☆-.-☆

The meeting with the Paladins, while it went well, rapidly turned into the unexpected at an undesirable speed.

While you were in a peaceful sleep, forced only by your utter exhaust from the pod, you tried to dream. Dreaming is soothing, it gives you visions of what you wish you had. It also lets you live in your perfect world for a little while. However, you found yourself dogged with the opposite;

Nightmares. Hellish, sickening nightmares. The kind that makes you nauseous in your dreams, and uneasy when you wake up. Even when you would jolt awake, once you forced yourself back to the sleep you needed, the horror continued in the terrifying fashion it had minutes before.

It was all the same. It all started with black. Then, without warning, everything you had ever feared surrounded you, screaming and screeching and grabbing at you like demons summoned just to torment your past, present and future.

Your parents shrieked at you, pointing out all of your failures and regretting the day you were born.
'You've never made us happy!'
Iverson shouted right into your ear, commanding you to do better than the best, to stop disappointing your peers and learn how to do what you're doing with joy.
'Stop crying and get up, what happened to you?'
Shiro slaughtered everything in his path, his thirst for bloodshed beyond his control, as well as maintaining the power of his arm. Throughout the entire nightmare, the sound of screams and slashes were blasting eerily in the background.
'I am what they wanted me to be.'
Lotor cackled as he held golden chains in his clawed fingers, jolting you every time he gave a light tug, his father and his witch standing behind him.
'Are we pouting? Chin up, Princess.'
Keith screamed in your face, cursing your name to high hell, blaming you for all that went wrong after you left. It's all your fault. He asked you not to leave. You left anyway.
'You were never there for me!'

A hand gripped your shoulder. For the umpteenth time, out of too many to count, you jerked up in your new bed, gasping deeper than a drowning man would for air.

"Woah, what happened!? Are you okay?" Shiro asks, removing his hand from you. You watched the metallic, weaponized arm as it drifted away, the same weapon that killed nameless bodies in your dark and inescapable dream.

The rest of Voltron, (all except Keith), stood behind him in silent worry. You nod, sitting yourself up in a position to talk. "Nothing." You lie. "Scary dream."

"Alright, we're always here if you need us. Hunk made you something to eat. Are you up for it?" He asks yet another question, and you nod yet again, instantly feeling the weight of a metal platter on your lap. "Space burritos! I don't know what kind you prefer, so I made all three of my favorites. I hope you like them as much as I enjoyed cooking them!"

Hunk smiles, your approval of his food being all he looks for. You can see in his eyes that Pidge has talked you up good, and it's likely that it was a little too exaggerated. Tension fills the air, overflowing the room with the need to complement Hunk on his work and please the group, enjoy the food-

"Why don't we ask a few questions while you eat?" Shiro offers, cutting that tension into five calm auras. Three burritos, each a different variety of obscure space flavor. You get to try them all. You would prefer that eventually, you'll tell Hunk that you loved them all. Time to eat. Finally.

Something hard and wobbly shakes inside the first wrap as you cut into it, like stale Jell-o with a crisp cookie center. "So, if you wanted to know, Keith's letting go of some stress at the moment. Training, to put it short." You nod at the Black Paladin's words.

Only he's lying, and you didn't know that.

Keith is in his room, pep-talking himself to a pulp.

"He has something he wants to bring up with you, though, hopefully soon. Anyways, we just wanted to know some things, for further notice-"

"Do you really not remember anything? That must be so scary.." Hunk cuts in, putting his hands over his mouth, a reaction to the anxiety he instantly felt. Yeah, it sounded scary to you too. After swallowing, you shake your head. "I don't remember anything I had to do with Lotor, but past memories of the ship are still up there. My entire time with the prince was a blank space, at least, until today."

Your mouth smacks around the food you taste, savoring the drool-worthy taste. "Oh my god.."

"Bad?"

"No. Very good."

Hunk looks on the verge of the happiest tears. Pidge steals your attention, fixating her glasses by the lens. "Are you doing alright? I'm sure we all feel bad for waking you up."

"I'm alright, thanks for asking. I was having a hard time sleeping anyways. I'm a little spent, but I'm sure I can manage. The food is worth it." No lies, and they know it. They get to eat absolute gold like this often.

"Seeing as Keith probably won't let you in the pod anymore, is there anything else you can remember about Lotor? Anything we should know?" Shiro asks. You shake your head, not being the only one who wishes you knew more than you did.

"Believe me, I wish I knew more, I want to unfold the rest of the story. It's like there's this.. void in my memory. Like a piece of empty film in the middle of a movie. A missing half of a map. The last thing I remember, before the memories I saw today, was this awful nightmare. You were in it, Shiro, and Keith too. Then, I just remember waking up in a medical bay on the ship."

The room is silent. It doesn't have to be, but no one really knows what to say, so you just eat. No complaining, just a little less awkwardness for you than them.

