OLIVIA'S POV

I wake up to a strong arm snaking around my body and pulling me backward against a warm body. 

"Happy birthday, beautiful," I hear a deep, raspy voice in my ear as Harry pulls me in closer to him.

"mmm, thank you," I say, not yet ready to open my eyes and break away from his warm bubble of comfort.


Harry insisted I stay in his room and to be honest I didn't put up much of a fight. When he was away I missed him so much that being as close to him as possible, for as long as possible, was exactly what I wanted.

"You're old," he mocks, nuzzling into the back of my neck.

"Piss off, you're only 4 months younger than me!"

"But still younger, Toots," he jokes and chuckles as I smack his arm in fake offence.

"Wanna get some breakfast before I have to go to the venue?" I can hear the reluctance in his voice to move from our snuggle.

"mmm, yes please, but let's order in, I can't deal with last night's drama again this early in the morning." I confess and I feel his lips kiss the back of my neck before he jumps up to order room service.

—

"Oh my god Jax, I'm so excited!" Em squeals clutching her boyfriends arm as we are escorted into the venue.

The set up at the small arena in New York is slightly different to the last show I went to of Harry's and I'm excited when I see the VIP area is sectioned off to the right of the standing zone, rather than behind it like in London, positioning us right in front of the stage.

"Look, Olivia is here." I hear from a few people in the crowd before the odd girl screams out a friendly "Hi Olivia" or "How's Harry?"

"This is insane!" Emma yells in excitement looking around at the five thousand strong crowd. I nod in agreement as I watch fans pile in and wait desperately to see the man they adore.

"He is pretty amazing," I confess quietly and Em shoots me a sweet smile before throwing her arm around my shoulders.

"Told you everything happens for a reason." She says sweetly and I roll my eyes and smile back.

"Nothing's "happening" Em," I try to convince myself as much as her.

"Why are you closing yourself off to this chance of true happiness, Liv?  Life's too short to wait for things" She says genuinely and I laugh thinking it sounds like something my yoga teacher would say.

She shoves my shoulder knowing exactly that I am thinking.

"It's so obvious you two are crazy about each other and besides, Bec told me everything, anyway!"

I groan at my sister's big mouth as the lights fade to black and the screams of the crowd temporarily take away our hearing.

My nerves for Harry aren't as bad as the first time I saw him perform and although I thought he was in control and calm last time, after almost 3 months on the road he has taken on a new confidence and ease that radiates off him, dragging you in and making it impossible to tear your eyes off him.

"I have something special for you tonight, New York." Harry teases the crowd towards the end of the show, who instinctively scream at the prospect.

"I'm going to do a cover, if that's ok with you?" He continues, inviting more cheers.

I watch as Harry picks up a bottle of water from next to his microphone stand and takes a sip as a deliberate delay as he looks to the VIP area, looking for something, someone.

He takes the microphone off and walks closer to where we are standing, his eyes squinting before he mumbles, "hang on, I'm searching for the familiar."

I hold my breath and seconds later his eyes find mine, a smile ghosts over his lips as he lets out a little sigh of relief.

"This is a cover of Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here"

I gasp so loudly it makes Em and Jax head's snap to look at me and suddenly the room is black and silent and the only thing I can see and hear is Harry who is staring right back.

—

"Are you sure you're ok, Liv?" Em and Jax crowd around me in the VIP room backstage after the show.

I can't believe Harry remembered I was listening to that song when I met him, or was I over thinking it and it was just a coincidence?

"Yeah, yeah, I'm totally fine," I lie, looking around the room filled with celebrities and other industry friends and their families who have come back stage to congratulate Harry on the show.

After about 45 minutes the room erupts into applause and I know Harry has entered.

I watch as he makes his way around the room, shaking hands and patting backs, making small talk about tonight's show and the tour and thanking everyone individually.

To everyone else watching him interact with people, the smiles and laughter is genuine and comfortable, but as he makes his way through everyone and ends at our little group I can tell it's different. 



I can tell by the slight creases in the sides of his eyes, the relaxation in his jaw, the natural mannerisms of his hands.  It's the tiniest of details that I have become accustom to and he confirms he knows me just as well when he runs a hand to the back of my head and moves his mouth to my ear.

"You ok? Fifteen more minutes and we can get out of here." He whispers and I nod.

"Harry! Are you coming to Tommy's?" A hand slaps on Harry's back and he turns to laugh and wrap an arm around the man I recognise from watching too much TV.

"Mate, not this time! But I'll make it up to you!" He flashes a smile that I dare anyone to challenge.

"What! You getting fucking soft Styles? C'mon, I heard Andrea will be there!" The man who is far too loud laughs and nudges Harry suggestively in the ribs.

I shudder as I recognise the name from when he told me about a girl who blew him in the stopped elevator of The Sands Hotel.


"No mate, I have a friend here from London."

The stranger looks me up and down before saying, "ohhh, I see, say no more", and backs away with his hands up in surrender before pretending to zip his mouth and throw away the invisible key.

I look at Em and Jax who have the same look of disgust on their faces as I do and Harry runs a hand through his hair before leaning in and saying, "Sorry guys, he's a bit of a dick."

"I've just gotta grab my stuff. I'll meet you at the hotel, Liv?"

I give him a little nod before Harry hugs Em and Jax goodbye and promises to see them again soon.

—

As Harry walks though the door of the hotel suite I am already in my pyjamas, standing by the bed and ready to deliver the speech I have been practising since I left the venue.

"Oh god, what are you gonna say?" Harry reads my mind as he drops his bag onto the floor.

His intuition catches me by surprise and my logical and thought out speech goes flying out the window.

