Chapter Fifty-One

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My body completely froze as the words left Nathan's mouth. 

I knew where this conversation was heading. I'd known where his mind has been heading for a while, but I was too scared to admit it to myself. He felt something for me, and worst of all, I felt something back. 

Who was I kidding? I felt a whole fucking lot back.

His eyes continued scanning softly over my features, the light in them drawing me closer. "You know, I've been thinking about what that fortune teller said to me. I thought she was crazy at first," he said, letting out a breath of a chuckle. "But she wasn't, she was right. I have been scared of something; terrified even," he murmured as his eyes flickered back and forth between mine. 

His words caused me to let out a shallow breath, then suddenly, I realized how close we were. Everything about him was close to me, his eyes, his hands, his lips. And shamefully, a burn ran up and down my thigh, from the point where my knee was brushed up against him.

I almost felt the air thicken as he opened his mouth to speak once more. "I knew it then, and I know it more than now, that she was talking about you. My feelings for you are what scare me," he whispered.

I willed myself to look away from him, but I couldn't. It was like I was trapped under a spell. Nathan slowly, and cautiously leaned forward. Inch by inch, the gap between us grew smaller until I could feel his warm breath brush loosely against my lips. His eyes dropped from my eyes to my lips with a deep level of desperation burning within them.

My breath hitched as I felt his hand grip my lower back and cage me to him. It prevented an escape in which I wasn't sure I even wanted. 

His eyes slowly returned to mine, and he swallowed. "But I'm so fucking done being scared," he whispered. 

Once again, his eyes fell down to my lips and before, I could take so much as another breath, Nathan drove himself forward and captured my lips with his.

The second he made contact, I felt like I forgot how to breathe. He was kissing me. Nathan Woods, the guy who seemed to consume my every waking thought, was finally kissing me. His hands around my waist, our bodies pressed together, this was really happening...

Slowly, and softly he moved his lips against mine, and it felt like it was conveying a million emotions at once. Want, need, desperation, and most of all desire. My mind went dizzy as the electrifying feeling of his lips sourced all throughout my body. Not being able to hold myself back any longer, I leaned into him and let our lips move together.

All the clouding words of doubt drifted away. I didn't care why this was wrong. I didn't care that I was supposed to be saying goodbye. The only thing I cared about was this and how rejuvenating it felt.

With the last of my restraint gone, I met his lips back with equal passion and slid my arms up his back before letting them rest around his neck. Nathan let out a deep guttural sound in the base of his throat and tugged my waist even closer.

 A whole new kind of desperation awoke within him, and his hands journeyed up and down my torso, ruffling up the material of my shawl. I could feel our chests rising and falling rapidly against one another as though we were two crazed people starved of each other's touch.

With desperate, lust-driven hands, Nathan's hands drifted feverishly from my waist down to the curve of my hips before hooking two strong hands underneath the bottom of my thighs.

All while still kissing me, Nathan lifted me up and dragged me onto his lap. A shaky breath escaped me as I realized I was now straddling him, with the daring heat of his body right underneath me.

So driven with desire, my hands ran up through the bottom of his shirt so that I could feel the muscles of his back ripple and flex. Another low, pained moan left Nathan's lips, and before I knew it, his hands were hurriedly moving to untie the knot of my shawl. Once it was free, he practically ripped it off as though any cover of my body was an insult to him.

The short lacy material of my red pajama shorts and top offered up little cover, and he wasted no time before exploring each and every square inch of skin that was available to him. I moaned breathily against his lips as his large hands circled my hips before sliding underneath my top and palming my breasts over my bra.

We continued like that for a while before the need to breathe consumed me. I slowly pulled away, and as my eyes opened, the first thing I saw were his eyes. They were visibly dilated and were swimming with a mixture of disbelief and joy as they flickered back and forth between my own. 

"God, I should have done that months ago," he whispered, his lips cracking through to a faint grin.

It was only at that moment, that I realized the extent of what I had done, and how much truly worse I had made things.

Shit!

So, deep in panic, I didn't notice him leaning back in for another kiss till the warmth of his lips brushed against mine. 

I leaned back abruptly "Nathan, stop," I said quickly. 

Worry furrowed his brow almost immediately. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, his eyes darting all over my face. His eyes widened slightly. "Shit, did I hurt you?" he asked cautiously as he scanned frantically over my legs and arms.

