Twenty-Ninth Chapter

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❝Life is a blank canvas, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can.❞

- Danny Kaye



[ H U N T E R   W I L L I A M S ]


My emotions were getting the best of me when we were finally on the way to Blake's apartment. I felt weak, sick and lost all at once, my stomach was playing tricks on me, my head was ringing and I was seriously considering jumping out the car right now.


After Evelyn's minor intervention, I showered and put on some fresh clothes, I didn't want to smell like whiskey in front of Blake Carter, I still looked like shit, there were red patches on my skin and my eyes were still sort of red, but I persevered. Evelyn ended up getting us an Uber to go to Blake's place.


I know, that I was being my stubborn self, denying the importance of this situation and Evelyn's behaviour, but deep down, I felt grateful for having someone who set me on the right path.


I acted like an idiot, bottled up my feelings and threw them outside the window. I needed to change more fundamentally than I had previously thought, I needed to be more open with both myself and my friends and most importantly - I needed to face my demons, not pray that they go away.


I didn't know whether or not facing Blake Carter was going to have a positive effect on my life, but I sure I hoped so, I mean it was a step in the right direction regardless of the outcome. I hoped that he wasn't going to end whatever we had, I hoped that he'd look past my feelings, but I could never be sure.


And that is exactly why I felt so anxious right now, the uncertainty of the situation was killing me.


However, my anxiety wasn't left unnoticed. Evelyn grabbed my hand and squeezed it reassuringly, shooting me a smile, saying 'everything is going to be alright' without actually voicing it. I was truly happy to have her as my best friend, I wouldn't trade her support and her caring cruelty for anything else.


Whatever was going to happen today, we'd figure something out, I'm sure.


Soon, the journey came to an end, and we were standing in front of the apartment complex where Blake lived. As appreciated and needed as the reassurance was, the anxiety was winning this fight and I felt weaker with every step.


Suddenly, Evelyn stopped leading the way and turned to me. I was confused for a moment, but then she embraced me in a comforting hug. "Hunter, don't stress it too much, just go in there and listen to what he has to say, I just want you to have clarity and if things are the way you think they are, then we'll figure something out, trust me." She whispered into my ear and I nodded, returning the embrace.


Her comforting grasp was shortlived and soon we were on the move again, slowly ascending the stairs and just like that we reached the door, to either my happiness or demise.


Evelyn was the one who knocked, leaving me trailing in the back. I knew I had the power to run away, but I was over that, I was tired of being the same miserable me and doing nothing about it. Besides, I made a promise to my best friend and I don't break my promises.


After a couple more knocks, the door opened and there stood a dishevelled looking Blake, it looked like I wasn't the only one who drank last night. Evelyn cut off the intense stare-off between Mr Featherhead and I. "Excuse me, Mr Carter. I believe I have a package for you." She smiled as she grabbed me by the arm, thrusting me forward into his apartment. 


I nearly lost my composure and crashed into Blake, but fortunately, he moved out of the way at the perfect moment and soon I was in his apartment. I shot a panicked look to Evelyn and she nodded at me. "Text me when you guys are done talking." Suddenly, the door shut and it was just Blake and me.


There was a very tense silence between us, Blake hadn't even said a word and I felt like the weight of the situation was crushing my lungs.


However, we had to talk or no clarity would be achieved. I looked over to his kitchen counter and spotted an empty bottle of vodka of all things. "I see you drank. You're not supposed to do that while you're on meds, idiot." I grumbled, my voice was more hoarse than usual.


"You're one to talk." Was his response.


This is going nowhere, I thought to myself, sighing deeply. "Listen, I'm sorry for acting the way I did last night, I panicked and ran away. So, whatever you wanted to say last night, say it now and I'll be on my way, I'm not exactly here because I want to be here." I blurted out a mess of words, hoping it would be coherent.


Blake was silent and I was starting to sweat. The atmosphere between us was incredibly tense. I heard him let out a sigh and shake his head. "You know, you're an utter mess, right?"


"Yeah, I do, but I'm working on it. I'm sorry that this had to end this way." I sighed at him, clearly referring to my feelings for the man in front of me.


"What do you mean 'end'?" He questioned, confused. "This is why the next time we have a talk you shouldn't run away before I'm finished talking, Hunter. I don't think you realize this, but you're not the only one who struggles with things from time to time. Don't think that this doesn't weigh me down either, I too have sleepless nights, I too drink my sorrows away, because I don't know how to handle everything. I knew about your feelings for a while now, but I wanted to confront you about them because I realized just how serious you were."


"I know it's wrong, Blake, but I can't control the way I feel, you know that right? Having you as a friend feels magical, but I didn't know how long I could put up the act of platonic love on for and it shows because you figured everything out." I cursed at myself for being weak, the only reason Blake knew about my feelings is 'cause I was beginning to struggle with hiding them.


I was bracing myself for rejection, I fell harder than I had ever before, but I was soon going to meet the ground. However, I was instead met with a smile. "That platonic love act you were talking about was getting boring if I'm being honest. I like it better when you look at me the way you do when you think I'm not paying attention." He teased and I felt like my heart flatlined for a moment.


After regaining my composure, I thought of a compromise for this situation. I didn't want to lose Blake, he was far too good of a friend to let go of. "I appreciate the fact that you're trying to lighten the mood and pretend that this is fine, but it's going to get us nowhere. I think we should stop seeing each other for a while, maybe my feelings will go away and we'll be able to be friends like before all this unnecessary bullshit."


Blake shook his head and stepped closer to me. "You confuse me, you know that right?"


"I'm just trying to do what's best in this situation, it's not right for a student to be in love with his teacher. We both know that." I sighed, Blake was only a single step away from crashing into me and the heat radiating from his body wasn't helping me stay focused whatsoever.


"You're too deep inside your own head. So please, let me finish what I wanted to say last night, Hunter." He stepped even closer to me, our chests were finally touching, his eyes had a strange fire burning inside of them. "I know about your feelings, I did for a while... and as morally questionable or unacceptable as it is, I don't view you as just a student, I view you as someone equal to me and I just wanted to say that your feelings aren't one-sided."


I felt blank. My knees felt like they were about to give out, arms and legs were going completely numb, mind racing a thousand miles an hour. Was this a dream? 


My taboo fantasy turned out to be a reality.


I tried to find the right words to express my feelings at that very moment, but all that came out of my mouth was an unintelligible sound, which earned a chuckle from Mr Featherhead. "Are you okay?" His tone was humorous.


"No," I whispered shakily.


I felt Blake wrap his strong arms around my body and I felt even weaker than I did before, I didn't know that was even possible - I was practically a puddle in his arms. His masculine scent overwhelmed me, I was going into overdrive. "Still think we should take some time apart?" He asked cautiously, his voice muffled by my hair.


I weakly shook my head 'no' and felt Blake smile.


We stayed like this for a few more moments, I took my time processing the situation, this was not how I expected this fiasco to turn out, I expected to run out of this apartment crying, with the weight of my world crushing me. Instead, I had the arms of the man I loved around me.


I pulled away after a little while and confronted him. "So what happens now?" I finally spoke, my tone cautious, yet hopeful.


"Whatever you want to happen, this is your choice to make," Blake reassured me and I felt comforted, this was a clear sign of him meaning his words about seeing me equal to him.


"I want to be with you, Mr Featherhead." I stared into his green eyes and saw the trace of the sincere smile that was dancing happily on his face.


I felt his fingers underneath my chin, pulling me closer to him, I could feel his minty breath fanning over my lips. "I like that idea."


I think at that very moment, I knew that my adventure had only just begun.



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