Chapter 30

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A/N: FRIDAY TREAT! DOUBLE POST! ENJOY!! <3

OLIVIA'S POV

"Shit!" I curse under my breath, I'm on my hands and knees with my head on the floor as I desperately search under my bed for my missing shoe. I'm going to be late if I don't leave in the next five minutes.

I had been using a dating app that Frankie and Bec said had the "least amount of creeps" on it and I had to admit the whole dating app "game" was kind of fun! Swipe left, swipe right, it all seemed much easier than making small talk in bars every night.



My first date was with a man called Trevor, his profile picture looked nothing like the real life version and I had downed my drink in record time and left faster than lightening, calling Bec on the way home completely put off and a little freaked out.

She had persuaded me to try one more time, reminding me of all the reasons I wanted to be single in the first place and telling me the bad dates are all part of the horrific experience.

Craig was the perfect gentleman, he picked me up for our first date and we had a great casual meal at a bistro down town before seeing a terrible movie about some guy who falls in love with a blind lady after their dogs bring them together.

He was sweet and funny in a shy way and when he asked me out on a second date later that week, promising to never take me to see another movie again, I happily accepted.

"Jesus Toots, are you trying to kill me." Harry says from the doorway, staring at my arse in the air.

I look back at him dangling my missing heel from his index finger.

"Oh my god, you're a life saver!" I say getting to my feet and brushing down the material of the little red dress I borrowed from Bec.

"Where are you going all dressed up?" He asks, playfully holding the shoe above his head as I reach for it.

"Harry, I'm going to be late." I complain, trying to grab the shoe.

"Well, you better tell me quickly then."

"I'm going on a date."



"With who?" He holds my shoe higher in the air as I jump for it.

"Harry, I don't think we should talk about it." I say, giving up and crossing my arms in defeat.

"I wanna know who my competition is and you're not getting your shoe until you spill all the details." He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"He's name is Craig, he's 27 and he's in IT.  He has short blonde hair and blue eyes. Is that enough? Can I have my shoe back now?"

"How many time have you been out with him?" His tone is starting to get serious.

"This is our fourth date." I sigh.

"Fourth! Do you like him? Have you slept with him?"


"Harry! I'm not talking about this with you!" I yell and he hands me my shoe as he looks into my eyes.


"Better not keep Craig in IT waiting." He snarks and walks out the door.

Our date, like the other three, is simple and relaxed. Our conversation is easy and I thought it was cute when his cheeks flushed when he had to taste test the bottle of wine he had picked, clearly just as uncomfortable with people looking at him as I am.

I felt comfortable when he had suggested going back to his apartment for a cup of tea and to continue talking and I wasn't surprised when he turned away from the teacups on the kitchen bench and kissed me.

We had kissed briefly on our third date, before I got in a cab, but it was polite and cautionary, closed mouthed and sweet.

He pushes my body gently into the kitchen counter and as I feel his tongue enter my mouth my mind flashes to Dan, the last man I had kissed, the man I was going to marry, the man who has deceived me. 



Emotion and hormones take over my body and after almost six months without having sex, I remind myself that this is the reason I was dating. To live life, to not have regrets, to have stories and experiences to look back and laugh on.

Our kissing becomes heated quickly and our hands roam each others bodies. I want this and I need to stop overthinking it.

As we lie naked on the bed and Craig rolls a condom on, I hold my breath and I close my eyes, trying desperately to think about anything other than the face that pops into my head.  Harry's lips, Harry's hands, Harry's sweet dimple, the way he whispers in my ear, his raspy voice, his boyish laugh.

---

We lie in the aftermath of our highs for a while, Craig sweetly running his fingers over my shoulders.

"Can I see you again on Friday night?" He asks softly.

"Oh, I have my friend Xander's Christmas party on Friday but maybe another day." I say not wanting to commit to anything more.

The longer I lie here, the more desperately I want to leave.

I make an excuse about having an early morning breakfast date with my sister and all but run out of his apartment, nearly forgetting my coat for the cold December air.

I convince myself in the cab on the way home that the first time since Dan was always going to be emotional. I'd never slept with anyone else and the new experience of that plus being with someone I wasn't in love with was going to be unsettling to start with.

Craig was sweet and kind and gentle and although it wasn't bad, I had realised how mentally unprepared I was to have casual sex.

I push any niggling feelings of Harry to the back of my mind, telling myself the reason I want to cry is because of being overwhelmed by the new experience not because of the helplessness on his face when I left tonight, haunting me every time I closed my eyes.

I tiptoe through the front door of Harry's house just after 2am and jump when I see him walking from the living room towards me.

He looks at me, my hair a mess, my makeup smudged and regret in my eyes as pain and anger flashes across his angelic face.

"Are you doing this to punish me?" He shouts, his voice echoing off the walls of the silent house. 

"For fucking Kristie?  Or for every other woman I've slept with?  Do you want me to say I regret it, Liv? " 



He runs a hand through his hair and I stand there holding my breath for the next onslaught of screaming.

"I was doing what any other single, 20-something year old guy would do!   All of a sudden I had millions of pounds and an endless supply of drugs and booze and pussy.  What the fuck was I meant to do? Huh?!"



"Do I regret snorting lines of coke off lingerie models before fucking them any way I wanted? HA! Sure sounds better than waiting alone in my apartment for my fiancé to come home from fucking someone else!"



I take a step back, his words hitting me too hard and too fast to get out of the way quick enough and the emotion I settled in the cab was rushing back in waves. His eyes are wild with rage and jealousy and his breathing is frantic.

"Fuck you Harry!  You sleep with a new girl every three days!   I do it once, ONCE in my whole goddamn life and I'm doing it to punish you?  Why is it ok for you and not for me? What is the difference?!"   I scream back, my voice breaking with threatening tears.

"The difference is you want to do it!  I don't want to be fucking around, I want to be fucking you!"

Silence takes over, our haggard breaths are the only noise in the quiet of the sleeping house.  He inhales deeply and squeezes his eyes shut before he starts to speak more calmly.

"If my past means I lose my future with you, then yes, I regret every fucking second, because nothing has meant more to me than you." His eyes burn holes into mine.

"Harry, I'm not doing this to hurt you or get back at you, I just need ti-"


"Yeah, yeah," He interrupts. "We've been through this, but you know what Liv? Maybe when you're finally ready it'll be too fucking late."

He spits the last words so harshly it feels like he has actually slapped me and I am frozen solid as he grabs his coat off the hook and storms out the front door.

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