✮ Chokehold; Chapter Twenty-Two ✮

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The next couple of days were hell for both Keith and the girl he'd pissed off. Though he was given an equal amount of talk-back from her, he felt that he had deeper reasoning to apologize. Not only did he offend Y/n, but he offended her through slurring Lotor behind his back. He owed both of them an apology, but Y/n always comes first in his mind.

{Keith}

At least, that's how easily I thought it would go. It's been three days since the bedroom argument and I still can't find a good moment to sit down and have a talk with her - one that'll mean something to both her and the tipping stability of our relationship. Every time I've seen her in the last seventy-two hours, she's been unapproachable. Busy. Uninterested once, even.

Showering. (Finally).
Talking with Lotor.
Hanging out with Lotor.
Talking to someone else at the table. (Lotor).
Training with Lotor.

And where am I in this list of Y/n's daily activities? Nowhere. Unless someone adds a footnote called "not talking to Keith", I'm being either undermined, ignored or completely forgotten.

This is the type of thing that made me suspicious in the first place. It falls under the exact same umbrella. How did Y/n fall so easily to his side? It's not like they have anything in common, other than being smart and... I don't know, having nice hair?

Y/n is barely giving me the time of day anymore. It's like she's my drug, and after over a year of quits, I've given into her without a care, yet I can't satisfy my new addiction. Why? Because Lotor's hogging the joint. Puffing it endlessly. I'm going to lose my ever loving mind.

"You and Y/n look like you're in rough waters." Shiro points out during our training break. He speaks heavy truths, one that have been ruining my shoulders for days. "Did something happen?"

I nod, drinking water as if it could calm my cravings. If Y/n is a drug, Lotor's dragging right now, I can tell. Most of the time they're either somewhere off together, or they're here watching us train, and that observation balcony window is dead empty.

"Ever since Lotor came back, she's been on his side about everything. She's always with him. She doesn't talk to me anymore." I take a sip of water. My thoughts about him remain a common pattern. "I don't trust him."

"I'm sorry Keith." Shiro says, setting a stable hand on my shoulder. It's the only part of my life that isn't on the verge of crumbling soon. "Maybe they do have a lot in common, now that Lotor's changed-"

"But what if he hasn't? What if he's here to expose all of our secrets, then go back to ruling the Galra once we terminate Zarkon. He could be playing with us. He could take away the trust that the universe had in us." I sigh. Shiro knows I speak as many truths as he does. "He could take away her."

"She's a part of Voltron now, our only priority would be to get her back. We're smart, Keith, and Y/n is too. She knows what's best for herself, and she's choosing what's best for her."

I nod. Then freeze.

. . . What did he just say?

"What do you mean? You think that being with him all the time is what's best for her?" I ask.

Shiro winces. "Not necessarily."

"Then what is it?" I ask.

"Well, Keith." He chuckles. "Lotor is a Prince. Banished or not, she'd be happier with him either way." He says malevolently. I freeze. My veins are pumping cold blood, swimming with ice. "Being with you just gives her a shield to stand behind. She's a Princess, and a Princess deserves her Prince."

"But.." I whisper. The truth is too heavy. I feel tons upon tons of pain on my shoulders, crushing me against the ground. The training room has long disappeared, fading away into a show of slipping reality. Black, with more black, thick smoke lays low on the ground. Shiro crawls down to my level.

"Let her go." He whispers, dark and hissed. A clawed hand grabs my neck, gripping tight enough to bruise and bludgeon. I cry out, louder than my deepest sobs and heavier than my shrillest shriek. "She's never been happy with you. You're homeless, a drop-out orphan with some dumb luck. You want love. She wants Lotor."

I shoot up. "No!"

A dream. No, a nightmare. A god-awful nightmare that I never want roaming around in anyone's head, much less mine, because no one deserves that. And I say humbly, not even me.

I lean against the wall behind my bed, holding my blade out desperately like a toy sword, ready to attack whatever could be in front of me. I'm gasping desperately for air, practically gulping, muttering profane sins to myself. I groan. What is wrong with me?

Sweat keeps my shirt stuck to my chest, I pry it off desperately. I stumble out of the bed, blade at my hip, staggering over to the mirror across the bedroom. The bruises are faint. I strangled myself.

I need Y/n, and I need her fast. I'm losing grip of my own human sanity.

"Y/n?" I shoot out of my bedroom doors, a race horse waiting to be uncaged. The room next to mine, it's hers. I knock hard, pounding my hand against the metal. I barely perceive that all castle lights are off, dimmed for sleep. The doors slide open.

Y/n and Lotor sit inside, Lotor on the ground and Y/n on her bed, chattering casually in their nightwear. I stare. Eventually, they stare back. "Keith, oh my god! Where is your shirt?" She yells. Lotor covers her eyes, playfully. She laughs, and it's genuine happiness. I hate it, not the joy, but the person who's bringing her the joy. I hate the person who's stealing my job, and who's been keeping me from my work.

"We need to talk. It can't keep going on like this, I'm doing so well. I.." I admit, standing boldly. Lotor removes the hand, letting the talk get serious. "I miss you."

Her face softens. She's willing to talk to me, and oh lord, that's what I've been needing to know in my own head for the longest time. "I miss you too." She whispers. I walk over to her. She stops me.

"But before we talk, you need to apologize to someone else first."

I shift. Lotor looks back at me, expectantly. Like he knows that for me, it's ether this or give up. Anything for her, right now. Even shaking hands with my immortal enemy, no matter how much longer he'll live than I will. Lotor stands, and I clear my throat.