"No, no, no, of course not. You didn't do anything," I explained hurriedly. "It's not your fault, it's mine. I shouldn't have done that," I laughed bitterly as I shrugged myself out of his grasp and climbed off him.

Quickly, I bent down and picked up my shawl before hurriedly wrapping it around me. All the while I did it, I felt Nathan's eyes watching me with a noticeable amount of hurt.

Though the look wounded me, I swiftly reminded myself that he would hurt so much worse if he really knew the truth about what I tried to do to him.

Without even a word or glance in his direction, I hurriedly rushed over to the rooftop doors. Now that I had been stupid enough to kiss him, I needed to get out of his life sooner than ever. I owed him that at the very least. 

"Sophie?" Nathan yelled out.

 I barely made it two steps before an arm snatched my wrist and hurled me back around to face him. "So, you're going to pretend this didn't happen? Can't we talk about this?" he said, his eyes narrowing in offense.

I ripped his arm free from mine. "What's there to talk about, Nathan? You kissed me because you were looking for a distraction girl like you always are," I yelled out, spitting out the first realistic-sounding excuse that came to my head.

Nathan's eyebrows deeply furrowed as though I had said something ridiculous. "A distraction girl? Is that what you think you are to me?" he laughed. "Sophie, I've liked you for months now. I've wanted to kiss you for fucking months now. Can't you see that?" he whispered, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine.

"You might regret that kiss, but I don't," he said, his eyes piercing into mine with firm honesty.

I shook my head and tried to control the urge to cry. "Nathan, I don't want to talk about this."

"And why not?" he snapped in frustration.

I continued to shake my head stubbornly. "Please, Nathan," I begged.

Nathan stared at me for a long while, but surely and slowly, his eyes softened, and he let out a resounding sigh. "Okay, fine," he mumbled. 

Relief gushed in through my chest.

He stepped forward. "But as soon as the end of the day comes Sophie. We're talking about this," he said, the heat of his eyes pressing into mine.

After a moment of contemplating, I nodded my head stiffly, figuring this was the best deal I was going to get. "Thanks," I muttered weakly. 

Then giving Nathan one last look over, admiring everything from the softness of his eyes to his warm plush lips, I took a deep breath and turned around. But unbeknownst to Nathan, that was the last time he'd hear from me because, by the end of the day, I'd ensure I'd be gone from his life for good.

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With a deep breath, I knocked on a bedroom door that I never thought I would enter. A second later, the door swung open, and Noah's face appeared through the crack. 

"Sophie? What are you doing here?" he questioned in confusion as he scanned over my figure. His eyes stopped on my suitcase. "Why's your suitcase packed? My dad said you and Nathan aren't supposed to leave until the end of the week?" he questioned slowly.

"Look, stop asking questions and let me in already," I stammered in frustration.

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine, whatever, come in then bossy pants," he said as he swung the door open wider so I could enter.

I quickly wheeled in my suitcase, dumped it in the centre of the room before swivelling around to face him. "We need to do a money exchange," I said abruptly, getting straight to the point.

Noah tilted his head and eyed me up and down like a crazy person. "Erm...and may I ask why?" he questioned slowly.

"Because I don't have any stupid euros, and I know you probably have some," I explained in frustration.

 When he did nothing but stare at me, I rolled my eyes. "I'll transfer some money over from my bank right here, right now, if you're worried, I'm going to cheat you or something."

Noah didn't say anything, and slowly looked back at my suitcase, and then at me. "Wait a second...you're not leaving early, right?" he asked cautiously, a hint of panic in his tone.

I scoffed. "Why the fuck do you care? And if you must know, yes," I spat.

Noah narrowed his eyes, looking angry. "Nathan doesn't know, does he? That's why you're asking me. You're going to ditch him, aren't you?" he hissed as he stalked closer to me. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't you know, he barely slept a wink at the hospital all because of you," he spat, his voice started to shake with rage. 

"So, what now?" he snickered. "Let me guess, you're going to skip on your merry way without even sparing my brother so much as a goodbye?" he said as he looked me up and down in disgust.

"Woah, woah, hold on a second," I said, letting out an incredulous breath. "Please tell me you're not seriously giving me tips on how not to hurt, Nathan? Because if you are, then you're the biggest fucking hypocrite I've met in my entire life," I sneered.