"I think you should go to that party if you want to!" I blurt out to see Harry's face screw up in annoyance. Even when he's pissed off he looks breathtaking.

"Let me get this straight, you want me to go to some bullshit party, when you're here for two nights and on your birthday?" He's tone is no nonsense and irritated.

"No, I mean, I don't WANT you to go, but I don't want to you to stay here if you would rather be there. It's been three months, maybe you want.."

"Olivia, don't you dare say it," he interrupts, his voice drips with warning and it makes my skin tingle.

He huffs in frustration, pulling his t-shirt over his head and I stare shamelessly as he unbuttons his jeans, ripping them off and stepping into a pair of cotton pyjama pants.

"Why are you doing it?" I ask softly, "Not having sex?"


He runs a hand through his hair and I watch as the muscles in his side flex when his arm flies up.


"Because, Liv. Because I wanted to prove to you that I don't need it. That I can go on tour without you and you wouldn't have to worry about me fucking someone else. I need you to know I can keep my dick in my pants when I want to and that I'm nothing like that fucking arsehole who couldn't do that for you, ok?"

I stop breathing and have to steady myself on the bed next to me.

I hear him walking towards me as I stare into space, my brain trying to process everything that's happened tonight.

"Listen to me," he growls, grabbing my shoulders and holding me up straight. His finger tilts my chin towards him so I am forced to look at the sincerity in his eyes.

"I know you're not ready, but I wanted to show you now, so that when you are ready, you would have no doubts."

"Harry, the song?" I ask, trying to find an answer to one of the million questions I have in my head.

"I just thought you'd like it," He shrugs looking confused.

"I don't want to scare you away," he says softy, "I can tell it's all too much for you, the song was too much. Just please don't run, please."

He rests his forehead on mine and closes his eyes.


"I need time Harry, I don't want to be that girl who jumps from relationship to relationship and can't be on her own. I need time alone. I need time to be single, to date, to-"


"Date?" His voice is panicked as it cuts me off, "No, Liv, no." All the anger in his eyes has vanished and has been replaced with desperation and fear. He cups my face in his hands and kisses my nose, my cheeks, my eye lids, my forehead. "No, no, no." he chants in between kisses, his voice breaking.


My heart is bleeding for him and I know this is the exact reason why I have to be alone right now. I know the second my lips touch his, it will be all over, and I will be completely consumed by him, in him, with him, forever.

He doesn't try to kiss my mouth and I'm sure it's because he knows the gravity of what it means as well as I do.

He's breathing heavily and he is trying to control the tears building in his eyes as he puts his forehead down on my shoulder and a tear runs down my cheek.

"I have to do this Harry," I whisper, not trusting my own voice.

I run my hand through his soft curls and close my eyes.

"I'll make my way back home, I promise."

I hear him sniffle and he stands up to hold my face once again, his eyes are red with unfallen tears.


"Please, let me make love to you first," he chokes and I shake my head a little before he closes his eyes and lets the tears fall.

--

I peel my puffy eyes open to find my body completely intertwined with Harry's. We had fallen asleep like this last night, both of us in tears and wanting to be as close as possible.

We had talked for hours, until our throats were sore and our eyes were swollen, lying in the bed with our limbs wrapped around each others. I had softy kissed his face in comfort, whispering how sorry I was and he had held me into his chest and told me he would wait for me.

There is a gentle knock and the door and I inwardly curse at the thought of having to wake up the gorgeous man, sleeping so peacefully draped on top of me.

I try to slip away without stirring him but it's no use and I hear him call my name as I open the door.

"Oh hi, you must be Miss Bailey, I'm Adriana." The woman smiles sweetly at me.

Adriana is Harry's manager's assistant, I hear her name come up in conversation often with John or Harry but neither has ever mentioned how stunningly beautiful she is.

Her long ebony hair falls straight over her shoulders, sweeping across her tan skin that looks as soft as butter. She has big hazel eyes and full lips and the pure sensuality of her is only heightened by the scattering of innocent looking freckles across her nose and cheeks.

"Oh hi, nice to meet you, please call me Olivia," I stutter, "Sorry, we just woke up, come in."

Harry is sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his hands over his face and I nearly drown in the guilt washing over me when I see how exhausted he is.

Adriana looks at him, his green eyes red and puffy, dark circles sinking around them and back at me who probably looks just as bad and I can feel how uncomfortable she is.

"Um, sorry to interrupt Harry but we have a fly out time in two and half hours. Here is your schedule for today and tomorrow. A car will pick Miss Bailey up for her flight at 3. If you need anything before then you know where to find me." She rushes, dropping the pages on the table and trying to get out of this room as quickly as possible.

"Ok thanks," Harry's voice is hoarse and I see a wave of panic flash over her face as she leaves the room.

He holds out his arm as an indication for me to come to him and he pulls me onto his lap once I am within reach, swinging my legs over his and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Are we ok?" He asks studying my face as I nod softly.

He looks so sweet in the morning, his eyes heavy and his hair messy. I push his curls behind his ear in a bid to comfort him as he continues.

"I meant what I said last night Liv, I'll wait for you, but until you are ready we need to live our lives or this will be all be a waste of time."

"I know, but that means you too Harry, I don't want you to be holding off everything for me, I don't know how long I need," I repeat what I already told him last night.

"I will, as long as you tell me the second you are done, the very second." He sighs kissing my jaw and moving my feet to the floor.

"Pancakes before you go say bye to Em and Jax?" He chimes in as he picks up the phone and I nod, smiling at his quick shift in behaviour and knowing he is putting on a brave face for my sake.