"Okay." I say. "I'm sorry, for calling you a monster behind your back and not giving you a chance." He tilts his head, smirking. "I should have gotten to know you before deciding to dislike you right away. Though, can you blame me?"

Y/n kicks my foot. Lotor shakes his head. "I cannot blame you. My past is dark, but I do ask very humbly of you to overlook it if you can. Maybe, in the future, we can be closer. We're very alike, you and I." He puts out his hand to shake. What does he mean, 'we're very alike'?...

He flickers a yellow sclera over his indigo eyes. According to Kolivan, it's a traditional Galra greeting symbol. I fight myself back in an urge to not respond, instead shaking his hand firmly. Y/n doesn't know. She can't know. His grip is nice, no doubt he's worked on it. "Sure."

"Lotor, do you think Keith and I could talk? Alone?" Y/n asks politely. He nods, dropping my hand and offering a small bow in our direction. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, and I hope everything goes well for you two." He departs.

I look into Y/n's eyes. They're wide, filled with too much undesirable emotion, and she's directing it right at me. "Thank you for apologizing. I know it was hard."

"It wasn't that hard." I grumble. She smirks to herself, recognizing my lie and chuckling it off. Then her {eye color} eyes widen again, this time with fear. "Keith! What happened to your neck? . ."

She touches the blotchy bruises, with the size of finger pads and the transparency of wax paper. "Rough training, bad nightmare." I say. She presses on one. I wince.

"God. ." She whispers. "I was so stupid. I'm sorry I've been ignoring you, I really don't know why I did it." She sniffles. "I was taking all my feelings out on Lotor, ranting on him about how much I missed you all the time. I missed you, Keith, I-"

"It's okay, it's okay." I whisper. I pull her close, acting on some foreign instinct and smothering her into my chest. She sighs, wrapping her arms around me. I could almost cry, but I don't. She is crying.

"I messed up. I'm sorry." I mumble into her {hair color} hair, smooth and clean from her recent wash. This is the Y/n I remember. She's wearing normal clothes, albeit Allura's, and she talks to people that need her calm, kind attitude. She cares about me. I really could cry.

"Keith, don't cry. ." She giggles through sobs. Her thumb presses and smudges a tear that I didn't know was on my cheek. I smile. "I'm thankful that you came to talk to me. It's been hell on Earth without you."

"But we're not on Earth." I say. She blinks.

"Whatever it was or wherever we are, I'm glad that I'm with you. We're a team y'know?" I nod at her words, putting my arm out to shake. "And teammates stick together." I add, grinning as she shakes my hand firmly.

"And sometimes they kiss too, yeah?" She chuckles, making me nod again. Y/n starts to lean in, head tilting up towards me.

"Sometimes." I hum. "But why now?"

Y/n gapes, pouting. "I went a whole week without talking to you, we both need it. Please?"

A Princess deserves what she wants, so I comply. It's not like I didn't want to, but maybe she would have thought we needed time. Although, proven by her last statement, we'd both had time enough.

"I'll go back to my room for the night, okay?" I ask, and she agrees. My head is so much brighter and clearer now, my muscles relaxed, with my eyes dryer and my soul cleaner.

Y/n is strong now. She's always been smart, and she is still. She doesn't need me to own her, she needs me to stand with her, and I need her to stand with me.
I'm one of the many who'll want her, and I'll always be one of the few who'll need her, but the true gift is having her by my side at all. Maybe I'd be fine without her, maybe I'd have stayed at the Garrison and become a pilot. But would I have been happier? Not in a way I could think of. Would she be better off without me? Perhaps, but it brings me the same hope in believing we couldn't be us without our other half.

If I am the dark side of the moon, the loner wolf, then she's my brighter brilliance.

Y/n and I have come far, so far. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Not on Earth, not on the sun, not in a shack living old with anyone else. Maybe not even with my own parents. I lean on her, and she leans on me. She's my balance, my stability.

Who would any of us be without Y/n L/n?

Shiro would be captive still.
Lance would be arrogant if she hadn't brought him down to Earth. Hunk and Pidge could have broken off from him with that, or been ruined themselves.
I would be just.. darkness. No light. No shining hope.

I feel like I'm walking on clouds as I walk toward my room. My bed, home to the worst version of myself not even half an hour ago, now feels like a machine that will pass me into a better tomorrow.

Until a hand clutches my neck. However, this time, I'm not dreaming.

"I'm keeping close eyes on you, half-breed." He hisses, pressing on my wounds. I gargle, trying to make noise against my flattened throat. "You may have put a hurdle in the way, but I'll jump it."

I sweat, seeing the purple tones in the faint lights of my room. It's him. It's always been him. He's never been on our side, he's been on his own, and he wants Y/n on his side too. "Try to tell them. Try to tell her. The second you say anything, everyone you care about is dust. The Paladins, the Princess, and our dear confused Y/n." He growls. I growl back, a ruined blurb of what I was trying to say.

"Nod if you understand." He hisses, gripping tighter. I nod my head, and my neck is freed. Rolling over, I cough and hack like I'd drunken vinegar. "Now stop being an obstacle. Love her while you have time, you'll wish you'd never loved her in the first place. You'll wish you'd never rescued her at all."

I roll to face him. "F—-. . . you. . ." I grit. He chuckles.

All he does is put a finger over his mouth, shushing me quietly, malicious, malevolent. That is the last thing I see before I slip into unconsciousness, watching black smoke consume my last visions.

"What am I in your way of?" I grunt, my final words as I slip into a slumber unlike anything I had before. The lack of oxygen might explain it.

Lotor's footsteps trail away from my head, accompanied only by sinister speech. "Wait and see, Red Paladin. Soon your armor won't be the only shade of crimson you bare."

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