Noah froze for a while before averting his eyes. "He told you, did he?" he mumbled.

 I laughed. "Yes, he did, so don't bother to act like you're better than me."

Noah swallowed, and slowly looked back up at me. "I didn't do it because I didn't love him. All I wanted to do was to teach him to be strong. You didn't know him back then, he trusted way too easily; he felt too easy. His sensitivity was killing him. So, I sorted it," he shrugged. 

"It was best he learned early in life that the only person you can trust in life is yourself," he stated simply, his eyes deadened to look at as though the message resonated deep within him.

I scoffed. "What? So, strength means suppressing your emotions, does it? Does strength mean drowning your problems under alcohol and drugs? Does strength mean turning into a shell of yourself? Does it, Noah. Does it?" I yelled, my voice coming our harsher than I suspected.

Noah looked down to the floor and didn't say anything.

I swallowed back my anger. "Well, it doesn't, to me. Funnily enough, I think there's strength in meeting your grief head-on and being honest with yourself about what you're feeling. You forced your stupid toxic-masculinity shit onto Nathan, and now what? Does he seem better to you? Does he seem healed?"

Noah, still staring at the floor, slowly shook his head, and I was surprised to see his eyes were turning a little red.

Taking a deep breath in and out, I calmed myself, realizing I might have been a little too harsh. It wasn't Noah's fault he thought the way he did, it was arguably society combined with all the shit he had to go through in his childhood.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so rude, but it had to be said," I muttered honestly, in a weakened tone. 

 Noah nodded his head, and his eyes slowly lifted to meet mine. "Yeah, it probably did," he murmured.

Then with a heavy sigh, he walked over to his desk and flopped down. "Fine, I'll help you. How much money do you need?" he said as he started rummaging through his wallet. 

I blinked back at him in surprise, not expecting him to actually give me the money. "Thanks, and erm...three hundred euros should cover the cost of a new ticket and a cab," I mumbled weakly.

"Here," he said as he held out a stash of cash for me. 

"Wait, let me exchange some money over," I said as I quickly flipped my phone out. 

"Nah, don't bother. My dad's rich. I literally don't give a fuck," Noah said as he continued to wave about the money in indication for me to take.

I shook my head. "No, I have to pay you and-"

"Sophie, take the bloody money before I change my mind," he snapped impatiently. This immediately shut me up, and I reluctantly accepted the money, not really having any other choice.

"Do you want me to call you a cab?" he asked softly. 

I shook my head. "Nah, I already called one, but thanks," I said weakly.

Then clearing my throat, I grabbed my suitcase handle and wheeled it over to the door. As I was about to twist the handle, I turned back around. "Noah, can I ask you to do one more thing?"

He slowly nodded his head.

"Could you tell Nathan to forget me? Tell him I'm some dumb, selfish bitch or whatever else you can think of. And then just be there for him. He needs his brother back, way more than he could ever need me," I explained softly.

When Noah did nothing but stare at me, I turned back around to leave. "Wait?" Noah said.

 "What?" I said, turning back around.

"You're right; I am going to be there for my brother," he stated simply. I was seconds away from smiling, and muttering thanks before he spoke again. 

"But you're really fucking stupid if you think I'm not going to tell Nathan to go after you. In fact, you'd be lucky if you make it to your cab before I tell him you're leaving," he snickered.

"Sorry for being rude, but it had to be said," he smiled, throwing my earlier words back in my face.

I narrowed my eyes at Noah, not sure whether I should feel pissed that he had double-crossed me or happy that in a weird, twisted way, he was looking out for his brother.

Deciding to go with the former, I frowned. "Fuck you," I spat out at him.

 Noah smiled. "Sorry, no hard feelings, I'm just looking forward to calling you sister-in-law, that's all," he chuckled. 

 Not even bothered to humor him with a response, I gave him a nasty glare before spinning on my heels and walking my way out of there. Now, all I had to do was get to the cab before Noah opened his big fat mouth. 

Because if Nathan found out, I was certifiably screwed. 

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Author's note: 

So yay, there's your kiss, it only took fifty-one chapters lol. But yeah sorry, it got immediately ruined. 

What do you think Nathan's going to do now?

Next Update: Monday (6-8 PM - UK time)

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