands grip me tighter. I feel my legs leave the concrete and ever so slowly dip further underneath the water. The moment I'm fully in the water, my legs squeeze around Luca and I rest my head against his, yearning to feel some sort of comfort. 

His arms move to wrap around my

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