"And you really went through all of that because you saved your crew?" Lance mutters. Out of all the things the team had asked you, that was probably the most awkward to answer. The need for self-humility arose, so you gave it. "You all would do it too, no doubt. You're heroes-"

"You did it twice." Shiro grins. He knows something you don't. He knows a lot of things you don't. "You saved me too, put your life on the line for others."

Be humble, be humble, be-

"Do we finally get to talk about it now?" Lance whispers, Pidge elbows him through the tension.

"Whaff?" You spittle, mouth stuffed with your first bite of the second dish. Gulp. "What's it?"

Shiro gives Lance a sarcastic glare, saying 'Thank you, good sir, for ruining the surprise.' They were all thinking it anyway, and there was a good reason they left Keith out of the conversation.

"Allura brought something up earlier. It's risky, but we think we want to try it out before making a final decision, but we won't make you do anything you're not comfortable with."

The food suddenly becomes a lot less interesting. "..What are you all saying?"

☆·.¸¸.·'¯'·.¸¸.¤ ☆ ¤.¸¸.·'¯'·.¸¸.· ☆

Keith doesn't get nervous.

Sure, every day he follows alongside his team and jumps into the daring doo of saving the universe, but he has backup then. If he's in any sort of danger, he knows that he has people who will pull him out of the grind and get him back on track. Support, and people to help him, the kind of people who can tell even in silence when he needs it. He doesn't have that right now.

Keith is nervous now.

He's going in alone, into a new type of battlefield in which he's never failed, but he's never won either. Why? Because he's never fought on it before. He's never dared to, yet somehow, he always knew it would be you he'd be fighting for.

With a leather-bound journal clenched in his fingerless-gloved, sweaty-palmed hand, he knocks twice on your door with the other. The bruises on his finger joints and knuckles from beating the bots earlier began to show themselves, and he was starting to wish that he hadn't dropped his weapon so carelessly.

The doors slide open slowly. The last thing he wants is suspense, but he got it good and free. Dragging, small steps take him inside, where thoughts begin to consume him. 'Why are the lights off? Is Y/n even in here?'

The lights flicker on, and Y/n shoots up, eyes wide and wondering as to why Keith is in her room. You look silently at him, and he looks back, both waiting for the other to say something first so you don't have to.

"Keith?" You ask with a chipping voice. "What are you doing in my room?"

This is where it all begins for him. This is this chance.

Don't mess up.

"Did I wake you up? I didn't know you were sleeping." He says uncomfortably, sitting down on the bed near your feet. You shake your head, fixing your hair in any way you can. It's just a mess.

"No, no.. believe me, I was trying, I just couldn't fall asleep. I have a feeling.." You say, but your sentence trails off. Lotor and the Galra are obviously a touchy subject for Keith, according to what the Paladins told you, and you don't know 100% why yet, but you don't want to find out. "A feeling that I used to.. stay up later than this. That I used to wake up earlier. That I got.. used to a sleep schedule I can't remember."

Keith huffs, pressing his lips together tightly and taking deep breaths. Don't embarrass yourself, don't embarrass yourself. What's true isn't always good.

"Plus, as long as you didn't come with food, you're welcome anytime." You joke, sitting up into a position more comfortable on your neck.

"Don't? Have food?" He asks curiously. Why would someone who hasn't eaten in days not want a good meal?

"Hunk made me three full courses for me earlier, and I didn't want to be rude, so.." You smile nervously, gesturing your hand over to the three massive, empty plates smeared with a thick, orange and red sauce that swirled, but didn't blend. "I feel like a beached whale, my fat carcass forever doomed to this bed."

"At least your sense of humor didn't change that much. It's green goo from here on out, until Hunk finds more cooking stuff who knows when." He grins, despite wishing he had three massive plates of food of his own. And to eat at his own free pace? It sounds like a dream he would have had when he lived in the shack, on nights where all he had was canned pineapple and stove noodles.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah."

"Darn.." You whimper. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to talk about something Keith? Shiro told me earlier that you had something to bring up with me."

A flustered curse just for Shiro runs through Keith's mind. In Shiro, Keith no longer trusts.

Keith only has two cards to play right now, since only two come to his mind socially-challenged mind.
One, the journal he's managed to hide thus far.

Two, the holy and dangerous trio; 'I love you'.

And so he holds out the book. No grace or suspense, he just jams it out in front of him, the smooth leather cover tucked in between his tense fingers, squeezing it to death. You look at it, and all he can look at is your reaction as you do, hiding behind hunched shoulders. You take it from him slowly, yet somehow eagerly, like a greedy child trying to show gratitude for once.

"Keith. ." You whisper, barely audible to human ears. Like a whisper that you're not aware of, breathless on your throat. "Where?.. How?.."

"Your crew gave it to me after they told me you didn't make it back." He says, as if he'd been teaching himself how to say it without the emotions or remembrance in his voice. He failed that test. "Your mission crew brought it back from Nix and gave it to me. I kept it." He watched your hand caress the leather cover.

"I had to keep it under my mattress though, so Lance or whoever wouldn't get their hands on it."

"They would do that?"

