"for some moments in life, there are no words."
–––

I stop the car right when I pass the finish line and the crowd goes wild.

I block out the noise and close my eyes as and lean my head against the car seat.

It's been a day since Alexis passed.

I have screamed and yelled and punched things in my room. It doesn't help when Elijah is asking where Alexis is.

I can't find myself to tell him. I can't even process her being gone.

It was the same with my dad. When he died, at first, I thought it was a dream of him dying and that he was just on a trip but after months and months trying to convince myself he wasn't gone he was.

The same with Alexis is happening right now.

I can't get myself to say in my head that she is gone.

And it's my fault too.

Alexis died because she was distracted on the phone talking to me.

I don't deserve to be here. It should have been me instead of her.

I took away her family and now I can't help but blame myself for her death.

"What is one thing you guilty of?" Alexis asked me.

Right now, we are on the Ferris Wheel. I took her on a little date because I asked her to be my girlfriend and I needed to take her out.

"Racing on Memorialized Road," I stated.

I won't ever forget that day. I was mad that my dad was gone so I went to the track and had a race with Robin. He was pushing me to race with him on the streets but I told him it wasn't a good idea but long story short he made a deal with me that I could have his car if I won and so I raced him.

He and I used to be friends during the time but then he got jealous cause I was a better driver than him and he decided to fuck with my breaks. I will never forgive him for that. And it was his stupid idea to race on the road and not the tracks. Even though that road is empty it's risky as fuck.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you Kayden, but it was your fault. How could you have stopped the car if your breaks were fucked with?" Alexis said and she took my hands in hers.

I feel a jolt of electricity shoot through my body.

"I still shouldn't have risked going on that road and racing. I was just pissed at Robin and was mad that my dad was gone."

"I don't ever want you to blame yourself for what happened to my family and me. I will never blame you for something like that." Alexis whispered.

I look at her and see her eyes piercing into mine.

I don't know why it has to be her to make me feel like my world isn't falling apart. Alexis being in my life makes sense unlike some things in my life, but she feels right.

I hear a person knock on my window, so I open my eyes and look to see Robin with a smirk on his face.

My fist clenched and I get out of my car making him back away.

"This is your fucking fault," I said before closing my car door and walking closer to him. "Why do you always have to push my fucking limit, Robin?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Robin asked with a small smile on his lips.

"You know what I am talking about," I stated and walked closer to him. "Why did you have to pressure me to race? Out of all fucking days you wanted me to race on that certain fucking day."

"I just thought it would be a hell of a show," Robin smirked.

I can't believe he finds this funny.

I swing my arm towards Robin, and he falls to the ground while holding his jaw.

I walk closer to him and start beating the shit out of him.

"She lost her family because of you, and she never even got fucking justice." I spat while still punching. I hear people calling my name and cheering but I don't pay any attention to them. "You are fucking coward." I send him one last punch and walk away from him who was still on the floor. "If you ever come near me again Robin, I swear I to god I'll ruin your fucking life. Just like you ruined mine." I said be turning around to walk away.

"Last time I checked I wasn't the one who called her while she was driving dumbass."

I stop walking and then go towards Robin again to start punching him everywhere.