be easy. take your time. you are coming home to yourself."
---

Kayden and I get out of his car and walk towards the ticket booth.

Kayden and I haven't spoken one word to each other after he said we were going to the carnival.

Out of all people, he saw me at my weakest moment. I thought he would laugh at me for the way I call out for my mom, but he didn't. Instead, he held and comforted me. He told me that it was going to be okay and that he wasn't going to leave.

Kayden and I are next in line, and I am about to pay for my ticket but instead, Kayden gives the money to the booth person.

"You don't have to pay for me," I stated.

He takes the tickets and then pulls my hand to get out of line.

"These tickets are crazy expensive and it's your first time here so..." He said trailing off.

He takes my wrist and puts the ticket around my wrist.

"Thanks," I said.

"Come on, the group should be inside." Kayden takes my hand and pulls me inside the Carnival. There was loud music playing and kids screaming and yelling. As we get closer and closer to where the group was, I saw a little girl in Grayson's arms. "So, Grayson's daughter, Melody, is a little shy at first but she is super sweet. She will get used to you." Kayden said in my ear before we get to the group.

"Hey. Finally, you guys are here." Willow said with a smile, and she walked towards me.

"So, what should we do first?" Ethan asked.

"I want to ride Carousel!" Melody cheered while squirming in Grayson's arms.

I smile at her. "Well, then the Carousel it is."

We all head over to the Carousel. The line wasn't long either, so we got right on.

I went on a white tiger and Willow came next to me. Kayden and Ben stayed back and watched even though I begged them to come on with us.

Melody got a Unicorn and Grayson just stood next to her while smiling at her.

As the Carousel started to turned and when it started getting a little faster, I heard the sound of Ethan and Mathew's voice.

"You fucking bitch I wanted the snake!" Ethan argued.

"No, your asshat I thought you wanted the lion!" Mathew yelled back.

Next thing I know I see Ethan running past me on the Carousel with Mathew chasing after him.

"Daddy! They're playing tag!" I hear Melody laugh.

"No, they're just being idiot's bub," Grayson said to his daughter.

The ride soon ended, and I saw Mathew chasing Ethan off the ride and farther inside the park.

I laughed along with Willow as we got off the ride.

"They are such children," Ben said while laughing.

"Are they always like this?" I asked Kayden as we walked through the park.

"No, they are much much worst," Kayden said watching them run around.

I laughed and then felt a tug on my arm, so I look down and see Melody.

"Hi." She said in a low voice.

"Hello," I said with a smile.

"What's your name?"

"Alexis."

She motioned me to stop walking and lean closer to my ear.

"Are you KitKats girlfriend?" I hear her asked and I almost laugh at the nickname.

"Who's KitKat?" I chuckled.

"Kayden."

I try my best not to laugh but a small chuckle comes out. "No princess. I'm not his girlfriend." I look up to see Kayden who was standing next to me watching me interact with the little girl. I also see Grayson who was standing behind Melody with a small smile on his lips. I think this is the first time I have seen him smile. I look back at Melody. "What ride do you want to go on next beautiful?"

Melody looks around the park and I see her eyes widen. "The big wheel!" She jumps up and down while pointing to the Ferris wheel.

I smile. "Then let's go," I said, and Grayson picked her up and walked over to the Ferris wheel. I looked at Kayden and see him already looking at me. "You coming or not?" I asked Kayden and he laughed and nodded his head.

I pull him over to the line of the Ferris Wheel and once we finally got in, we closed the small door and waited for the ride to start.

Kayden sat opposite from me, and I state on the other side.

When the ride started to move, I looked out into the sky and see that it was dark. You can see all of the stars in the sky.

When I look up at the stars, I think of them as all of the people who have died and are looking down at us, watching over us all, kind of like guardian angels.

"So, about that dream you had?" I look at Kayden and I realize that we are at the top of the Ferris Wheel.

"I lost my family a few years ago," I said softly. "It was a car crash, and they didn't make it. The only reason I lived at was because of my brother."

I didn't remember anything from the crash but after that dream, it hit me like a truck. I don't know how to feel about it. I want to shout and cry but I can't. I don't know if it is because I am numb to the feeling or if I have prepared myself for this kind of feeling.

The feeling of knowing what happened.

It all happened so fast too.

"I know what it's like," Kayden said making me look at him. "Losing someone important to you." Kayden sighed and leaned back on the seat. "My father died from lung cancer two years ago."

"I'm sorry," I said.

I remember the day after in the hospital I was so confused. I had no clue what happened, but I saw my aunt Isabelle in the hospital chair next to me. She was crying and when she told me I lashed out. I screamed and cried and demanded to know what happened. They told me a little bit of what happened, and I just remember bawling my eyes out. I lost my brother, mother, and father. The worst part is that my mother and I got into an argument before, and it was the stupidest thing ever.

I feel guilty every day and I wish I could still hug her and cry in her arms over the dumbest shit instead of crying by myself in my room.

"Those feelings go away. After a while, you kind of just get used to it. But the night my father died I wasn't myself and I lashed out in a way no one ever should. I almost died that night, and I did something I don't think I will ever forgive myself for."

I don't say anything to him.

I love Ferris Wheels.

The reason being is because I feel closer to them.

I touch the pendent on my mother's necklace and then looked up at the sky.

I miss you.