"I'm afraid so, they get a thrill out of ruining each other's stuff. I don't think they would want to go in there anyway, I think that they think I'll stab them or something." You chuckle. "You never put away laundry, I'm not shocked."

"Hmm," He smiles, inching closer up the bed, closer to you. "Fair."

You flip through pages, examining the condition and familiar terrain of each entry in seconds before flipping greedily to the next. "Did. ." You quietly ask. "Did you get water on it? On the inside pages?"

Keith feels guilty now, but he can't show that. What would he say? The truth? "Yeah, a year ago I would read this at night and cry when I would miss you. Also I love you?" Definitely not that, he hopes.

"I don't know what that is, but it wasn't me."

"Keith." You say firmly. As Keith has always been, and never won't be, he is still a terrible liar. You saw right through his blatant lie, putting puzzle pieces together that you knew made up parts of his whole. "Did you.."

He gulps, seeing his doom speed at him before it even hit.

"Did you read my journal? And cry on it?"

Bam. He sounds like a really good friend right now. Much less a really good potential boyfriend. The silence of the situation overtakes him, making him unable to do anything but stare and breathe. When you finally see his inability for words, you burst like a shaken soda can bursting at the last seam, shaken quickly, and unexpectedly, by Keith.

"Oh my god, Keith!" You wail. All of the joy and nostalgia you were feeling minutes ago ripped into shreds of embarrassment, humiliation.

"It's not what you think, I don't-"

The parts had tore into a million broken pieces, been dragged through the mud and thrown into a dark cell for an unknown amount of months.

"Keith, you of all people knew- no, know, how much this book means to me! You were at that party! You broke someone's nose because they did what you did! This is my entire life, Keith! That's every secret I've ever kept!"

You would have preferred he burned your writings on the fires of hell as opposed to reading them. Learning everything about you, more than the deep secrets you had allowed him, would be the downfall of your happiness.

"Why did you do it, Keith?!"

"Because I had to know!" He cries in reply.

You quiver.

"They all thought you died. I had to know if you wrote anything, anything that could bring you back home. To Earth."

Bubbles clog your throat, clumps of what words you could have said. "To you?" You choke.

Keith takes a minute to breathe, and another greedy moment, calming his nerves that had jolted Galra instincts deep within him.

He looks broken, just as someone would be after their one of few closest people yells right at them. He knows you wouldn't have wanted him to read it, and as he devoured word after word, that thought lingered in the back of his mind. But as he turned every page, the thought of seeing your face again, albeit beyond angry, overpowered the thought of seeing it with a dead expression instead.

"God," He mutters. "I used to be so selfish."

"I used to think that I was the only one you could have wanted, since you were like me. With no one else to turn to, but each other. I thought I was the only thing you had left to want." Keith said dryly. "And then you left."

How could he have felt when you up and left him in the dirt of the take-off pit? Abandoned? Betrayed? Heart-broken?

"All that time I should have just come to terms with myself.." Violet irises bore into your gaze, begging for mercy to his sins. "You were the one I've been wanting this whole time."

He lurks forward. You gasp with the breath that he soon takes for himself.

Lips lock.

Retreating from the tender feel of your kiss, Keith is pinned over your glittering figure. Your eyes reflect the spark of the fireworks in your gut, sending you higher and higher off of the feeling. Popping and dissolving, giving you the joy of a child after their very first Valentine says 'I Love You'.

"..wow." You say breathlessly, a smile playing your lips.

Keith sighs with a fond grin, crawling away from your pressed figure and laying next to you on your bed. Although both of you resist, the power of your attraction takes over, drawing you two together like magnets, facing each other with wild expressions. It was all so deliciously new.

"That was my first kiss." Keith admits. He looks so relaxed, as if he's finally ticked the last thing off of the bucket list, while your entire gut goes bat-nut haywire.

"I wish I could say the same." You mumble. He catches your sunken words, easily taken with a dose of jealousy. The pill is weak. He doesn't move, doesn't speak. His gaze says enough. 'I know you're more than your past.'

And so you spend the next hour or so in silence, in between the world of dreams and the beautiful reality of your beautiful situation. Not only are you not finding yourself able to sleep, the world of dreams isn't itself anymore for you anyways, it's a realm of nightmares. You would prefer not to return to it, since it only came with thoughts you never wanted to relive.

As you drift peacefully, although your eyes are gently closed, you can feel Keith's gaze on you. As if he thought that if he looked away for a split second, you'd be gone.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah?" You mutter, voice crackled from a dormant mode of your mind.

"I-"

"Paladins!!" Allura's voice cries, wrecked and loud through the castle communication system. You flinch, feeling a secure arm wrap around you, an instinct Keith has always had that isn't new to your relationship. Every time a Garrison alarm went off,it was awkward-side-hug (not real hugs) time.

"We need you at the landing dock immediately! Keep Y/n somewhere safe, Lotor's ship has docked in the Castle of Lions. I repeat,

Lotor's ship has docked in the Castle of Lions."